The Riveras Episode 8: February – Affairs of the Heart
Written by Jake Collins and Rosey Collins
Kevin's class was seated around a long bank of tables in the art room, a wide array of materials laid out before them. The art teacher was standing at the head of the table, looking sour-faced and irritable.
'I've noticed that most of you kids seem to regard this double art period as an excuse to loll about and not do any work for two hours!' the teacher barked. 'Well, not today! Each of you is going to make a Valentine's card for someone you care about, and I am going to give you a mark out of ten in my mark book. Anyone who doesn't produce a card that I consider to be a true indication of their artistic abilities will be back here for detention on Friday afternoon. Is that clear?'
'Yes, Mrs Cheale,' chorused the class.
'Okay,' said Mrs Cheale, 'now get to work!'
As his classmates hurriedly started drawing and cutting on all sides, Kevin adopted an uncomfortable expression. He slipped off his stool and sloped up to Mrs Cheale.
'What do you want?' the teacher asked shortly.
'Mrs Cheale, I don't feel comfortable doing this activity,' said Kevin. 'Can't I just draw a picture of a dog instead?'
'For goodness' sake, Kevin, just make a Valentine's card!' said Mrs Cheale. 'I don't care who it's for – it doesn't matter if you don't have a girlfriend! Just pick someone in your family or something.'
'It's not that, exactly,' said Kevin. 'It's just I... I don't feel like this is a choice I want to make right now, and I'd rather draw a picture of a dog.'
'If you want to draw a dog,' Mrs Cheale snarled, 'do it on a Valentine's card! You can produce a whole series of dog-based Valentines if you want!'
'Okay,' said Kevin. 'Okay, that's exactly what I'll do.'
'I've noticed that most of you kids seem to regard this double art period as an excuse to loll about and not do any work for two hours!' the teacher barked. 'Well, not today! Each of you is going to make a Valentine's card for someone you care about, and I am going to give you a mark out of ten in my mark book. Anyone who doesn't produce a card that I consider to be a true indication of their artistic abilities will be back here for detention on Friday afternoon. Is that clear?'
'Yes, Mrs Cheale,' chorused the class.
'Okay,' said Mrs Cheale, 'now get to work!'
As his classmates hurriedly started drawing and cutting on all sides, Kevin adopted an uncomfortable expression. He slipped off his stool and sloped up to Mrs Cheale.
'What do you want?' the teacher asked shortly.
'Mrs Cheale, I don't feel comfortable doing this activity,' said Kevin. 'Can't I just draw a picture of a dog instead?'
'For goodness' sake, Kevin, just make a Valentine's card!' said Mrs Cheale. 'I don't care who it's for – it doesn't matter if you don't have a girlfriend! Just pick someone in your family or something.'
'It's not that, exactly,' said Kevin. 'It's just I... I don't feel like this is a choice I want to make right now, and I'd rather draw a picture of a dog.'
'If you want to draw a dog,' Mrs Cheale snarled, 'do it on a Valentine's card! You can produce a whole series of dog-based Valentines if you want!'
'Okay,' said Kevin. 'Okay, that's exactly what I'll do.'
Eduardo was sitting at the breakfast bar in Carl and Beth's kitchen, scribbling in a notebook, while Carl stood irritably by and kept glancing at the clock on the wall.
'Okay,' said Eduardo, 'just a couple more questions.'
'I don't like these questions,' said Carl.
'It's good to talk about stuff,' said Eduardo. 'You should be more open, man.'
Carl scowled. 'What do you want to ask me? Quickly – I have to go to work.'
'Will you tell me about when you and Dad went to Puerto Rico in September 'eighty-nine – you know, for the hurricane relief?'
'That's not quick. And it's not relevant anyway – not if you're supposed to be writing some crap about the city.'
'I'm writing about the NYPD Hispanic Society. But I guess you don't know very much about that, do you?'
'You should talk to Jose Rodriguez,' said Carl. 'I think he's joined the Hispanic Society since he became an official informant. Or you could join yourself. When's that paper due – a couple of months? You could make it if you hurry.'
'Lo siento, no entiendo,' said Eduardo, concentrating on his notebook. 'I wish Dad was here – he'd tell me everything I need to know.'
Carl laughed dryly. 'If Dad was here, do you really think you'd be writing college papers?'
'Maybe,' Eduardo said airily.
'If he'd let you go to college, it'd be on the condition that you joined the NYPD Cadet Corps.'
'Oh, yeah – I remember when you had that idea. I never would've gotten in, though. I'd have failed the exercise test. When they told me to run, I'd have said no.'
'So what exactly are you gonna do with this urban studies bull, huh?'
'I have to pass before I do anything else,' said Eduardo, closing his notebook and getting to his feet. 'Maybe I will try to see Jose Rodriguez... if I can get hold of Hermione's Time Turner or something.'
'You could always sacrifice a few of your sessions with Kylie,' said Carl. 'Then you'd have plenty of time. Shouldn't you guys be cooling off by now, anyway? It's been over a year, for God's sakes!'
'I don't think there's any “should” about it, Carlos.'
'But you must be doing something differently now, right? It can't be exactly the same as when you brought her back from that wedding. I mean... how do you both keep each other interested?'
'I wouldn't answer that even if I could,' said Eduardo. 'Look, I thought you wanted to get to –'
'Today's Valentine's Day, isn't it? Do you think Beth wants me to do something for her?'
'How should I know? I'm not Beth. Why are you asking me this stuff? You never wanted anything from me before except rent. Look, if you guys are having some kind of problem, only you and Beth know –'
'That reminds me,' said Carl. 'Do you have any idea how much hot water you've been using lately? I'm gonna need another twenty dollars for the bill.'
'What? No way!' said Eduardo. 'I haven't been using any more hot water than usual.'
'Then how do you explain the bill I got this morning?'
'I wouldn't have to explain your bills if you got the place its own hot water tank! Are you gonna have these kinds of arguments with the next tenant too?'
'Look, just give me twenty dollars, Eddie.'
'Bite me.'
'It must be Kylie,' Carl persisted. 'Women spend a long time in the shower, don't they?'
'Kylie hasn't been using any more hot water than she did a year ago. The rates must have gone up.'
'Ah, so then I have to increase your rent anyway!'
'I'll talk about it with Beth later,' said Eduardo, beginning to make his way out of the room. 'She's always reasonable about this stuff.'
'A pushover, you mean,' said Carl, following Eduardo to the front door, and staying well within his personal space as he did so.
Eduardo turned in the doorway, and gave Carl a look. 'I think I just figured out how to fix your problem with Beth. Try not calling her names.'
'I didn't mean that,' said Carl. 'I meant that you shouldn't take advantage of her good nature. And who said we have a problem, anyway?'
'Isn't that what you were saying just now?'
'I never said anything about a problem.'
'Okay, well, good,' said Eduardo. 'Look, maybe Beth'd like it if you guys had the house to yourselves tomorrow night. If you want, Kevin could stay over with me after Buffy and Angel.'
'Why?' Carl barked. 'What have you heard?'
'Nothing. It's just that it's an opportunity if you want to do something for her. There's no reason why it has to be tonight, after all – this is really just another day.'
'Just another day, huh?' Carl said sceptically. 'So you're not planning anything special?'
'No more special than usual,' said Eduardo. 'Anyway, thanks for the help. Seriously.'
