Insert 15: The Dating Pool
Written by Jake Collins
Kevin put the final piece of clean crockery onto the rack beside the sink and peered out of the kitchen window. He smiled when he saw James on the sidewalk below, approaching the Rivera house in the company of a girl with shoulder-length blond hair. James and the girl were deep in conversation. They stopped at the bottom of the front steps, exchanged a few more words, and then started to kiss each other voraciously.
Kevin moved away from the window and went over to the built-in closet next to the bathroom. He took out his nurse practitioner uniform and had almost finished changing into it when the doorbell rang. After peering through the spyhole, Kevin quickly stepped back and flung the door open.
'Hey, Jimmy,' he said.
'Hi, Kev,' said James, sounding rather forlorn. 'Do you have a moment to talk?'
'Of course,' said Kevin. 'Is everything okay? Come on in and tell me what's on your mind.'
James mooched into the apartment and sank onto the couch. Kevin came to sit next to him and placed a supportive hand on his shoulder.
'Are you sure you've got time for this?' said James. 'You have a shift starting real soon, don't you?'
'I have a few minutes before I need to leave,' said Kevin. 'Besides, you know I've always got time for you, Jimmy. What's up?'
James took a deep breath and said, 'I've just been dumped, Kev.'
'Oh,' said Kevin. 'I have to admit, bro, that surprises me quite a lot, given the way you and Aimee were attempting to swallow each other's tongues out there in the street.'
James smiled wryly and said, 'You've been spying on us, huh?'
'Well, you were making something of a public exhibition of yourselves,' said Kevin.
'We were kissing each other goodbye,' said James. 'As in, goodbye forever.'
'That was some kiss goodbye!' Kevin remarked.
'Yeah, I guess it was,' said James. 'But however it looked, that's what it was.'
'Did Aimee tell you why she wanted to break up?'
'Kinda. She said she thinks I'm really cute and really nice, but she feels like we don't quite work as a couple and this is the right time for us to call it a day.'
'Oh, I see,' said Kevin. 'Bad luck, Jimmy.'
Kevin squeezed James's shoulder and smiled consolingly at him. James met his eye, smiled back, and placed his own hand on top of Kevin's.
'It's okay, Kev,' said James. 'You know, I actually don't feel so bad as I thought I would. I don't even feel so bad now as I did when I was walking up your steps a few moments ago, come to think of it.'
'Is that a fact?'
'Yeah... yeah, that's really how I feel. I don't know, maybe this is the right time for me and Aimee to call it a day.'
'Wow,' said Kevin, 'I'm even better at smiling consolingly than I thought!'
James laughed and gave Kevin a shove, which barely moved him at all.
'You have the magic touch, bro,' said James, 'that's for sure.'
'Didn't I see on Instagram earlier this week that Chita broke up with someone too?' said Kevin.
'Yeah, that's right,' said James. 'She dumped Ethan on Monday. She definitely did the right thing – I don't like him at all!'
'There must be something in the air,' said Kevin.
James smiled wistfully and said, 'Maybe it's just that summer doesn't last forever.'
'Getting a little philosophical in your old age, Jimmy?' Kevin said, grinning.
'Hey, I'm not taking cracks about getting old from a technophobic troglodyte like you!' James laughed.
'Listen, bro, in all seriousness,' said Kevin, 'are you absolutely sure you're feeling okay about all this? I mean, there's nothing else you're burning to get off your chest, is there?'
'Really, Kev, I'm okay,' said James. 'Thanks for working your magic on me.'
'You're welcome,' Kevin said with a smile. 'Actually, Jimmy, I'm glad you came up. I was gonna drop in to see you on my way to work – that's why I was keeping an eye out for you.'
'Oh yeah? Any special reason?'
'Yes. Oscar's going to be with his family tomorrow night – all night, I mean. Do you want to watch an old movie with me and stay over?'
