Virtual Season Episode 8: Putting the Goth in Gothic
Written by Rosey Collins
It was dark, and a small boy was carrying a full garbage bag along a garden path. He deposited the bag into a metal bin, put the lid back on slightly askew and then turned to make his way back towards the house. He stopped short, however, when he heard a loud clanging noise behind him. He turned and saw that the bin lid was rocking on its rim on the concrete path. He hesitated a moment, then went to pick it up. He looked around him, clearly feeling ill at ease. Some leaves rustled. An owl hooted. Then the boy cried out when he felt a hand on his shoulder.
'Shut up!' said a girl a little older and taller than the boy. 'It's me. What are you doing out here?'
'I forgot to take out the trash,' said the boy. 'You know what Dad's like when I forget.'
'What do you think he'd say if he knew you were out of bed at this hour?' asked the girl. 'Did you hear the noise you made with that trash can?'
The boy shrugged, and said, 'I'm only in the backyard, not the middle of the street.'
'Yeah, well, we still shouldn't be out here. Let's go back inside and hope he hasn't woken up.'
So saying, the girl put her hand on her brother's shoulders and turned him round, thus placing him inches away from an open mouth full of gleaming white fangs. The children screamed, turned and ran past the bins. The sister shook the eight-foot wooden gate at the end of the garden, found it securely padlocked and so bundled her little brother over the top. She then scrambled up after him, clearing the top of the gate just as the beautiful, white-gowned vampire was about to grab her ankle.
On the other side of the gate, the boy pulled the girl to her feet, asking her shrilly, 'What was that?'
'A vampire, of course!' said the girl. 'Quick – you got a wooden stake?'
'Of course I don't!' said the boy. 'Oh my gosh, Linda, what's that?'
'What?' said Linda, turning round to see a white vapour seeping underneath the gate. Moments later, the vampire had reformed, and was looming over them with fangs bared.
'What?' said Linda. 'They don't do that on Buffy!'
'Who cares?' said the boy, grabbing Linda's hand and dragging her along at a run. Of course, the vampire followed, moving at a more sedate pace yet never seeming to fall far behind. They led her round to the front of the house, and Linda tried the door.
'Won't she follow us in?' asked the boy, panting and terrified, watching over his shoulder.
'They can't come in unless you invite them,' said Linda, as she grappled with the locked door.
'Not Buffy again!' said the boy, clinging to Linda's pyjama sleeve in terror as the vampire advanced upon them. 'Linda, hurry!'
'MOM!' screamed Linda, banging frantically on the door. 'DAD! LET US IN!'
'Sunlight kills them, right?' said the boy, still looking behind him.
'Of course!' panted Linda, still banging on the door. 'But that's no use until dawn!'
'But it is dawn!'
The vampire reacted to this. She stopped mere inches from the boy's pointing finger, and turned to see a thin strip of light appearing above the house across the road. She hissed, held up her arm so that the sleeve of her billowing gown covered her face, and ran.
As the children collapsed with relief, the front door flew open, and there stood Dad. Purple in the face, he demanded, 'What in the Sam Hill do you kids think you're doing?'
'Shut up!' said a girl a little older and taller than the boy. 'It's me. What are you doing out here?'
'I forgot to take out the trash,' said the boy. 'You know what Dad's like when I forget.'
'What do you think he'd say if he knew you were out of bed at this hour?' asked the girl. 'Did you hear the noise you made with that trash can?'
The boy shrugged, and said, 'I'm only in the backyard, not the middle of the street.'
'Yeah, well, we still shouldn't be out here. Let's go back inside and hope he hasn't woken up.'
So saying, the girl put her hand on her brother's shoulders and turned him round, thus placing him inches away from an open mouth full of gleaming white fangs. The children screamed, turned and ran past the bins. The sister shook the eight-foot wooden gate at the end of the garden, found it securely padlocked and so bundled her little brother over the top. She then scrambled up after him, clearing the top of the gate just as the beautiful, white-gowned vampire was about to grab her ankle.
On the other side of the gate, the boy pulled the girl to her feet, asking her shrilly, 'What was that?'
'A vampire, of course!' said the girl. 'Quick – you got a wooden stake?'
'Of course I don't!' said the boy. 'Oh my gosh, Linda, what's that?'
'What?' said Linda, turning round to see a white vapour seeping underneath the gate. Moments later, the vampire had reformed, and was looming over them with fangs bared.
'What?' said Linda. 'They don't do that on Buffy!'
'Who cares?' said the boy, grabbing Linda's hand and dragging her along at a run. Of course, the vampire followed, moving at a more sedate pace yet never seeming to fall far behind. They led her round to the front of the house, and Linda tried the door.
'Won't she follow us in?' asked the boy, panting and terrified, watching over his shoulder.
'They can't come in unless you invite them,' said Linda, as she grappled with the locked door.
'Not Buffy again!' said the boy, clinging to Linda's pyjama sleeve in terror as the vampire advanced upon them. 'Linda, hurry!'
'MOM!' screamed Linda, banging frantically on the door. 'DAD! LET US IN!'
'Sunlight kills them, right?' said the boy, still looking behind him.
'Of course!' panted Linda, still banging on the door. 'But that's no use until dawn!'
'But it is dawn!'
The vampire reacted to this. She stopped mere inches from the boy's pointing finger, and turned to see a thin strip of light appearing above the house across the road. She hissed, held up her arm so that the sleeve of her billowing gown covered her face, and ran.
As the children collapsed with relief, the front door flew open, and there stood Dad. Purple in the face, he demanded, 'What in the Sam Hill do you kids think you're doing?'
In the firehouse, Eduardo was sitting cross-legged on the couch, hunched over a paperback with a highlighter hovering in his hand. On the seat next to him was a binder full of papers. Kylie came into the room, saw him and said, 'What are you reading?'
'Dracula,' said Eduardo, not looking up.
'Oh yeah,' said Kylie. 'How are you finding it?'
Eduardo shrugged, and said, 'It's better than Frankenstein. Not all of the characters are jerks.'
'Whoa, wait a minute, time out,' said Garrett, wheeling his way into the room with a sandwich in his hand and Roland behind him. 'Eduardo's reading classic literature?'
'It's for class,' said Kylie. 'Though why he thought he liked Gothic literature I don't know.'
'I do like Gothic literature,' said Eduardo, looking up. 'What do you think J.N. Kline is?'
Kylie snorted. 'Popular tripe.'
'Sure you do,' said Eduardo, looking down at the book again, and highlighting something. 'Anyway, I kinda like this one. That Mina chick's pretty cool.'
'Is she the one who looks like Dracula's wife?' asked Roland.
Eduardo gave him a scathing look, and said, 'Dracula don't got a wife. It's no good just watching the movie, man.'
Garrett laughed unkindly, and said, 'What's gotten into him?'
'Beats me,' said Kylie. 'Unless he's just crushing on Mina Murray.'
'Harker,' said Eduardo. 'She's married now.'
'Oh,' said Kylie, sheepishly enough to give herself away.
'Haven't you been reading it?' Eduardo asked, surprised.
'I got a lot of other reading to do,' said Kylie. 'I'm only a little behind with that one. Anyway, I've read it before.'
'Then you should read it again,' said Eduardo. 'What would Professor Love say?'
Kylie frowned at him. 'It's Hart and you know it.'
'How long since you read it, Kylie?' asked Roland.
'Oh, a long time,' said Kylie. 'About five years.'
Janine, appearing with Egon on the spiral staircase behind them, said, 'I remember when I thought five years was a long time. What happened about five years ago?'
'Kylie read Dracula,' said Garrett. 'It's a riot down here, Janine. You guys don't know what you've been missing.'
'Dracula?' said Egon. 'Slimer and I could tell you something that not many people know about Bram Stoker's inspiration, if that's any good to you.'
'Yeah!' said Slimer, appearing suddenly, and dripping slime onto Eduardo's book.
'Thanks, Egon,' said Kylie, 'but that won't score any points with Professor Hart.'
'Right,' said Eduardo, scowling as he tried to shake the slime off his copy of Dracula. 'He wants “isolation” and “subversion” and “the sublime”.'
'Well,' said Janine, 'Egon is sublime,' and she turned round on the stairs and wrapped her arms around Egon's waist.
Eduardo looked at them and scowled, then stood up abruptly and made his way downstairs.
'Was it something I said?' asked Janine.
'He's probably just stressed out about this term paper,' said Kylie. 'I guess we all can't get away with not reading every single word and highlighting the most important ones.'
Roland, standing behind the couch, looked down at Eduardo's papers and read aloud, 'Women in nineteenth-century Gothic literature are confined entirely to the roles of victim or villain. Discuss with reference to two texts you have studied.'
Garrett snorted, and said, 'English lit. is such a crock. Hey Egon, if you meet Professor What's-His-Name in the faculty lounge, don't let on that Kylie's been slacking off, will you?'
'Unlikely, Garrett,' said Egon. 'Professor Hart and I work in difficult faculties.'
Just as he finished speaking, the alarm bell rang. Roland and Kylie ran for the pole. Garrett, wheeling his way past the spiral staircase, grinned and said, 'You shouldn't keep Janine away from her desk so much, Egon. Eduardo's doing her job.'
'Dracula,' said Eduardo, not looking up.
'Oh yeah,' said Kylie. 'How are you finding it?'
Eduardo shrugged, and said, 'It's better than Frankenstein. Not all of the characters are jerks.'
'Whoa, wait a minute, time out,' said Garrett, wheeling his way into the room with a sandwich in his hand and Roland behind him. 'Eduardo's reading classic literature?'
'It's for class,' said Kylie. 'Though why he thought he liked Gothic literature I don't know.'
'I do like Gothic literature,' said Eduardo, looking up. 'What do you think J.N. Kline is?'
Kylie snorted. 'Popular tripe.'
'Sure you do,' said Eduardo, looking down at the book again, and highlighting something. 'Anyway, I kinda like this one. That Mina chick's pretty cool.'
'Is she the one who looks like Dracula's wife?' asked Roland.
Eduardo gave him a scathing look, and said, 'Dracula don't got a wife. It's no good just watching the movie, man.'
Garrett laughed unkindly, and said, 'What's gotten into him?'
'Beats me,' said Kylie. 'Unless he's just crushing on Mina Murray.'
'Harker,' said Eduardo. 'She's married now.'
'Oh,' said Kylie, sheepishly enough to give herself away.
'Haven't you been reading it?' Eduardo asked, surprised.
'I got a lot of other reading to do,' said Kylie. 'I'm only a little behind with that one. Anyway, I've read it before.'
'Then you should read it again,' said Eduardo. 'What would Professor Love say?'
Kylie frowned at him. 'It's Hart and you know it.'
'How long since you read it, Kylie?' asked Roland.
'Oh, a long time,' said Kylie. 'About five years.'
Janine, appearing with Egon on the spiral staircase behind them, said, 'I remember when I thought five years was a long time. What happened about five years ago?'
