Insert 18: New Blood
Written by Rosey Collins
Kylie was sitting on the sofa, tapping away at her laptop with Merida snuggling contentedly against her hip, while in the hallway Eduardo, Conchita and Rose were getting together their various bits and pieces in an effort to leave the house.
'Ooh, c'mere, quick!' Kylie called suddenly, so they all crowded into the living room doorway and looked inquiringly at her. 'T'Keyah's had the baby and Roland's emailed me a picture!'
Eduardo went over to look, but the two girls stayed where they were and Conchita said, 'That's okay – we've already seen it.'
'How?' asked Eduardo.
'It's been on Lucie and Laura's Instagram since last night,' said Rose. 'Are you gonna email back, Mom, or just send a telegram?'
'I'll use the Pony Express, sweetheart,' said Kylie, concentrating on the screen. 'Now, you'd better get going. It's such a stupid hassle if you girls are a few minutes late for school, and I happen to know the Ghostbusters are interviewing today.'
'Oh yeah, so we are,' said Eduardo, as he made his way back to the hallway.
'Who're you interviewing?' Conchita asked interestedly.
'A couple of college students, seashell,' said Eduardo. 'Bye, Ky.'
'Bye, Mom,' said Conchita and Rose.
'Aha,' Kylie said distractedly, as she carried on typing reams for Roland.
'Ooh, c'mere, quick!' Kylie called suddenly, so they all crowded into the living room doorway and looked inquiringly at her. 'T'Keyah's had the baby and Roland's emailed me a picture!'
Eduardo went over to look, but the two girls stayed where they were and Conchita said, 'That's okay – we've already seen it.'
'How?' asked Eduardo.
'It's been on Lucie and Laura's Instagram since last night,' said Rose. 'Are you gonna email back, Mom, or just send a telegram?'
'I'll use the Pony Express, sweetheart,' said Kylie, concentrating on the screen. 'Now, you'd better get going. It's such a stupid hassle if you girls are a few minutes late for school, and I happen to know the Ghostbusters are interviewing today.'
'Oh yeah, so we are,' said Eduardo, as he made his way back to the hallway.
'Who're you interviewing?' Conchita asked interestedly.
'A couple of college students, seashell,' said Eduardo. 'Bye, Ky.'
'Bye, Mom,' said Conchita and Rose.
'Aha,' Kylie said distractedly, as she carried on typing reams for Roland.
Eduardo found a motorcycle and an unfamiliar car parked outside the firehouse and, when he got inside, their respective owners sitting at the reception desk opposite Egon and Janine.
'Ah, here's Eduardo,' Egon said, and immediately the two young people jumped to their feet and turned to face him with nervous, eager looks on their faces.
'I'm not late, am I?' said Eduardo, and he looked at his watch. 'No, I'm not late.'
'Of course not,' said the female interviewee. 'I'm sure you're never late. We're early.'
'Well,' said Eduardo, with a reassuring smile, 'sometimes I'm late.'
'Eduardo, this is Freya Fitzjohn and Josh Cavallini,' said Janine. 'Maybe you'd like to interview them upstairs. The team were called out as soon as they came in, so the place should be quiet for a while.'
'Okay,' said Eduardo, as he began to lead Josh and Freya towards the stairs. 'Were you guys so early that you actually met the on-call team?'
'Briefly,' said Freya. 'John, Sarah, Sophie and Paul, right?'
'Right,' said Eduardo. 'Are you sure you only met them briefly?'
'She's good with names,' said Josh, 'and they all liked her. Everyone likes Freya.'
'They do, huh?' said Eduardo, smiling wryly as Slimer rocketed down the stairwell and attached himself to Freya's face. 'And does everyone like you too, Josh?'
'Some people do,' said Josh, in the moment before Slimer left Freya and latched onto him.
The phone began to ring. Eduardo stopped halfway up the stairs to listen as Janine answered it.
'Ghostbusters,' she said. 'How can I help you? … Wow, really? Well, our on-call team is out at the moment, but someone will be with you as soon as possible... I'm sorry, sir, I can't give you an exact time-frame...' As the person on the other end of the line answered this, Janine's expression soured. 'Well then, maybe we just won't send anybody out at all! Who else do you think is going to deal with it for you, huh?'
'Janine!' Egon hissed at her. 'Be nice, please.'
Janine put her hand over the mouthpiece and said, 'He isn't being nice, Egon.'
'You want Freya to talk to him?' Josh called from the stairs, gently pushing Slimer away from his face. 'She's good at placating people.'
'Well,' said Egon, 'perhaps that wouldn't be a bad idea. Would you mind, Freya?'
'Not at all,' said Freya, and she trotted over to the desk to take the phone from Janine.
Eduardo looked at Josh. 'You sure have a lot of nice things to say about her.'
'She's my friend,' said Josh, 'and it's all true, what I'm saying. Goodness knows what she'd say about me, though.'
'You known each other long?' Eduardo asked.
'Since junior high.'
'Then I guess we can trust you to have each other's backs.'
'There'll be no problem there,' said Josh.
'Oh,' Freya's voice cut across them in anguished tones, 'please tell me it's not Topsy!'
Eduardo and Josh both turned to look at her, and Eduardo made his way back to the desk with Josh mooching along behind him, dripping green slime onto the floor.