He waved his notebook at Carl, then made his way up to his apartment, where Kylie was dozing in his bed and in his jacket. When she heard the door open, she opened her eyes and greeted him with a warm smile and outstretched arms.
'Okay,' said Eduardo, 'just a couple more questions.'
'I don't like these questions,' said Carl.
'It's good to talk about stuff,' said Eduardo. 'You should be more open, man.'
Carl scowled. 'What do you want to ask me? Quickly – I have to go to work.'
'Will you tell me about when you and Dad went to Puerto Rico in September 'eighty-nine – you know, for the hurricane relief?'
'That's not quick. And it's not relevant anyway – not if you're supposed to be writing some crap about the city.'
'I'm writing about the NYPD Hispanic Society. But I guess you don't know very much about that, do you?'
'You should talk to Jose Rodriguez,' said Carl. 'I think he's joined the Hispanic Society since he became an official informant. Or you could join yourself. When's that paper due – a couple of months? You could make it if you hurry.'
'Lo siento, no entiendo,' said Eduardo, concentrating on his notebook. 'I wish Dad was here – he'd tell me everything I need to know.'
Carl laughed dryly. 'If Dad was here, do you really think you'd be writing college papers?'
'Maybe,' Eduardo said airily.
'If he'd let you go to college, it'd be on the condition that you joined the NYPD Cadet Corps.'
'Oh, yeah – I remember when you had that idea. I never would've gotten in, though. I'd have failed the exercise test. When they told me to run, I'd have said no.'
'So what exactly are you gonna do with this urban studies bull, huh?'
'I have to pass before I do anything else,' said Eduardo, closing his notebook and getting to his feet. 'Maybe I will try to see Jose Rodriguez... if I can get hold of Hermione's Time Turner or something.'
'You could always sacrifice a few of your sessions with Kylie,' said Carl. 'Then you'd have plenty of time. Shouldn't you guys be cooling off by now, anyway? It's been over a year, for God's sakes!'
'I don't think there's any “should” about it, Carlos.'
'But you must be doing something differently now, right? It can't be exactly the same as when you brought her back from that wedding. I mean... how do you both keep each other interested?'
'I wouldn't answer that even if I could,' said Eduardo. 'Look, I thought you wanted to get to –'
'Today's Valentine's Day, isn't it? Do you think Beth wants me to do something for her?'
'How should I know? I'm not Beth. Why are you asking me this stuff? You never wanted anything from me before except rent. Look, if you guys are having some kind of problem, only you and Beth know –'
'That reminds me,' said Carl. 'Do you have any idea how much hot water you've been using lately? I'm gonna need another twenty dollars for the bill.'
'What? No way!' said Eduardo. 'I haven't been using any more hot water than usual.'
'Then how do you explain the bill I got this morning?'
'I wouldn't have to explain your bills if you got the place its own hot water tank! Are you gonna have these kinds of arguments with the next tenant too?'
'Look, just give me twenty dollars, Eddie.'
'Bite me.'
'It must be Kylie,' Carl persisted. 'Women spend a long time in the shower, don't they?'
'Kylie hasn't been using any more hot water than she did a year ago. The rates must have gone up.'
'Ah, so then I have to increase your rent anyway!'
'I'll talk about it with Beth later,' said Eduardo, beginning to make his way out of the room. 'She's always reasonable about this stuff.'
'A pushover, you mean,' said Carl, following Eduardo to the front door, and staying well within his personal space as he did so.
Eduardo turned in the doorway, and gave Carl a look. 'I think I just figured out how to fix your problem with Beth. Try not calling her names.'
'I didn't mean that,' said Carl. 'I meant that you shouldn't take advantage of her good nature. And who said we have a problem, anyway?'
'Isn't that what you were saying just now?'
'I never said anything about a problem.'
'Okay, well, good,' said Eduardo. 'Look, maybe Beth'd like it if you guys had the house to yourselves tomorrow night. If you want, Kevin could stay over with me after Buffy and Angel.'
'Why?' Carl barked. 'What have you heard?'
'Nothing. It's just that it's an opportunity if you want to do something for her. There's no reason why it has to be tonight, after all – this is really just another day.'
'Just another day, huh?' Carl said sceptically. 'So you're not planning anything special?'
'No more special than usual,' said Eduardo. 'Anyway, thanks for the help. Seriously.'
He waved his notebook at Carl, then made his way up to his apartment, where Kylie was dozing in his bed and in his jacket. When she heard the door open, she opened her eyes and greeted him with a warm smile and outstretched arms.
Kevin was sitting at the art table with an array of small, neat Valentine's cards in front of him, each with a colourful drawing of an animal on the front. No one else in the class had made more than two cards.
'Okay, now let's come back together for the plenary and see what we've all come up with,' said Mrs Cheale. 'Kevin, how many cards do you have there?'
'Six, Mrs Cheale,' Kevin replied.
'And you've drawn a dog on each of them?' said Mrs Cheale.
'Yes,' said Kevin.
'One of them looks more like a cat,' Ella remarked.
'Yes, one of them is a cat,' Kevin admitted. 'It's for someone who has a cat.'
'Who exactly are they for, Kevin?' asked Mrs Cheale.
'Six people who I think of as my closest friends and family,' said Kevin. 'I've written the names inside the cards in bubble letters, look, and I've done a little pneumonic for each one.'
'Would you care to read one of your pneumonics to us, Kevin?' said Mrs Cheale.
'Um... I'd rather not read them out loud, if you don't mind,' said Kevin. 'You could come over here and read them in your head if you want, Mrs Cheale.'
Mrs Cheale walked over to where Kevin was sitting and looked inside three of his cards.
'I'm giving you ten out of ten,' she announced. 'Well done, Kevin. Now, who else has come up with something that's worth looking at?'
'Okay, now let's come back together for the plenary and see what we've all come up with,' said Mrs Cheale. 'Kevin, how many cards do you have there?'
'Six, Mrs Cheale,' Kevin replied.
'And you've drawn a dog on each of them?' said Mrs Cheale.
'Yes,' said Kevin.
'One of them looks more like a cat,' Ella remarked.
'Yes, one of them is a cat,' Kevin admitted. 'It's for someone who has a cat.'
'Who exactly are they for, Kevin?' asked Mrs Cheale.
'Six people who I think of as my closest friends and family,' said Kevin. 'I've written the names inside the cards in bubble letters, look, and I've done a little pneumonic for each one.'
'Would you care to read one of your pneumonics to us, Kevin?' said Mrs Cheale.
'Um... I'd rather not read them out loud, if you don't mind,' said Kevin. 'You could come over here and read them in your head if you want, Mrs Cheale.'
Mrs Cheale walked over to where Kevin was sitting and looked inside three of his cards.
'I'm giving you ten out of ten,' she announced. 'Well done, Kevin. Now, who else has come up with something that's worth looking at?'
Lucy and Jandro were walking along the corridor outside the art room. Kevin ran up behind them and put an arm around each of their shoulders, holding a Valentine's card in each hand.
'Don't go rushing off before you've seen your cards, guys,' he grinned at them.
'So, we're members of the lucky six, huh?' Lucy grinned back at him. 'What an honour.'
'I have to admit, I was kinda hoping...' said Jandro. 'But I wasn't expecting it, Kev.'
'Of course you both made the cut,' said Kevin. 'Go ahead and read them, then.'