'Kylie read Dracula,' said Garrett. 'It's a riot down here, Janine. You guys don't know what you've been missing.'
'Dracula?' said Egon. 'Slimer and I could tell you something that not many people know about Bram Stoker's inspiration, if that's any good to you.'
'Yeah!' said Slimer, appearing suddenly, and dripping slime onto Eduardo's book.
'Thanks, Egon,' said Kylie, 'but that won't score any points with Professor Hart.'
'Right,' said Eduardo, scowling as he tried to shake the slime off his copy of Dracula. 'He wants “isolation” and “subversion” and “the sublime”.'
'Well,' said Janine, 'Egon is sublime,' and she turned round on the stairs and wrapped her arms around Egon's waist.
Eduardo looked at them and scowled, then stood up abruptly and made his way downstairs.
'Was it something I said?' asked Janine.
'He's probably just stressed out about this term paper,' said Kylie. 'I guess we all can't get away with not reading every single word and highlighting the most important ones.'
Roland, standing behind the couch, looked down at Eduardo's papers and read aloud, 'Women in nineteenth-century Gothic literature are confined entirely to the roles of victim or villain. Discuss with reference to two texts you have studied.'
Garrett snorted, and said, 'English lit. is such a crock. Hey Egon, if you meet Professor What's-His-Name in the faculty lounge, don't let on that Kylie's been slacking off, will you?'
'Unlikely, Garrett,' said Egon. 'Professor Hart and I work in difficult faculties.'
Just as he finished speaking, the alarm bell rang. Roland and Kylie ran for the pole. Garrett, wheeling his way past the spiral staircase, grinned and said, 'You shouldn't keep Janine away from her desk so much, Egon. Eduardo's doing her job.'
The Ecto-1 pulled up in front of the house where Linda and her little brother lived. Roland led the way to the front door, where a nervous-looking woman answered his knock.
'Good morning,' she said. 'Thank you for coming. It's my children. They say a vampire chased them last night. I don't know if I really believe that, but they insisted I call you.'
'Vampires again,' muttered Garrett, as they made their way into the house.
'Maybe you'll have to believe in them after today, Garrett,' said Kylie.
'So,' said the children's father, appearing in front of his wife and blocking the hallway. 'You called them, huh? Vampires! What a crock! They're just making it up to get out of being punished.'
'But you are punishing us!' Linda called from the top of the stairs, where she was on her knees polishing the banister.
'Linda, honey, come downstairs,' said her mother. Then she called, 'Gary, come up here, sweetie!'
Linda came down, and Gary appeared from a door under the stairs, covered in dust and cobwebs.
'You call that cleaning the basement?' fumed his father. 'You'll get that stuff all over the house!'
'You'll have to make us clean it, then,' said Linda, scowling at him. 'Won't you!'
'Kids,' said their mother. 'The Ghostbusters are here.'
'You might have noticed,' Garrett added, as the two children turned to face the quartet of heavily armed people in their hallway.
'It was a vampire!' Gary told them. 'Honest it was! She had fangs, and she chased us!'
'It was just some nutjob,' said his father. 'That's exactly why you don't go out at night!'
'Well,' said Kylie, 'vampires would be another good reason for staying in after dark. There was definitely something supernatural here in the last few hours, whether it was a vampire or not.'
'It was too a vampire,' said Gary, looking sulky.
'No one's saying you're wrong, Gary,' said Roland. 'Can you tell us what happened?'
'She was in the backyard when Gary was taking out the trash and I went to find him,' said Linda. 'She chased us to the front of the house, and then she ran off when the sun started coming up.'
'This is why you don't forget to take out the trash!' said her father. 'Anyway, how are people getting in and out of my backyard? I need to get some barbed wire on the top of that lousy gate!'
'What for?' said Linda. 'No one wants to steal your stupid action figure collection.'
Her father went purple. 'Now listen, young lady –'
'Not now, Trev,' said his wife. She looked at Roland. 'So, what happens next?'
'We'll go after the entity and contain it,' said Roland. 'If it really is a vampire –'
'It is!' said Gary.
'– she should be holed up somewhere, right?' He looked at Kylie.
'Seems likely,' said Kylie. 'We'll get right on it, Mrs, um...'
'Thomas,' said Eduardo, frowning at Trev for a moment before following Garrett and Kylie back out onto the street.
'Which way did she run?' Roland asked, looking at the children. Linda went with him to the door, pointed and said, 'That way.'
'Thanks, Linda,' said Garrett, and the four Ghostbusters set off on a vampire hunt, which brought them to a boarded-up house in the next street.
'I guess she's in there,' said Roland, standing over a bashed-in basement hatch with a very excited PKE meter in his hand.
'So what are we doing out here?' said Garrett, propelling himself at top speed towards the hatch, and falling through it rather spectacularly. His three teammates exchanged anxious looks, then followed him down and found him sprawled on the floor in a patch of sunlight. The rest of the basement was dark, cobwebby and falling to pieces.
'Are you okay?' asked Roland, righting Garrett's upturned wheelchair.
'Of course,' said Garrett, hauling himself into the chair.
'Good,' said Kylie. 'So, where's our vampire?'
She moved her PKE meter around, decided on a direction and put one foot outside the patch of sunlight. Immediately, Eduardo grabbed her arm and pulled her back in.
'Hey!' she said, shaking him off.
'What are you, loco?' said Eduardo. 'Don't anybody move out of this sun!'
'So how are we supposed to find her?' asked Roland.
'Shouldn't be too hard,' said Eduardo. 'This basement's only so big.'
So saying, he peered through the darkness, in the direction where Kylie had been about to step. In the deepest, darkest corner of the basement was a white-clad figure, hunching and snarling and obvious once you knew she was there. She glared at the Ghostbusters from beneath strands of straggly hair, bared her fangs and hissed.
Garrett shot first, illuminating the whole basement, and bringing a fair amount of wood and plaster down on the vampire's head. She ducked, screeched and darted out of the line of fire. The other three Ghostbusters joined in the shooting and, though the creature was clearly frightened and angered by the light and the noise, they soon realised that the proton streams weren't holding her.
'What is it this time?' Garrett asked irritably, as they all shut off their streams.
'Let's try the trap,' said Roland, taking it from Kylie's back.
'It won't work,' said Garrett, as the trap opened, and sure enough he was right. The vampire shielded her eyes with her arms, hissed and ducked out of the light.
'Well, this sucks,' said Garrett. 'No pun intended.'
Then, suddenly, the vampire spoke. 'Arthur...'
Eduardo stared at her. 'What?'
'Is it you?' the vampire asked, in a low and seductive English accent. She was shielding her eyes against the light in which they stood, unable to see anyone. 'Come to me, Arthur. Leave these others and come to me. My arms are hungry for you. Come, and we can rest together.'
Eduardo looked at Kylie. 'You remember this part, right?'
'Well,' said Kylie, 'I...'
'You're kidding me!' said Eduardo. 'This is one of the most important parts!'
'That's just your opinion,' said Kylie. 'I bet Professor Hart wouldn't say – AAH!'
Eduardo reached for her too late, as the vampire pulled Kylie's feet out from under her and dragged her into the darkness.
'Oh my gosh, what do we do?' Roland panicked. 'The equipment doesn't work against her!'
Eduardo, throwing off his proton pack, said, 'Then we'll just have to do it the old-fashioned way!'
Kylie was pinned to the ground, struggling to fight off her attacker. Eduardo hurled himself at the vampire and succeeded in knocking her clean across the room. He then grabbed both her wrists, and dragged her like a sack of vegetables into the patch of sun. Roland and Garrett moved out of the way as the vampire, screaming and thrashing in Eduardo's grip, began to blister in the light. Then, at last, she was still. Eduardo dropped the dead wrists and stepped back with a sigh of relief. Kylie appeared at his side and looked down at the body.
'Huh,' said Garrett. 'I thought they burst into flames.'
'Buffy don't gotta be right about everything,' said Eduardo.
'I thought they crumbled to thousand-year-old dust,' said Roland.
'She wasn't a thousand years old,' said Eduardo. 'She wasn't even dead one year.'
'How can you possibly know that?' asked Garrett.
'Well,' said Eduardo, but Kylie interrupted him.
'Eduardo!' she said sharply. 'It was not Lucy from Dracula!'
'Why not?' Eduardo asked defensively. 'How do you know?'
'Because how could it be? Anyway.' She looked at Garrett. 'Do you believe in vampires now?'
Garrett frowned at her, and said, 'Do you believe in letting it go now?'
'Good morning,' she said. 'Thank you for coming. It's my children. They say a vampire chased them last night. I don't know if I really believe that, but they insisted I call you.'
'Vampires again,' muttered Garrett, as they made their way into the house.
'Maybe you'll have to believe in them after today, Garrett,' said Kylie.
'So,' said the children's father, appearing in front of his wife and blocking the hallway. 'You called them, huh? Vampires! What a crock! They're just making it up to get out of being punished.'
'But you are punishing us!' Linda called from the top of the stairs, where she was on her knees polishing the banister.
'Linda, honey, come downstairs,' said her mother. Then she called, 'Gary, come up here, sweetie!'
Linda came down, and Gary appeared from a door under the stairs, covered in dust and cobwebs.
'You call that cleaning the basement?' fumed his father. 'You'll get that stuff all over the house!'
'You'll have to make us clean it, then,' said Linda, scowling at him. 'Won't you!'
'Kids,' said their mother. 'The Ghostbusters are here.'
'You might have noticed,' Garrett added, as the two children turned to face the quartet of heavily armed people in their hallway.
'It was a vampire!' Gary told them. 'Honest it was! She had fangs, and she chased us!'
'It was just some nutjob,' said his father. 'That's exactly why you don't go out at night!'
'Well,' said Kylie, 'vampires would be another good reason for staying in after dark. There was definitely something supernatural here in the last few hours, whether it was a vampire or not.'
'It was too a vampire,' said Gary, looking sulky.
'No one's saying you're wrong, Gary,' said Roland. 'Can you tell us what happened?'
'She was in the backyard when Gary was taking out the trash and I went to find him,' said Linda. 'She chased us to the front of the house, and then she ran off when the sun started coming up.'
'This is why you don't forget to take out the trash!' said her father. 'Anyway, how are people getting in and out of my backyard? I need to get some barbed wire on the top of that lousy gate!'
'What for?' said Linda. 'No one wants to steal your stupid action figure collection.'
Her father went purple. 'Now listen, young lady –'
'Not now, Trev,' said his wife. She looked at Roland. 'So, what happens next?'
'We'll go after the entity and contain it,' said Roland. 'If it really is a vampire –'
'It is!' said Gary.
'– she should be holed up somewhere, right?' He looked at Kylie.
'Seems likely,' said Kylie. 'We'll get right on it, Mrs, um...'
'Thomas,' said Eduardo, frowning at Trev for a moment before following Garrett and Kylie back out onto the street.