'Sure, I'd love to,' said James. 'Why is Oscar gonna be with his family?'
'It's his dad's birthday,' said Kevin.
'Aren't you invited?'
'I am invited, but I was only planning to go if you didn't want to stay over with me.'
'Oscar doesn't mind being your back-up plan, then?'
'He doesn't see it that way. Nor do I, exactly... but I'm really glad you're up for one of our boys' nights, Jimmy.'
James smiled, then he said, 'You have more of those old movies to show me, huh?'
'A ton of 'em, yeah,' said Kevin. 'You do like watching them, don't you?'
'I like watching them on your couch, with you,' James said firmly. 'It has to be a package deal, Kev.'
'That's good, 'cause that's what I'm offering you,' said Kevin.
'And I'm accepting your offer eagerly,' James assured him.
'Great,' Kevin grinned. 'I'll be here from about four o'clock tomorrow afternoon so just come on up when you're ready. I'll order us a pizza and dig out the chess set.'
'Excellent,' said James.
Kevin moved away from the window and went over to the built-in closet next to the bathroom. He took out his nurse practitioner uniform and had almost finished changing into it when the doorbell rang. After peering through the spyhole, Kevin quickly stepped back and flung the door open.
'Hey, Jimmy,' he said.
'Hi, Kev,' said James, sounding rather forlorn. 'Do you have a moment to talk?'
'Of course,' said Kevin. 'Is everything okay? Come on in and tell me what's on your mind.'
James mooched into the apartment and sank onto the couch. Kevin came to sit next to him and placed a supportive hand on his shoulder.
'Are you sure you've got time for this?' said James. 'You have a shift starting real soon, don't you?'
'I have a few minutes before I need to leave,' said Kevin. 'Besides, you know I've always got time for you, Jimmy. What's up?'
James took a deep breath and said, 'I've just been dumped, Kev.'
'Oh,' said Kevin. 'I have to admit, bro, that surprises me quite a lot, given the way you and Aimee were attempting to swallow each other's tongues out there in the street.'
James smiled wryly and said, 'You've been spying on us, huh?'
'Well, you were making something of a public exhibition of yourselves,' said Kevin.
'We were kissing each other goodbye,' said James. 'As in, goodbye forever.'
'That was some kiss goodbye!' Kevin remarked.
'Yeah, I guess it was,' said James. 'But however it looked, that's what it was.'
'Did Aimee tell you why she wanted to break up?'
'Kinda. She said she thinks I'm really cute and really nice, but she feels like we don't quite work as a couple and this is the right time for us to call it a day.'
'Oh, I see,' said Kevin. 'Bad luck, Jimmy.'
Kevin squeezed James's shoulder and smiled consolingly at him. James met his eye, smiled back, and placed his own hand on top of Kevin's.
'It's okay, Kev,' said James. 'You know, I actually don't feel so bad as I thought I would. I don't even feel so bad now as I did when I was walking up your steps a few moments ago, come to think of it.'
'Is that a fact?'
'Yeah... yeah, that's really how I feel. I don't know, maybe this is the right time for me and Aimee to call it a day.'
'Wow,' said Kevin, 'I'm even better at smiling consolingly than I thought!'
James laughed and gave Kevin a shove, which barely moved him at all.
'You have the magic touch, bro,' said James, 'that's for sure.'
'Didn't I see on Instagram earlier this week that Chita broke up with someone too?' said Kevin.
'Yeah, that's right,' said James. 'She dumped Ethan on Monday. She definitely did the right thing – I don't like him at all!'
'There must be something in the air,' said Kevin.
James smiled wistfully and said, 'Maybe it's just that summer doesn't last forever.'
'Getting a little philosophical in your old age, Jimmy?' Kevin said, grinning.
'Hey, I'm not taking cracks about getting old from a technophobic troglodyte like you!' James laughed.
