Virtual Season Episode 2: Baking Brownies
Written by Jake Collins
Beth Rivera was humming contentedly to herself as she folded a pile of clean sheets and placed them carefully into the linen closet.
'Hey, Mom,' came the voice of her son, Kevin, from his room. 'Have you got any of my underpants in there?'
'Hmm,' Beth considered, casting her eye over the linen closet's contents. 'Well, I don't think so, darling. Aren't there any in your drawer? I put a big pile in yesterday morning.'
'Well they're not in there now,' said Kevin, poking his head around the door of his room. 'I can't find a single pair of my underpants anywhere in the house! Something weird is going on here, Mom.'
'Oh, don't be silly,' Beth laughed. 'They must be around someplace. Here, let me take a look.'
She went into Kevin's room and searched through all his clothes. A frown creased her brow as she realised that there were, indeed, no underpants to be found.
'This is so peculiar,' Beth said. 'Perhaps a few pairs got stuck in the drier. Let's go downstairs and take a look.'
Re-emerging onto the landing, Beth let out a cry of dismay. All the clean sheets that she had just put so carefully into the linen closet were lying on the floor in a heap.
'Oh my, they've all fallen down!' Beth exclaimed.
'They haven't fallen down – they've been pulled out!' Kevin assessed the scene. 'I'm telling you, Mom, we've got a poltergeist or something. Hey, maybe it's the underpants gnomes!'
'Underpants gnomes?' Beth said dubiously, as they began to descend the stairs.
'Yeah, they come in the middle of the night and steal your underpants!' said Kevin, following his mother. 'A few guys at school reckon they've been robbed by the gnomes.'
'I don't think that's very likely,' said Beth.
'Neither do I,' said Kevin, 'but it would explain what happened to all my underpants!'
'They must be somewhere,' Beth said firmly. 'It's just a case of... oh, my!'
She had just entered the laundry room. The washing machine door was open and torrents of soapy water were spilling out onto the floor.
'Oh no!' Beth exclaimed in annoyance. 'That stupid machine. Look what it's done, Kevin!'
'I'll bet it was the gnomes,' said Kevin. 'Or the poltergeist, whichever it is.'
'I'll have to mop all this up now!' Beth muttered, moving through to the kitchen. 'It really is too... aaargh!'
'What is it?' said Kevin, leaping into the kitchen behind her. 'Jiminy crickets, would you look at that!'
All the doors on the cupboards were wide open, as well as the oven and the fridge. Before any further comment could be made, the sound of smashing crockery sent Kevin and Beth running into the dining room. They found the floor covered in the smashed remains of plates, cups and dishes.
'What on earth is going on here?' Beth gawped.
'Well, if it is the underpants gnomes,' said Kevin, 'they sure mean business!'
'There's only one thing to be done,' Beth decided quickly. 'I know your father wouldn't like it, but I don't see that we have a choice.'
Kevin grinned. 'I know just who you're going to call.'
'Hey, Mom,' came the voice of her son, Kevin, from his room. 'Have you got any of my underpants in there?'
'Hmm,' Beth considered, casting her eye over the linen closet's contents. 'Well, I don't think so, darling. Aren't there any in your drawer? I put a big pile in yesterday morning.'
'Well they're not in there now,' said Kevin, poking his head around the door of his room. 'I can't find a single pair of my underpants anywhere in the house! Something weird is going on here, Mom.'
'Oh, don't be silly,' Beth laughed. 'They must be around someplace. Here, let me take a look.'
She went into Kevin's room and searched through all his clothes. A frown creased her brow as she realised that there were, indeed, no underpants to be found.
'This is so peculiar,' Beth said. 'Perhaps a few pairs got stuck in the drier. Let's go downstairs and take a look.'
Re-emerging onto the landing, Beth let out a cry of dismay. All the clean sheets that she had just put so carefully into the linen closet were lying on the floor in a heap.
'Oh my, they've all fallen down!' Beth exclaimed.
'They haven't fallen down – they've been pulled out!' Kevin assessed the scene. 'I'm telling you, Mom, we've got a poltergeist or something. Hey, maybe it's the underpants gnomes!'
'Underpants gnomes?' Beth said dubiously, as they began to descend the stairs.
'Yeah, they come in the middle of the night and steal your underpants!' said Kevin, following his mother. 'A few guys at school reckon they've been robbed by the gnomes.'
'I don't think that's very likely,' said Beth.
'Neither do I,' said Kevin, 'but it would explain what happened to all my underpants!'
'They must be somewhere,' Beth said firmly. 'It's just a case of... oh, my!'
She had just entered the laundry room. The washing machine door was open and torrents of soapy water were spilling out onto the floor.
'Oh no!' Beth exclaimed in annoyance. 'That stupid machine. Look what it's done, Kevin!'
'I'll bet it was the gnomes,' said Kevin. 'Or the poltergeist, whichever it is.'
'I'll have to mop all this up now!' Beth muttered, moving through to the kitchen. 'It really is too... aaargh!'
'What is it?' said Kevin, leaping into the kitchen behind her. 'Jiminy crickets, would you look at that!'
All the doors on the cupboards were wide open, as well as the oven and the fridge. Before any further comment could be made, the sound of smashing crockery sent Kevin and Beth running into the dining room. They found the floor covered in the smashed remains of plates, cups and dishes.
'What on earth is going on here?' Beth gawped.
'Well, if it is the underpants gnomes,' said Kevin, 'they sure mean business!'
'There's only one thing to be done,' Beth decided quickly. 'I know your father wouldn't like it, but I don't see that we have a choice.'
Kevin grinned. 'I know just who you're going to call.'
As Kylie entered the firehouse, she was annoyed to feel a fairly hard object land on her head and then bounce off.
'Ach, my ball!' the voice of Garrett exclaimed.
'Your ball?' said Kylie, rubbing her head in a slightly exaggerated way. 'What about my head, huh?'
'Oh, sorry Kylie,' said Garrett, as he retrieved his basketball from where it had come to rest against the rear bumper of the Ecto-1. 'Perhaps it wasn't such a good idea installing a basketball hoop above the front door after all.'
'Well, there are worse ideas,' said Kylie. 'I used to babysit for a family who had a dartboard on the inside of their front door.'
'Ouch,' said Garrett. 'I hope they kept the door locked when they were playing.'
'I'm sure they did,' said Kylie, 'but I always looked twice before going into that house, just to be sure. Are the others here yet?'
'Roland's around someplace,' said Garrett, lining up to take another shot at the hoop, 'but Eduardo isn't here yet.'
Exactly on cue, the front door opened once more and Eduardo entered the firehouse. Garrett and Kylie both saw that he was accompanied by Beth, and that Garrett's basketball was about to hit one or possibly both of them.
'Look out!' Kylie warned.
'Heads up!' Garrett added at almost the same moment.
Eduardo glanced upwards and deftly raised his hands to catch the ball. He tossed it to Garrett, along with a disapproving look.
'Nice move, Eduardo,' said Kylie, flashing him a quick smile.
'Thanks,' said Eduardo. 'You should watch where you're tossing that thing, Gar. You almost hit a client with it.'
'That's not a client,' said Garrett. 'It's your sister-in-law. Oh, not that that means it's okay to throw basketballs at her. I just meant... um...'
'Quit while you're behind, Garrett,' Kylie advised.
'Besides, my sister-in-law is a client!' Eduardo said triumphantly. 'She's got underpants gnomes.'
'What?' said Garrett, suppressing a giggle.
'Oh, I don't think it's really underpants gnomes!' said Beth. 'Well, I suppose it could be for all I know, but... well, I really should explain from the beginning.'
'Come through to the office, Beth,' said Kylie. 'We'll get everyone together and then you can tell us all about it.'
'Ach, my ball!' the voice of Garrett exclaimed.
'Your ball?' said Kylie, rubbing her head in a slightly exaggerated way. 'What about my head, huh?'
'Oh, sorry Kylie,' said Garrett, as he retrieved his basketball from where it had come to rest against the rear bumper of the Ecto-1. 'Perhaps it wasn't such a good idea installing a basketball hoop above the front door after all.'
'Well, there are worse ideas,' said Kylie. 'I used to babysit for a family who had a dartboard on the inside of their front door.'
'Ouch,' said Garrett. 'I hope they kept the door locked when they were playing.'