'What kind of dog is this?' said Lucy, examining her card.
'It's a little shih tzu,' said Kevin.
'Charming,' Lucy laughed. 'Okay, let's see what it says inside. Likeable? Unselfish? Creative? Yes! Oh, thanks Kev.'
She gave him a quick hug and put the card in her bag, while Jandro examined the picture on his.
'Is this a chihuahua?' he asked.
'It sure is,' Kevin grinned. 'Go on, open it!'
'Jauntily, Affably Nice – Dude's Really Okay,' Jandro read out. 'Thanks, Kev – you're really okay too.'
Jandro pocketed his card using one arm and hugged Kevin with the other, then they all traipsed off to their next lesson.
'Don't go rushing off before you've seen your cards, guys,' he grinned at them.
'So, we're members of the lucky six, huh?' Lucy grinned back at him. 'What an honour.'
'I have to admit, I was kinda hoping...' said Jandro. 'But I wasn't expecting it, Kev.'
'Of course you both made the cut,' said Kevin. 'Go ahead and read them, then.'
'What kind of dog is this?' said Lucy, examining her card.
'It's a little shih tzu,' said Kevin.
'Charming,' Lucy laughed. 'Okay, let's see what it says inside. Likeable? Unselfish? Creative? Yes! Oh, thanks Kev.'
She gave him a quick hug and put the card in her bag, while Jandro examined the picture on his.
'Is this a chihuahua?' he asked.
'It sure is,' Kevin grinned. 'Go on, open it!'
'Jauntily, Affably Nice – Dude's Really Okay,' Jandro read out. 'Thanks, Kev – you're really okay too.'
Jandro pocketed his card using one arm and hugged Kevin with the other, then they all traipsed off to their next lesson.
It was the end of the school day. Kids were streaming from the main entrance and some were hanging around on the steps outside, including Martin and Phoebe, who were bashfully exchanging Valentines as they leant against the railing. Kevin was just emerging onto the steps when a shout came to his ears.
'Kev, wait up!'
He turned around to see Michael running up to him at quite a pace.
'Hi, Mike,' said Kevin. 'What's going on?'
'I want to talk to you about those Valentine's cards you made,' said Michael.
'Oh, I see,' said Kevin. 'Look, I didn't make one for you because I thought you wouldn't want to get a Valentine from another boy.'
'That's okay – you were right,' said Michael. 'But the fact is, Kev, I do want you to make one for me – one that I can give to Ella, with the dog and the little poem and everything.'
'Um, well... don't you think it'd be better if you made it yourself?' said Kevin.
'I can't draw and I can't write love messages!' said Michael. 'But you can, Kev. Make one for me tonight and bring it to school tomorrow... please. You've already done so much to help me impress Ella – just one more little favour, huh?'
'Didn't you make her a Valentine in art class?' Kevin suddenly thought to ask.
'Yeah, I did,' said Michael, 'but it was totally crap and I didn't give it to her. Come on, Kev; be a pal.'
'Well... okay,' said Kevin. 'What kind of dog does she like best?'
'Um... she really likes that movie with the black-and-white spotted ones that almost get turned into a coat by that crazy lady.'
'Dalmatians, okay. I'll see what I can do.'
'Kev, wait up!'
He turned around to see Michael running up to him at quite a pace.
'Hi, Mike,' said Kevin. 'What's going on?'
'I want to talk to you about those Valentine's cards you made,' said Michael.
'Oh, I see,' said Kevin. 'Look, I didn't make one for you because I thought you wouldn't want to get a Valentine from another boy.'
'That's okay – you were right,' said Michael. 'But the fact is, Kev, I do want you to make one for me – one that I can give to Ella, with the dog and the little poem and everything.'
'Um, well... don't you think it'd be better if you made it yourself?' said Kevin.
'I can't draw and I can't write love messages!' said Michael. 'But you can, Kev. Make one for me tonight and bring it to school tomorrow... please. You've already done so much to help me impress Ella – just one more little favour, huh?'
'Didn't you make her a Valentine in art class?' Kevin suddenly thought to ask.
'Yeah, I did,' said Michael, 'but it was totally crap and I didn't give it to her. Come on, Kev; be a pal.'
'Well... okay,' said Kevin. 'What kind of dog does she like best?'
'Um... she really likes that movie with the black-and-white spotted ones that almost get turned into a coat by that crazy lady.'
'Dalmatians, okay. I'll see what I can do.'
'Mom, I made you a Valentine's card,' Kevin announced, as he sauntered into the living room with his offering held out before him. 'I made them for all my closest friends and family, and this is yours.'
Beth put down her sewing, smiled at her son, and took the Valentine's card.
'Oh, honey, what a lovely Saint Bernard,' she said.
'Look inside,' Kevin encouraged her.
'Best Ever Total Heroine,' Beth read out. 'How clever, sweetheart!'
She rose to her feet, hugged Kevin tightly for about five seconds, then went to put the card on top of the TV.
'I'll leave a space here and we can put your dad's card next to it,' said Beth.
'Dad's card?' said Kevin, looking slightly awkward.
'You mean you didn't make him one?' said Beth. 'Oh, honey, he'll be so hurt! I'll have to put mine in the trash before he gets home.'
'No, don't do that,' said Kevin. 'I'll make him one this evening – I have another one to do anyway. I'll just go up and give Eduardo and Kylie theirs first, okay? Oh, and I have to drop one in the mailbox at the end of the street too.'
'Okay, sweetheart,' said Beth. 'Do you know what you're going to write in your dad's card?'
'Cruel And Really Lame,' said Kevin, then he adopted a mischievous grin and added, 'Oh, Sure!'
'Kevin, I know you're not really going to write that,' Beth said sternly.
'You're right; I'm not,' said Kevin, smiling sheepishly. 'I'll think of something when I get back.'
Beth put down her sewing, smiled at her son, and took the Valentine's card.
'Oh, honey, what a lovely Saint Bernard,' she said.
'Look inside,' Kevin encouraged her.
'Best Ever Total Heroine,' Beth read out. 'How clever, sweetheart!'
She rose to her feet, hugged Kevin tightly for about five seconds, then went to put the card on top of the TV.
'I'll leave a space here and we can put your dad's card next to it,' said Beth.
'Dad's card?' said Kevin, looking slightly awkward.
'You mean you didn't make him one?' said Beth. 'Oh, honey, he'll be so hurt! I'll have to put mine in the trash before he gets home.'
'No, don't do that,' said Kevin. 'I'll make him one this evening – I have another one to do anyway. I'll just go up and give Eduardo and Kylie theirs first, okay? Oh, and I have to drop one in the mailbox at the end of the street too.'
'Okay, sweetheart,' said Beth. 'Do you know what you're going to write in your dad's card?'
'Cruel And Really Lame,' said Kevin, then he adopted a mischievous grin and added, 'Oh, Sure!'
'Kevin, I know you're not really going to write that,' Beth said sternly.
'You're right; I'm not,' said Kevin, smiling sheepishly. 'I'll think of something when I get back.'
'Is this a chihuahua, man?' said Eduardo, as he examined the front of his Valentine's card.
'Yes, Uncle Eduardo,' said Kevin.
'And mine has a picture of Pagan,' said Kylie, smiling. 'It's a pretty good likeness, Kev.'
'Thanks,' said Kevin. 'Now look and see what I've written inside.'