'Listen, bro, in all seriousness,' said Kevin, 'are you absolutely sure you're feeling okay about all this? I mean, there's nothing else you're burning to get off your chest, is there?'
'Really, Kev, I'm okay,' said James. 'Thanks for working your magic on me.'
'You're welcome,' Kevin said with a smile. 'Actually, Jimmy, I'm glad you came up. I was gonna drop in to see you on my way to work – that's why I was keeping an eye out for you.'
'Oh yeah? Any special reason?'
'Yes. Oscar's going to be with his family tomorrow night – all night, I mean. Do you want to watch an old movie with me and stay over?'
'Sure, I'd love to,' said James. 'Why is Oscar gonna be with his family?'
'It's his dad's birthday,' said Kevin.
'Aren't you invited?'
'I am invited, but I was only planning to go if you didn't want to stay over with me.'
'Oscar doesn't mind being your back-up plan, then?'
'He doesn't see it that way. Nor do I, exactly... but I'm really glad you're up for one of our boys' nights, Jimmy.'
James smiled, then he said, 'You have more of those old movies to show me, huh?'
'A ton of 'em, yeah,' said Kevin. 'You do like watching them, don't you?'
'I like watching them on your couch, with you,' James said firmly. 'It has to be a package deal, Kev.'
'That's good, 'cause that's what I'm offering you,' said Kevin.
'And I'm accepting your offer eagerly,' James assured him.
'Great,' Kevin grinned. 'I'll be here from about four o'clock tomorrow afternoon so just come on up when you're ready. I'll order us a pizza and dig out the chess set.'
'Excellent,' said James.
The following afternoon, James and Conchita were walking home from school together.
'I'm glad you and Aimee broke up,' said Conchita. 'She's a nice enough girl but she wasn't quite right for you, Jim.'
'I'm glad you broke up with Ethan,' said James. 'He's a total putz!'
'I can't disagree with you there,' said Conchita. 'You wouldn't believe the things he wanted me to do with him! No, the things he wanted me to do to him – that's what you wouldn't believe! I had to tell him I wasn't feeling comfortable in our relationship and it was time for us to call it a day.'
James looked slightly troubled for a moment, then he said, 'I hope Aimee didn't dump me 'cause I was making her feel uncomfortable.'
'I'm sure you weren't, Jim,' said Conchita. 'You're not like Ethan.'
'I always followed her lead when it came to the physical stuff.'
'Which just goes to show how unlike Ethan you are! It wasn't only that, though. Another thing he used to do was leave little pieces of cork lying under the table whenever he came over to study with me – it was really irritating! Plus he kept trying to get me to put a cucumber behind Merida to scare her.'
'What a douchebag,' said James. 'Seriously, Chita, any guy who's lucky enough to be your boyfriend and makes you feel anything except ecstatically happy deserves to get kicked to the kerb!'
'It's really sweet of you to say that, Jim,' Conchita said, smiling and ruffling his hair.
'I really mean it!' said James. 'So, I guess we both dipped our toes in the dating pool for the first time and ended up getting nipped by a crab, huh?'
'We sure did,' said Conchita, 'but like they say, there's plenty more fish in the sea... or in the pool, if we're sticking with your metaphor. That's when we want to go fishing for them, of course – I don't think I'll feel like baiting my hook anytime soon!'
'Yeah,' said James, 'me either.'
Conchita's expression became contemplative for a moment, then she asked, 'Do you think we'll ever approve of each other's boyfriends and girlfriends?'
'Oh yeah, I'm sure we will,' said James. 'When one of us finds the right boyfriend or girlfriend, the other one will like them. I'd be absolutely thrilled if you picked a really nice guy to go out with – Harry Willis maybe, or... hmm, let me see...'
Conchita giggled and said, 'Why don't you write up the full list and let me have it when you're ready? I'll pick someone from it the next time I want to go on a date.'
'Okay,' said James, grinning. 'I'm sure I'll be able to think of a few more suggestions.'