'I'm sure they did,' said Kylie, 'but I always looked twice before going into that house, just to be sure. Are the others here yet?'
'Roland's around someplace,' said Garrett, lining up to take another shot at the hoop, 'but Eduardo isn't here yet.'
Exactly on cue, the front door opened once more and Eduardo entered the firehouse. Garrett and Kylie both saw that he was accompanied by Beth, and that Garrett's basketball was about to hit one or possibly both of them.
'Look out!' Kylie warned.
'Heads up!' Garrett added at almost the same moment.
Eduardo glanced upwards and deftly raised his hands to catch the ball. He tossed it to Garrett, along with a disapproving look.
'Nice move, Eduardo,' said Kylie, flashing him a quick smile.
'Thanks,' said Eduardo. 'You should watch where you're tossing that thing, Gar. You almost hit a client with it.'
'That's not a client,' said Garrett. 'It's your sister-in-law. Oh, not that that means it's okay to throw basketballs at her. I just meant... um...'
'Quit while you're behind, Garrett,' Kylie advised.
'Besides, my sister-in-law is a client!' Eduardo said triumphantly. 'She's got underpants gnomes.'
'What?' said Garrett, suppressing a giggle.
'Oh, I don't think it's really underpants gnomes!' said Beth. 'Well, I suppose it could be for all I know, but... well, I really should explain from the beginning.'
'Come through to the office, Beth,' said Kylie. 'We'll get everyone together and then you can tell us all about it.'
Beth was soon seated opposite Egon at his computer terminal and sipping from a mug of hot tea. Eduardo, Kylie, Garrett and Roland were leaning or perching on nearby pieces of furniture.
'And you say all your son's underpants have vanished into thin air,' said Egon. 'Fascinating.'
'It's not just the underpants,' said Beth. 'Things have been going missing all over the house. I opened a new packet of dishwasher tablets last night, and this morning they were all gone! Then there's the washing machine leaking everywhere, the plates smashing, the cupboard doors opening by themselves...'
'Are you sure this problem has supernatural roots?' asked Roland. 'Perhaps your appliances just need tuning up. I'd be happy to take a look at them for you.'
'And while he's doing that, we'll sweep the place for PKE readings,' said Garrett. 'Y'know, to cover all bases.'
'Yes, you'd better do exactly that,' said Egon. 'There could be a non-supernatural explanation of course, although from what you've said, Beth, there's a distinct possibility of some kind of poltergeist being behind the phenomena.'
'Oh dear,' said Beth. 'I was worried it might be something like that. But don't poltergeists usually prey on adolescent girls, Egon?'
'Oftentimes they do, but there are several case studies involving adolescent boys as well,' said Egon. 'I don't want to jump to conclusions at this point, but this is a distinct possibility that we'll have to look into, given your son's age.'
'Oh, I'd just hate for Kevin to get mixed up in something like that!' Beth fretted. 'I just don't think I could cope!'
'Don't worry, Beth; we won't let anything happen to Kevin,' said Eduardo. 'Besides, it might not be anything to do with him.'
'It does sound like a poltergeist, though, doesn't it?' said Beth. 'Although...'
'What is it?' said Egon. 'Please, give us all the information you can.'
'Well, Egon, it's just that... do poltergeists sometimes do housework?' asked Beth.
'Not as a rule, no,' said Egon.
'Usually what they do is the opposite of housework,' said Roland.
'Yes, I thought so,' said Beth. 'And that is what's been happening recently, but the first time I noticed something strange going on was about a week ago, when some mysterious force washed all the dishes after dinner and sorted the clean laundry into piles before I'd had the chance to do it. And then someone seemed to have done all the vacuuming the next morning!'
'So first of all something started doing your housework,' said Kylie, 'and then after a while it started messing things up around the house instead?'
'That's about the shape of it,' said Beth. 'I didn't tell Carl or Kevin about it – they never notice whether the housework's been done anyway – but now that Kevin's underpants have gone, I'm at my wits' end! If Carl's things start going missing then he'll hit the roof! Oh, but if he knew I was here...'
'Don't worry about it,' said Roland. 'We'll do a full spectral and technical analysis of your place; we'll soon get to the bottom of this.'
'Thank you,' said Beth.
'Okay, let's suit up, boys and girls,' said Garrett. 'We've got a poltergeist to bust... or some faulty kitchen appliances to fix. Either way, we've got a paying customer!'
'Don't worry,' Eduardo said to Beth. 'You'll get a family discount.'
'Oh, good,' said Beth.
'And you say all your son's underpants have vanished into thin air,' said Egon. 'Fascinating.'
'It's not just the underpants,' said Beth. 'Things have been going missing all over the house. I opened a new packet of dishwasher tablets last night, and this morning they were all gone! Then there's the washing machine leaking everywhere, the plates smashing, the cupboard doors opening by themselves...'
'Are you sure this problem has supernatural roots?' asked Roland. 'Perhaps your appliances just need tuning up. I'd be happy to take a look at them for you.'
'And while he's doing that, we'll sweep the place for PKE readings,' said Garrett. 'Y'know, to cover all bases.'
'Yes, you'd better do exactly that,' said Egon. 'There could be a non-supernatural explanation of course, although from what you've said, Beth, there's a distinct possibility of some kind of poltergeist being behind the phenomena.'
'Oh dear,' said Beth. 'I was worried it might be something like that. But don't poltergeists usually prey on adolescent girls, Egon?'
'Oftentimes they do, but there are several case studies involving adolescent boys as well,' said Egon. 'I don't want to jump to conclusions at this point, but this is a distinct possibility that we'll have to look into, given your son's age.'
'Oh, I'd just hate for Kevin to get mixed up in something like that!' Beth fretted. 'I just don't think I could cope!'
'Don't worry, Beth; we won't let anything happen to Kevin,' said Eduardo. 'Besides, it might not be anything to do with him.'
'It does sound like a poltergeist, though, doesn't it?' said Beth. 'Although...'
'What is it?' said Egon. 'Please, give us all the information you can.'
'Well, Egon, it's just that... do poltergeists sometimes do housework?' asked Beth.
'Not as a rule, no,' said Egon.
'Usually what they do is the opposite of housework,' said Roland.
'Yes, I thought so,' said Beth. 'And that is what's been happening recently, but the first time I noticed something strange going on was about a week ago, when some mysterious force washed all the dishes after dinner and sorted the clean laundry into piles before I'd had the chance to do it. And then someone seemed to have done all the vacuuming the next morning!'
'So first of all something started doing your housework,' said Kylie, 'and then after a while it started messing things up around the house instead?'
'That's about the shape of it,' said Beth. 'I didn't tell Carl or Kevin about it – they never notice whether the housework's been done anyway – but now that Kevin's underpants have gone, I'm at my wits' end! If Carl's things start going missing then he'll hit the roof! Oh, but if he knew I was here...'
'Don't worry about it,' said Roland. 'We'll do a full spectral and technical analysis of your place; we'll soon get to the bottom of this.'
'Thank you,' said Beth.
'Okay, let's suit up, boys and girls,' said Garrett. 'We've got a poltergeist to bust... or some faulty kitchen appliances to fix. Either way, we've got a paying customer!'
'Don't worry,' Eduardo said to Beth. 'You'll get a family discount.'
'Oh, good,' said Beth.
Beth unlocked the front door and started to enter the house, but Roland reached out and held her back.
'Better let us go first,' he said, 'just in case.'
Roland led the way inside, followed by Kylie, Garrett, Eduardo and then Beth. The four Ghostbusters split up to conduct a search. PKE meters were produced and very soon all four of them were buzzing shrilly.
'High levels of spectral trace energy in the living room,' Kylie reported.
'Ditto the kitchen,' said Eduardo.
'The laundry room's off the scale,' Garrett reported.
'The upper level's buzzing too, particularly the linen closet,' said Roland, as he descended the last few stairs into the main hallway.
'The whole house is dripping with ecto,' said Kylie. 'You were right to bring us in on this, Beth.'
'Oh dear,' said Beth. 'Is it a poltergeist?'
'Can't tell from these readings, I'm afraid,' said Roland. 'They're recent, but they're only traces.'
'But whatever it is, we'll soon put a stop to it,' said Eduardo, noticing Beth's worried expression. 'Right, guys?'