'Which way did she run?' Roland asked, looking at the children. Linda went with him to the door, pointed and said, 'That way.'
'Thanks, Linda,' said Garrett, and the four Ghostbusters set off on a vampire hunt, which brought them to a boarded-up house in the next street.
'I guess she's in there,' said Roland, standing over a bashed-in basement hatch with a very excited PKE meter in his hand.
'So what are we doing out here?' said Garrett, propelling himself at top speed towards the hatch, and falling through it rather spectacularly. His three teammates exchanged anxious looks, then followed him down and found him sprawled on the floor in a patch of sunlight. The rest of the basement was dark, cobwebby and falling to pieces.
'Are you okay?' asked Roland, righting Garrett's upturned wheelchair.
'Of course,' said Garrett, hauling himself into the chair.
'Good,' said Kylie. 'So, where's our vampire?'
She moved her PKE meter around, decided on a direction and put one foot outside the patch of sunlight. Immediately, Eduardo grabbed her arm and pulled her back in.
'Hey!' she said, shaking him off.
'What are you, loco?' said Eduardo. 'Don't anybody move out of this sun!'
'So how are we supposed to find her?' asked Roland.
'Shouldn't be too hard,' said Eduardo. 'This basement's only so big.'
So saying, he peered through the darkness, in the direction where Kylie had been about to step. In the deepest, darkest corner of the basement was a white-clad figure, hunching and snarling and obvious once you knew she was there. She glared at the Ghostbusters from beneath strands of straggly hair, bared her fangs and hissed.
Garrett shot first, illuminating the whole basement, and bringing a fair amount of wood and plaster down on the vampire's head. She ducked, screeched and darted out of the line of fire. The other three Ghostbusters joined in the shooting and, though the creature was clearly frightened and angered by the light and the noise, they soon realised that the proton streams weren't holding her.
'What is it this time?' Garrett asked irritably, as they all shut off their streams.
'Let's try the trap,' said Roland, taking it from Kylie's back.
'It won't work,' said Garrett, as the trap opened, and sure enough he was right. The vampire shielded her eyes with her arms, hissed and ducked out of the light.
'Well, this sucks,' said Garrett. 'No pun intended.'
Then, suddenly, the vampire spoke. 'Arthur...'
Eduardo stared at her. 'What?'
'Is it you?' the vampire asked, in a low and seductive English accent. She was shielding her eyes against the light in which they stood, unable to see anyone. 'Come to me, Arthur. Leave these others and come to me. My arms are hungry for you. Come, and we can rest together.'
Eduardo looked at Kylie. 'You remember this part, right?'
'Well,' said Kylie, 'I...'
'You're kidding me!' said Eduardo. 'This is one of the most important parts!'
'That's just your opinion,' said Kylie. 'I bet Professor Hart wouldn't say – AAH!'
Eduardo reached for her too late, as the vampire pulled Kylie's feet out from under her and dragged her into the darkness.
'Oh my gosh, what do we do?' Roland panicked. 'The equipment doesn't work against her!'
Eduardo, throwing off his proton pack, said, 'Then we'll just have to do it the old-fashioned way!'
Kylie was pinned to the ground, struggling to fight off her attacker. Eduardo hurled himself at the vampire and succeeded in knocking her clean across the room. He then grabbed both her wrists, and dragged her like a sack of vegetables into the patch of sun. Roland and Garrett moved out of the way as the vampire, screaming and thrashing in Eduardo's grip, began to blister in the light. Then, at last, she was still. Eduardo dropped the dead wrists and stepped back with a sigh of relief. Kylie appeared at his side and looked down at the body.
'Huh,' said Garrett. 'I thought they burst into flames.'
'Buffy don't gotta be right about everything,' said Eduardo.
'I thought they crumbled to thousand-year-old dust,' said Roland.
'She wasn't a thousand years old,' said Eduardo. 'She wasn't even dead one year.'
'How can you possibly know that?' asked Garrett.
'Well,' said Eduardo, but Kylie interrupted him.
'Eduardo!' she said sharply. 'It was not Lucy from Dracula!'
'Why not?' Eduardo asked defensively. 'How do you know?'
'Because how could it be? Anyway.' She looked at Garrett. 'Do you believe in vampires now?'
Garrett frowned at her, and said, 'Do you believe in letting it go now?'
Later in the day, Eduardo was at college and had just finished some
business in a room labelled English Literature: Office 1B. As
he closed the door behind him, with his binder of notes under one
arm, he was surprised to find Kylie dozing off in one of the chairs
outside. He shook her gently awake, and as she came round he said,
'Weird place to fall asleep.'
'Yeah,' Kylie said groggily, straightening up in the chair. 'Guess I'm ready for the school year to end. So, how was it – did he help you?'
'Yeah, kinda,' said Eduardo. 'He said my ideas about Dracula were good, but I still don't know which other book to use. Nothing else really jumps out at me.'
'Well, it's good that you're enjoying Dracula. I mean, it is heavy going, isn't it?'
Eduardo shrugged. 'Easier than Frankenstein. I need to finish reading it before I write the stupid paper. Y'know, I'm kinda worried about Mina. She doesn't become a vampire, does she?'
'I don't remember,' said Kylie. 'Go read it and find out.'
'Yeah, okay.' Eduardo made as if to leave, then stopped abruptly when he noticed something about Kylie, and that something was on or around her neck. 'What's that?'
'What's what?' she asked, wriggling self-consciously in her seat.
'That,' Eduardo said, reaching down and almost touching her. She caught her breath, but he didn't seem to notice. He sat down on the chair next to her to take a closer look. 'Oh no. She bit you!'
'Who did?'
'Who do you think?'
'What? No, she didn't bite me – I would have noticed.'
'So what's that?' He nodded at the pair of little red puncture marks.
'It's probably just a spider bite or something.'
Eduardo looked doubtful. 'Look at it in a mirror and see if you still think so.'
'Anyway,' said Kylie, 'what if she did bite me? I'm still alive, aren't I?'
'You could still die. Then you'll become a vampire.'
'Wouldn't I have had to suck her blood first? I definitely didn't do that.'
'Hasn't anybody but me read Dracula?' Eduardo said, frowning. 'You all watch too many movies. In the book, if you're killed by a vampire, then you become one no matter what.'
'But she didn't kill me,' said Kylie, 'and I promise you I'm not a vampire. See?' She opened her mouth and showed him her teeth.
'You could still have a problem, though,' said Eduardo. 'Man, I really need to finish that book.'
'It's just a book, Eduardo. Our vampire couldn't have been Lucy herself.'
'Why not? Didn't Egon say Dracula was based on a true story?'
'No,' said Kylie. 'He didn't say anything because we stopped him.'
'I'll have to ask him, then,' said Eduardo, standing up to leave just as the office door opened, and Professor Hart popped his head out.
'On time as usual, Kylie,' Hart said, smiling warmly. 'I don't suppose you need much help with your essay, but it's always worth going over things, isn't it?'
'Yes, Professor,' simpered Kylie, smiling girlishly at him as she made her way into the office.
The door closed, and Eduardo took a moment to scowl at it before he left.
'Yeah,' Kylie said groggily, straightening up in the chair. 'Guess I'm ready for the school year to end. So, how was it – did he help you?'
'Yeah, kinda,' said Eduardo. 'He said my ideas about Dracula were good, but I still don't know which other book to use. Nothing else really jumps out at me.'
'Well, it's good that you're enjoying Dracula. I mean, it is heavy going, isn't it?'
Eduardo shrugged. 'Easier than Frankenstein. I need to finish reading it before I write the stupid paper. Y'know, I'm kinda worried about Mina. She doesn't become a vampire, does she?'
'I don't remember,' said Kylie. 'Go read it and find out.'
'Yeah, okay.' Eduardo made as if to leave, then stopped abruptly when he noticed something about Kylie, and that something was on or around her neck. 'What's that?'
'What's what?' she asked, wriggling self-consciously in her seat.
'That,' Eduardo said, reaching down and almost touching her. She caught her breath, but he didn't seem to notice. He sat down on the chair next to her to take a closer look. 'Oh no. She bit you!'
'Who did?'
'Who do you think?'
'What? No, she didn't bite me – I would have noticed.'
'So what's that?' He nodded at the pair of little red puncture marks.
'It's probably just a spider bite or something.'
Eduardo looked doubtful. 'Look at it in a mirror and see if you still think so.'
'Anyway,' said Kylie, 'what if she did bite me? I'm still alive, aren't I?'
'You could still die. Then you'll become a vampire.'
'Wouldn't I have had to suck her blood first? I definitely didn't do that.'
'Hasn't anybody but me read Dracula?' Eduardo said, frowning. 'You all watch too many movies. In the book, if you're killed by a vampire, then you become one no matter what.'
'But she didn't kill me,' said Kylie, 'and I promise you I'm not a vampire. See?' She opened her mouth and showed him her teeth.
'You could still have a problem, though,' said Eduardo. 'Man, I really need to finish that book.'
'It's just a book, Eduardo. Our vampire couldn't have been Lucy herself.'
'Why not? Didn't Egon say Dracula was based on a true story?'
'No,' said Kylie. 'He didn't say anything because we stopped him.'
'I'll have to ask him, then,' said Eduardo, standing up to leave just as the office door opened, and Professor Hart popped his head out.
'On time as usual, Kylie,' Hart said, smiling warmly. 'I don't suppose you need much help with your essay, but it's always worth going over things, isn't it?'
'Yes, Professor,' simpered Kylie, smiling girlishly at him as she made her way into the office.
The door closed, and Eduardo took a moment to scowl at it before he left.
'You've done a lot of work on this,' Professor Hart said, sitting at
his desk and flicking through Kylie's notes.
'Of course,' said Kylie, sitting opposite him. 'You won't catch me working up to the last minute.'
'You're brave to choose Jane Eyre as one of your texts. After all, it only has Gothic elements.'
'I know, but I can't help it. I just love it too much.'
Professor Hart smiled cynically, and said, 'Is it better than ghosts and vampires and such? But of course, you see those every day, don't you? Perhaps you like the escapism of the ridiculous levels of romance.'
'I can see why you don't teach romantic literature,' said Kylie.
'Indeed I don't. Gothic literature does for me instead. I mean, Kylie, isn't the vampire at least as seductive as our friend Edward Rochester?'
'Um,' said Kylie. 'I guess.'
'By the way,' said Hart, 'I heard you killed one the other day. A vampire, I mean. I wish I could have seen it. Will you tell me if you find any others?'
'Well,' said Kylie, fidgeting in her seat, clearly struggling for the right answer. 'They're really not so great in person, Professor. Best enjoyed in books and movies, I'd say.'
'How funny. That's just what I say about romance.'
'Oh, Professor,' said Kylie, batting her eyelids a little. 'I don't believe you're past all hope.'
Professor Hart stared at her a moment. Then he closed Kylie's file of notes, pushed it across the desk towards her and said, 'This all looks fine. You just start writing it up, and email me if you want another tutorial.'