Eduardo and Kylie opened their cards in unison and read their pneumonics.
'Easygoing Dad-based Uncle, Always Really Does Okay,' Eduardo read out. 'Why am I dad-based, dude?'
'You're my uncle because you're my dad's brother,' Kevin explained, 'so you're a dad-based uncle.'
'Oh yeah, I guess I am,' Eduardo laughed. 'That's really cool, Kev. What does yours say, Ky?'
Kylie had adopted an expression of confusion and slight worry. Kevin's mouth dropped open in alarm.
'Oh, Kylie!' he said. 'I'm sorry, I meant to explain before I gave it to you. That's not what I want to do to you myself – it's what I think Uncle Eduardo wants to do to you, and I'm just saying I'm happy that it makes you both happy... that's all, I swear!'
'Well, that's a relief,' Kylie laughed. 'Don't worry, Kev – it's really clever.'
'What on earth does it say, Ky?' Eduardo asked.
'Kiss Your Lips In Ecstasy,' said Kylie.
Eduardo laughed, and slapped Kevin on the back. Kevin grinned.
'Thanks, Kev,' said Kylie, putting her arms around him. 'You're a real sweetie.'
Kevin smiled, and patted her on the back in a slightly awkward way. As they drew apart, Kylie's face took on a shocked expression.
'Oh my God, you're taller than me!' she exclaimed in alarm. 'It's finally official – I'm smaller than a twelve-year-old boy!'
'Well, I'm wearing shoes and you're not, don't forget,' said Kevin, 'plus it's only four months 'til I turn thirteen, so...'
'I'll only be up to your chest by then, no matter how many shoes I'm wearing!' said Kylie.
'Don't worry about it, Ky,' said Eduardo, moving towards her and pulling her into his arms. 'You might be small, but you're perfectly proportioned.'
'So anyway, I'd better be going, I guess,' said Kevin, averting his gaze. 'See you tomorrow night, Uncle Eduardo... right?'
'You bet,' said Eduardo, letting go of Kylie in order to show Kevin to the door. 'I know I complain about Buffy, but I still like it really.'
'Yeah, well,' said Kevin, 'it's not as good as it used to be. I'm actually enjoying Angel more. It's too bad Doyle's gone, though – they're all just Buffy cast-offs now that Wesley's replaced him. But I guess we can talk about it in detail tomorrow, can't we? See ya.'
'Bye, Kev,' said Eduardo, and closed the door behind his nephew.
'Has Buffy really gotten that much worse?' asked Kylie.
'Well, no, not all the time,' said Eduardo. 'The problem is that lately they've been doing a lot with the boyfriend character, and he's annoying. But you don't want all the details – I'll just discuss it with Kevin tomorrow. It'll make a nice change from talking about other people's relationship issues. When he knocked on the door, I was really afraid he wanted advice about a girl or something.'
'Really?' said Kylie. 'Why?'
'Because people keep asking me about that stuff! Well... just Roland and Carlos, I guess. But that's two too many – I mean, what the hell are they asking me for?'
'Probably because they can see how happy you're making me. It's a compliment, really.'
'Yeah, well... maybe. But I don't know what to tell them, because you're not T'Keyah and you're not Beth.'
'No, I'm not,' said Kylie. 'I have to admit, I sometimes find Beth hard to understand, no matter how much I like her. Did Carl really ask for your advice about their relationship?'
'Well,' said Eduardo, 'he kind of did. But he can't really expect me to know what to do about anything that's going on in a marriage of fifteen years, can he? I mean, I don't know the way back to the days when you couldn't find him without also finding Beth walking around in a towel or something... if there is a way back.'
'Is that what you told him?'
'I tried,' said Eduardo, 'but he slammed the brakes on.'
Kylie smiled. 'Slammed the brakes on, huh?'
'Yeah, so I just ended up offering to take Kevin off their hands all night tomorrow.'
'Well, that could work. Thank God for Buffy Night. It's the only reason I'm more or less keeping up with my studies. You're a bad influence on me, you know.'
'Hey,' said Eduardo, grabbing hold of her again. 'Can I help it if I'm irresistible?'
'Kind of. Like when Pagan makes himself extra cute to get attention... and I always fall for both of you.' So saying, she began caressing his upper body. 'When the hell do you study, anyway?'
'I don't know. Before Buffy and when you're in the bathroom, I guess. I'm so generous, I barely get a minute to myself, between you and Kevin.'
'Oh my God, that was so sweet of him to make us Valentine's cards,' said Kylie.
'Yeah. I really love that kid,' said Eduardo. 'And he's right, you know – I do like to kiss your lips in ecstasy.'
'You wanna do it now?' said Kylie. 'They are feeling kinda dry.'
'Then I'll be glad to moisten them for you,' Eduardo grinned.
'Yes, Uncle Eduardo,' said Kevin.
'And mine has a picture of Pagan,' said Kylie, smiling. 'It's a pretty good likeness, Kev.'
'Thanks,' said Kevin. 'Now look and see what I've written inside.'
Eduardo and Kylie opened their cards in unison and read their pneumonics.
'Easygoing Dad-based Uncle, Always Really Does Okay,' Eduardo read out. 'Why am I dad-based, dude?'
'You're my uncle because you're my dad's brother,' Kevin explained, 'so you're a dad-based uncle.'
'Oh yeah, I guess I am,' Eduardo laughed. 'That's really cool, Kev. What does yours say, Ky?'
Kylie had adopted an expression of confusion and slight worry. Kevin's mouth dropped open in alarm.
'Oh, Kylie!' he said. 'I'm sorry, I meant to explain before I gave it to you. That's not what I want to do to you myself – it's what I think Uncle Eduardo wants to do to you, and I'm just saying I'm happy that it makes you both happy... that's all, I swear!'
'Well, that's a relief,' Kylie laughed. 'Don't worry, Kev – it's really clever.'
'What on earth does it say, Ky?' Eduardo asked.
'Kiss Your Lips In Ecstasy,' said Kylie.
Eduardo laughed, and slapped Kevin on the back. Kevin grinned.
'Thanks, Kev,' said Kylie, putting her arms around him. 'You're a real sweetie.'
Kevin smiled, and patted her on the back in a slightly awkward way. As they drew apart, Kylie's face took on a shocked expression.
'Oh my God, you're taller than me!' she exclaimed in alarm. 'It's finally official – I'm smaller than a twelve-year-old boy!'
'Well, I'm wearing shoes and you're not, don't forget,' said Kevin, 'plus it's only four months 'til I turn thirteen, so...'
'I'll only be up to your chest by then, no matter how many shoes I'm wearing!' said Kylie.
'Don't worry about it, Ky,' said Eduardo, moving towards her and pulling her into his arms. 'You might be small, but you're perfectly proportioned.'
'So anyway, I'd better be going, I guess,' said Kevin, averting his gaze. 'See you tomorrow night, Uncle Eduardo... right?'
'You bet,' said Eduardo, letting go of Kylie in order to show Kevin to the door. 'I know I complain about Buffy, but I still like it really.'
'Yeah, well,' said Kevin, 'it's not as good as it used to be. I'm actually enjoying Angel more. It's too bad Doyle's gone, though – they're all just Buffy cast-offs now that Wesley's replaced him. But I guess we can talk about it in detail tomorrow, can't we? See ya.'
'Bye, Kev,' said Eduardo, and closed the door behind his nephew.