'Of course,' Kylie said reassuringly.
'We'll do everything we can,' said Roland.
'Hey, guys,' said Garrett, studying his PKE meter closely. 'I'm getting a blip. There's a strong reading coming from the kitchen.'
Even as he spoke, the sound of smashing crockery emanated into the hallway. Garrett shot off towards the kitchen, the others fast behind him. They entered the room to find dishes and cutlery flying out of the open door of the dishwasher.
'Oh no!' Beth wailed. 'I always wanted someone other than me to empty the dishwasher, but not like this!'
'Look!' Garrett exclaimed, pointing to the kitchen surface just above the dishwasher. 'What was that?'
'I don't see anything,' said Kylie.
'It ran over there,' said Garrett, propelling himself towards the door to the dining room. 'It's some little... thing!'
They all crowded into the dining room and immediately saw what Garrett had seen leaving the vicinity of the dishwasher. A little man with a long beard, a red coat and a green hat was dancing about on the table, laughing as he ripped a small telephone directory to shreds.
'Oh my gosh, what is that?' Beth wailed.
'Kevin was right – it is underpants gnomes!' Eduardo exclaimed.
'Well, that could be a gnome,' Roland considered, 'but whatever it is, let's deal with it before it does any more damage!'
Four proton guns were immediately produced and aimed at the small figure on the table. As the Ghostbusters fired, the suspected gnome jumped up into the air, reached the ceiling and grabbed onto the light shade, where it proceeded to swing around and make rude faces at the five people staring up at it.
'Oh, my table!' said Beth. 'I don't know about the gnome doing any more damage, but those guns of yours will destroy the entire house at this rate!'
'That's true,' said Roland. 'And we might knock out the electrical supply to the whole neighbourhood if we start shooting at the light fitting!'
'Then we'll just have to get back to basics,' said Eduardo. 'Hey, gnome – heads up!'
He plucked an apple from a nearby fruit bowl and threw it straight at the creature, which was now attempting to dislodge the light bulb from the fitting. The missile hit its target and the creature fell back onto the table, shrieking as it fell. Eduardo lunged for it, but it skipped across the blackened tabletop. Roland darted towards it from the other side. Quick as a flash, Kylie removed the ghost trap from her back and dived under the table. She heard the footsteps of the creature pattering around above her. Acting quickly, she slipped the trap out from under the table at the point towards which she judged the steps to be heading. A scrambling sound told her that the creature was just about to jump off the table. She pressed the control to open the trap.
'Hey,' said Garrett, 'what just happened?'
'Did it work?' said Kylie, crawling out from under the table.
'Yeah, it worked,' said Roland. 'You caught him nicely, Kylie.'
'Nice move, Kylie,' said Eduardo, flashing her a quick smile.
'More like dumb luck,' Kylie replied, with a small smile of her own.
'I'm just glad you caught it,' said Beth. 'Oh, look at that!'
The Ghostbusters smiled to see that a pile of boy's underpants had appeared on the table, neatly ironed and folded. The broken crockery was now back in the dishwasher, intact and none the worse for wear.
'Looks like our work here is done,' said Garrett. 'Unless there happen to be any more of them around the place.'
'Which there almost certainly aren't!' Eduardo added hastily, noticing Beth's satisfied expression waver for a second. 'Everything's back the way it should be and now we can put the gnome on ice.'
'Oh, thank you,' Beth beamed. 'Thank you all, so much.'
'Better let us go first,' he said, 'just in case.'
Roland led the way inside, followed by Kylie, Garrett, Eduardo and then Beth. The four Ghostbusters split up to conduct a search. PKE meters were produced and very soon all four of them were buzzing shrilly.
'High levels of spectral trace energy in the living room,' Kylie reported.
'Ditto the kitchen,' said Eduardo.
'The laundry room's off the scale,' Garrett reported.
'The upper level's buzzing too, particularly the linen closet,' said Roland, as he descended the last few stairs into the main hallway.
'The whole house is dripping with ecto,' said Kylie. 'You were right to bring us in on this, Beth.'
'Oh dear,' said Beth. 'Is it a poltergeist?'
'Can't tell from these readings, I'm afraid,' said Roland. 'They're recent, but they're only traces.'
'But whatever it is, we'll soon put a stop to it,' said Eduardo, noticing Beth's worried expression. 'Right, guys?'
'Of course,' Kylie said reassuringly.
'We'll do everything we can,' said Roland.
'Hey, guys,' said Garrett, studying his PKE meter closely. 'I'm getting a blip. There's a strong reading coming from the kitchen.'
Even as he spoke, the sound of smashing crockery emanated into the hallway. Garrett shot off towards the kitchen, the others fast behind him. They entered the room to find dishes and cutlery flying out of the open door of the dishwasher.
'Oh no!' Beth wailed. 'I always wanted someone other than me to empty the dishwasher, but not like this!'
'Look!' Garrett exclaimed, pointing to the kitchen surface just above the dishwasher. 'What was that?'
'I don't see anything,' said Kylie.
'It ran over there,' said Garrett, propelling himself towards the door to the dining room. 'It's some little... thing!'
They all crowded into the dining room and immediately saw what Garrett had seen leaving the vicinity of the dishwasher. A little man with a long beard, a red coat and a green hat was dancing about on the table, laughing as he ripped a small telephone directory to shreds.
'Oh my gosh, what is that?' Beth wailed.
'Kevin was right – it is underpants gnomes!' Eduardo exclaimed.
'Well, that could be a gnome,' Roland considered, 'but whatever it is, let's deal with it before it does any more damage!'
Four proton guns were immediately produced and aimed at the small figure on the table. As the Ghostbusters fired, the suspected gnome jumped up into the air, reached the ceiling and grabbed onto the light shade, where it proceeded to swing around and make rude faces at the five people staring up at it.
'Oh, my table!' said Beth. 'I don't know about the gnome doing any more damage, but those guns of yours will destroy the entire house at this rate!'
'That's true,' said Roland. 'And we might knock out the electrical supply to the whole neighbourhood if we start shooting at the light fitting!'
'Then we'll just have to get back to basics,' said Eduardo. 'Hey, gnome – heads up!'
He plucked an apple from a nearby fruit bowl and threw it straight at the creature, which was now attempting to dislodge the light bulb from the fitting. The missile hit its target and the creature fell back onto the table, shrieking as it fell. Eduardo lunged for it, but it skipped across the blackened tabletop. Roland darted towards it from the other side. Quick as a flash, Kylie removed the ghost trap from her back and dived under the table. She heard the footsteps of the creature pattering around above her. Acting quickly, she slipped the trap out from under the table at the point towards which she judged the steps to be heading. A scrambling sound told her that the creature was just about to jump off the table. She pressed the control to open the trap.
'Hey,' said Garrett, 'what just happened?'
'Did it work?' said Kylie, crawling out from under the table.
'Yeah, it worked,' said Roland. 'You caught him nicely, Kylie.'
'Nice move, Kylie,' said Eduardo, flashing her a quick smile.
'More like dumb luck,' Kylie replied, with a small smile of her own.
'I'm just glad you caught it,' said Beth. 'Oh, look at that!'
The Ghostbusters smiled to see that a pile of boy's underpants had appeared on the table, neatly ironed and folded. The broken crockery was now back in the dishwasher, intact and none the worse for wear.
'Looks like our work here is done,' said Garrett. 'Unless there happen to be any more of them around the place.'
'Which there almost certainly aren't!' Eduardo added hastily, noticing Beth's satisfied expression waver for a second. 'Everything's back the way it should be and now we can put the gnome on ice.'
'Oh, thank you,' Beth beamed. 'Thank you all, so much.'
While Roland went down to the basement to empty the ghost trap, Eduardo, Kylie and Garrett tried to help Egon identify the creature on his computer database.
'Is this the fellow?' Egon asked at length, as a profile popped up on the screen.
'That's him,' said Garrett.
'Definitely,' said Kylie.
'So what's the deal?' asked Eduardo. 'Is it an underpants gnome?'
'Not exactly,' said Egon. 'It's a brownie.'
'I've read about brownies,' said Kylie. 'Aren't they supposed to be helpful house spirits?'
'Yes, they are,' said Egon. 'Hundreds of years ago, people used to believe in all kinds of good and evil spirits that inhabited domestic locations. From fairies making the beds to demons hiding up the chimney, these beliefs used to be very common. Brownies were supposed to be very helpful around the home.'