'No, sir, of course not,' said Freya. 'I just meant I hope it's not Topsy because, well, we'd all like her to be at peace now, wouldn't we? … Of course, sir, I understand that... No, we don't want you to lose business. Someone really will be there as soon as they can, I absolutely promise you... I'm very sorry about that, sir. Sometimes it just can't be helped... Yes, of course. I'm sure we won't have to keep you waiting too long... Goodbye, sir.'
'You creep,' Janine said good-naturedly, as Freya put down the phone.
'I don't have a problem being nice to people who don't deserve it,' said Freya, 'especially in a professional capacity. Oh, but I really hope it's not Topsy! If Topsy's ghost had to be put away, I couldn't bear it!' She looked distressed as she said this, then she suddenly remembered where she was, looked at Eduardo and said sheepishly, 'Is that my ghostbusting career over before it started?'
'I don't think so,' said Eduardo. 'Who's Topsy?'
Freya frowned slightly. 'Who's Topsy!'
'Who is Topsy?' asked Janine.
Freya looked at her in disbelief. 'Topsy the elephant?'
'Oh,' said Eduardo, 'Topsy the elephant. Yeah, I know about her.'
'You should,' Freya said emphatically.
'Well,' said Eduardo, 'I do, but only because of my daughter; she heard about it somewhere and cried for forty minutes. So, what, this ghost is an elephant?'
'And it's at Luna Park, where Topsy was killed,' said Freya. 'But even if it's not her, I'm telling you right now, I can never bust the ghost of an animal that's unhappy or in pain!'
'There's no need to be defensive, Freya – that's a good thing,' said Eduardo. 'In fact, since you're so keen to help, I think the three of us should go deal with this.'
'What,' said Josh, staring at him, 'you mean you, me and Freya? But... we haven't been trained! We haven't even had our interview yet!'
'He has a point, Eduardo,' said Egon. 'Maybe we should try contacting the off-call team first and see if they're willing.'
'You shouldn't if they're supposed to be off-call,' said Freya. 'Besides, I want to find out what's happening, and Eduardo wants to see if we'd be any good as Ghostbusters. Well, what better way? And I just know he'll make sure we're very safe handling any equipment – won't you, Eduardo?'
'Of course,' said Eduardo. 'With any luck, we won't even need to use anything. I couldn't live with myself if we put Topsy the elephant in the containment unit.'
'It might not be Topsy,' said Egon.
'What do we do if it is?' asked Josh. 'Help her to cross over or something?'
'Sure,' said Eduardo, 'if we can. We do that too, y'know – ghost therapy as well as ghostbusting.'
'Cool,' said Freya. 'So let's go! We can take my car.'
'Would you like me to go ahead on my motorcycle?' asked Josh. 'Maybe I can placate that jerk who was on the phone.'
'You can placate people too?' said Eduardo.
'Sometimes,' said Josh.
'Let's just hope the guy's gay or bi or something,' said Freya. Then she turned to Eduardo and added confidentially, 'He relies too much on his good looks for that kind of thing.'
Josh rolled his eyes. 'I knew you wouldn't say nice things about me!'
'He's been saying wonderful things about you, Freya,' said Eduardo. 'Let's give him a chance to prove himself and his motorcycle. It's a little way to Coney Island – we could use somebody fast.'
Freya raised an eyebrow. 'No pun intended?'
'Of course not,' said Eduardo. 'We'd better find some spare jumpsuits first, so you two look official for the jerk on the phone. Whatever it says on the name-tags, just pretend that's you, okay?'
'Ah, here's Eduardo,' Egon said, and immediately the two young people jumped to their feet and turned to face him with nervous, eager looks on their faces.
'I'm not late, am I?' said Eduardo, and he looked at his watch. 'No, I'm not late.'
'Of course not,' said the female interviewee. 'I'm sure you're never late. We're early.'
'Well,' said Eduardo, with a reassuring smile, 'sometimes I'm late.'
'Eduardo, this is Freya Fitzjohn and Josh Cavallini,' said Janine. 'Maybe you'd like to interview them upstairs. The team were called out as soon as they came in, so the place should be quiet for a while.'
'Okay,' said Eduardo, as he began to lead Josh and Freya towards the stairs. 'Were you guys so early that you actually met the on-call team?'
'Briefly,' said Freya. 'John, Sarah, Sophie and Paul, right?'
'Right,' said Eduardo. 'Are you sure you only met them briefly?'
'She's good with names,' said Josh, 'and they all liked her. Everyone likes Freya.'
'They do, huh?' said Eduardo, smiling wryly as Slimer rocketed down the stairwell and attached himself to Freya's face. 'And does everyone like you too, Josh?'
'Some people do,' said Josh, in the moment before Slimer left Freya and latched onto him.
The phone began to ring. Eduardo stopped halfway up the stairs to listen as Janine answered it.
'Ghostbusters,' she said. 'How can I help you? … Wow, really? Well, our on-call team is out at the moment, but someone will be with you as soon as possible... I'm sorry, sir, I can't give you an exact time-frame...' As the person on the other end of the line answered this, Janine's expression soured. 'Well then, maybe we just won't send anybody out at all! Who else do you think is going to deal with it for you, huh?'
'Janine!' Egon hissed at her. 'Be nice, please.'
Janine put her hand over the mouthpiece and said, 'He isn't being nice, Egon.'
'You want Freya to talk to him?' Josh called from the stairs, gently pushing Slimer away from his face. 'She's good at placating people.'
'Well,' said Egon, 'perhaps that wouldn't be a bad idea. Would you mind, Freya?'