'Of course,' said Kylie, sitting opposite him. 'You won't catch me working up to the last minute.'
'You're brave to choose Jane Eyre as one of your texts. After all, it only has Gothic elements.'
'I know, but I can't help it. I just love it too much.'
Professor Hart smiled cynically, and said, 'Is it better than ghosts and vampires and such? But of course, you see those every day, don't you? Perhaps you like the escapism of the ridiculous levels of romance.'
'I can see why you don't teach romantic literature,' said Kylie.
'Indeed I don't. Gothic literature does for me instead. I mean, Kylie, isn't the vampire at least as seductive as our friend Edward Rochester?'
'Um,' said Kylie. 'I guess.'
'By the way,' said Hart, 'I heard you killed one the other day. A vampire, I mean. I wish I could have seen it. Will you tell me if you find any others?'
'Well,' said Kylie, fidgeting in her seat, clearly struggling for the right answer. 'They're really not so great in person, Professor. Best enjoyed in books and movies, I'd say.'
'How funny. That's just what I say about romance.'
'Oh, Professor,' said Kylie, batting her eyelids a little. 'I don't believe you're past all hope.'
Professor Hart stared at her a moment. Then he closed Kylie's file of notes, pushed it across the desk towards her and said, 'This all looks fine. You just start writing it up, and email me if you want another tutorial.'
The dreamscape was something like a dim and foggy Victorian England.
Kylie was there, wearing a red dress that might almost have belonged
in that time, except that it was slit to the thigh and skimpy around
the shoulders and bust. She had a knife in her right hand, and a
long wooden stake in her left. She was sharpening the stake to a
point, but she stayed her hand when she caught sight of Eduardo
emerging through the fog. A red-lipsticked smile spread across her
face.
'So, Eduarrrdo,' she said. 'I hear you're hankering after Mina Murray these days.'
'Harker,' said Eduardo. 'She's married now.'
'Aww,' said Kylie, pouting her lurid lips and tilting her head. 'That's too bad for you.'
'No it's not,' said Eduardo, taking a step towards her. Then suddenly he grabbed her around the waist and kissed her so passionately that she dropped her stake and her knife.
'So, Eduarrrdo,' she said. 'I hear you're hankering after Mina Murray these days.'
'Harker,' said Eduardo. 'She's married now.'
'Aww,' said Kylie, pouting her lurid lips and tilting her head. 'That's too bad for you.'
'No it's not,' said Eduardo, taking a step towards her. Then suddenly he grabbed her around the waist and kissed her so passionately that she dropped her stake and her knife.
Kylie woke up suddenly with a tremendous gasp. She was on the couch
in the firehouse, lying on her stomach and hugging a cushion. Her
audible inhalation attracted the attention of Eduardo, who was
reading and highlighting Dracula in an armchair a few yards
away from her.
'You okay?' Eduardo asked.
'Why wouldn't I be okay?' Kylie said irritably, scrambling into a sitting position. 'What are you doing there anyway, hovering over me while I'm asleep?'
'I'm reading,' said Eduardo. 'What's with you? Were you having a nightmare or something?'
'I'll say,' said Kylie, scratching at her right ear and not looking him in the eye.
'How's your spider bite?' Eduardo went on. 'I didn't ask Egon about Dracula yet. He's shut himself up in his lab, and I wanted to get this read. It says here –'
'Will you shut up?' said Kylie, now scratching feverishly at her left ear, then returning to her right.
Eduardo frowned. 'Have I done something?'
'Yes. You hung around me while I was sleeping, and you won't shut up about some stupid bite.'
'Looks like it's itching.'
'Spider bites do that,' said Kylie, now scratching frantically at both her ears. She frowned at Eduardo a moment, then dropped her hostile tone to say, 'It's not the bite, actually, it's my – ow! I think it's my earrings! What the heck is happening here?'
She was in obvious pain by the time she tore out her cross-shaped gold earrings, and when they were in her hand, she sucked in her breath sharply and threw them clean across the room. As she did so, a thin column of smoke rose up from her palm. Wide-eyed with alarm, Eduardo grabbed her wrist and looked at her hand. Two small crosses were branded into the fleshy area by her thumb.
They both stared at the tiny twin burns. Then Kylie grabbed Eduardo's arm with her free hand, and said in a frightened squeak, 'What's happening, Eduardo?'
'I don't know. Well... I guess we do know, don't we?' He gently pushed back the hair from her left ear, and winced when he saw that the lobe had turned an angry red. 'Listen, Kylie, don't panic. That happened to Mina, with a Communion wafer. But they're gonna save her. Van Helsing says she'll be fine if they kill Dracula before she finishes transforming. I guess that's where that idea of killing the head vampire comes from.'
'But,' said Kylie, 'we did kill the head vampire, didn't we? Well... you did.'
Eduardo looked at her a moment. Then he said, 'You seemed pretty sure she didn't bite you.'
Kylie laughed bitterly, and said in a high and trembling voice, 'So what, Count Dracula's here as well?'
'It'll be okay,' Eduardo said, squeezing her arm, just as Egon appeared on the spiral staircase. At once, Eduardo jumped to his feet and said desperately, 'Egon!'
'You okay?' Eduardo asked.
'Why wouldn't I be okay?' Kylie said irritably, scrambling into a sitting position. 'What are you doing there anyway, hovering over me while I'm asleep?'
'I'm reading,' said Eduardo. 'What's with you? Were you having a nightmare or something?'
'I'll say,' said Kylie, scratching at her right ear and not looking him in the eye.
'How's your spider bite?' Eduardo went on. 'I didn't ask Egon about Dracula yet. He's shut himself up in his lab, and I wanted to get this read. It says here –'
'Will you shut up?' said Kylie, now scratching feverishly at her left ear, then returning to her right.
Eduardo frowned. 'Have I done something?'
'Yes. You hung around me while I was sleeping, and you won't shut up about some stupid bite.'
'Looks like it's itching.'
'Spider bites do that,' said Kylie, now scratching frantically at both her ears. She frowned at Eduardo a moment, then dropped her hostile tone to say, 'It's not the bite, actually, it's my – ow! I think it's my earrings! What the heck is happening here?'
She was in obvious pain by the time she tore out her cross-shaped gold earrings, and when they were in her hand, she sucked in her breath sharply and threw them clean across the room. As she did so, a thin column of smoke rose up from her palm. Wide-eyed with alarm, Eduardo grabbed her wrist and looked at her hand. Two small crosses were branded into the fleshy area by her thumb.
They both stared at the tiny twin burns. Then Kylie grabbed Eduardo's arm with her free hand, and said in a frightened squeak, 'What's happening, Eduardo?'
'I don't know. Well... I guess we do know, don't we?' He gently pushed back the hair from her left ear, and winced when he saw that the lobe had turned an angry red. 'Listen, Kylie, don't panic. That happened to Mina, with a Communion wafer. But they're gonna save her. Van Helsing says she'll be fine if they kill Dracula before she finishes transforming. I guess that's where that idea of killing the head vampire comes from.'
'But,' said Kylie, 'we did kill the head vampire, didn't we? Well... you did.'
Eduardo looked at her a moment. Then he said, 'You seemed pretty sure she didn't bite you.'
Kylie laughed bitterly, and said in a high and trembling voice, 'So what, Count Dracula's here as well?'
'It'll be okay,' Eduardo said, squeezing her arm, just as Egon appeared on the spiral staircase. At once, Eduardo jumped to his feet and said desperately, 'Egon!'
A short time later, Garrett and Roland had joined Eduardo, Kylie and Egon around the coffee table. Roland was sitting on the couch beside Kylie with his arm around her. Eduardo sat on her other side, not touching her, apparently reading through what remained of Dracula with one eye. Garrett was keeping his distance, staring at Kylie from some yards away.
'First of all,' said Egon, 'nobody is to panic. Now, as I understand it, Eduardo has a theory that characters from the novel Dracula have somehow appeared in our world.'
'And what do you think about that, Egon?' asked Garrett, looking sceptically at Eduardo.
'I think Eduardo might be right,' said Egon. 'I've been looking at the readings you brought me, and I am certain your vampire originated from some other source, which is why your equipment was ineffective against her. In fact, her PKE signature had certain similarities to that of the Vathack.'
'But she couldn't have been Vathack, could she?' said Garrett. 'Bram Stoker was writing in the Nineteenth Century. If he'd channelled anyone or anything into our world, they'd have been and gone long before now – or, if they stuck around all this time, someone would have noticed.'
'He only said similar to the Vathack, Garrett,' said Kylie, rather dully.
'Didn't you almost tell us his characters were real anyway?' asked Eduardo.
'Not exactly,' said Egon. 'I happen to know that Dracula is based on a true story, but I should think that is immaterial.'
'Well, can we hurry up and figure it out?' said Garrett. 'Like, before Kylie starts killing everyone?'
'I know what to do,' said Eduardo. 'We have to find the vampire that bit her, and kill it before she finishes changing.'
'I don't understand this,' said Kylie. 'Aren't I supposed to die before I become a vampire?'
'Well,' said Eduardo, 'the book doesn't really explain how it works.'
'Or you just didn't understand it,' said Garrett.
'Go easy on him, Garrett,' said Kylie. 'I remember feeling the same way when I read it.'
'Does it even matter?' asked Roland. 'Surely we just need to eliminate the source of the problem.'
'Maybe,' said Kylie. 'But I don't want to put my trust in maybes. Let's find that vampire and kill him.'
'Y'know,' said Eduardo, 'in the book, when Dracula's making vampires, he comes back and sucks their blood more than once. So if we don't find it, I guess it'll find us.'
'That's useful to know,' said Egon, 'but let's remember that this is our world, not theirs, and we have to find our own solution. Of course, that still means finding our vampire.'
'Why not just wait for him to come to me?' said Kylie.
'I don't like the sound of that,' said Eduardo. 'Anyway, how come you keep saying “him”?'
Kylie shrugged, and said, 'It has to be Dracula himself, doesn't it? I mean, we killed Lucy, and there are no other vampires in the book.'
'There's the three chicks in the castle,' said Eduardo.
'Oh yeah,' said Garrett, 'I remember that part from the movie. So, Eddie, you're the expert. Do we need to arm ourselves with crucifixes and stakes, and cloves of garlic?'
'You can't do anything with cloves of garlic,' said Eduardo. 'It's the flowers they don't like.'
Garrett stared at him. 'What flowers?'
'Garlic flowers.'
'Garlic has flowers?'
'Let's not lose focus, guys,' said Roland. 'Egon, maybe we should use Kylie's idea of waiting for the vampire to come and find her.'
'We can't!' said Eduardo. 'What if it don't come back, and we're just sitting on our butts while she's turning into a monster? We gotta get out there and find it, man!'
'Let's do both,' said Kylie. 'We'll go looking, all of us, and maybe he'll find me before we find him. Look, it's almost dark.' She gestured at the window. 'We won't even have to worry about finding me the world's strongest sun block.'