'Well, this one wasn't,' said Garrett. 'It was tearing the place apart!'
'Yes, I know,' said Egon. 'It's possible that the brownie you trapped is something of a renegade – a rebel, if you will – who was trying to make some kind of statement about the oppression of its kind by subverting the traditional role that it felt disinclined to follow.'
'Well if that's true, how come it started by doing all the housework properly?' asked Eduardo.
'Hey, yeah,' said Garrett. 'Why didn't it just jump straight to the mayhem?'
'Perhaps something happened in the house to change its mind,' Kylie suggested. 'Maybe Carl accidentally did something to cheese it off.'
'Yeah,' said Eduardo, 'that wouldn't surprise me.'
'We may never know exactly what happened,' said Egon, 'but at least we can be content in the knowledge that our job has been successfully completed.'
'You don't think there'll be any more rebel brownies then, Egon?' asked Kylie.
'No,' said Egon. 'I'll be very surprised if this doesn't turn out to be an isolated incident.'
At that moment, Janine entered the room with a small piece of notepaper in her hand.
'Action stations, guys, we've got another call,' she announced. 'Some hysterical woman says there's a poltergeist in her house, breaking dishes and hiding laundry. She claims she started finding that her housework had been done by some mysterious force about a week ago, but now it's started doing the opposite.'
Egon, Eduardo, Kylie and Garrett exchanged surprised and significant looks.
'Isolated incident, huh?' said Garrett.
'Clearly I need to do some more research into this phenomenon,' said Egon. 'I'll get to work on it straightaway.'
'Meanwhile, we'd better see if we can bag us another brownie,' said Garrett.
'I've got the details here,' said Janine, passing the notepaper to Kylie. 'Good luck.'
As Eduardo, Kylie and Garrett left the room, Janine came over to Egon's computer and leaned on the back of his chair.
'So... brownies, huh?' she said.
'Yes,' said Egon. 'I've got to find out if there's any record of brownies turning from helpful house spirits to unhelpful ones.'
'Interesting,' said Janine. 'You know, Egon, I've got some brownies of a different kind baking in the oven right now. I'll bring you some when they're done, shall I?'
'Thank you, Janine,' said Egon, his eyes remaining fixed on his computer screen. 'That would be very nice.'
Janine smiled slightly, then let out a small utterance of surprise as Slimer popped up next to her.
'I want brownies, Janine,' he said, fairly comprehensibly even to an untrained ear.
'Yes, Slimer, you can have some too,' said Janine. 'Come on, you can help me make the chocolate frosting.'
'Oh, boy!' said Slimer.
'Is this the fellow?' Egon asked at length, as a profile popped up on the screen.
'That's him,' said Garrett.
'Definitely,' said Kylie.
'So what's the deal?' asked Eduardo. 'Is it an underpants gnome?'
'Not exactly,' said Egon. 'It's a brownie.'
'I've read about brownies,' said Kylie. 'Aren't they supposed to be helpful house spirits?'
'Yes, they are,' said Egon. 'Hundreds of years ago, people used to believe in all kinds of good and evil spirits that inhabited domestic locations. From fairies making the beds to demons hiding up the chimney, these beliefs used to be very common. Brownies were supposed to be very helpful around the home.'
'Well, this one wasn't,' said Garrett. 'It was tearing the place apart!'
'Yes, I know,' said Egon. 'It's possible that the brownie you trapped is something of a renegade – a rebel, if you will – who was trying to make some kind of statement about the oppression of its kind by subverting the traditional role that it felt disinclined to follow.'
'Well if that's true, how come it started by doing all the housework properly?' asked Eduardo.
'Hey, yeah,' said Garrett. 'Why didn't it just jump straight to the mayhem?'
'Perhaps something happened in the house to change its mind,' Kylie suggested. 'Maybe Carl accidentally did something to cheese it off.'
'Yeah,' said Eduardo, 'that wouldn't surprise me.'
'We may never know exactly what happened,' said Egon, 'but at least we can be content in the knowledge that our job has been successfully completed.'
'You don't think there'll be any more rebel brownies then, Egon?' asked Kylie.
'No,' said Egon. 'I'll be very surprised if this doesn't turn out to be an isolated incident.'
At that moment, Janine entered the room with a small piece of notepaper in her hand.
'Action stations, guys, we've got another call,' she announced. 'Some hysterical woman says there's a poltergeist in her house, breaking dishes and hiding laundry. She claims she started finding that her housework had been done by some mysterious force about a week ago, but now it's started doing the opposite.'
Egon, Eduardo, Kylie and Garrett exchanged surprised and significant looks.
'Isolated incident, huh?' said Garrett.
'Clearly I need to do some more research into this phenomenon,' said Egon. 'I'll get to work on it straightaway.'
'Meanwhile, we'd better see if we can bag us another brownie,' said Garrett.
'I've got the details here,' said Janine, passing the notepaper to Kylie. 'Good luck.'
As Eduardo, Kylie and Garrett left the room, Janine came over to Egon's computer and leaned on the back of his chair.
'So... brownies, huh?' she said.
'Yes,' said Egon. 'I've got to find out if there's any record of brownies turning from helpful house spirits to unhelpful ones.'
'Interesting,' said Janine. 'You know, Egon, I've got some brownies of a different kind baking in the oven right now. I'll bring you some when they're done, shall I?'
'Thank you, Janine,' said Egon, his eyes remaining fixed on his computer screen. 'That would be very nice.'
Janine smiled slightly, then let out a small utterance of surprise as Slimer popped up next to her.
'I want brownies, Janine,' he said, fairly comprehensibly even to an untrained ear.
'Yes, Slimer, you can have some too,' said Janine. 'Come on, you can help me make the chocolate frosting.'
'Oh, boy!' said Slimer.
The
Ecto-1 screeched to a halt outside a large town house and everyone
jumped out. They strapped on their equipment and went to announce
their arrival.
'Yes?' said the harangued face of a middle-aged woman as it peered around the front door.
'Ghostbusters, ma'am,' said Roland. 'We're here about the domestic disturbance.'
'Oh please, come in!' said the woman, almost dragging Roland across the threshold. 'I just don't know what to do! Something keeps on trashing my house, and my husband thinks I'm doing it! This morning he told me I'm lazy and sluggish!'
'Don't worry,' said Kylie, 'we'll take care of it.'
'We'll take care of your brownie problem, sure,' said Eduardo. 'You might want to think about getting someone else to take care of your husband, though.'
'Eduardo!' Kylie hissed.
'What?' Eduardo returned. 'The dude shouldn't speak to her like that.'
'Oh dear, did you say I've got a brownie problem?' asked the woman.
'We think so,' said Roland, 'but we'll have to take some readings to be sure.'
'I'm way ahead of you,' said Garrett, looking down at his flashing PKE meter. 'The readings are strong, and they match the ones from Beth's house.'
'That settles it, ma'am,' said Eduardo. 'You've got a rogue brownie.'
'Which we'll be more than happy to take off your hands,' said Roland. 'Kylie and Eduardo, you check upstairs. Garrett and I will sweep the lower level.'
'Yes?' said the harangued face of a middle-aged woman as it peered around the front door.
'Ghostbusters, ma'am,' said Roland. 'We're here about the domestic disturbance.'
'Oh please, come in!' said the woman, almost dragging Roland across the threshold. 'I just don't know what to do! Something keeps on trashing my house, and my husband thinks I'm doing it! This morning he told me I'm lazy and sluggish!'
'Don't worry,' said Kylie, 'we'll take care of it.'
'We'll take care of your brownie problem, sure,' said Eduardo. 'You might want to think about getting someone else to take care of your husband, though.'
'Eduardo!' Kylie hissed.
'What?' Eduardo returned. 'The dude shouldn't speak to her like that.'
'Oh dear, did you say I've got a brownie problem?' asked the woman.
'We think so,' said Roland, 'but we'll have to take some readings to be sure.'
'I'm way ahead of you,' said Garrett, looking down at his flashing PKE meter. 'The readings are strong, and they match the ones from Beth's house.'
'That settles it, ma'am,' said Eduardo. 'You've got a rogue brownie.'
'Which we'll be more than happy to take off your hands,' said Roland. 'Kylie and Eduardo, you check upstairs. Garrett and I will sweep the lower level.'