'This plan might not be foolproof, of course,' said Conchita. 'Ethan seemed like a really nice guy when I agreed to go out with him.'
'That's a point,' said James. 'I'm pretty sure Harry's genuinely nice, though.'
They were approaching Eduardo and Kylie's house by this point. When they came to the front steps, they stopped and smiled at each other.
'Do you want to come inside for a while?' Conchita asked.
'Better not,' said James. 'There's a history assignment all over the dining room table waiting for me to collate it and write a conclusion – I promised my mom I'd get it cleared away right after I came home from school – and then I'm going up to Kev's place to watch a movie and sleep over.'
'Oh, cool,' said Conchita. 'Message me tomorrow if you want to hang out – I'll be home all day.'
'I will.'
'You will want to hang out or you will message me if you want to hang out?'
'I will want to hang out,' said James, 'and I will message you when I'm ready.'
Conchita laughed and said, 'I'll be waiting with bated breath!'
'I'm glad you and Aimee broke up,' said Conchita. 'She's a nice enough girl but she wasn't quite right for you, Jim.'
'I'm glad you broke up with Ethan,' said James. 'He's a total putz!'
'I can't disagree with you there,' said Conchita. 'You wouldn't believe the things he wanted me to do with him! No, the things he wanted me to do to him – that's what you wouldn't believe! I had to tell him I wasn't feeling comfortable in our relationship and it was time for us to call it a day.'
James looked slightly troubled for a moment, then he said, 'I hope Aimee didn't dump me 'cause I was making her feel uncomfortable.'
'I'm sure you weren't, Jim,' said Conchita. 'You're not like Ethan.'
'I always followed her lead when it came to the physical stuff.'
'Which just goes to show how unlike Ethan you are! It wasn't only that, though. Another thing he used to do was leave little pieces of cork lying under the table whenever he came over to study with me – it was really irritating! Plus he kept trying to get me to put a cucumber behind Merida to scare her.'
'What a douchebag,' said James. 'Seriously, Chita, any guy who's lucky enough to be your boyfriend and makes you feel anything except ecstatically happy deserves to get kicked to the kerb!'
'It's really sweet of you to say that, Jim,' Conchita said, smiling and ruffling his hair.
'I really mean it!' said James. 'So, I guess we both dipped our toes in the dating pool for the first time and ended up getting nipped by a crab, huh?'
'We sure did,' said Conchita, 'but like they say, there's plenty more fish in the sea... or in the pool, if we're sticking with your metaphor. That's when we want to go fishing for them, of course – I don't think I'll feel like baiting my hook anytime soon!'
'Yeah,' said James, 'me either.'
Conchita's expression became contemplative for a moment, then she asked, 'Do you think we'll ever approve of each other's boyfriends and girlfriends?'
'Oh yeah, I'm sure we will,' said James. 'When one of us finds the right boyfriend or girlfriend, the other one will like them. I'd be absolutely thrilled if you picked a really nice guy to go out with – Harry Willis maybe, or... hmm, let me see...'
Conchita giggled and said, 'Why don't you write up the full list and let me have it when you're ready? I'll pick someone from it the next time I want to go on a date.'
'Okay,' said James, grinning. 'I'm sure I'll be able to think of a few more suggestions.'
'This plan might not be foolproof, of course,' said Conchita. 'Ethan seemed like a really nice guy when I agreed to go out with him.'
'That's a point,' said James. 'I'm pretty sure Harry's genuinely nice, though.'
They were approaching Eduardo and Kylie's house by this point. When they came to the front steps, they stopped and smiled at each other.
'Do you want to come inside for a while?' Conchita asked.
'Better not,' said James. 'There's a history assignment all over the dining room table waiting for me to collate it and write a conclusion – I promised my mom I'd get it cleared away right after I came home from school – and then I'm going up to Kev's place to watch a movie and sleep over.'