'Suppose it gets light while we're still out,' said Garrett. 'It's not long to the solstice, you know.'
'Oh,' said Kylie, 'now you're just looking for problems!'
'Look,' said Garrett, 'no offence, but I'm not sure I want to drive around in a car with a vampire.'
'Hey!' said Eduardo. 'Is that any way to treat your friend when she's in trouble?'
'Kylie,' said Garrett, addressing his answer to her, 'you know I want to help you, but wouldn't it be safer to... you know...?'
'What,' said Kylie, 'lock me up? You know I have to be there!'
'We're just taking Eduardo's word for that,' said Garrett. 'Anyway, where is “there”, exactly?'
'Please!' said Egon, but before he could continue, a new voice cut into the conversation.
'It looks like I got here just in time.'
They all turned in the direction of the voice, and saw a young woman in a blouse and long skirt standing with Janine at the top of the stairs.
'Someone who says she can help us,' said Janine, sounding doubtful.
'Mina Harker,' the woman said, smiling, and she held out her right hand for someone to shake. For a moment, no one took her up on the offer. Then Eduardo went to her in two strides, shook her hand vigorously and said, 'Are you freaking serious?'
'Do you doubt it, sir?' asked Mina, smiling. 'I understand you've already met poor Lucy.'
'How do you know that?' asked Roland.
'Word travels fast,' said Mina.
'Hmm,' said Egon, looking impassively at the newcomer. 'Fascinating.'
'This is great, man!' said Eduardo. 'You can lead us to the vampire and help us kill it!'
'Of course I can,' said Mina. 'You have transportation, don't you? Well, we'll need to go –'
'Time out!' said Garrett. 'No offence, lady, but guys – are we gonna do everything she says?'
'Why not?' said Eduardo. 'It's Mina, man!'
Kylie, smiling weakly at Mina over the back of the couch, said, 'He's a fan.'
'How perfectly charming,' said Mina, smiling at Eduardo, then walking towards Kylie and fixing her with a maternal look. 'Now, don't worry, my dear. This is exactly what happened to me, and I was quite all right in the end, wasn't I? You really must let me help, you know.'
'We will,' said Roland. 'We all need to work as a team, and listen to everybody. So, Kylie, if that vampire this morning didn't bite you then we need to figure out where and when it happened.'
'It's obvious where and when it happened,' said Eduardo, looking at Kylie. 'You fell asleep outside the English lit. office, and when I woke you up you had the bite.'
'I hope you don't think Professor Hart had something to do with it,' Kylie said sharply.
'I didn't say that!'
'Please,' said Egon, who had just finished running a PKE meter over Mina's back. 'I understand that you're all on edge, but you really must stop arguing. I think that going to the college is an excellent idea. I'll go along with you.'
'First of all,' said Egon, 'nobody is to panic. Now, as I understand it, Eduardo has a theory that characters from the novel Dracula have somehow appeared in our world.'
'And what do you think about that, Egon?' asked Garrett, looking sceptically at Eduardo.
'I think Eduardo might be right,' said Egon. 'I've been looking at the readings you brought me, and I am certain your vampire originated from some other source, which is why your equipment was ineffective against her. In fact, her PKE signature had certain similarities to that of the Vathack.'
'But she couldn't have been Vathack, could she?' said Garrett. 'Bram Stoker was writing in the Nineteenth Century. If he'd channelled anyone or anything into our world, they'd have been and gone long before now – or, if they stuck around all this time, someone would have noticed.'
'He only said similar to the Vathack, Garrett,' said Kylie, rather dully.
'Didn't you almost tell us his characters were real anyway?' asked Eduardo.
'Not exactly,' said Egon. 'I happen to know that Dracula is based on a true story, but I should think that is immaterial.'
'Well, can we hurry up and figure it out?' said Garrett. 'Like, before Kylie starts killing everyone?'
'I know what to do,' said Eduardo. 'We have to find the vampire that bit her, and kill it before she finishes changing.'
'I don't understand this,' said Kylie. 'Aren't I supposed to die before I become a vampire?'
'Well,' said Eduardo, 'the book doesn't really explain how it works.'
'Or you just didn't understand it,' said Garrett.
'Go easy on him, Garrett,' said Kylie. 'I remember feeling the same way when I read it.'
'Does it even matter?' asked Roland. 'Surely we just need to eliminate the source of the problem.'
'Maybe,' said Kylie. 'But I don't want to put my trust in maybes. Let's find that vampire and kill him.'
'Y'know,' said Eduardo, 'in the book, when Dracula's making vampires, he comes back and sucks their blood more than once. So if we don't find it, I guess it'll find us.'
'That's useful to know,' said Egon, 'but let's remember that this is our world, not theirs, and we have to find our own solution. Of course, that still means finding our vampire.'
'Why not just wait for him to come to me?' said Kylie.
'I don't like the sound of that,' said Eduardo. 'Anyway, how come you keep saying “him”?'
Kylie shrugged, and said, 'It has to be Dracula himself, doesn't it? I mean, we killed Lucy, and there are no other vampires in the book.'
'There's the three chicks in the castle,' said Eduardo.
'Oh yeah,' said Garrett, 'I remember that part from the movie. So, Eddie, you're the expert. Do we need to arm ourselves with crucifixes and stakes, and cloves of garlic?'
'You can't do anything with cloves of garlic,' said Eduardo. 'It's the flowers they don't like.'
Garrett stared at him. 'What flowers?'
'Garlic flowers.'
'Garlic has flowers?'
'Let's not lose focus, guys,' said Roland. 'Egon, maybe we should use Kylie's idea of waiting for the vampire to come and find her.'
'We can't!' said Eduardo. 'What if it don't come back, and we're just sitting on our butts while she's turning into a monster? We gotta get out there and find it, man!'
'Let's do both,' said Kylie. 'We'll go looking, all of us, and maybe he'll find me before we find him. Look, it's almost dark.' She gestured at the window. 'We won't even have to worry about finding me the world's strongest sun block.'
'Suppose it gets light while we're still out,' said Garrett. 'It's not long to the solstice, you know.'
'Oh,' said Kylie, 'now you're just looking for problems!'
'Look,' said Garrett, 'no offence, but I'm not sure I want to drive around in a car with a vampire.'
'Hey!' said Eduardo. 'Is that any way to treat your friend when she's in trouble?'
'Kylie,' said Garrett, addressing his answer to her, 'you know I want to help you, but wouldn't it be safer to... you know...?'
'What,' said Kylie, 'lock me up? You know I have to be there!'
'We're just taking Eduardo's word for that,' said Garrett. 'Anyway, where is “there”, exactly?'
'Please!' said Egon, but before he could continue, a new voice cut into the conversation.
'It looks like I got here just in time.'
They all turned in the direction of the voice, and saw a young woman in a blouse and long skirt standing with Janine at the top of the stairs.
'Someone who says she can help us,' said Janine, sounding doubtful.
'Mina Harker,' the woman said, smiling, and she held out her right hand for someone to shake. For a moment, no one took her up on the offer. Then Eduardo went to her in two strides, shook her hand vigorously and said, 'Are you freaking serious?'
'Do you doubt it, sir?' asked Mina, smiling. 'I understand you've already met poor Lucy.'
'How do you know that?' asked Roland.
'Word travels fast,' said Mina.
'Hmm,' said Egon, looking impassively at the newcomer. 'Fascinating.'
'This is great, man!' said Eduardo. 'You can lead us to the vampire and help us kill it!'
'Of course I can,' said Mina. 'You have transportation, don't you? Well, we'll need to go –'
'Time out!' said Garrett. 'No offence, lady, but guys – are we gonna do everything she says?'
'Why not?' said Eduardo. 'It's Mina, man!'
Kylie, smiling weakly at Mina over the back of the couch, said, 'He's a fan.'
'How perfectly charming,' said Mina, smiling at Eduardo, then walking towards Kylie and fixing her with a maternal look. 'Now, don't worry, my dear. This is exactly what happened to me, and I was quite all right in the end, wasn't I? You really must let me help, you know.'
'We will,' said Roland. 'We all need to work as a team, and listen to everybody. So, Kylie, if that vampire this morning didn't bite you then we need to figure out where and when it happened.'
'It's obvious where and when it happened,' said Eduardo, looking at Kylie. 'You fell asleep outside the English lit. office, and when I woke you up you had the bite.'
'I hope you don't think Professor Hart had something to do with it,' Kylie said sharply.
'I didn't say that!'
'Please,' said Egon, who had just finished running a PKE meter over Mina's back. 'I understand that you're all on edge, but you really must stop arguing. I think that going to the college is an excellent idea. I'll go along with you.'
Egon, Kylie, Roland, Garrett, Eduardo and Mina soon found themselves
packed into the Ecto-1. The five Ghostbusters had all their usual
equipment, and Mina was nursing a short, sharp wooden stake. Egon
was in the back with Eduardo, Garrett and Mina, and looking at the
latter with interest.
'What an extraordinary thing this “car” is!' said Mina. 'Very clever. Not only is it quicker than a carriage, but it saves on horses, doesn't it?'
'Sure,' said Roland, 'but the gas adds up, not to mention tax and insurance.'
'I don't know what you're talking about,' said Mina.
'It doesn't matter,' said Egon. 'Mrs Harker, I must ask you some questions.'
'Yeah,' said Garrett, 'like how did you get out of the book?'
'Well,' said Mina, 'I'm still in the book. That is, if you read it, I think you'll find Lucy and I are still there.'
'I think you know what Garrett means, Mrs Harker,' said Egon.
'I suppose I do,' said Mina. 'But I'm afraid I can't answer him.'
'Can you describe what happened when you came here?' Egon asked.
'Sorry,' said Mina. 'I just sort of turned up here.'
'Where?' Garrett asked at once. 'Not here, in this car, so where exactly? And how did you know where to find us? How did you know to come to us at all?'
'I don't know where exactly,' said Mina. 'One area in this time and place looks very much like another. All I know is that I saw Lucy, and when I went asking after her, the search led me to you.'
'You seem very accepting of the situation,' said Garrett.
'Will you lay off her?' said Eduardo. 'She's only trying to help.'
'It's all right, Eduardo,' said Mina. Then she looked at Garrett. 'It was a shock to start with, I can tell you. But one must take these things in one's stride, mustn't one?'
'If you'd read the book,' said Eduardo, 'you'd know Mina can handle freaky stuff that happens.'
'Have you spoken to anyone, Mrs Harker?' asked Egon. 'Besides us, I mean.'
'Professor Spengler,' said Mina, 'I do believe you think someone was expecting Lucy and me.'
'And whoever bit me,' Kylie chipped in from the front seat.
'By the way, Kylie, how are you feeling now?' asked Egon.
'I feel fine,' said Kylie. 'Maybe nothing really will happen unless he sucks my blood some more.'