'Not at all,' said Freya, and she trotted over to the desk to take the phone from Janine.
Eduardo looked at Josh. 'You sure have a lot of nice things to say about her.'
'She's my friend,' said Josh, 'and it's all true, what I'm saying. Goodness knows what she'd say about me, though.'
'You known each other long?' Eduardo asked.
'Since junior high.'
'Then I guess we can trust you to have each other's backs.'
'There'll be no problem there,' said Josh.
'Oh,' Freya's voice cut across them in anguished tones, 'please tell me it's not Topsy!'
Eduardo and Josh both turned to look at her, and Eduardo made his way back to the desk with Josh mooching along behind him, dripping green slime onto the floor.
'No, sir, of course not,' said Freya. 'I just meant I hope it's not Topsy because, well, we'd all like her to be at peace now, wouldn't we? … Of course, sir, I understand that... No, we don't want you to lose business. Someone really will be there as soon as they can, I absolutely promise you... I'm very sorry about that, sir. Sometimes it just can't be helped... Yes, of course. I'm sure we won't have to keep you waiting too long... Goodbye, sir.'
'You creep,' Janine said good-naturedly, as Freya put down the phone.
'I don't have a problem being nice to people who don't deserve it,' said Freya, 'especially in a professional capacity. Oh, but I really hope it's not Topsy! If Topsy's ghost had to be put away, I couldn't bear it!' She looked distressed as she said this, then she suddenly remembered where she was, looked at Eduardo and said sheepishly, 'Is that my ghostbusting career over before it started?'
'I don't think so,' said Eduardo. 'Who's Topsy?'
Freya frowned slightly. 'Who's Topsy!'
'Who is Topsy?' asked Janine.
Freya looked at her in disbelief. 'Topsy the elephant?'
'Oh,' said Eduardo, 'Topsy the elephant. Yeah, I know about her.'
'You should,' Freya said emphatically.
'Well,' said Eduardo, 'I do, but only because of my daughter; she heard about it somewhere and cried for forty minutes. So, what, this ghost is an elephant?'
'And it's at Luna Park, where Topsy was killed,' said Freya. 'But even if it's not her, I'm telling you right now, I can never bust the ghost of an animal that's unhappy or in pain!'
'There's no need to be defensive, Freya – that's a good thing,' said Eduardo. 'In fact, since you're so keen to help, I think the three of us should go deal with this.'
'What,' said Josh, staring at him, 'you mean you, me and Freya? But... we haven't been trained! We haven't even had our interview yet!'
'He has a point, Eduardo,' said Egon. 'Maybe we should try contacting the off-call team first and see if they're willing.'
'You shouldn't if they're supposed to be off-call,' said Freya. 'Besides, I want to find out what's happening, and Eduardo wants to see if we'd be any good as Ghostbusters. Well, what better way? And I just know he'll make sure we're very safe handling any equipment – won't you, Eduardo?'
'Of course,' said Eduardo. 'With any luck, we won't even need to use anything. I couldn't live with myself if we put Topsy the elephant in the containment unit.'
'It might not be Topsy,' said Egon.
'What do we do if it is?' asked Josh. 'Help her to cross over or something?'
'Sure,' said Eduardo, 'if we can. We do that too, y'know – ghost therapy as well as ghostbusting.'
'Cool,' said Freya. 'So let's go! We can take my car.'
'Would you like me to go ahead on my motorcycle?' asked Josh. 'Maybe I can placate that jerk who was on the phone.'
'You can placate people too?' said Eduardo.
'Sometimes,' said Josh.
'Let's just hope the guy's gay or bi or something,' said Freya. Then she turned to Eduardo and added confidentially, 'He relies too much on his good looks for that kind of thing.'
Josh rolled his eyes. 'I knew you wouldn't say nice things about me!'
'He's been saying wonderful things about you, Freya,' said Eduardo. 'Let's give him a chance to prove himself and his motorcycle. It's a little way to Coney Island – we could use somebody fast.'
Freya raised an eyebrow. 'No pun intended?'
'Of course not,' said Eduardo. 'We'd better find some spare jumpsuits first, so you two look official for the jerk on the phone. Whatever it says on the name-tags, just pretend that's you, okay?'
A short while later, Freya was driving slowly away from the toll booth in the Hugh L. Carey Tunnel with Eduardo in the passenger seat.
'Think the guy'll notice if we add the toll to his bill?' Freya asked brightly.
'From the sound of him, yes,' said Eduardo, frowning at the traffic in front of them. 'Especially if we keep him waiting. I wonder if Josh is making better progress.'
'Oh, Josh is pretty speedy on his motorcycle. He'll have found a way.'
'Was that a compliment, or are you saying he drives too aggressively or something?'
'Just a statement of fact. Why? Have I given the impression I insult him all the time?'
'You've been insulting him all the time I've known you.'
'Oh, that must make me seem really mean!' said Freya. 'Josh doesn't mind, honestly. We're sort of like brother and sister, y'know?'
'Brother and sister, huh?' said Eduardo. 'And there I was being reminded of... never mind.'
'What?' said Freya, with a laugh. 'You and your daughter's mom, maybe?'
'It's none of my business,' said Eduardo.
'There's no “it” to be none of your business; Josh and I are nothing like you and whoever had a child with you. So, you got this daughter who cries over long-dead elephants; are there any more?'
'Yeah, another daughter. And she'll have been crying on the inside.'
'How old?'