'Oh, cool,' said Conchita. 'Message me tomorrow if you want to hang out – I'll be home all day.'
'I will.'
'You will want to hang out or you will message me if you want to hang out?'
'I will want to hang out,' said James, 'and I will message you when I'm ready.'
Conchita laughed and said, 'I'll be waiting with bated breath!'
Kevin whipped a chess piece off the board, leaving only three standing, and declared, 'Stalemate!'
'But you still have a bishop,' said James.
'I can't win with a king and a bishop,' said Kevin. 'You could've won with your king and your rook, but now it's a stalemate.'
'Don't you win on points?'
'I never liked playing that way. So far as I'm concerned, someone should either get checkmate or it's a tie.'
'I think there should be some kind of a tiebreaker,' said James. 'I don't like games where nobody wins.'
'Okay,' said Kevin, 'here's a tiebreaker for you!'
Kevin launched himself at James and subjected his ribs to a thorough tickling. James laughed and squealed and went very red.
'Kev, stop it!' he giggled. 'Okay, okay, I concede the game!'
Kevin grinned and retreated. James wiped his streaming eyes.
'That's another victory to me, then,' said Kevin.
'I don't think that was a very fair tiebreaker at all,' James remarked.
'Life's not fair, Jimmy,' said Kevin. 'Well, I guess you already know that, huh?'
'I know it's not always a bed of roses,' said James, 'but there's more than enough equally beautiful horticulture hanging around to make up for that, if you know where to look.'
'James Rivera's Daily Philosophy Nuggets, Part Two,' said Kevin, grinning. 'That was a good one, bro, although it might need a little rephrasing before it goes to print.'
James laughed and threw a black bishop at Kevin. Kevin ducked, then the doorbell rang.
'Ah, that's our pizza!' said Kevin, darting towards a small pile of cash that was waiting on the kitchen counter. 'Could you switch on the TV and the DVD player? The disc's already in there.'
'Sure thing, Kev,' said James.
'But you still have a bishop,' said James.
'I can't win with a king and a bishop,' said Kevin. 'You could've won with your king and your rook, but now it's a stalemate.'
'Don't you win on points?'
'I never liked playing that way. So far as I'm concerned, someone should either get checkmate or it's a tie.'
'I think there should be some kind of a tiebreaker,' said James. 'I don't like games where nobody wins.'
'Okay,' said Kevin, 'here's a tiebreaker for you!'
Kevin launched himself at James and subjected his ribs to a thorough tickling. James laughed and squealed and went very red.
'Kev, stop it!' he giggled. 'Okay, okay, I concede the game!'
Kevin grinned and retreated. James wiped his streaming eyes.
'That's another victory to me, then,' said Kevin.
'I don't think that was a very fair tiebreaker at all,' James remarked.
'Life's not fair, Jimmy,' said Kevin. 'Well, I guess you already know that, huh?'
'I know it's not always a bed of roses,' said James, 'but there's more than enough equally beautiful horticulture hanging around to make up for that, if you know where to look.'
'James Rivera's Daily Philosophy Nuggets, Part Two,' said Kevin, grinning. 'That was a good one, bro, although it might need a little rephrasing before it goes to print.'
James laughed and threw a black bishop at Kevin. Kevin ducked, then the doorbell rang.
'Ah, that's our pizza!' said Kevin, darting towards a small pile of cash that was waiting on the kitchen counter. 'Could you switch on the TV and the DVD player? The disc's already in there.'
'Sure thing, Kev,' said James.
Several hours later, James emerged from the bathroom struggling to pull the drawstring of his pyjama bottoms tight around his waist. Kevin looked over from the sofa-bed.
'That's one of my old pairs, right?' he said.
'Yeah,' James replied with a grin, 'I'm trying to bring back the baggy look. Honestly, Kev, I think Dr Bruce Banner could go to sleep in these pants and be pretty sure they'd stay in one piece if he had a nightmare!'