'Has Buffy really gotten that much worse?' asked Kylie.
'Well, no, not all the time,' said Eduardo. 'The problem is that lately they've been doing a lot with the boyfriend character, and he's annoying. But you don't want all the details – I'll just discuss it with Kevin tomorrow. It'll make a nice change from talking about other people's relationship issues. When he knocked on the door, I was really afraid he wanted advice about a girl or something.'
'Really?' said Kylie. 'Why?'
'Because people keep asking me about that stuff! Well... just Roland and Carlos, I guess. But that's two too many – I mean, what the hell are they asking me for?'
'Probably because they can see how happy you're making me. It's a compliment, really.'
'Yeah, well... maybe. But I don't know what to tell them, because you're not T'Keyah and you're not Beth.'
'No, I'm not,' said Kylie. 'I have to admit, I sometimes find Beth hard to understand, no matter how much I like her. Did Carl really ask for your advice about their relationship?'
'Well,' said Eduardo, 'he kind of did. But he can't really expect me to know what to do about anything that's going on in a marriage of fifteen years, can he? I mean, I don't know the way back to the days when you couldn't find him without also finding Beth walking around in a towel or something... if there is a way back.'
'Is that what you told him?'
'I tried,' said Eduardo, 'but he slammed the brakes on.'
Kylie smiled. 'Slammed the brakes on, huh?'
'Yeah, so I just ended up offering to take Kevin off their hands all night tomorrow.'
'Well, that could work. Thank God for Buffy Night. It's the only reason I'm more or less keeping up with my studies. You're a bad influence on me, you know.'
'Hey,' said Eduardo, grabbing hold of her again. 'Can I help it if I'm irresistible?'
'Kind of. Like when Pagan makes himself extra cute to get attention... and I always fall for both of you.' So saying, she began caressing his upper body. 'When the hell do you study, anyway?'
'I don't know. Before Buffy and when you're in the bathroom, I guess. I'm so generous, I barely get a minute to myself, between you and Kevin.'
'Oh my God, that was so sweet of him to make us Valentine's cards,' said Kylie.
'Yeah. I really love that kid,' said Eduardo. 'And he's right, you know – I do like to kiss your lips in ecstasy.'
'You wanna do it now?' said Kylie. 'They are feeling kinda dry.'
'Then I'll be glad to moisten them for you,' Eduardo grinned.
Some while later, Eduardo was folding his bed back into its sofa form while Kylie stuffed sheets and pillows into the cupboard just outside the bathroom. He was wearing a full set of clothes, whereas she was wrapped in a skimpy bath towel. She was closing the cupboard when a loud and insistent knocking at the front door reverberated through the apartment, and sent the cupboard door rattling on its hinges.
'Three guesses who that is,' said Eduardo.
'Oh, let me get it!'
Eduardo smiled with amusement as Kylie ran sniggering across the room, flung the door wide and then stood there with a hand on either side of the frame, so that the towel's grip on her body looked rather precarious.
'Hi, Carl,' she said. Then she asked over her shoulder, 'Sweetie, can Carl come in – are you decent?'
'No need to worry about that,' said Eduardo. 'He's seen it all before.'
He was in full view of the doorway, giving the sofa-bed its final push, but Carl couldn't see his brother's fully-clothed form for looking at his feet. He only dared to look up when Kylie swept out of view, and Eduardo came to stand in front of him. Carl glared at him while Kylie gathered up her clothes and shut herself in the bathroom.
'She was in the shower for seventeen minutes,' said Eduardo. 'I've started keeping a record.'
'Don't be an idiot,' said Carl. 'Don't you have a problem with her answering the door like that?'
'That's her business,' said Eduardo. 'I'm not about to get possessive.'
Carl's frown deepened. 'Like I am with Beth – is that what you're saying?'
'What? No! Stop asking me about you and Beth – I don't know, I don't know, I don't know!'
'Does Kylie answer the door to Beth like that?'
'What? No... I don't think so. What does that have to do with anything?'
'Nothing,' said Carl. 'Look, I just came up to accept your offer to keep Kevin all night tomorrow.'
'Oh,' said Eduardo. 'Okay, great. I'll be glad to.'
'Good,' Carl said brusquely. 'So Kevin will come up here for the night, and, um...'
'And you'll do whatever you and Beth like to do together,' said Eduardo, trying to shut the door, but Carl's bulk was very much in the way.
'So,' said Carl, 'the usual stuff still works, right? Candles and flowers and... well,' he added, looking over Eduardo's shoulder, 'you don't have any of that stuff – what the hell are you using instead?'
'Carlos, this is Beth we're talking about,' said Eduardo. 'You know Beth.'
'Maybe... but some of her ideas seem to be changing. She might like different things now.'
'I'm still not gonna know the answers, though, am I?'
'Well...' Carl began, his eye falling on Kylie as she wandered out of the bathroom, now fully clothed. 'No. Why am I even talking to you about it, anyway? You're just a kid.'
With that, Carl turned and made his way stiffly down the stairs.
'Three guesses who that is,' said Eduardo.
'Oh, let me get it!'
Eduardo smiled with amusement as Kylie ran sniggering across the room, flung the door wide and then stood there with a hand on either side of the frame, so that the towel's grip on her body looked rather precarious.
'Hi, Carl,' she said. Then she asked over her shoulder, 'Sweetie, can Carl come in – are you decent?'
'No need to worry about that,' said Eduardo. 'He's seen it all before.'
He was in full view of the doorway, giving the sofa-bed its final push, but Carl couldn't see his brother's fully-clothed form for looking at his feet. He only dared to look up when Kylie swept out of view, and Eduardo came to stand in front of him. Carl glared at him while Kylie gathered up her clothes and shut herself in the bathroom.
'She was in the shower for seventeen minutes,' said Eduardo. 'I've started keeping a record.'
'Don't be an idiot,' said Carl. 'Don't you have a problem with her answering the door like that?'
'That's her business,' said Eduardo. 'I'm not about to get possessive.'
Carl's frown deepened. 'Like I am with Beth – is that what you're saying?'
'What? No! Stop asking me about you and Beth – I don't know, I don't know, I don't know!'
'Does Kylie answer the door to Beth like that?'
'What? No... I don't think so. What does that have to do with anything?'
'Nothing,' said Carl. 'Look, I just came up to accept your offer to keep Kevin all night tomorrow.'
'Oh,' said Eduardo. 'Okay, great. I'll be glad to.'
'Good,' Carl said brusquely. 'So Kevin will come up here for the night, and, um...'
'And you'll do whatever you and Beth like to do together,' said Eduardo, trying to shut the door, but Carl's bulk was very much in the way.
'So,' said Carl, 'the usual stuff still works, right? Candles and flowers and... well,' he added, looking over Eduardo's shoulder, 'you don't have any of that stuff – what the hell are you using instead?'
'Carlos, this is Beth we're talking about,' said Eduardo. 'You know Beth.'
'Maybe... but some of her ideas seem to be changing. She might like different things now.'
'I'm still not gonna know the answers, though, am I?'
'Well...' Carl began, his eye falling on Kylie as she wandered out of the bathroom, now fully clothed. 'No. Why am I even talking to you about it, anyway? You're just a kid.'
With that, Carl turned and made his way stiffly down the stairs.
Beth looked up from her sewing and smiled at her husband as he entered the living room.