'Or she,' said Eduardo.
'Should we maybe not talk about the vampire chicks in front of Mina?' said Garrett. 'I mean, they and Keanu Reeves were getting pretty –'
'No,' said Eduardo, 'we shouldn't.'
'We're here,' said Roland, stopping the car outside the college campus.
'Good,' said Egon. 'Now, it's the English literature department we want, is it?'
'Hold on a moment, Doctor, if you please,' said Mina. 'Kylie was bitten in a particular place, but the vampire might be anywhere by now. Shouldn't we split up to look for it?'
Egon looked at her dubiously. 'Do you think that's wise?'
'We have to work fast, Egon,' said Kylie.
'Why?' asked Garrett, moving further back into the car. 'Are you getting any weird urges?'
'Just the urge to slap you, Garrett,' said Kylie, 'but there's nothing weird about that. We just need to be as fast as possible, that's all. I'll go with you, Egon. You'll know what to do if I, um... y'know.'
'I'm touched by your faith in me, Kylie,' said Egon.
'Can I go with Mina?' Eduardo asked eagerly, and Kylie looked a little put out.
'You trust Mrs Harker implicitly, don't you, Eduardo?' said Egon.
'Sure,' said Eduardo. 'Haven't you read the book? This girl rocks!'
'All right,' said Egon. 'You go with her.'
'Cool,' said Eduardo. 'So, what exactly are we looking for?'
'Kylie's vampire,' said Egon, 'and/or any sign of where it might have come from. We can't get inside anywhere except the library and study halls at this time, but if the PKE meters pick anything up, I'm sure we can effect an entry somehow. You two can start with the gym. Contact us if you find anything, and if no one does find anything, we'll meet back here in an hour.'
'Okay,' said Eduardo, and got out of the car, with Mina following.
'Roland and Garrett,' said Egon, as soon as they had gone, 'I want you to stay near those two. Mina might be completely trustworthy, for all I know, but let's not forget that we have only just met her.'
'Garrett doesn't trust her,' said Roland.
'I just don't get why she can't answer our questions,' said Garrett. 'Maybe she's kosher, maybe she's not – I just don't know.'
'Well,' said Roland, as he and Garrett got out of the car, 'let's see if we can't find out.'
'If that's the way you feel, Egon,' said Kylie, 'why did you let Eduardo just walk off with her?'
'Because,' said Egon, 'it seems that Eduardo is determined to trust her, and I can understand that. She really does appear just to be Mina from Dracula. Her PKE signature matches Lucy's, for one thing.'
Kylie raised her eyebrows. 'And she really was just Lucy from Dracula?'
'Who knows?' said Egon.
'What an extraordinary thing this “car” is!' said Mina. 'Very clever. Not only is it quicker than a carriage, but it saves on horses, doesn't it?'
'Sure,' said Roland, 'but the gas adds up, not to mention tax and insurance.'
'I don't know what you're talking about,' said Mina.
'It doesn't matter,' said Egon. 'Mrs Harker, I must ask you some questions.'
'Yeah,' said Garrett, 'like how did you get out of the book?'
'Well,' said Mina, 'I'm still in the book. That is, if you read it, I think you'll find Lucy and I are still there.'
'I think you know what Garrett means, Mrs Harker,' said Egon.
'I suppose I do,' said Mina. 'But I'm afraid I can't answer him.'
'Can you describe what happened when you came here?' Egon asked.
'Sorry,' said Mina. 'I just sort of turned up here.'
'Where?' Garrett asked at once. 'Not here, in this car, so where exactly? And how did you know where to find us? How did you know to come to us at all?'
'I don't know where exactly,' said Mina. 'One area in this time and place looks very much like another. All I know is that I saw Lucy, and when I went asking after her, the search led me to you.'
'You seem very accepting of the situation,' said Garrett.
'Will you lay off her?' said Eduardo. 'She's only trying to help.'
'It's all right, Eduardo,' said Mina. Then she looked at Garrett. 'It was a shock to start with, I can tell you. But one must take these things in one's stride, mustn't one?'
'If you'd read the book,' said Eduardo, 'you'd know Mina can handle freaky stuff that happens.'
'Have you spoken to anyone, Mrs Harker?' asked Egon. 'Besides us, I mean.'
'Professor Spengler,' said Mina, 'I do believe you think someone was expecting Lucy and me.'
'And whoever bit me,' Kylie chipped in from the front seat.
'By the way, Kylie, how are you feeling now?' asked Egon.
'I feel fine,' said Kylie. 'Maybe nothing really will happen unless he sucks my blood some more.'
'Or she,' said Eduardo.
'Should we maybe not talk about the vampire chicks in front of Mina?' said Garrett. 'I mean, they and Keanu Reeves were getting pretty –'
'No,' said Eduardo, 'we shouldn't.'
'We're here,' said Roland, stopping the car outside the college campus.
'Good,' said Egon. 'Now, it's the English literature department we want, is it?'
'Hold on a moment, Doctor, if you please,' said Mina. 'Kylie was bitten in a particular place, but the vampire might be anywhere by now. Shouldn't we split up to look for it?'
Egon looked at her dubiously. 'Do you think that's wise?'
'We have to work fast, Egon,' said Kylie.
'Why?' asked Garrett, moving further back into the car. 'Are you getting any weird urges?'
'Just the urge to slap you, Garrett,' said Kylie, 'but there's nothing weird about that. We just need to be as fast as possible, that's all. I'll go with you, Egon. You'll know what to do if I, um... y'know.'
'I'm touched by your faith in me, Kylie,' said Egon.
'Can I go with Mina?' Eduardo asked eagerly, and Kylie looked a little put out.
'You trust Mrs Harker implicitly, don't you, Eduardo?' said Egon.
'Sure,' said Eduardo. 'Haven't you read the book? This girl rocks!'
'All right,' said Egon. 'You go with her.'
'Cool,' said Eduardo. 'So, what exactly are we looking for?'
'Kylie's vampire,' said Egon, 'and/or any sign of where it might have come from. We can't get inside anywhere except the library and study halls at this time, but if the PKE meters pick anything up, I'm sure we can effect an entry somehow. You two can start with the gym. Contact us if you find anything, and if no one does find anything, we'll meet back here in an hour.'
'Okay,' said Eduardo, and got out of the car, with Mina following.
'Roland and Garrett,' said Egon, as soon as they had gone, 'I want you to stay near those two. Mina might be completely trustworthy, for all I know, but let's not forget that we have only just met her.'
'Garrett doesn't trust her,' said Roland.
'I just don't get why she can't answer our questions,' said Garrett. 'Maybe she's kosher, maybe she's not – I just don't know.'
'Well,' said Roland, as he and Garrett got out of the car, 'let's see if we can't find out.'
'If that's the way you feel, Egon,' said Kylie, 'why did you let Eduardo just walk off with her?'
'Because,' said Egon, 'it seems that Eduardo is determined to trust her, and I can understand that. She really does appear just to be Mina from Dracula. Her PKE signature matches Lucy's, for one thing.'
Kylie raised her eyebrows. 'And she really was just Lucy from Dracula?'
'Who knows?' said Egon.
'I don't know if this is gonna work,' Eduardo
said, frowning at his PKE meter as he led Mina around the perimeter
of the college gymnasium. 'I think it's just picking up you.'
'Sorry,' said Mina.
'Not your fault,' said Eduardo, holstering his PKE meter. Then he stopped walking, and Mina stopped too. 'So, you said you saw Lucy when you, um... arrived. Did you see anyone else?'
'Kylie's vampire, do you mean?'
'Yeah.'
'Not that I noticed. Perhaps I saw it without realising. I've never seen the vampire women that you and Garrett were talking about. Jonathan may have mentioned them, but he didn't tell me much.'
'I'm not surprised,' said Eduardo, looking away and smirking. 'Look, Mina... if you can really try to remember...'
Mina smiled, and said, 'You are very fond of that girl, aren't you? I can tell.'
'You can?'
'Yes, but I can also see that you don't want it generally known. Perhaps you think people would laugh. Kylie has her own peculiar charm about her, of course, but... well, she's not exactly a beauty, is she?'
'What do you mean?' said Eduardo, looking and sounding as though he had been slapped in the face.
'Well,' Mina went on, 'I'm not being rude, but she's very small, for one thing. And her mouth is so wide, and her nose turns up. You must have noticed.'
'I... had noticed that, yeah.'
'But you can see past it all. Don't be embarrassed, dear – it's frightfully romantic.'
'Well,' said Eduardo, fidgeting with his collar and avoiding her eye, 'I sorta think it's, um...'
There was no need for Eduardo to finish that sentence, as suddenly Mina grabbed his arm and said, 'Did you hear that?'
'Hear what?'
'Maybe it's our vampire. Come on!'
Mina darted past Eduardo so quickly that it took him a moment to process it. Then, when he turned and sprinted after her, she seemed to have disappeared round the corner of the gym. Eduardo tried to follow, ran straight into Garrett's wheelchair and fell over onto his backside.
'What are you doing?' Garrett asked irritably, as Roland held out a hand to help Eduardo up.
'Chasing after Mina,' said Eduardo, dusting himself off. 'She ran after a noise. It was probably you guys. What are you doing here? Aren't we supposed to be searching in different areas?'
Garrett and Roland exchanged a look.
'What?' Eduardo demanded.
'I'm going to tell him,' said Roland, and Garrett shrugged. Roland looked at Eduardo. 'Egon told us to stay close to you and Mina.'
'What?' said Eduardo. 'Why?'
'We don't know how trustworthy she is,' said Roland.
Eduardo scowled. 'If you read the book –'
'Stop telling us to read the stupid book!' said Garrett. 'It is just a book, you know. I mean, what if this is something else? Like some kind of trick or something.'
'What kind of trick or something?' said Eduardo. 'What would be the point?'
'What's the point in characters out of Dracula coming to life?' countered Garrett.
'More importantly, guys,' said Roland, stepping between them, 'where's Mina run off to?'
'Sorry,' said Mina.
'Not your fault,' said Eduardo, holstering his PKE meter. Then he stopped walking, and Mina stopped too. 'So, you said you saw Lucy when you, um... arrived. Did you see anyone else?'
'Kylie's vampire, do you mean?'
'Yeah.'
'Not that I noticed. Perhaps I saw it without realising. I've never seen the vampire women that you and Garrett were talking about. Jonathan may have mentioned them, but he didn't tell me much.'
'I'm not surprised,' said Eduardo, looking away and smirking. 'Look, Mina... if you can really try to remember...'
Mina smiled, and said, 'You are very fond of that girl, aren't you? I can tell.'
'You can?'
'Yes, but I can also see that you don't want it generally known. Perhaps you think people would laugh. Kylie has her own peculiar charm about her, of course, but... well, she's not exactly a beauty, is she?'
'What do you mean?' said Eduardo, looking and sounding as though he had been slapped in the face.