'It's good for you not to be too constricted down there,' said Kevin. 'It'll do wonders for your sperm count, bro.'
'That is a relief,' James said with a laugh, as he slipped into bed next to Kevin so that they were top-and-tailing. 'If Aimee ever wants to have kids, she'll wish she still had access to my highly fertile spooge!'
Kevin grinned, then he asked, 'Did you enjoy Flash Gordon?'
'I thought it was a lot of fun,' said James. 'I mean, it was pretty stupid, but it was also very titillating in a lot of ways.'
'That's exactly what they were going for.'
'Then they definitely succeeded.'
'So, er... before we turn out the light,' said Kevin, 'do you want to talk about... anything?'
James gave him a knowing look and said, 'You mean Aimee, right?'
'Not specifically,' said Kevin. 'I mean literally anything, Jimmy. Including Aimee, if you want.'
'You know,' said James, 'I actually didn't spare Aimee a thought from when I was talking with Chita about boyfriends and girlfriends on the way home from school until you mentioned my sperm count just now. I really do feel okay about the whole situation, Kev.'
Kevin smiled and said, 'That's great, Jimmy.'
'But if I did want to talk about Aimee,' said James, 'I'd definitely want you to be the person I talked to about her. Thanks for having me over tonight, bro. I wasn't actually depressed about getting dumped, but if I had been, this would've cheered me up completely.'
'Anytime, Jimmy,' said Kevin.
'That's one of my old pairs, right?' he said.
'Yeah,' James replied with a grin, 'I'm trying to bring back the baggy look. Honestly, Kev, I think Dr Bruce Banner could go to sleep in these pants and be pretty sure they'd stay in one piece if he had a nightmare!'
'It's good for you not to be too constricted down there,' said Kevin. 'It'll do wonders for your sperm count, bro.'
'That is a relief,' James said with a laugh, as he slipped into bed next to Kevin so that they were top-and-tailing. 'If Aimee ever wants to have kids, she'll wish she still had access to my highly fertile spooge!'
Kevin grinned, then he asked, 'Did you enjoy Flash Gordon?'
'I thought it was a lot of fun,' said James. 'I mean, it was pretty stupid, but it was also very titillating in a lot of ways.'
'That's exactly what they were going for.'
'Then they definitely succeeded.'
'So, er... before we turn out the light,' said Kevin, 'do you want to talk about... anything?'
James gave him a knowing look and said, 'You mean Aimee, right?'
'Not specifically,' said Kevin. 'I mean literally anything, Jimmy. Including Aimee, if you want.'
'You know,' said James, 'I actually didn't spare Aimee a thought from when I was talking with Chita about boyfriends and girlfriends on the way home from school until you mentioned my sperm count just now. I really do feel okay about the whole situation, Kev.'
Kevin smiled and said, 'That's great, Jimmy.'
'But if I did want to talk about Aimee,' said James, 'I'd definitely want you to be the person I talked to about her. Thanks for having me over tonight, bro. I wasn't actually depressed about getting dumped, but if I had been, this would've cheered me up completely.'
'Anytime, Jimmy,' said Kevin.
Late the next morning, Conchita and James were sitting at the table in Kylie and Eduardo's kitchen, looking through an array of photos on Conchita's tablet.
'Oh, it has to be that one of Rose!' said James. 'She looks sweet as a little pie.'
'Okay,' said Conchita, 'we'll go with it. Now, how about a decent one of me?'
'Just remind me,' said James, 'what are we doing this for?'
'My dad's Christmas present.'
'Details?'
'I'm ordering a custom-made Rubik's cube,' Conchita explained. 'Those photo companies used to make plenty of money just developing people's pictures into prints, way back in the mists of time, but now they have to put them on mugs and calendars and stuff instead. I'm designing a Rubik's cube for Dad – it's going to have one face with me on it, one with Rosy, one with Mom, one with Kevin, one with you, and one with the Ghostbusters logo.'