'Fifteen and seventeen.'
Freya glanced over at him. 'Pretty?'
'Obviously I think so,' said Eduardo. 'Why do you wanna know that?'
'Oh, no reason,' Freya said evasively. 'I've never driven to Coney Island before. I guess I should just get onto Ocean Parkway and stick with it, huh?'
'I guess. So you can carry a map in your head as well as placate people?'
'I don't understand why some people can't carry a map in their heads. But I guess a lot of those people don't understand why I can't spell or remember the eight times table, do they?'
'Oh, the eight times table!' said Eduardo. 'That oughtta be banned.'
Freya laughed as she found she was finally able to speed up on the approach to Ocean Parkway.
'Think the guy'll notice if we add the toll to his bill?' Freya asked brightly.
'From the sound of him, yes,' said Eduardo, frowning at the traffic in front of them. 'Especially if we keep him waiting. I wonder if Josh is making better progress.'
'Oh, Josh is pretty speedy on his motorcycle. He'll have found a way.'
'Was that a compliment, or are you saying he drives too aggressively or something?'
'Just a statement of fact. Why? Have I given the impression I insult him all the time?'
'You've been insulting him all the time I've known you.'
'Oh, that must make me seem really mean!' said Freya. 'Josh doesn't mind, honestly. We're sort of like brother and sister, y'know?'
'Brother and sister, huh?' said Eduardo. 'And there I was being reminded of... never mind.'
'What?' said Freya, with a laugh. 'You and your daughter's mom, maybe?'
'It's none of my business,' said Eduardo.
'There's no “it” to be none of your business; Josh and I are nothing like you and whoever had a child with you. So, you got this daughter who cries over long-dead elephants; are there any more?'
'Yeah, another daughter. And she'll have been crying on the inside.'
'How old?'
'Fifteen and seventeen.'
Freya glanced over at him. 'Pretty?'
'Obviously I think so,' said Eduardo. 'Why do you wanna know that?'
'Oh, no reason,' Freya said evasively. 'I've never driven to Coney Island before. I guess I should just get onto Ocean Parkway and stick with it, huh?'
'I guess. So you can carry a map in your head as well as placate people?'
'I don't understand why some people can't carry a map in their heads. But I guess a lot of those people don't understand why I can't spell or remember the eight times table, do they?'
'Oh, the eight times table!' said Eduardo. 'That oughtta be banned.'
Freya laughed as she found she was finally able to speed up on the approach to Ocean Parkway.
When Eduardo and Freya arrived at the evacuated Luna Park, they found Josh leaning casually on the fence surrounding the teacup ride, and a woman in her thirties simpering over him. As they approached, Josh was treating the woman to a toothy smile and saying, 'Don't worry. Nothing's going to happen to your job while I'm around.'
'If the guy who called us is threatening to fire you over this, ma'am,' Freya said as she approached, 'he can't. But that's because of the law – it has nothing to do with Zeddemore here.'
'Did you get a look at this elephant yet, Josh?' asked Eduardo, coming over to them laden with various pieces of equipment.
'No,' said Josh, standing up as straight as a ruler as Eduardo approached, 'but Veronica here has, and the good news is, it's definitely not Topsy. The guy on the phone didn't bother looking at what this elephant keeps between his legs.'
'I didn't “bother looking” either,' said Veronica, giggling stupidly at Josh. 'I just happened to notice because it's very... well, noticeable. Anyway, I didn't show it to your colleague yet because I thought I'd better wait for the rest of you. Show him the ghost, I mean, not its, um...' She looked at Eduardo. 'Are you in charge?'
'Yes, ma'am,' said Eduardo.
'He's over by the Thunderbolt,' said Veronica. 'I'll take you to him.'
She led them across the park, through various rides and towards the large vertical-drop roller-coaster whose highest point could be seen from just about anywhere. The nearer they got, the more audible were the sounds of stamping and furious trumpeting, and very soon the elephant was in sight. He had already dismantled the central loop of the roller-coaster and was crushing it under huge, translucent feet. Eduardo, Josh, Freya and even Veronica, who had already seen it, stared at the animal as he trumpeted loudly and then wrapped his ethereal trunk around the length of track that formed the initial descent.
'Just look at it!' a voice cut into their awed silence, and they all turned to see an angry-looking man in a suit marching towards them. 'Why would it do that to my roller-coaster?'
'He must be angry about something,' said Freya.
'Well, whatever it is,' fumed the man, 'it's not my problem! Veronica, what do you mean by keeping these people hanging around? Why must I come over here and tell them to dispose of that thing?'
'Calm down please, sir,' said Eduardo. 'We're just about to.'
Freya looked at him. 'We are?'
'Of course we are,' said Eduardo. 'Now, sir, if I could ask you and any other staff to vacate the area... for your own safety, of course.'
The man glared at Eduardo, his eye twitching. He hesitated a moment, then said, 'Well, a few more minutes won't make much difference to that roller-coaster, but if you let it get to any other rides...!'
'Don't worry, we won't,' said Eduardo, as Veronica put a tentative hand on her boss's arm and led him away from the area.
'Great, you got rid of him!' said Freya, bouncing on the balls of her feet with enthusiasm. 'What are we going to do now?'
'We're going to trap the ghost,' said Eduardo.
'We are?' said Josh. 'I thought we wanted to help it.'
'We do!' said Freya, turning accusing eyes onto Eduardo. 'You said we could!'