'Kevin made us both a Valentine's card, hon,' she said. 'They're on top of the TV.'
'What the hell is he doing making Valentine's cards for his parents?' said Carl. 'I thought he was about to turn thirteen, not three!'
'He also made them for several of his friends, plus Eduardo and Kylie,' said Beth. 'Don't you think it's sweet?'
'Sweet!' Carl spat, examining Beth's card with close scrutiny. 'Hmm, this is a pretty good picture of a sheepdog.'
'It's a Saint Bernard, Carl,' said Beth.
'Best Ever Total Heroine, huh?' said Carl. 'I wonder what he thinks of me...'
Carl swapped cards, and read out the pneumonic in his own.
'Cares About Real Life,' he recited. 'Yeah, well... I sure do. What kind of dog is this, anyway?'
'A police Alsatian, hon,' Beth said, and returned to her sewing.
'Um, Beth, listen,' said Carl, looking rather awkward and taking a long time over putting his card back on top of the television. 'Eddie offered to keep Kevin all night tomorrow, and I agreed. I guess no one's actually asked Kevin yet, but he'll be fine with it, so I thought maybe we could... I don't know, get some candles or something, and... have a nice dinner. I'll cook,' he added.
'Oh, honey, you don't have to cook,' said Beth.
'But I can't ask you to cook,' said Carl. 'It's no good planning for us to have a romantic evening if I turn around and say you have to cook the dinner – that would be unreasonable. I, um... I do try not to be unreasonable, you know.'
Beth smiled, put down her sewing and went to embrace her husband.
'You're not unreasonable,' she said. 'Not with me, anyway. Look, I really don't mind cooking.'
'But you cook every day! No, I'll do it. I can, um... roast a chicken. I think. I'll try to get off work early tomorrow and make us a nice romantic dinner, okay?'
'Well,' said Beth, 'if you're sure...'
'Of course I'm sure. Don't you trust me?'
'Oh, honey, of course I do. I think it's a great idea. Maybe we could talk about our feelings as well.'
'Our feelings? Really? You wanna talk about those?'
'Yes,' said Beth. 'We haven't done that for a long time.'
'No, I guess not,' said Carl. 'Okay, maybe that's not a bad idea.'
'Kevin made us both a Valentine's card, hon,' she said. 'They're on top of the TV.'
'What the hell is he doing making Valentine's cards for his parents?' said Carl. 'I thought he was about to turn thirteen, not three!'
'He also made them for several of his friends, plus Eduardo and Kylie,' said Beth. 'Don't you think it's sweet?'
'Sweet!' Carl spat, examining Beth's card with close scrutiny. 'Hmm, this is a pretty good picture of a sheepdog.'
'It's a Saint Bernard, Carl,' said Beth.
'Best Ever Total Heroine, huh?' said Carl. 'I wonder what he thinks of me...'
Carl swapped cards, and read out the pneumonic in his own.
'Cares About Real Life,' he recited. 'Yeah, well... I sure do. What kind of dog is this, anyway?'
'A police Alsatian, hon,' Beth said, and returned to her sewing.
'Um, Beth, listen,' said Carl, looking rather awkward and taking a long time over putting his card back on top of the television. 'Eddie offered to keep Kevin all night tomorrow, and I agreed. I guess no one's actually asked Kevin yet, but he'll be fine with it, so I thought maybe we could... I don't know, get some candles or something, and... have a nice dinner. I'll cook,' he added.
'Oh, honey, you don't have to cook,' said Beth.
'But I can't ask you to cook,' said Carl. 'It's no good planning for us to have a romantic evening if I turn around and say you have to cook the dinner – that would be unreasonable. I, um... I do try not to be unreasonable, you know.'
Beth smiled, put down her sewing and went to embrace her husband.
'You're not unreasonable,' she said. 'Not with me, anyway. Look, I really don't mind cooking.'
'But you cook every day! No, I'll do it. I can, um... roast a chicken. I think. I'll try to get off work early tomorrow and make us a nice romantic dinner, okay?'
'Well,' said Beth, 'if you're sure...'
'Of course I'm sure. Don't you trust me?'
'Oh, honey, of course I do. I think it's a great idea. Maybe we could talk about our feelings as well.'
'Our feelings? Really? You wanna talk about those?'
'Yes,' said Beth. 'We haven't done that for a long time.'
'No, I guess not,' said Carl. 'Okay, maybe that's not a bad idea.'
On the way into school the next morning, Kevin fell into step beside Michael.
'Hey, Mike,' he said. 'I've got the card for Ella.'
'What did you put inside?' asked Michael.
'Eternal Love, Luxuriant Angel.'
'Yes, that'll do. Drop it in her locker for me, okay? It's in that big bank of dark blue ones, number eight.'
'Don't you want to sign it first?' asked Kevin.
'I don't want to spoil your fancy colouring and stuff,' said Michael. 'You take care of it.'
'Okay,' said Kevin. 'I'll go do that right now, then.'
'Thanks, Kev,' said Michael.
Kevin ran off down the corridor, passing Martin and Phoebe on the way; they were holding hands as they walked along, and both looked very happy with the world in general. Michael watched Kevin disappear around the corner, then he headed off in a different direction.
'Hey, Mike,' he said. 'I've got the card for Ella.'
'What did you put inside?' asked Michael.
'Eternal Love, Luxuriant Angel.'
'Yes, that'll do. Drop it in her locker for me, okay? It's in that big bank of dark blue ones, number eight.'
'Don't you want to sign it first?' asked Kevin.
'I don't want to spoil your fancy colouring and stuff,' said Michael. 'You take care of it.'
'Okay,' said Kevin. 'I'll go do that right now, then.'
'Thanks, Kev,' said Michael.
Kevin ran off down the corridor, passing Martin and Phoebe on the way; they were holding hands as they walked along, and both looked very happy with the world in general. Michael watched Kevin disappear around the corner, then he headed off in a different direction.
Kevin was standing at one of the sinks in the boys' restroom, rinsing his hands, when the door to the world outside flew open and Michael stormed in. As Kevin watched in the mirror, Michael slammed the door shut and twisted the manual lock into place.
'Oh, hi Mike,' said Kevin. 'You know you can get in big trouble for locking that door from the inside, don't you?'
'You're the one who's in big trouble, Rivera!' said Michael. 'I knew it all along – you're trying to steal my girlfriend!'
'What the hell are you talking about, dude?' said Kevin.
'You're trying to take Ella from me – that was your plan all the time!' Michael yelled. 'She knows you put that Valentine in her locker – you were the only one who made those pneumatic cards and everyone knows it, and you know that they know it!'
'They're pneumonic cards, not pneumatic cards,' Kevin returned. 'And you told me to put it in her locker, if you remember, Mike – you told me to do everything.'
'You didn't sign my name in the card!' Michael fumed.
'I told you to sign it this morning but you wouldn't do it,' Kevin pointed out.
'Why didn't you do it for me?'
'I don't feel comfortable signing other people's names. And it's not like I signed my own name instead!'
'Yeah, but you knew she'd know you'd made the card and left it for her,' said Michael, 'because you're trying to steal her from me, just like I always knew you were!'
Kevin saw a meaty arm swinging towards him. He ducked quickly, grabbed the arm, snaked underneath it and hurled it away from him. Michael found himself staggering across the restroom under the force of his own momentum.