'Here, brownie-brownie-brownie,' Garrett cooed, peering into the washing machine.
'That's not going to help, Gar,' said Roland.
'Hey, it helps me,' said Garrett, 'okay?'
'Sure,' said Roland. 'I just hope you don't scare it off.'
'Just make sure it doesn't get a look at your face if you're worried about that,' Garrett muttered.
Feeling slightly peeved, Garrett opened the door of the tumble drier. As his mind was elsewhere, he was caught off guard when a brownie leapt straight at his chest and shoved him right over onto his back.
'Hey!' Garrett objected. 'Jeez, these little guys are stronger than they look!'
'I see it!' said Roland, levelling his proton weapon at the scampering creature. 'Get a trap ready!'
'Yeah, I'll get right on that,' Garrett muttered sarcastically, flailing his arms around to demonstrate the limitations of his current range of movement.
Roland shot a proton beam into the corner of the room, but the brownie had already made its escape. Holstering his weapon, Roland came over to Garrett and helped him to right his chair and get himself back into it properly.
'Did you hit it?' asked Garrett.
'No, I missed,' said Roland.
'Well come on, let's get after it!' said Garrett.
They skidded back into the front hallway just in time to see the brownie scampering up the stairs. Eduardo was standing on the upstairs landing with his back to the staircase. The brownie leapt neatly onto his head.
'Argh!' Eduardo squeaked. 'Ew, it's in my hair, man!'
Kylie immediately appeared from one of the bedrooms and levelled her proton pistol at Eduardo's head.
'Hey, don't shoot me!' Eduardo squealed, becoming more agitated by the second.
'I'm not going to shoot you,' said Kylie. 'Brush it off, quick!'
Eduardo reached up and flicked the creature onto the carpet. Kylie immediately fired at it, but it leaped out of the way and slammed itself into Kylie's midsection. Winded, she fell backwards and almost toppled down the staircase, but Eduardo stepped in and grabbed her arm just in time.
'Thanks,' said Kylie, steadying herself and rubbing her abdomen.
'No problem,' said Eduardo, releasing her arm. 'Those brownies are stronger than they look, huh?'
'So it seems,' said Kylie. 'Where'd it go?'
As they both looked around vaguely, the brownie darted between them and hurtled down the staircase, laughing and pulling rude faces as it went. It was so busy taunting Eduardo and Kylie that it failed to notice what was happening at the foot of the staircase. The creature's sneering expression changed to one of horror as the full force of Roland's proton beam hit it. Garrett held a ghost trap open across his chest, and Roland manoeuvred the creature into the entrapment beam. A second later, the trap clanged shut. Unfortunately the force of this caused Garrett to topple over backwards again.
'Twice in as many minutes,' said Garrett, as Roland helped him up again. 'That's got to be a new record.'
'At least we got it,' said Roland. 'That's two renegade brownies out of business!'
'And that's the end of that,' Eduardo said with finality, as he came down the stairs.
'Not necessarily,' said Kylie, following behind Eduardo. 'We've already had one “isolated” incident turn into two. Who's to say there won't be more?'
'You mean these brownies might not be renegades at all,' said Roland. 'There could be something bigger going on here.'
'Exactly,' said Kylie. 'One renegade brownie – okay. Two – well, that could be a coincidence. But if we get any more calls...'
'It'll start to be a trend,' said Roland. 'You're right, Kylie – if these two incidents aren't really isolated, this could only be the beginning.'
'Hey, we've probably heard the last of it, man,' said Eduardo. 'A couple of brownie hoodlums decided to cause some trouble; we trapped them, end of story!'
'I hope you're right, Eduardo,' said Roland, 'I really do.'
'That's not going to help, Gar,' said Roland.
'Hey, it helps me,' said Garrett, 'okay?'
'Sure,' said Roland. 'I just hope you don't scare it off.'
'Just make sure it doesn't get a look at your face if you're worried about that,' Garrett muttered.
Feeling slightly peeved, Garrett opened the door of the tumble drier. As his mind was elsewhere, he was caught off guard when a brownie leapt straight at his chest and shoved him right over onto his back.
'Hey!' Garrett objected. 'Jeez, these little guys are stronger than they look!'
'I see it!' said Roland, levelling his proton weapon at the scampering creature. 'Get a trap ready!'
'Yeah, I'll get right on that,' Garrett muttered sarcastically, flailing his arms around to demonstrate the limitations of his current range of movement.
Roland shot a proton beam into the corner of the room, but the brownie had already made its escape. Holstering his weapon, Roland came over to Garrett and helped him to right his chair and get himself back into it properly.
'Did you hit it?' asked Garrett.
'No, I missed,' said Roland.
'Well come on, let's get after it!' said Garrett.
They skidded back into the front hallway just in time to see the brownie scampering up the stairs. Eduardo was standing on the upstairs landing with his back to the staircase. The brownie leapt neatly onto his head.
'Argh!' Eduardo squeaked. 'Ew, it's in my hair, man!'
Kylie immediately appeared from one of the bedrooms and levelled her proton pistol at Eduardo's head.
'Hey, don't shoot me!' Eduardo squealed, becoming more agitated by the second.
'I'm not going to shoot you,' said Kylie. 'Brush it off, quick!'
Eduardo reached up and flicked the creature onto the carpet. Kylie immediately fired at it, but it leaped out of the way and slammed itself into Kylie's midsection. Winded, she fell backwards and almost toppled down the staircase, but Eduardo stepped in and grabbed her arm just in time.
'Thanks,' said Kylie, steadying herself and rubbing her abdomen.
'No problem,' said Eduardo, releasing her arm. 'Those brownies are stronger than they look, huh?'
'So it seems,' said Kylie. 'Where'd it go?'
As they both looked around vaguely, the brownie darted between them and hurtled down the staircase, laughing and pulling rude faces as it went. It was so busy taunting Eduardo and Kylie that it failed to notice what was happening at the foot of the staircase. The creature's sneering expression changed to one of horror as the full force of Roland's proton beam hit it. Garrett held a ghost trap open across his chest, and Roland manoeuvred the creature into the entrapment beam. A second later, the trap clanged shut. Unfortunately the force of this caused Garrett to topple over backwards again.
'Twice in as many minutes,' said Garrett, as Roland helped him up again. 'That's got to be a new record.'
'At least we got it,' said Roland. 'That's two renegade brownies out of business!'
'And that's the end of that,' Eduardo said with finality, as he came down the stairs.
'Not necessarily,' said Kylie, following behind Eduardo. 'We've already had one “isolated” incident turn into two. Who's to say there won't be more?'
'You mean these brownies might not be renegades at all,' said Roland. 'There could be something bigger going on here.'
'Exactly,' said Kylie. 'One renegade brownie – okay. Two – well, that could be a coincidence. But if we get any more calls...'
'It'll start to be a trend,' said Roland. 'You're right, Kylie – if these two incidents aren't really isolated, this could only be the beginning.'
'Hey, we've probably heard the last of it, man,' said Eduardo. 'A couple of brownie hoodlums decided to cause some trouble; we trapped them, end of story!'
'I hope you're right, Eduardo,' said Roland, 'I really do.'
Egon looked up from his computer as Roland and Eduardo returned from the basement.
'Another one safely locked up in the big house,' said Eduardo.
'That's four brownies in four days,' said Roland. 'It's becoming an epidemic.'
'It's certainly a somewhat worrying trend,' said Egon. 'And I still haven't been able to find any records of brownies acting in this way before.'
'I hope they're not planning some kind of coordinated attack on the city,' said Kylie, who was flicking through a textbook on the couch nearby.
'If they are, they're sure starting off small,' said Garrett, as he trundled in from the kitchen with a large sandwich on his lap. 'Broken dishes and leaky washing machines are annoying, but they're hardly going to bring the city to its knees.'
'It won't do any good sitting around here and speculating like this,' said Egon. 'Somehow, we need to find out what's really going on.'
'Why don't we just ask one of those little diablos?' said Eduardo.
'Yeah, sure,' said Garrett. 'We'll just suck one out of the containment unit and say, “Hey, why have you guys been trashing a bunch of houses?” and hope he sings like a canary!'