'Yes, and I meant it,' he said soothingly, 'but right now I think we'd better get him away from that roller-coaster. We can trap him more or less painlessly if we don't use a proton stream, and then we can let him out later... if we can figure out what to do with him.'
'Are you sure he deserves our help, Freya?' asked Josh, wincing as thirty feet of roller-coaster track were crushed noisily under the elephant's feet. 'I mean, he looks kind of dangerous.'
'Oh,' said Freya, 'I can't stand that attitude!'
'It is pretty outdated, Josh,' said Eduardo. 'It's like, let's bring a gigantic wild animal miles away from its home, treat it like crap and then blame it when somebody gets hurt. Yeah, the people are the victims in that situation.'
'I stand corrected,' said Josh. 'So, were those your words or your daughter's?'
'Mine, actually,' said Eduardo. 'All right, who wants to learn how to use a ghost trap?'
'Ooh, I do!' said Freya.
'Okay,' said Eduardo, handing the trap to her with the bottom facing inwards. 'Hold it like this, and point it right at the elephant. When you open it, try not to look directly at the entrapment beam – that goes for both of you – but if you did happen to glance at it, I guess you'd be all right. Got it?'
'Got it,' said Josh.
'Fine,' said Freya, aiming the trap as directed. 'Now what do I do?'
'It'll normally be attached by wire to a control panel,' said Eduardo, 'but since you have it in your hands, you're gonna use this button to open it and this one to close it.' He pointed. 'I'll tell you when, this time. When the trap closes, you'll feel a pretty big impact, so get ready to take a step back if you don't want to fall over on your butt. So, whenever you're ready...'
Freya pushed the button to open the trap, and the rampaging elephant was slowly sucked inside with a loud trumpet of protest.
'Now!' Eduardo shouted over the noise, and she closed the trap. As it closed, she toppled slightly before taking her step back.
'Good work, Freya,' said Eduardo.
'Thanks,' said Freya. 'Are you sure he didn't feel any pain? He didn't sound too happy.'
'I guess we can never really be sure,' said Eduardo, 'but there've been other entities that didn't make any fuss at all with only the entrapment beam. He was probably just surprised and angry. Anyway, it's done now, so you two can take the trap to Freya's car while I go find Veronica and her charming boss.'
'If the guy who called us is threatening to fire you over this, ma'am,' Freya said as she approached, 'he can't. But that's because of the law – it has nothing to do with Zeddemore here.'
'Did you get a look at this elephant yet, Josh?' asked Eduardo, coming over to them laden with various pieces of equipment.
'No,' said Josh, standing up as straight as a ruler as Eduardo approached, 'but Veronica here has, and the good news is, it's definitely not Topsy. The guy on the phone didn't bother looking at what this elephant keeps between his legs.'
'I didn't “bother looking” either,' said Veronica, giggling stupidly at Josh. 'I just happened to notice because it's very... well, noticeable. Anyway, I didn't show it to your colleague yet because I thought I'd better wait for the rest of you. Show him the ghost, I mean, not its, um...' She looked at Eduardo. 'Are you in charge?'
'Yes, ma'am,' said Eduardo.
'He's over by the Thunderbolt,' said Veronica. 'I'll take you to him.'
She led them across the park, through various rides and towards the large vertical-drop roller-coaster whose highest point could be seen from just about anywhere. The nearer they got, the more audible were the sounds of stamping and furious trumpeting, and very soon the elephant was in sight. He had already dismantled the central loop of the roller-coaster and was crushing it under huge, translucent feet. Eduardo, Josh, Freya and even Veronica, who had already seen it, stared at the animal as he trumpeted loudly and then wrapped his ethereal trunk around the length of track that formed the initial descent.
'Just look at it!' a voice cut into their awed silence, and they all turned to see an angry-looking man in a suit marching towards them. 'Why would it do that to my roller-coaster?'
'He must be angry about something,' said Freya.
'Well, whatever it is,' fumed the man, 'it's not my problem! Veronica, what do you mean by keeping these people hanging around? Why must I come over here and tell them to dispose of that thing?'
'Calm down please, sir,' said Eduardo. 'We're just about to.'
Freya looked at him. 'We are?'
'Of course we are,' said Eduardo. 'Now, sir, if I could ask you and any other staff to vacate the area... for your own safety, of course.'
The man glared at Eduardo, his eye twitching. He hesitated a moment, then said, 'Well, a few more minutes won't make much difference to that roller-coaster, but if you let it get to any other rides...!'
'Don't worry, we won't,' said Eduardo, as Veronica put a tentative hand on her boss's arm and led him away from the area.
'Great, you got rid of him!' said Freya, bouncing on the balls of her feet with enthusiasm. 'What are we going to do now?'
'We're going to trap the ghost,' said Eduardo.
'We are?' said Josh. 'I thought we wanted to help it.'
'We do!' said Freya, turning accusing eyes onto Eduardo. 'You said we could!'
'Yes, and I meant it,' he said soothingly, 'but right now I think we'd better get him away from that roller-coaster. We can trap him more or less painlessly if we don't use a proton stream, and then we can let him out later... if we can figure out what to do with him.'
'Are you sure he deserves our help, Freya?' asked Josh, wincing as thirty feet of roller-coaster track were crushed noisily under the elephant's feet. 'I mean, he looks kind of dangerous.'
'Oh,' said Freya, 'I can't stand that attitude!'