'Cool,' said James.
Conchita swiped through several photos of herself, occasionally shaking her head or frowning.
'All these pictures of me are terrible!' she declared at last.
'What're you talking about?' said James. 'Any one of them would look absolutely fantastic on a Rubik's cube! How about the one of you doing a little dance at my birthday party? You look great, really great – what a babe.'
'You're just trying to be nice,' said Conchita.
'I'm not!' said James. 'I can't stand totally gorgeous people who go around saying they look terrible – they only do it for attention!'
'Oh, and that's what I'm doing, huh?' Conchita said with a laugh.
'Yeah, so far as I can tell,' James grinned. 'Hey, why don't you go with that photo Aimee took of you and Ethan at Coney Island? You know, the one you were using as your profile picture until last Monday. I'm sure your dad would really like that one!'
Conchita smiled, then she reached out and tickled James in the small of the back. James screeched and almost fell off his chair.
'That photo has been expunged from existence,' said Conchita. 'But while we're on the subject, did you manage to put together that list of potential dates for me?'
'No,' said James. 'I couldn't think of anyone else who deserved to make the cut.'
'So it's Harry Willis or no one, huh?'
'Yeah, I guess so. You'd better just carry on picking whichever guys you think are best, and I'll tell you when you find a keeper.'
Conchita laughed and said, 'A Keyper, huh?'
'Yeah, a keeper,' said James. 'Is that funny? I don't get why that's funny.'
'Don't worry about it, Jim,' said Conchita, still smiling to herself. 'It's not funny, really. Did you have a good time hanging out with Kevin last night?'
James smiled and said, 'Yeah, I did.'
'What movie did you watch?'
'Flash Gordon. Kev loves his eighties movies... and I love watching them with him.'
'Flash Gordon, huh?' said Conchita. 'Sounds like mindless escapism for boys.'
'That's exactly what it is,' said James, 'and I guess that's why I enjoyed it!'
Conchita smiled and said, 'Fair enough.'
'I'll bet some girls like it, though,' said James.
'Yes,' said Conchita, 'I'm sure they do. You know, Jim, I don't think I could go out with Harry Willis even if I wanted to.'
'Why not?' said James.
'I have proof that Harry's gay.'
'You do?'
'He uploaded a bunch of pictures of himself at last summer's New York City Pride March,' said Conchita. 'He's wearing a T-shirt that says something like Gay and Proud, so I don't think he's bi or anything.'
'Seems like a reasonable conclusion to draw,' said James.
'I should be able to find the photos without too much trouble,' said Conchita, turning her attention back to her tablet. 'I'm already signed in to Instagram.'
At that moment, a series of clattering sounds caught their attention. James and Conchita looked over to the back door just in time to see Merida forcing her way through the cat-flap and trotting across the kitchen with a medium-sized, not-quite-dead rat clamped in her jaws.
'Whoa!' James remarked, as Merida carried her prize through to the front hallway.
Conchita leapt to her feet and screamed, 'No, Merida! Oh shoot!'
James watched with interest as Conchita dashed to a nearby cupboard and pulled out a red plastic bucket. She then ran after Merida at top speed.
'Jim, could you bring me the really flat baking sheet from the drawer under the oven?' Conchita's voice wafted back into the kitchen. 'Oh, and find me a pencil too!'
Looking slightly bemused, James jumped to his feet and called, 'Sure thing, Chita!'
He quickly retrieved the baking sheet, plucked a pencil from a glass jar of writing implements on the kitchen counter, and went to join the hunt.
'Oh, it has to be that one of Rose!' said James. 'She looks sweet as a little pie.'
'Okay,' said Conchita, 'we'll go with it. Now, how about a decent one of me?'
'Just remind me,' said James, 'what are we doing this for?'
'My dad's Christmas present.'
'Details?'