'Why not?' said Egon, causing three surprised pairs of eyes to fix on him at once. 'Eduardo's plan is perfect in its simplicity. I went to the trouble of building a device that can extract a specific ghost from the containment unit after we went through all that business with Slimer getting stuck in there, but so far it's only been used for the illicit liberation of the Grundle.'
'A successful test run, if nothing else,' Roland said dryly.
'Precisely,' said Egon. 'But now we can put it to good use and have a word with one of those brownies.'
'Oh yeah,' said Kylie. 'Good plan, Eduardo.'
'Hey, any genius might have thought it up,' Eduardo grinned. 'It just happened to be me.'
'Another one safely locked up in the big house,' said Eduardo.
'That's four brownies in four days,' said Roland. 'It's becoming an epidemic.'
'It's certainly a somewhat worrying trend,' said Egon. 'And I still haven't been able to find any records of brownies acting in this way before.'
'I hope they're not planning some kind of coordinated attack on the city,' said Kylie, who was flicking through a textbook on the couch nearby.
'If they are, they're sure starting off small,' said Garrett, as he trundled in from the kitchen with a large sandwich on his lap. 'Broken dishes and leaky washing machines are annoying, but they're hardly going to bring the city to its knees.'
'It won't do any good sitting around here and speculating like this,' said Egon. 'Somehow, we need to find out what's really going on.'
'Why don't we just ask one of those little diablos?' said Eduardo.
'Yeah, sure,' said Garrett. 'We'll just suck one out of the containment unit and say, “Hey, why have you guys been trashing a bunch of houses?” and hope he sings like a canary!'
'Why not?' said Egon, causing three surprised pairs of eyes to fix on him at once. 'Eduardo's plan is perfect in its simplicity. I went to the trouble of building a device that can extract a specific ghost from the containment unit after we went through all that business with Slimer getting stuck in there, but so far it's only been used for the illicit liberation of the Grundle.'
'A successful test run, if nothing else,' Roland said dryly.
'Precisely,' said Egon. 'But now we can put it to good use and have a word with one of those brownies.'
'Oh yeah,' said Kylie. 'Good plan, Eduardo.'
'Hey, any genius might have thought it up,' Eduardo grinned. 'It just happened to be me.'
'Okay, she's in good and tight,' said Roland, as he finished attaching the hose-like protrusion of the ghost extractor to the containment unit.
'It'll take a few moments to lock on to the PKE signal,' said Egon, tapping away at the computer to which the extractor was attached. 'I've fed in the readings from all four of the brownies you've caught, so hopefully it won't take too long to get a match.'
Sure enough, the metal hose began to crackle with energy and a small figure started to materialise in the containment vortex. Eduardo, Kylie, Garrett and Roland immediately recognised the brownie they had caught in Beth's dining room.
'Hey, what's going on here?' the brownie said in a high-pitched voice. 'Where am I? Who are you? Hey, you're the ones who tricked me into jumping inside that weird yellow box!'
'Yeah, well only because you were tearing my sister-in-law's house apart,' Eduardo shot back at the creature. 'What did you think you were doing, huh?'
The brownie made no reply, but folded its arms and made a rude face at Eduardo.
'He won't tell us anything,' said Garrett. 'Let's try to get a fix on another one.'
'No, wait,' said Kylie. 'We haven't given him a chance yet; you have to go about these things in the right way.'
'Okay then,' said Eduardo, 'you try talking to him, Kylie.'
'I will,' said Kylie, frowning determinedly. 'Er, hi there. Listen, we know what you are and we know that you usually like to go around helping people by doing their housework. I'm sure there's a very good reason for what you were doing in the house where we captured you, and we're just hoping you can help us understand what it is.'
'A good reason?' said the brownie. 'Of course there's a good reason! I'm a brownie and proud of it! I'd never betray my kind by trashing a house unless the people who lived there totally deserved it!'
'Look, man, I know my family can be a handful, but they couldn't have done anything that bad to you,' said Eduardo.
'That's what you think!' the brownie scoffed. 'Didn't I start doing all their housework for them, just like a good brownie should? Didn't I polish the buttons on that cop's uniform until they sparkled? Didn't I stack the dishwasher neatly and carefully? Didn't I scrub all the stains off that boy's underpants? Goodness only knows what some of them were!'
'Yes, we know you did all that,' said Kylie. 'We just don't understand why you stopped.'
'You don't understand why I stopped?' the brownie squeaked incredulously. 'Well, wouldn't you stop if you did all that and didn't receive even a tiny token of thanks?'
'That's why you did it?' Roland queried in surprise. 'Because they didn't thank you.'
'You shouldn't do things for thanks, man,' said Garrett. 'Of course it's always nice to get it, but...'
'It's common courtesy!' the brownie fumed, stamping its foot in annoyance. 'Don't these people have the slightest idea of how brownies work?'
'Well, to be fair, they probably don't,' said Kylie. 'That sort of thing just isn't common knowledge nowadays.'
'How typical of you humans to forget your manners so easily!' said the brownie. 'Oh, I'm not saying we brownies are perfect, of course. We forgot ourselves too, I don't mind admitting that. But we got back together – all of us – and decided to return to our old jobs. We agreed that we'd all find a house, move in, and take up our traditional role of helpful house spirits.'
'Kind of like a New Year's Resolution, was it?' said Garrett.
'I suppose so, if you want to put it in terms your feeble human brain can understand more easily,' the brownie shrugged. 'I gave that family ample opportunity to thank me, but I got nothing! So, they had to face the consequences. That's fair enough, isn't it?'
'Yes, I see where you're coming from,' said Kylie, 'but the trouble is that you didn't tell the people what you were planning to do, or what you expected in return for your services. They didn't thank you because they didn't understand what was going on.'
'But surely they can't have forgotten everything!' the brownie squeaked. 'You find that your housework's being done by brownies, you leave them a reward! It's not rocket science.'
'People just don't believe in house spirits like they used to,' Kylie said apologetically. 'It really was ignorance, not rudeness, which caused this problem.'
'I don't see any difference,' the brownie pouted. 'All that hard graft, working my fingers to the bone, and not even one single cake in return!'
'Cake?' Garrett said in surprise. 'You wanted cake?'
'Of course we wanted cake!' said the brownie. 'What else would we expect to be paid in?'
'I've been blind,' said Egon, shaking his head in self-reproach. 'I've even come across references to this arrangement during my research, but I simply failed to make the connection.'
'You mean people used to leave out cakes to reward the spirits who kept house for them?' asked Eduardo.
'Of course they did,' said Egon. 'People wanted to thank the fairies for doing the housework, so they baked small cakes to reward them – fairy cakes! That's where we get the expression.'
'Fairy cakes?' Eduardo said blankly.
'Is that an expression?' said Garrett.
'Of course it is,' said Kylie. 'Come on, guys – fairy cakes are cupcakes! I guess we don't use the term so much nowadays.'
'Not here perhaps, but in England you'll find the term fairy cakes used even more commonly than cupcakes,' said Egon, 'though I doubt many great British bakers know what it really means.'
'So what you're saying is, you won't trash people's houses if they leave cakes out for you?' Roland asked the brownie in summation.
'Of course that's what I'm saying!' said the brownie. 'Haven't you been listening?'
'Well now,' said Egon, 'perhaps we can reach some kind of deal here. The brownies want to help people with their housework and get paid for their services in cakes, but the people don't have any concept of the proposed arrangement. If we could somehow get the word out to everyone in New York, maybe the agreement could be made to work.'
'You have that kind of power?' the brownie asked, clearly interested.
'I might be able to arrange something,' said Egon. 'But the brownies would have to agree to a reasonable period of grace before they start trashing the houses. Maybe you could get them to agree to do the housework for – say – one week, and then just move on with no hard feelings if fairy cakes aren't left out for them.'
'I could get them to agree,' the brownie said. 'You see, I am the Head of the Brownie Workers' Union of New York. I'm not asking them to work for free for a week, though. Twenty-four hours should be plenty of time!'
'You've got to give people a proper chance to realise what's going on,' said Roland. 'How about four days?'
'Two days,' said the brownie.
'Three,' said Kylie.
'All right,' the brownie agreed, 'three days. If no fairy cakes are left out after that time, we move on, no questions asked. If cakes are left out, we stay.'
'And I'll do what I can to tell the people of New York about the arrangement,' said Egon.