'It is pretty outdated, Josh,' said Eduardo. 'It's like, let's bring a gigantic wild animal miles away from its home, treat it like crap and then blame it when somebody gets hurt. Yeah, the people are the victims in that situation.'
'I stand corrected,' said Josh. 'So, were those your words or your daughter's?'
'Mine, actually,' said Eduardo. 'All right, who wants to learn how to use a ghost trap?'
'Ooh, I do!' said Freya.
'Okay,' said Eduardo, handing the trap to her with the bottom facing inwards. 'Hold it like this, and point it right at the elephant. When you open it, try not to look directly at the entrapment beam – that goes for both of you – but if you did happen to glance at it, I guess you'd be all right. Got it?'
'Got it,' said Josh.
'Fine,' said Freya, aiming the trap as directed. 'Now what do I do?'
'It'll normally be attached by wire to a control panel,' said Eduardo, 'but since you have it in your hands, you're gonna use this button to open it and this one to close it.' He pointed. 'I'll tell you when, this time. When the trap closes, you'll feel a pretty big impact, so get ready to take a step back if you don't want to fall over on your butt. So, whenever you're ready...'
Freya pushed the button to open the trap, and the rampaging elephant was slowly sucked inside with a loud trumpet of protest.
'Now!' Eduardo shouted over the noise, and she closed the trap. As it closed, she toppled slightly before taking her step back.
'Good work, Freya,' said Eduardo.
'Thanks,' said Freya. 'Are you sure he didn't feel any pain? He didn't sound too happy.'
'I guess we can never really be sure,' said Eduardo, 'but there've been other entities that didn't make any fuss at all with only the entrapment beam. He was probably just surprised and angry. Anyway, it's done now, so you two can take the trap to Freya's car while I go find Veronica and her charming boss.'
When Eduardo returned to the car, he found Josh and Freya both sitting in the front with their heads bent over a tablet and Freya's right forefinger sweeping over the screen.
'Oh, hey,' she said, as Eduardo opened a back door and perched on the seat. 'We think we found out who the elephant is. His name was Antony, and he was part of a travelling circus that came here a few times, and we think it's him because he was shot here in nineteen twenty-two whilst displaying that kind of behaviour.'
'It's completely disgusting, the way they treated him,' Josh added.
'Yeah?' said Eduardo. 'I didn't get the impression you cared, Josh.'
'Sure I care,' said Josh. 'I just didn't know, that's all.'
'He only feels sorry for Antony now that he knows he wants to have sex,' said Freya.
'Shut up,' said Josh, punching her lightly on the arm and receiving a playful slap in return.
'Come on, kids, behave,' said Eduardo. 'Who does Antony want to have sex with?'
'A girl elephant called Cleopatra,' said Freya. 'She and Antony were really into each other, apparently, and then the stupid circus people locked them up for the night in separate cages so Antony started going crazy and trying to break out. Now, not only did he want to get to Cleopatra, but he also had a new keeper – I mean, there's no guarantee the old one would've done much better with him, but anyway – this new keeper came in to try to pacify Antony, and obviously he got trampled to death, so then Antony was shot that same night.'
'Well, that's a nice story,' said Eduardo. 'Does it help us?'
'I hope so,' said Freya. 'I'm going to try to find out what happened to Cleopatra in the end. It says she really mourned for Antony after he died, but she wasn't violent and then she went on to perform in the circus on its next stop. They probably beat her until she did what she was told, didn't they? Bastards. Now, if we could just find out where she died...'
'Know what else we found out?' said Josh, turning to face Eduardo over the front seat as Freya took complete control of the tablet. 'Circus elephants really were sometimes scared of mice – you know, like they are in cartoons and stuff – and it was because they were kept in insecure enclosures, and the mice used to get in and chew their feet! I never knew any of this stuff – it's horrible!'
'Sure is,' said Eduardo.
'Myakka River State Park!' Freya declared suddenly.
'What about it?' asked Eduardo.
'What I've been trying to find out!' said Freya. 'Cleopatra died in Myakka State Park, Florida, in nineteen thirty. It says a lot of the animals were culled when the circus had to downsize because of the Depression.' She scrolled down on her tablet. 'Oh, and then the rest were killed a year later when the circus failed anyway.'
'Oh, Jesus,' muttered Josh.
'So,' said Eduardo, 'you're saying you want to take Antony to Florida?'
'Yes,' said Freya.
'And let him out of the trap at Myakka State Park,' Eduardo went on, 'and hope that the ghost of Cleopatra appears, and the two of them run toward each other with trunks outstretched?'
'Yes.'
'Then they both fade away,' Josh added, 'trunk-in-trunk, as they cross over to Heaven or wherever?'
'Yes.'
'I like that plan,' said Eduardo. 'Of course, there is absolutely no guarantee that it'll work. At all.'
'That won't stop me from trying,' said Freya.
'Stop us,' said Josh. 'That won't ever stop us from trying, Eduardo.'
'I'm glad to hear it,' said Eduardo. 'How are you going to get Antony's trap to Florida?'
'Drive it there, of course,' said Freya. 'It's only... what, like eighteen hours?'
'Well, you'd better not go without some equipment and a trained Ghostbuster,' said Eduardo. 'Let's go to the firehouse and see who's willing to go with you.'
'Not you, then?' said Freya.
'I will if nobody else will,' said Eduardo, 'but these days I prefer not to run off to obscure places at a moment's notice.'