'Well,' Mina went on, 'I'm not being rude, but she's very small, for one thing. And her mouth is so wide, and her nose turns up. You must have noticed.'
'I... had noticed that, yeah.'
'But you can see past it all. Don't be embarrassed, dear – it's frightfully romantic.'
'Well,' said Eduardo, fidgeting with his collar and avoiding her eye, 'I sorta think it's, um...'
There was no need for Eduardo to finish that sentence, as suddenly Mina grabbed his arm and said, 'Did you hear that?'
'Hear what?'
'Maybe it's our vampire. Come on!'
Mina darted past Eduardo so quickly that it took him a moment to process it. Then, when he turned and sprinted after her, she seemed to have disappeared round the corner of the gym. Eduardo tried to follow, ran straight into Garrett's wheelchair and fell over onto his backside.
'What are you doing?' Garrett asked irritably, as Roland held out a hand to help Eduardo up.
'Chasing after Mina,' said Eduardo, dusting himself off. 'She ran after a noise. It was probably you guys. What are you doing here? Aren't we supposed to be searching in different areas?'
Garrett and Roland exchanged a look.
'What?' Eduardo demanded.
'I'm going to tell him,' said Roland, and Garrett shrugged. Roland looked at Eduardo. 'Egon told us to stay close to you and Mina.'
'What?' said Eduardo. 'Why?'
'We don't know how trustworthy she is,' said Roland.
Eduardo scowled. 'If you read the book –'
'Stop telling us to read the stupid book!' said Garrett. 'It is just a book, you know. I mean, what if this is something else? Like some kind of trick or something.'
'What kind of trick or something?' said Eduardo. 'What would be the point?'
'What's the point in characters out of Dracula coming to life?' countered Garrett.
'More importantly, guys,' said Roland, stepping between them, 'where's Mina run off to?'
'It looks as though we're in luck,' Egon said, as he and Kylie
approached the building that contained the English literature
department. 'There's a light on in one of the offices.'
'Whoever it is will wonder what we're doing here,' said Kylie.
'Don't worry – we can say anything,' said Egon, as they entered the building and began walking down the corridor. 'I'm sure most of the staff here think I'm crazy, especially those that don't know me personally. I don't believe I've ever once set foot in the English lit. department. Are you still feeling all right?'
'I feel fine,' said Kylie. 'I know I keep saying I don't remember the book very well, but I'm pretty sure it takes days and weeks for Mina to change when this is happening to her. I wonder how she and Eduardo are getting along.'
'So do I,' said Egon.
'Like a house on fire, probably. This is where we think it happened, Egon.'
They were in the waiting area outside Office 1B. Egon took out his PKE meter, and a frown of concentration appeared on his face.
'This is where it happened all right,' he said. 'We're close, Kylie.'
'Close to what?'
'I don't know. Let's see who's burning the midnight oil in this office, shall we?'
He opened the door, and stared in utter amazement at what he found behind it.
'Whoever it is will wonder what we're doing here,' said Kylie.
'Don't worry – we can say anything,' said Egon, as they entered the building and began walking down the corridor. 'I'm sure most of the staff here think I'm crazy, especially those that don't know me personally. I don't believe I've ever once set foot in the English lit. department. Are you still feeling all right?'
'I feel fine,' said Kylie. 'I know I keep saying I don't remember the book very well, but I'm pretty sure it takes days and weeks for Mina to change when this is happening to her. I wonder how she and Eduardo are getting along.'
'So do I,' said Egon.
'Like a house on fire, probably. This is where we think it happened, Egon.'
They were in the waiting area outside Office 1B. Egon took out his PKE meter, and a frown of concentration appeared on his face.
'This is where it happened all right,' he said. 'We're close, Kylie.'
'Close to what?'
'I don't know. Let's see who's burning the midnight oil in this office, shall we?'
He opened the door, and stared in utter amazement at what he found behind it.
'You know where this PKE trail's leading us, right?' said Eduardo.
'Where?' asked Roland and Garrett together.
'English lit. Which means I was right. Haven't either of you guys ever taken an English lit. class?'
'It's not really my thing, Eduardo,' said Roland.
'I hear you, dude,' said Garrett. 'I mean, who cares why Juliet drowned herself and Atticus Finch killed Curley's wife, or whatever?'
'Right now, Garrett,' said Roland, 'no one. Look, there's a light on in that building.'
'Where?' asked Roland and Garrett together.
'English lit. Which means I was right. Haven't either of you guys ever taken an English lit. class?'
'It's not really my thing, Eduardo,' said Roland.
'I hear you, dude,' said Garrett. 'I mean, who cares why Juliet drowned herself and Atticus Finch killed Curley's wife, or whatever?'
'Right now, Garrett,' said Roland, 'no one. Look, there's a light on in that building.'
'How did you do this, Hart?' asked Egon.
Professor Hart was sitting in his office chair, looking guilty and stunned. His shirt was open at the collar, and there were no fewer than three vampire bites on his neck. With him were three very beautiful women, each smiling a fanged and sinister smile at Egon. Behind Egon, out of Hart's line of vision, was Kylie. She could not have looked more horrified.
'How perfectly delicious,' said one of the vampires, in a classic vampire movie accent, and she began slinking towards Egon.
'Don't!' said Hart, rather feebly, but it was enough to make her stop and look at him. 'You said you wouldn't make any more vampires!'
'Oh, come now,' another vampire said. 'Are we to have nothing tonight?'
'Hardly nothing,' said the third, gesturing at Hart. 'What have we just been doing to him?'
'I'm sure we don't want to know,' said Egon, making the three vampires look at him and bare their fangs. 'Hart, of course they're going to make more vampires, and a lot of people are going to die needlessly because of whatever it is you've done. Now, you have to tell me – what have you done?'
'Egon,' said Kylie, looking and sounding utterly shell-shocked, unable to take her eyes from Professor Hart's guilty face. 'What about me? Which one of them bit me? Am I supposed to be some kind of a replacement for Lucy or something, because we killed her? Oh, that's sick...'
'Kylie!' said Hart. 'What are you doing here? What do you mean, one of them bit you? I never wanted that! You have to believe me!'
The three vampires, meanwhile, were exchanging puzzled glances and muttering among themselves. At length, one turned to Kylie and said disdainfully, 'None of us has bitten you, child.'
'But you've all bitten Hart,' said Egon, 'and if I've been following Eduardo's English literature lessons, I know how to fix that.'
So saying, he looked suddenly fierce and produced an improbably large crucifix from somewhere about his person. The three vampires hissed and snarled and reeled away from him.
'Don't!' cried Hart, as Egon whipped out a wooden stake and killed his first vampire. She screamed and writhed, and then began to decompose before their very eyes.
'What do you mean, don't?' Egon asked severely, keeping back the other two vampires with his crucifix as he readjusted his grip on the stake. 'Professor Hart, this simply is not right!'
'I'll say!' Eduardo expostulated, bursting onto the scene with Roland and Garrett just behind him. He took in the situation at a glance, then advanced on Professor Hart, demanding, 'What's wrong with you, man?'
'My life sucks, that's what's wrong with me!' Professor Hart shot back, physically pushing Eduardo out of his personal space, while in the background Roland killed a vampire with a particularly sharp pencil. 'I like books! And I like vampires! And I just... wanted it all to be true.'
Eduardo shot him one last look of disgust, then turned away from him to ask, 'Where's Kylie?'
Egon looked at him, and then all around the room, saying, 'Well...'
'You have got to be kidding me!' said Eduardo, and he was off like a rocket.
'She's safe now, though, right?' said Roland. 'I mean, we killed all the vampires.'
'Did we?' said Egon. Then he, Roland and Garrett all turned menacing looks onto Professor Hart.
Professor Hart was sitting in his office chair, looking guilty and stunned. His shirt was open at the collar, and there were no fewer than three vampire bites on his neck. With him were three very beautiful women, each smiling a fanged and sinister smile at Egon. Behind Egon, out of Hart's line of vision, was Kylie. She could not have looked more horrified.
'How perfectly delicious,' said one of the vampires, in a classic vampire movie accent, and she began slinking towards Egon.
'Don't!' said Hart, rather feebly, but it was enough to make her stop and look at him. 'You said you wouldn't make any more vampires!'
'Oh, come now,' another vampire said. 'Are we to have nothing tonight?'
'Hardly nothing,' said the third, gesturing at Hart. 'What have we just been doing to him?'
'I'm sure we don't want to know,' said Egon, making the three vampires look at him and bare their fangs. 'Hart, of course they're going to make more vampires, and a lot of people are going to die needlessly because of whatever it is you've done. Now, you have to tell me – what have you done?'
'Egon,' said Kylie, looking and sounding utterly shell-shocked, unable to take her eyes from Professor Hart's guilty face. 'What about me? Which one of them bit me? Am I supposed to be some kind of a replacement for Lucy or something, because we killed her? Oh, that's sick...'
'Kylie!' said Hart. 'What are you doing here? What do you mean, one of them bit you? I never wanted that! You have to believe me!'
The three vampires, meanwhile, were exchanging puzzled glances and muttering among themselves. At length, one turned to Kylie and said disdainfully, 'None of us has bitten you, child.'
'But you've all bitten Hart,' said Egon, 'and if I've been following Eduardo's English literature lessons, I know how to fix that.'
So saying, he looked suddenly fierce and produced an improbably large crucifix from somewhere about his person. The three vampires hissed and snarled and reeled away from him.
'Don't!' cried Hart, as Egon whipped out a wooden stake and killed his first vampire. She screamed and writhed, and then began to decompose before their very eyes.
'What do you mean, don't?' Egon asked severely, keeping back the other two vampires with his crucifix as he readjusted his grip on the stake. 'Professor Hart, this simply is not right!'
'I'll say!' Eduardo expostulated, bursting onto the scene with Roland and Garrett just behind him. He took in the situation at a glance, then advanced on Professor Hart, demanding, 'What's wrong with you, man?'
'My life sucks, that's what's wrong with me!' Professor Hart shot back, physically pushing Eduardo out of his personal space, while in the background Roland killed a vampire with a particularly sharp pencil. 'I like books! And I like vampires! And I just... wanted it all to be true.'
Eduardo shot him one last look of disgust, then turned away from him to ask, 'Where's Kylie?'
Egon looked at him, and then all around the room, saying, 'Well...'
'You have got to be kidding me!' said Eduardo, and he was off like a rocket.
'She's safe now, though, right?' said Roland. 'I mean, we killed all the vampires.'
'Did we?' said Egon. Then he, Roland and Garrett all turned menacing looks onto Professor Hart.
Eduardo found Kylie by following his PKE meter. She was in a dark corridor with Mina, and Mina had opened her blouse just a little so that Kylie could suck her blood. For a moment, Eduardo stared in horror. Then he tore Mina away from Kylie and cried, 'What are you doing, Mina?'
Mina licked her lips, even more bloodied than Kylie's were, and grinned at him through the darkness. 'It happened to me, Eduardo. You know that.'