'And you'll let me and my three colleagues out of your containment unit?' the brownie added.
'Of course, man,' said Eduardo. 'We need you to tell all the other brownies in the city what's going on.'
'It'll take a few moments to lock on to the PKE signal,' said Egon, tapping away at the computer to which the extractor was attached. 'I've fed in the readings from all four of the brownies you've caught, so hopefully it won't take too long to get a match.'
Sure enough, the metal hose began to crackle with energy and a small figure started to materialise in the containment vortex. Eduardo, Kylie, Garrett and Roland immediately recognised the brownie they had caught in Beth's dining room.
'Hey, what's going on here?' the brownie said in a high-pitched voice. 'Where am I? Who are you? Hey, you're the ones who tricked me into jumping inside that weird yellow box!'
'Yeah, well only because you were tearing my sister-in-law's house apart,' Eduardo shot back at the creature. 'What did you think you were doing, huh?'
The brownie made no reply, but folded its arms and made a rude face at Eduardo.
'He won't tell us anything,' said Garrett. 'Let's try to get a fix on another one.'
'No, wait,' said Kylie. 'We haven't given him a chance yet; you have to go about these things in the right way.'
'Okay then,' said Eduardo, 'you try talking to him, Kylie.'
'I will,' said Kylie, frowning determinedly. 'Er, hi there. Listen, we know what you are and we know that you usually like to go around helping people by doing their housework. I'm sure there's a very good reason for what you were doing in the house where we captured you, and we're just hoping you can help us understand what it is.'
'A good reason?' said the brownie. 'Of course there's a good reason! I'm a brownie and proud of it! I'd never betray my kind by trashing a house unless the people who lived there totally deserved it!'
'Look, man, I know my family can be a handful, but they couldn't have done anything that bad to you,' said Eduardo.
'That's what you think!' the brownie scoffed. 'Didn't I start doing all their housework for them, just like a good brownie should? Didn't I polish the buttons on that cop's uniform until they sparkled? Didn't I stack the dishwasher neatly and carefully? Didn't I scrub all the stains off that boy's underpants? Goodness only knows what some of them were!'
'Yes, we know you did all that,' said Kylie. 'We just don't understand why you stopped.'
'You don't understand why I stopped?' the brownie squeaked incredulously. 'Well, wouldn't you stop if you did all that and didn't receive even a tiny token of thanks?'
'That's why you did it?' Roland queried in surprise. 'Because they didn't thank you.'
'You shouldn't do things for thanks, man,' said Garrett. 'Of course it's always nice to get it, but...'
'It's common courtesy!' the brownie fumed, stamping its foot in annoyance. 'Don't these people have the slightest idea of how brownies work?'
'Well, to be fair, they probably don't,' said Kylie. 'That sort of thing just isn't common knowledge nowadays.'
'How typical of you humans to forget your manners so easily!' said the brownie. 'Oh, I'm not saying we brownies are perfect, of course. We forgot ourselves too, I don't mind admitting that. But we got back together – all of us – and decided to return to our old jobs. We agreed that we'd all find a house, move in, and take up our traditional role of helpful house spirits.'
'Kind of like a New Year's Resolution, was it?' said Garrett.
'I suppose so, if you want to put it in terms your feeble human brain can understand more easily,' the brownie shrugged. 'I gave that family ample opportunity to thank me, but I got nothing! So, they had to face the consequences. That's fair enough, isn't it?'
'Yes, I see where you're coming from,' said Kylie, 'but the trouble is that you didn't tell the people what you were planning to do, or what you expected in return for your services. They didn't thank you because they didn't understand what was going on.'
'But surely they can't have forgotten everything!' the brownie squeaked. 'You find that your housework's being done by brownies, you leave them a reward! It's not rocket science.'
'People just don't believe in house spirits like they used to,' Kylie said apologetically. 'It really was ignorance, not rudeness, which caused this problem.'
'I don't see any difference,' the brownie pouted. 'All that hard graft, working my fingers to the bone, and not even one single cake in return!'
'Cake?' Garrett said in surprise. 'You wanted cake?'
'Of course we wanted cake!' said the brownie. 'What else would we expect to be paid in?'
'I've been blind,' said Egon, shaking his head in self-reproach. 'I've even come across references to this arrangement during my research, but I simply failed to make the connection.'
'You mean people used to leave out cakes to reward the spirits who kept house for them?' asked Eduardo.
'Of course they did,' said Egon. 'People wanted to thank the fairies for doing the housework, so they baked small cakes to reward them – fairy cakes! That's where we get the expression.'
'Fairy cakes?' Eduardo said blankly.
'Is that an expression?' said Garrett.
'Of course it is,' said Kylie. 'Come on, guys – fairy cakes are cupcakes! I guess we don't use the term so much nowadays.'
'Not here perhaps, but in England you'll find the term fairy cakes used even more commonly than cupcakes,' said Egon, 'though I doubt many great British bakers know what it really means.'
'So what you're saying is, you won't trash people's houses if they leave cakes out for you?' Roland asked the brownie in summation.
'Of course that's what I'm saying!' said the brownie. 'Haven't you been listening?'
'Well now,' said Egon, 'perhaps we can reach some kind of deal here. The brownies want to help people with their housework and get paid for their services in cakes, but the people don't have any concept of the proposed arrangement. If we could somehow get the word out to everyone in New York, maybe the agreement could be made to work.'
'You have that kind of power?' the brownie asked, clearly interested.
'I might be able to arrange something,' said Egon. 'But the brownies would have to agree to a reasonable period of grace before they start trashing the houses. Maybe you could get them to agree to do the housework for – say – one week, and then just move on with no hard feelings if fairy cakes aren't left out for them.'
'I could get them to agree,' the brownie said. 'You see, I am the Head of the Brownie Workers' Union of New York. I'm not asking them to work for free for a week, though. Twenty-four hours should be plenty of time!'
'You've got to give people a proper chance to realise what's going on,' said Roland. 'How about four days?'
'Two days,' said the brownie.
'Three,' said Kylie.
'All right,' the brownie agreed, 'three days. If no fairy cakes are left out after that time, we move on, no questions asked. If cakes are left out, we stay.'
'And I'll do what I can to tell the people of New York about the arrangement,' said Egon.
'And you'll let me and my three colleagues out of your containment unit?' the brownie added.
'Of course, man,' said Eduardo. 'We need you to tell all the other brownies in the city what's going on.'
'Yes, I see,' Janine said into the phone. 'Yes, thank you very much. Goodbye.' She replaced the receiver. 'Hey Egon, we're in luck – they can fit you in tomorrow night! Robin Williams just dropped out.'
'Excellent,' said Egon. 'This will fulfil our end of the bargain.'
'Do you think everyone will believe you, Egon?' asked Roland.
'I'm quite certain that some will and some won't,' said Egon. 'Either way, it doesn't really matter. If people believe me and leave out fairy cakes, the brownies will be satisfied and stay to do the housework. If people don't believe me, they won't leave out fairy cakes and the brownies will leave quietly after three days. The same is true if they do believe me but they don't want the brownies around. However you look at it, there won't be any more trouble as long as the brownies stick to their agreement. And by keeping our side of the bargain, we'll make sure that they do.'
'Are you sure we can trust them, Egon?' asked Garrett.
'Fairly sure,' said Egon. 'We have to give them a chance, anyway.'
'But do you really want to go on Dateline with this?' said Eduardo. 'They'll just make fun of you, man.'
'I'm quite used to that sort of thing,' said Egon. 'It doesn't matter.'
'Those hosts can be pretty full on, Egon,' Kylie warned. 'Who's interviewing him, Janine?'
'Chris Hansen,' said Janine.
'Chris Hansen,' said Garrett, suppressing a laugh. 'Man, he is going to eat you alive, Egon!'
'I appreciate your concern, but it really doesn't matter,' said Egon. 'What happens to me on Dateline is immaterial, so long as I deliver the brownies' message to the people of New York.'
'A lot of whom have a huge amount of admiration for the Ghostbusters, don't forget,' said Janine. 'Egon's a pretty respected figure in this city, once you get past the official line that the media and the mayor's office always stick to.'
'Well, we'll all be watching to support you,' said Kylie.
'I appreciate it,' said Egon.
'Excellent,' said Egon. 'This will fulfil our end of the bargain.'