'Oh, hey,' she said, as Eduardo opened a back door and perched on the seat. 'We think we found out who the elephant is. His name was Antony, and he was part of a travelling circus that came here a few times, and we think it's him because he was shot here in nineteen twenty-two whilst displaying that kind of behaviour.'
'It's completely disgusting, the way they treated him,' Josh added.
'Yeah?' said Eduardo. 'I didn't get the impression you cared, Josh.'
'Sure I care,' said Josh. 'I just didn't know, that's all.'
'He only feels sorry for Antony now that he knows he wants to have sex,' said Freya.
'Shut up,' said Josh, punching her lightly on the arm and receiving a playful slap in return.
'Come on, kids, behave,' said Eduardo. 'Who does Antony want to have sex with?'
'A girl elephant called Cleopatra,' said Freya. 'She and Antony were really into each other, apparently, and then the stupid circus people locked them up for the night in separate cages so Antony started going crazy and trying to break out. Now, not only did he want to get to Cleopatra, but he also had a new keeper – I mean, there's no guarantee the old one would've done much better with him, but anyway – this new keeper came in to try to pacify Antony, and obviously he got trampled to death, so then Antony was shot that same night.'
'Well, that's a nice story,' said Eduardo. 'Does it help us?'
'I hope so,' said Freya. 'I'm going to try to find out what happened to Cleopatra in the end. It says she really mourned for Antony after he died, but she wasn't violent and then she went on to perform in the circus on its next stop. They probably beat her until she did what she was told, didn't they? Bastards. Now, if we could just find out where she died...'
'Know what else we found out?' said Josh, turning to face Eduardo over the front seat as Freya took complete control of the tablet. 'Circus elephants really were sometimes scared of mice – you know, like they are in cartoons and stuff – and it was because they were kept in insecure enclosures, and the mice used to get in and chew their feet! I never knew any of this stuff – it's horrible!'
'Sure is,' said Eduardo.
'Myakka River State Park!' Freya declared suddenly.
'What about it?' asked Eduardo.
'What I've been trying to find out!' said Freya. 'Cleopatra died in Myakka State Park, Florida, in nineteen thirty. It says a lot of the animals were culled when the circus had to downsize because of the Depression.' She scrolled down on her tablet. 'Oh, and then the rest were killed a year later when the circus failed anyway.'
'Oh, Jesus,' muttered Josh.
'So,' said Eduardo, 'you're saying you want to take Antony to Florida?'
'Yes,' said Freya.
'And let him out of the trap at Myakka State Park,' Eduardo went on, 'and hope that the ghost of Cleopatra appears, and the two of them run toward each other with trunks outstretched?'
'Yes.'
'Then they both fade away,' Josh added, 'trunk-in-trunk, as they cross over to Heaven or wherever?'
'Yes.'
'I like that plan,' said Eduardo. 'Of course, there is absolutely no guarantee that it'll work. At all.'
'That won't stop me from trying,' said Freya.
'Stop us,' said Josh. 'That won't ever stop us from trying, Eduardo.'
'I'm glad to hear it,' said Eduardo. 'How are you going to get Antony's trap to Florida?'
'Drive it there, of course,' said Freya. 'It's only... what, like eighteen hours?'
'Well, you'd better not go without some equipment and a trained Ghostbuster,' said Eduardo. 'Let's go to the firehouse and see who's willing to go with you.'
'Not you, then?' said Freya.
'I will if nobody else will,' said Eduardo, 'but these days I prefer not to run off to obscure places at a moment's notice.'
Two days and several hours later, Eduardo, Kylie, Conchita and Rose were all huddled on the sofa around a tablet, watching a video of Lucie and Laura kneeling on their living room floor surrounded by wrapped presents, with their baby half-brother in a carry-cot between them.
'If you're new to our channel,' Lucie was saying, 'I'm Lucie...'
'And I'm Laura.'
'And if you haven't subscribed yet, please subscribe to our channel so you can be part of our online family.'
'So this is our little brother Liam,' Laura took over. 'Our stepmom had him three days ago, and we just brought him home yesterday, and he's so cute – I love him so much!'
'Same!' said Lucie. 'And we're gonna open some of the gifts our friends and family have sent him. Thank you so much to everyone who sent them, and thank you to everyone who left comments about him on our Instagram. We love you guys so much!'
'He's so adorable!' said Conchita, as the twins began unwrapping the presents. 'I want a baby!'
'Oh, sweetie, please don't rush out and get pregnant right away,' said Kylie.
'I might,' said Conchita, gazing at the tablet screen, just as the doorbell rang.
'For God's sake, you answer it and get away from this video,' said Rose, giving her sister a shove that went a good way to raising her out of her seat.
On the tablet screen, Laura held up one of Liam's opened presents to the camera and said, 'He has a little owl!'
When Conchita reached the front door, she flung it wide open with a welcoming smile on her face.
'Egon, hi!' she greeted the caller. 'Would you like to come in?'
'Thank you, no,' said Egon. 'I'm just passing through. I'd like to conduct a quick interview with your father across the threshold, if I may.'
'Of course,' said Conchita, and she turned back into the hallway, calling, 'Dad, it's Egon for you!'
'If you're new to our channel,' Lucie was saying, 'I'm Lucie...'
'And I'm Laura.'
'And if you haven't subscribed yet, please subscribe to our channel so you can be part of our online family.'
'So this is our little brother Liam,' Laura took over. 'Our stepmom had him three days ago, and we just brought him home yesterday, and he's so cute – I love him so much!'