'What the hell was that?' Michael snarled.
'Just a karate move I know,' Kevin shrugged.
'Is that right?' Michael replied, in what he hoped was a derisive tone. 'You know any more?'
'Yeah, a few.'
'Show me one.'
'Okay.'
Kevin balled his right fist and aimed it at Michael's head. Just as Michael swept the assault aside, he felt Kevin's left fist crunching into his abdomen. He cried out, doubled over and staggered backwards.
'I'll be glad to show you some more if you're interested,' said Kevin, 'but I think you should calm down first.'
'You're really asking for it now, Rivera!' Michael snarled, righting himself as best he could.
'Mike, I don't want to fight you,' said Kevin. 'We're friends now, aren't we?'
'Friends don't try to steal each other's girlfriends!'
Kevin opened his mouth to reply to this, but he noticed too late that Michael's fist was in the process of smashing into it. Kevin's head turned to one side and he tasted blood in his mouth. He spat into the basin, covering the porcelain with a spray of red. He looked into the mirror to see blood dripping from his lip, and Michael laughing behind him. Kevin scowled, balled his right fist, whipped around and slogged Michael under the chin. Michael's head snapped back and he stumbled on his heels. Kevin took two purposeful steps towards Michael, both his fists balled now. He almost took another swing, but he checked himself just in time and took one step back.
'Jeez...' Michael muttered, righting himself with some difficulty. 'Was that another karate move?'
'No; that was a punch, just like the one you gave me,' said Kevin, wiping the blood from his mouth. 'Now can we please talk about this Valentine thing calmly for a second?'
'No more talk!' Michael snarled. 'You're dead!'
Michael took a menacing step forward. Kevin stepped back slightly and raised his fists in front of him. Michael hesitated.
'So you don't want to fight me, huh?' he said in disbelieving tones.
'That's right, I don't!' said Kevin. 'But I'm not gonna just stand here and let you beat the crap out of me!'
Michael adopted a pensive expression. He looked Kevin up and down several times. He reached up and rubbed his jaw with one hand, while slowly massaging his stomach with the other.
'You know, you're pretty good,' said Michael. 'Do you wanna join my gang? We meet in the mall at nine a.m. every Saturday.'
'No thanks,' said Kevin, lowering his fists, 'but I do want to be your friend and I'll help you if I can. Okay, so there was a mix-up with the card, but you can still give Ella a killer Valentine – it's not too late!'
'What do you mean?'
'I'll help you make one.'
'I told you yesterday,' Michael sighed, 'I can't draw and I can't write love messages!'
'Then we'll go down to the mall right now and I'll help you pick out a card,' said Kevin. 'We've got a half-hour of lunch break left – that should be plenty of time.'
'But I wanted my Valentine to be special,' Michael moaned. 'You know, personalised.'
'Personalised...' Kevin mused. 'Hey, I know! Reagan Cards has a machine where you can design your own greetings card and it prints it out for you right then and there! Let's go make Ella a Valentine on that!'
'Well... okay,' said Michael. 'But you'll help me decide what to put on it, right?'
'Of course,' said Kevin, picking up his bag from the floor. 'Look, before we go, I, er... I made you one last night.'
Kevin withdrew one of his customised Valentines from his bag. Michael stared at it suspiciously.
'I was making one for Ella and one for my dad, and I had a piece of card left over so I figured, what the hell?' Kevin explained.
'What kind of dog is that?' said Michael.
'A Rottweiler,' said Kevin. 'Tough on the outside, tender in the middle... possibly.'
'You... you're not trying to queer me up, are you?' Michael asked uncertainly.
'Why don't you read it and judge for yourself?' Kevin suggested.
Michael took the card, opened it and squinted at what was written there.
'Masked Internal Kudos Evident,' he read out. 'I don't know what that means, Kev.'
Kevin laughed, and clapped Michael on the shoulder.
'It means I think you're okay, Mike,' he said. 'Underneath it all, I think you're okay.'
'You're not about to hug me, are you?'
'I hadn't thought of it... but I will if you want.'
'No, that's okay,' said Michael. 'Let's just get to the mall while we still have time.'
He went to the door, unlocked it and threw it open. Before he could leave the room, six or seven boys rushed through from the other side, clutching themselves and making faces of extreme discomfort. Kevin gave Michael a look. Michael shrugged.
'Oh, hi Mike,' said Kevin. 'You know you can get in big trouble for locking that door from the inside, don't you?'
'You're the one who's in big trouble, Rivera!' said Michael. 'I knew it all along – you're trying to steal my girlfriend!'
'What the hell are you talking about, dude?' said Kevin.
'You're trying to take Ella from me – that was your plan all the time!' Michael yelled. 'She knows you put that Valentine in her locker – you were the only one who made those pneumatic cards and everyone knows it, and you know that they know it!'
'They're pneumonic cards, not pneumatic cards,' Kevin returned. 'And you told me to put it in her locker, if you remember, Mike – you told me to do everything.'
'You didn't sign my name in the card!' Michael fumed.
'I told you to sign it this morning but you wouldn't do it,' Kevin pointed out.
'Why didn't you do it for me?'
'I don't feel comfortable signing other people's names. And it's not like I signed my own name instead!'
'Yeah, but you knew she'd know you'd made the card and left it for her,' said Michael, 'because you're trying to steal her from me, just like I always knew you were!'
Kevin saw a meaty arm swinging towards him. He ducked quickly, grabbed the arm, snaked underneath it and hurled it away from him. Michael found himself staggering across the restroom under the force of his own momentum.
'What the hell was that?' Michael snarled.
'Just a karate move I know,' Kevin shrugged.
'Is that right?' Michael replied, in what he hoped was a derisive tone. 'You know any more?'
'Yeah, a few.'
'Show me one.'
'Okay.'
Kevin balled his right fist and aimed it at Michael's head. Just as Michael swept the assault aside, he felt Kevin's left fist crunching into his abdomen. He cried out, doubled over and staggered backwards.
'I'll be glad to show you some more if you're interested,' said Kevin, 'but I think you should calm down first.'
'You're really asking for it now, Rivera!' Michael snarled, righting himself as best he could.
'Mike, I don't want to fight you,' said Kevin. 'We're friends now, aren't we?'
'Friends don't try to steal each other's girlfriends!'
Kevin opened his mouth to reply to this, but he noticed too late that Michael's fist was in the process of smashing into it. Kevin's head turned to one side and he tasted blood in his mouth. He spat into the basin, covering the porcelain with a spray of red. He looked into the mirror to see blood dripping from his lip, and Michael laughing behind him. Kevin scowled, balled his right fist, whipped around and slogged Michael under the chin. Michael's head snapped back and he stumbled on his heels. Kevin took two purposeful steps towards Michael, both his fists balled now. He almost took another swing, but he checked himself just in time and took one step back.
'Jeez...' Michael muttered, righting himself with some difficulty. 'Was that another karate move?'
'No; that was a punch, just like the one you gave me,' said Kevin, wiping the blood from his mouth. 'Now can we please talk about this Valentine thing calmly for a second?'
'No more talk!' Michael snarled. 'You're dead!'
Michael took a menacing step forward. Kevin stepped back slightly and raised his fists in front of him. Michael hesitated.
'So you don't want to fight me, huh?' he said in disbelieving tones.
'That's right, I don't!' said Kevin. 'But I'm not gonna just stand here and let you beat the crap out of me!'