'Do you think everyone will believe you, Egon?' asked Roland.
'I'm quite certain that some will and some won't,' said Egon. 'Either way, it doesn't really matter. If people believe me and leave out fairy cakes, the brownies will be satisfied and stay to do the housework. If people don't believe me, they won't leave out fairy cakes and the brownies will leave quietly after three days. The same is true if they do believe me but they don't want the brownies around. However you look at it, there won't be any more trouble as long as the brownies stick to their agreement. And by keeping our side of the bargain, we'll make sure that they do.'
'Are you sure we can trust them, Egon?' asked Garrett.
'Fairly sure,' said Egon. 'We have to give them a chance, anyway.'
'But do you really want to go on Dateline with this?' said Eduardo. 'They'll just make fun of you, man.'
'I'm quite used to that sort of thing,' said Egon. 'It doesn't matter.'
'Those hosts can be pretty full on, Egon,' Kylie warned. 'Who's interviewing him, Janine?'
'Chris Hansen,' said Janine.
'Chris Hansen,' said Garrett, suppressing a laugh. 'Man, he is going to eat you alive, Egon!'
'I appreciate your concern, but it really doesn't matter,' said Egon. 'What happens to me on Dateline is immaterial, so long as I deliver the brownies' message to the people of New York.'
'A lot of whom have a huge amount of admiration for the Ghostbusters, don't forget,' said Janine. 'Egon's a pretty respected figure in this city, once you get past the official line that the media and the mayor's office always stick to.'
'Well, we'll all be watching to support you,' said Kylie.
'I appreciate it,' said Egon.
'Welcome back to Dateline. I'm Chris Hansen. My next guest is a so-called “Ghost-buster”. Please welcome Dr Egon Spengler.'
As Egon appeared from behind the scenes and went to take his seat opposite the host, there was a good amount of clapping and even some cheers from the audience. Egon acknowledged these with a small smile as he sat down.
'Good evening, Chris,' he said. 'Thanks for having me on the show.'
'Not at all, Dr Spengler,' Chris Hansen replied, a supercilious smile on his lips. 'So I understand you're here to talk about fairies, is that right?'
'Well, the term “fairy” can and has been applied to an enormous range of supernatural entities over the years,' said Egon, 'but actually the entity I'm here to talk about specifically is the household brownie.'
'Oh right, brownies,' came the cynical reply. 'Yeah, it's important to get these little details right, isn't it?'
'You see,' Egon continued, 'we've recently discovered that the brownies of New York have become active after a long period of respite, and I'm here to deliver a message from them to the people of the city.'
'Oh, a message from the brownies, huh?' said Chris Hansen, suppressing a giggle. 'Well, go right ahead and tell it to us, Dr Spengler – I'm sure we're all just dying to hear what you have to say.'
As Egon appeared from behind the scenes and went to take his seat opposite the host, there was a good amount of clapping and even some cheers from the audience. Egon acknowledged these with a small smile as he sat down.
'Good evening, Chris,' he said. 'Thanks for having me on the show.'
'Not at all, Dr Spengler,' Chris Hansen replied, a supercilious smile on his lips. 'So I understand you're here to talk about fairies, is that right?'
'Well, the term “fairy” can and has been applied to an enormous range of supernatural entities over the years,' said Egon, 'but actually the entity I'm here to talk about specifically is the household brownie.'
'Oh right, brownies,' came the cynical reply. 'Yeah, it's important to get these little details right, isn't it?'
'You see,' Egon continued, 'we've recently discovered that the brownies of New York have become active after a long period of respite, and I'm here to deliver a message from them to the people of the city.'
'Oh, a message from the brownies, huh?' said Chris Hansen, suppressing a giggle. 'Well, go right ahead and tell it to us, Dr Spengler – I'm sure we're all just dying to hear what you have to say.'
In the firehouse, Garrett looked away from the TV screen.
'I don't think that guy will believe what Egon says, however he says it,' Garrett sighed.
'It doesn't matter,' said Kylie. 'The people of New York will believe him... well, some of them will.'
'And whatever happens, we've solved the brownie problem,' said Roland.
'Yeah, I've been thinking about that,' said Garrett. 'How do we know we can trust those little guys? How do we even know we can trust the one we spoke to, even if he is who he says he is and he has passed the message on to the other brownies?'
'What are you saying, man?' said Eduardo. 'Don't you believe he's the head of the brownie union?'
'I don't know,' Garrett shrugged. 'How do we know there even is a brownie union?'
'Garrett's got a point,' said Kylie. 'Even assuming the arrangement is totally legit, how can we get in contact with the union leader if any of the other brownies go back on the deal?'
'Easily,' said Janine, coming into the room with a large stack of papers and depositing them on a nearby flat surface. 'The brownie leader decided to stay here at the firehouse, to act as a point of contact between humans and brownies. He said he was going to watch Dateline tonight, so he's probably around here right now.'
'Is he going to keep house for us?' asked Kylie.
'Of course,' said Janine. 'And I'm going to make him a fresh batch of chocolate brownies every day in exchange. I left today's offering on the kitchen table. Let's go see if they've been eaten, shall we?'
Everyone filed into the kitchen. They were shocked to see the room in a complete mess. All the cupboards were open and their contents were strewn all over the place. The refrigerator was open and milk and cheese had been thrown all over the place. The sink was overflowing with dirty water and the table was upside-down.
'What the...?' said Garrett.
'Hey, man, what's that little guy's problem?' said Eduardo. 'He got his fairy brownies, didn't he?'
'Maybe he didn't,' said Roland, kneeling down and inspecting the floor. 'Look at this – a trail of brownie crumbs!'
'Where does it go?' said Kylie.
They followed the crumbs to a cupboard under the sink, from where some very familiar noises were emanating.
'Oh no,' said Kylie. 'He wouldn't...'
'Of course he would,' Janine sighed. 'Now I'll have to make a whole other batch.'
With that, Janine threw open the cupboard door to reveal a gelatinous green mass shoving the last remnants of the brownie's brownies into its mouth.
'SLIMER!' said everyone.
'Sorry,' said Slimer, and burped.
'I don't think that guy will believe what Egon says, however he says it,' Garrett sighed.
'It doesn't matter,' said Kylie. 'The people of New York will believe him... well, some of them will.'
'And whatever happens, we've solved the brownie problem,' said Roland.
'Yeah, I've been thinking about that,' said Garrett. 'How do we know we can trust those little guys? How do we even know we can trust the one we spoke to, even if he is who he says he is and he has passed the message on to the other brownies?'
'What are you saying, man?' said Eduardo. 'Don't you believe he's the head of the brownie union?'
'I don't know,' Garrett shrugged. 'How do we know there even is a brownie union?'
'Garrett's got a point,' said Kylie. 'Even assuming the arrangement is totally legit, how can we get in contact with the union leader if any of the other brownies go back on the deal?'
'Easily,' said Janine, coming into the room with a large stack of papers and depositing them on a nearby flat surface. 'The brownie leader decided to stay here at the firehouse, to act as a point of contact between humans and brownies. He said he was going to watch Dateline tonight, so he's probably around here right now.'
'Is he going to keep house for us?' asked Kylie.
'Of course,' said Janine. 'And I'm going to make him a fresh batch of chocolate brownies every day in exchange. I left today's offering on the kitchen table. Let's go see if they've been eaten, shall we?'
Everyone filed into the kitchen. They were shocked to see the room in a complete mess. All the cupboards were open and their contents were strewn all over the place. The refrigerator was open and milk and cheese had been thrown all over the place. The sink was overflowing with dirty water and the table was upside-down.
'What the...?' said Garrett.
'Hey, man, what's that little guy's problem?' said Eduardo. 'He got his fairy brownies, didn't he?'
'Maybe he didn't,' said Roland, kneeling down and inspecting the floor. 'Look at this – a trail of brownie crumbs!'
'Where does it go?' said Kylie.
They followed the crumbs to a cupboard under the sink, from where some very familiar noises were emanating.
'Oh no,' said Kylie. 'He wouldn't...'
'Of course he would,' Janine sighed. 'Now I'll have to make a whole other batch.'
With that, Janine threw open the cupboard door to reveal a gelatinous green mass shoving the last remnants of the brownie's brownies into its mouth.
'SLIMER!' said everyone.
'Sorry,' said Slimer, and burped.