'I'm ordering a custom-made Rubik's cube,' Conchita explained. 'Those photo companies used to make plenty of money just developing people's pictures into prints, way back in the mists of time, but now they have to put them on mugs and calendars and stuff instead. I'm designing a Rubik's cube for Dad – it's going to have one face with me on it, one with Rosy, one with Mom, one with Kevin, one with you, and one with the Ghostbusters logo.'
'Cool,' said James.
Conchita swiped through several photos of herself, occasionally shaking her head or frowning.
'All these pictures of me are terrible!' she declared at last.
'What're you talking about?' said James. 'Any one of them would look absolutely fantastic on a Rubik's cube! How about the one of you doing a little dance at my birthday party? You look great, really great – what a babe.'
'You're just trying to be nice,' said Conchita.
'I'm not!' said James. 'I can't stand totally gorgeous people who go around saying they look terrible – they only do it for attention!'
'Oh, and that's what I'm doing, huh?' Conchita said with a laugh.
'Yeah, so far as I can tell,' James grinned. 'Hey, why don't you go with that photo Aimee took of you and Ethan at Coney Island? You know, the one you were using as your profile picture until last Monday. I'm sure your dad would really like that one!'
Conchita smiled, then she reached out and tickled James in the small of the back. James screeched and almost fell off his chair.
'That photo has been expunged from existence,' said Conchita. 'But while we're on the subject, did you manage to put together that list of potential dates for me?'
'No,' said James. 'I couldn't think of anyone else who deserved to make the cut.'
'So it's Harry Willis or no one, huh?'
'Yeah, I guess so. You'd better just carry on picking whichever guys you think are best, and I'll tell you when you find a keeper.'
Conchita laughed and said, 'A Keyper, huh?'
'Yeah, a keeper,' said James. 'Is that funny? I don't get why that's funny.'
'Don't worry about it, Jim,' said Conchita, still smiling to herself. 'It's not funny, really. Did you have a good time hanging out with Kevin last night?'
James smiled and said, 'Yeah, I did.'
'What movie did you watch?'
'Flash Gordon. Kev loves his eighties movies... and I love watching them with him.'
'Flash Gordon, huh?' said Conchita. 'Sounds like mindless escapism for boys.'
'That's exactly what it is,' said James, 'and I guess that's why I enjoyed it!'
Conchita smiled and said, 'Fair enough.'
'I'll bet some girls like it, though,' said James.
'Yes,' said Conchita, 'I'm sure they do. You know, Jim, I don't think I could go out with Harry Willis even if I wanted to.'
'Why not?' said James.
'I have proof that Harry's gay.'
'You do?'
'He uploaded a bunch of pictures of himself at last summer's New York City Pride March,' said Conchita. 'He's wearing a T-shirt that says something like Gay and Proud, so I don't think he's bi or anything.'
'Seems like a reasonable conclusion to draw,' said James.
'I should be able to find the photos without too much trouble,' said Conchita, turning her attention back to her tablet. 'I'm already signed in to Instagram.'
At that moment, a series of clattering sounds caught their attention. James and Conchita looked over to the back door just in time to see Merida forcing her way through the cat-flap and trotting across the kitchen with a medium-sized, not-quite-dead rat clamped in her jaws.
'Whoa!' James remarked, as Merida carried her prize through to the front hallway.
Conchita leapt to her feet and screamed, 'No, Merida! Oh shoot!'
James watched with interest as Conchita dashed to a nearby cupboard and pulled out a red plastic bucket. She then ran after Merida at top speed.
'Jim, could you bring me the really flat baking sheet from the drawer under the oven?' Conchita's voice wafted back into the kitchen. 'Oh, and find me a pencil too!'
Looking slightly bemused, James jumped to his feet and called, 'Sure thing, Chita!'
He quickly retrieved the baking sheet, plucked a pencil from a glass jar of writing implements on the kitchen counter, and went to join the hunt.