'Same!' said Lucie. 'And we're gonna open some of the gifts our friends and family have sent him. Thank you so much to everyone who sent them, and thank you to everyone who left comments about him on our Instagram. We love you guys so much!'
'He's so adorable!' said Conchita, as the twins began unwrapping the presents. 'I want a baby!'
'Oh, sweetie, please don't rush out and get pregnant right away,' said Kylie.
'I might,' said Conchita, gazing at the tablet screen, just as the doorbell rang.
'For God's sake, you answer it and get away from this video,' said Rose, giving her sister a shove that went a good way to raising her out of her seat.
On the tablet screen, Laura held up one of Liam's opened presents to the camera and said, 'He has a little owl!'
When Conchita reached the front door, she flung it wide open with a welcoming smile on her face.
'Egon, hi!' she greeted the caller. 'Would you like to come in?'
'Thank you, no,' said Egon. 'I'm just passing through. I'd like to conduct a quick interview with your father across the threshold, if I may.'
'Of course,' said Conchita, and she turned back into the hallway, calling, 'Dad, it's Egon for you!'
Freya's car was parked ten yards away, with Freya in the driver's seat and Josh sitting beside her with mouth agape, staring at the scene on the doorstep.
'Don't you get your drool on my upholstery, Cavallini,' said Freya. 'Or worse!'
'Was that his daughter?' said Josh. 'I mean... was that... his daughter?'
Freya gave him a withering look. 'I don't know because I couldn't see her because Egon was standing in front of her. You might not have seen what you thought you saw, Josh.'
'Oh no, my friend,' said Josh. 'I know exactly what I saw. Hey, I know – let's look for her on Instagram!' He took out his tablet, hovered over it for a moment and then said, 'Do you know her name?'
'Don't you get your drool on my upholstery, Cavallini,' said Freya. 'Or worse!'
'Was that his daughter?' said Josh. 'I mean... was that... his daughter?'
Freya gave him a withering look. 'I don't know because I couldn't see her because Egon was standing in front of her. You might not have seen what you thought you saw, Josh.'
'Oh no, my friend,' said Josh. 'I know exactly what I saw. Hey, I know – let's look for her on Instagram!' He took out his tablet, hovered over it for a moment and then said, 'Do you know her name?'
'It was a very touching scene,' Egon was saying, watched suspiciously by Merida, who was hunched over in a defensive stance halfway up the stairs. 'They walked toward each other with trunks outstretched, and then they just... well, lumbered off into the sunset.'
'I never thought Freya's plan would work so well as that,' said Eduardo. 'I was sort of looking forward to seeing what she'd try next.'
'I'm glad that didn't prove necessary,' said Egon. 'You know, Eduardo, I truly believe that she has what it takes to be a great Ghostbuster.'
'So do I,' said Eduardo, 'and I believe he has what it takes to be a decent one, at least. It was clear from the start they'd at least be useful, with Freya's car and Josh's motorcycle. I'm glad they have the right personal qualities to go with them.'
'They can be a little immature,' said Egon, looking over his shoulder at the car, where Josh and Freya were now fighting over Josh's tablet. 'And they're obsessed with those glowing trays of theirs. You know me, Eduardo – I've never been one to shy away from new technology. But it sometimes seems as if they're surgically attached!'
'Well,' said Eduardo, 'they're young. Maybe you'd better get back to them before they break something.'
'It's a good thing all the ghostbusting equipment is safely stowed in the trunk. If they do break anything, it won't be that, but I must go anyway. Freya insists on getting me all the way home.'
'She's nice.'
'Yes, and possibly a little ageist,' said Egon, smiling slightly. 'Well, I'll see you tomorrow, Eduardo. And I assume you'd like me to tell Josh and Freya to be there bright-eyed and bushy-tailed as well?'
'Please do.'
'Very well. Goodnight.'
'G'night, Egon,' said Eduardo, and closed the door.
'I never thought Freya's plan would work so well as that,' said Eduardo. 'I was sort of looking forward to seeing what she'd try next.'
'I'm glad that didn't prove necessary,' said Egon. 'You know, Eduardo, I truly believe that she has what it takes to be a great Ghostbuster.'
'So do I,' said Eduardo, 'and I believe he has what it takes to be a decent one, at least. It was clear from the start they'd at least be useful, with Freya's car and Josh's motorcycle. I'm glad they have the right personal qualities to go with them.'
'They can be a little immature,' said Egon, looking over his shoulder at the car, where Josh and Freya were now fighting over Josh's tablet. 'And they're obsessed with those glowing trays of theirs. You know me, Eduardo – I've never been one to shy away from new technology. But it sometimes seems as if they're surgically attached!'
'Well,' said Eduardo, 'they're young. Maybe you'd better get back to them before they break something.'
'It's a good thing all the ghostbusting equipment is safely stowed in the trunk. If they do break anything, it won't be that, but I must go anyway. Freya insists on getting me all the way home.'
'She's nice.'
'Yes, and possibly a little ageist,' said Egon, smiling slightly. 'Well, I'll see you tomorrow, Eduardo. And I assume you'd like me to tell Josh and Freya to be there bright-eyed and bushy-tailed as well?'
'Please do.'
'Very well. Goodnight.'
'G'night, Egon,' said Eduardo, and closed the door.
Author note: This story was partly inspired by the true story of Romeo and Juliet the circus elephants. Reference: Haunted Ohio.