'But... you were okay! Van Helsing and Jonathan and Arthur and Dr Seward and that other guy saved you!'
'I was changing, though, wasn't I?' said Mina. 'And that ridiculous Hart character isn't interested in little wifeys, no matter how much of a man's brain she might have to go with her woman's heart. No, no, no. He's not a silly romantic like some people. He likes vampires!'
On this last word Mina let out a vicious hiss, bared her fangs and lunged at Eduardo. He took a clumsy step back, which would not have been enough to escape his attacker if Kylie had not leapt onto Mina's back and knocked her off balance. Mina roared savagely, struggling and biting and scratching until Kylie fell heavily onto the floor.
All of this gave Eduardo time to run to the nearest wooden door, bash the bejesus out of it with the heaviest part of his proton gun and pick up a large splinter of wood. When Mina advanced on him again, he lost no time in plunging the makeshift stake into her heart. She screamed, writhed and finally dropped down dead. Eduardo stepped over her and made his way along the corridor.
Kylie was kneeling on the floor, massaging her forehead and looking most out of sorts. Eduardo crouched near to her, asking with genuine concern, 'Are you ok– aah!' She had grabbed his goatee.
'You said,' Kylie grated, 'I didn't have to suck her blood!'
'It's true,' said Eduardo. 'I mean, I don't think you had to. It does happen in the book, but before that Van Helsing just said you turn into a vampire if one bites you.'
'Van Helsing can go jump off a cliff!'
Having said this, Kylie let go of the goatee, took a moment to compose herself and then allowed Eduardo to help her to her feet.
'Seriously, Ky,' he said. 'Are you okay?'
'I'm fine,' said Kylie. 'Apart from knowing what I know about Professor Hart, and that's not even the full story. I mean, what was he doing? Do I even want to know?'
'No,' said Eduardo. 'He's not worth it.'
Kylie nodded weakly. Then she asked, 'Are you okay?'
'Me? Why wouldn't I be okay?'
'Because you had to stake Mina, and you love Mina!'
'I don't love her,' said Eduardo. 'I like her, and look, she's fictional, which means that no one can spoil her for me.' He gestured at the body. 'That ain't her. That's just some stupid thing some crazy fan did, y'know? But...'
'But what?' asked Kylie.
'But, well, you're not fictional. I mean, I'd stake Mina Harker every day if it stopped you from turning into a vampire and everything.'
Kylie didn't answer with words, but she smiled so sweetly at him that he had to look away.
Mina licked her lips, even more bloodied than Kylie's were, and grinned at him through the darkness. 'It happened to me, Eduardo. You know that.'
'But... you were okay! Van Helsing and Jonathan and Arthur and Dr Seward and that other guy saved you!'
'I was changing, though, wasn't I?' said Mina. 'And that ridiculous Hart character isn't interested in little wifeys, no matter how much of a man's brain she might have to go with her woman's heart. No, no, no. He's not a silly romantic like some people. He likes vampires!'
On this last word Mina let out a vicious hiss, bared her fangs and lunged at Eduardo. He took a clumsy step back, which would not have been enough to escape his attacker if Kylie had not leapt onto Mina's back and knocked her off balance. Mina roared savagely, struggling and biting and scratching until Kylie fell heavily onto the floor.
All of this gave Eduardo time to run to the nearest wooden door, bash the bejesus out of it with the heaviest part of his proton gun and pick up a large splinter of wood. When Mina advanced on him again, he lost no time in plunging the makeshift stake into her heart. She screamed, writhed and finally dropped down dead. Eduardo stepped over her and made his way along the corridor.
Kylie was kneeling on the floor, massaging her forehead and looking most out of sorts. Eduardo crouched near to her, asking with genuine concern, 'Are you ok– aah!' She had grabbed his goatee.
'You said,' Kylie grated, 'I didn't have to suck her blood!'
'It's true,' said Eduardo. 'I mean, I don't think you had to. It does happen in the book, but before that Van Helsing just said you turn into a vampire if one bites you.'
'Van Helsing can go jump off a cliff!'
Having said this, Kylie let go of the goatee, took a moment to compose herself and then allowed Eduardo to help her to her feet.
'Seriously, Ky,' he said. 'Are you okay?'
'I'm fine,' said Kylie. 'Apart from knowing what I know about Professor Hart, and that's not even the full story. I mean, what was he doing? Do I even want to know?'
'No,' said Eduardo. 'He's not worth it.'
Kylie nodded weakly. Then she asked, 'Are you okay?'
'Me? Why wouldn't I be okay?'
'Because you had to stake Mina, and you love Mina!'
'I don't love her,' said Eduardo. 'I like her, and look, she's fictional, which means that no one can spoil her for me.' He gestured at the body. 'That ain't her. That's just some stupid thing some crazy fan did, y'know? But...'
'But what?' asked Kylie.
'But, well, you're not fictional. I mean, I'd stake Mina Harker every day if it stopped you from turning into a vampire and everything.'
Kylie didn't answer with words, but she smiled so sweetly at him that he had to look away.
'It's in here,' said Hart, taking out a briefcase from underneath his desk and opening the catches with a number combination.
The case sprang open. Egon held out his hand, and Hart put into it a
yellow hardback book with red lettering on the cover.
'Fascinating,' said Egon, turning the book over in his hand, then flicking through the yellowed pages. Behind him, Roland and Garrett watched with interest. 'First edition?'
'Of course.'
'Hmm.' Egon looked impassively at the inside cover. 'It's signed by the author. This is quite a family heirloom, Professor. It must be worth an absolute fortune.'
'I'll say!' said Garrett. 'If you hate your life so much, Prof., why don't you just sell that thing and buy yourself a new one?'
Hart shook his head sadly, and said, 'You're so young.'
'I'm afraid it'll have to be destroyed,' said Egon.
'What?' cried Garrett. 'Egon, come on! That's crazy talk!'
'Garrett's right, Egon, isn't he?' said Roland, somewhat pleadingly. 'Destroying that would be like destroying the Holy Grail!'
'No,' said Hart, 'Garrett is not right. Professor Spengler is. I don't know who I thought I was kidding. It was already way out of hand the second it started.'
'How exactly did you do it, Professor?' asked Roland.
Hart shrugged, and said, 'They told me just wanting it was enough.'
Egon, while they were talking, had got together a metal waste paper bin and a box of matches. As the priceless book went up in flames, everyone looked solemn. Professor Hart had tears in his eyes.
'So,' Garrett said at length, 'I guess that means vampires aren't really real after all.'
'Fascinating,' said Egon, turning the book over in his hand, then flicking through the yellowed pages. Behind him, Roland and Garrett watched with interest. 'First edition?'
'Of course.'
'Hmm.' Egon looked impassively at the inside cover. 'It's signed by the author. This is quite a family heirloom, Professor. It must be worth an absolute fortune.'
'I'll say!' said Garrett. 'If you hate your life so much, Prof., why don't you just sell that thing and buy yourself a new one?'
Hart shook his head sadly, and said, 'You're so young.'
'I'm afraid it'll have to be destroyed,' said Egon.
'What?' cried Garrett. 'Egon, come on! That's crazy talk!'
'Garrett's right, Egon, isn't he?' said Roland, somewhat pleadingly. 'Destroying that would be like destroying the Holy Grail!'
'No,' said Hart, 'Garrett is not right. Professor Spengler is. I don't know who I thought I was kidding. It was already way out of hand the second it started.'
'How exactly did you do it, Professor?' asked Roland.
Hart shrugged, and said, 'They told me just wanting it was enough.'
Egon, while they were talking, had got together a metal waste paper bin and a box of matches. As the priceless book went up in flames, everyone looked solemn. Professor Hart had tears in his eyes.
'So,' Garrett said at length, 'I guess that means vampires aren't really real after all.'
At the firehouse the next morning, Kylie found Eduardo at the kitchen table, poring over his binder of notes and a generous smattering of paperbacks. She waved away Slimer in a mood to be helpful, then picked up one of the books and glanced at the title: Frankenstein or The Modern Prometheus.
'Looks like a lot of effort for that bonehead Professor Hart,' said Kylie.
'It's not for him,' said Eduardo, not looking up. 'It's for me. After all that, I want my credits. This college stuff is getting serious now, y'know?'
'Yeah, I know,' said Kylie, dropping the book back onto the table. 'So what's Frankenstein doing here, anyway? I thought you hated it.'
'I didn't say I hated it. Anyway, I'm sick of Dracula.'
'That's too bad. You should still write about it, though. It's the one you know best.'
'You know it's no good just knowing the plot,' said Eduardo, still not looking up. 'You have to understand the characters and stuff, and make it all tie in with the Gothic tradition.'
'You understand Mina,' Kylie said gently.
Eduardo didn't answer. Kylie sat down, and stared at him across the table until his eyes flicked upwards.
'Take back the power, Eduardo,' she said. 'Remember what you said to me in that corridor? No one can spoil her for you. Write about the real Mina. You could compare her to that damp tissue Victor Frankenstein marries. Or write about one you liked more. You must have liked Jane Eyre – everybody likes Jane Eyre.'
'I can't use that one – it only has Gothic elements.'
'Yeah, but they're great ones though, aren't they? The creepy mansion, and the crazy woman in the attic, and the emotionally distant guy with a heart full of secrets... His name's Edward, remember?'
'That's a coincidence,' said Eduardo, looking down at his books again.
'What's a coincidence?' asked Kylie, smiling just a little.
'Don't you live in an attic?'
'Looks like a lot of effort for that bonehead Professor Hart,' said Kylie.
'It's not for him,' said Eduardo, not looking up. 'It's for me. After all that, I want my credits. This college stuff is getting serious now, y'know?'
'Yeah, I know,' said Kylie, dropping the book back onto the table. 'So what's Frankenstein doing here, anyway? I thought you hated it.'
'I didn't say I hated it. Anyway, I'm sick of Dracula.'
'That's too bad. You should still write about it, though. It's the one you know best.'
'You know it's no good just knowing the plot,' said Eduardo, still not looking up. 'You have to understand the characters and stuff, and make it all tie in with the Gothic tradition.'
'You understand Mina,' Kylie said gently.
Eduardo didn't answer. Kylie sat down, and stared at him across the table until his eyes flicked upwards.
'Take back the power, Eduardo,' she said. 'Remember what you said to me in that corridor? No one can spoil her for you. Write about the real Mina. You could compare her to that damp tissue Victor Frankenstein marries. Or write about one you liked more. You must have liked Jane Eyre – everybody likes Jane Eyre.'
'I can't use that one – it only has Gothic elements.'
'Yeah, but they're great ones though, aren't they? The creepy mansion, and the crazy woman in the attic, and the emotionally distant guy with a heart full of secrets... His name's Edward, remember?'
'That's a coincidence,' said Eduardo, looking down at his books again.
'What's a coincidence?' asked Kylie, smiling just a little.
'Don't you live in an attic?'