Michael adopted a pensive expression. He looked Kevin up and down several times. He reached up and rubbed his jaw with one hand, while slowly massaging his stomach with the other.
'You know, you're pretty good,' said Michael. 'Do you wanna join my gang? We meet in the mall at nine a.m. every Saturday.'
'No thanks,' said Kevin, lowering his fists, 'but I do want to be your friend and I'll help you if I can. Okay, so there was a mix-up with the card, but you can still give Ella a killer Valentine – it's not too late!'
'What do you mean?'
'I'll help you make one.'
'I told you yesterday,' Michael sighed, 'I can't draw and I can't write love messages!'
'Then we'll go down to the mall right now and I'll help you pick out a card,' said Kevin. 'We've got a half-hour of lunch break left – that should be plenty of time.'
'But I wanted my Valentine to be special,' Michael moaned. 'You know, personalised.'
'Personalised...' Kevin mused. 'Hey, I know! Reagan Cards has a machine where you can design your own greetings card and it prints it out for you right then and there! Let's go make Ella a Valentine on that!'
'Well... okay,' said Michael. 'But you'll help me decide what to put on it, right?'
'Of course,' said Kevin, picking up his bag from the floor. 'Look, before we go, I, er... I made you one last night.'
Kevin withdrew one of his customised Valentines from his bag. Michael stared at it suspiciously.
'I was making one for Ella and one for my dad, and I had a piece of card left over so I figured, what the hell?' Kevin explained.
'What kind of dog is that?' said Michael.
'A Rottweiler,' said Kevin. 'Tough on the outside, tender in the middle... possibly.'
'You... you're not trying to queer me up, are you?' Michael asked uncertainly.
'Why don't you read it and judge for yourself?' Kevin suggested.
Michael took the card, opened it and squinted at what was written there.
'Masked Internal Kudos Evident,' he read out. 'I don't know what that means, Kev.'
Kevin laughed, and clapped Michael on the shoulder.
'It means I think you're okay, Mike,' he said. 'Underneath it all, I think you're okay.'
'You're not about to hug me, are you?'
'I hadn't thought of it... but I will if you want.'
'No, that's okay,' said Michael. 'Let's just get to the mall while we still have time.'
He went to the door, unlocked it and threw it open. Before he could leave the room, six or seven boys rushed through from the other side, clutching themselves and making faces of extreme discomfort. Kevin gave Michael a look. Michael shrugged.
In the foyer of the mall, Martin and Phoebe were making quite a spectacle of themselves as they embraced passionately in the middle of the concourse. Inside the card store, meanwhile, Kevin was manipulating the controls of the make-your-own-card machine.
'How about one of these TV cartoon designs?' Kevin suggested. 'Does she like any cartoons in particular?
'She likes Pokémon,' said Michael.
'Pokémon, Pokémon...' said Kevin. 'Ah, yes, there's a few choices for that one. Anyone she particularly likes on the show?'
'The girl is her favourite character,' said Michael. 'You know, the one with the tiny shorts and the red hair.'
'Okay, so we'll select the picture of Misty and that little star thing of hers,' said Kevin. 'That's it. Which message should we go for?'
'I choose you!' Michael declared at once.
'Good one, Mike,' said Kevin. 'Okay, I'll just make it say Ella, I choose you, and we're done.'
'Thanks, Kev,' said Michael.
'No problem, Mike,' said Kevin.
'How about one of these TV cartoon designs?' Kevin suggested. 'Does she like any cartoons in particular?
'She likes Pokémon,' said Michael.
'Pokémon, Pokémon...' said Kevin. 'Ah, yes, there's a few choices for that one. Anyone she particularly likes on the show?'
'The girl is her favourite character,' said Michael. 'You know, the one with the tiny shorts and the red hair.'
'Okay, so we'll select the picture of Misty and that little star thing of hers,' said Kevin. 'That's it. Which message should we go for?'
'I choose you!' Michael declared at once.
'Good one, Mike,' said Kevin. 'Okay, I'll just make it say Ella, I choose you, and we're done.'
'Thanks, Kev,' said Michael.
'No problem, Mike,' said Kevin.
Kevin's class was dotted around their homeroom, reading, talking, laughing or just doing nothing.
'Miss Ortega's not supposed to leave us on our own like this for so long,' Jandro remarked to Kevin and Lucy. 'What if we all suddenly went crazy or something, and started doodling on the whiteboard or... or setting fire to tampons and stuff?'
'Well no one's using any of mine!' Lucy said indignantly. 'Those things cost a fortune.'
'Oh my God,' Kevin muttered under his breath. 'Ella's coming over!'
'Is that such a bad thing?' asked Jandro.
'It could be,' said Kevin. 'I've already had one fight with Michael today and I really don't want to have another one if I can help it!'
'You had a fight with Michael?' Jandro marvelled. 'I guess that explains the lip.'
'Did you kick his ass?' asked Lucy.
'Well,' said Kevin, 'not exactly...'
'Hiya, Kevin,' said Ella, sitting on the desk in front of him in a distinctly provocative way. 'I want to talk to you about that Valentine you left in my locker this morning.'
'Oh yeah?' said Kevin. 'Well, Ella, I –'
'It was the sweetest Valentine I've ever gotten,' Ella continued. 'I really am sorry to disappoint you, and it's not that I don't like you or anything – you really are a cutie in your own way – but I'm afraid I'm sticking with Michael. He just gave me such a cute Valentine with my favourite cartoon on it, and I know it's a little late, and I know he seems like a putz sometimes, but I really believe that under all that neurotic mess, there's someone nice trying to get out.'
'So do I,' said Kevin. 'And I hope you didn't get the wrong idea with that Valentine, Ella – I made them for all my closest friends and family, as I'm sure you remember from art class yesterday, and I think of you as a close friend... clearly.'
'Thanks, Kev – you're sweet,' said Ella, fixing him with a radiant smile. 'Well, see you around!'
Ella stood up, and went back to sit next to Michael. Michael caught Kevin's eye and gave him a thumbs-up, which Kevin returned along with a smile.
'What is this thing with you and Michael, Kev?' said Jandro. 'Have you got some kind of love-hate relationship going on or what?'
'Actually I think we're somewhere in the middle,' said Kevin.
'Ella's right, you know, Kev,' said Lucy. 'You really are a cutie, in your own way.'
'Shut up,' Kevin laughed, giving her a light shove.
'But I agree with Jandro – I want to know what's going on with you and Michael!' Lucy continued. 'First you invited him to join our geography group, then you made us clean his house, then you did all this Valentine's card stuff for him! I saw you dropping that Valentine into Ella's locker this morning, and I saw you and Michael at the mall making a Pokémon card at lunch break. Why are you acting like his personal Man Friday-cum-Jiminy Cricket or something? You're not afraid of him, are you?'
'No, I'm not afraid of him,' said Kevin. 'I think he's a little afraid of me, to be honest with you.'
'You do have bigger guns than him, dude,' said Jandro. 'Everyone can see that.'
'So why is it, then?' Lucy pressed. 'It can't be because you like him!'
'I don't exactly like him... but I don't dislike him either,' said Kevin. 'I mean... well, everyone deserves the chance to have a friend, don't they? And the chance to be a friend in return...'
'Oh, Kev,' said Lucy, 'you're one of the good ones all right. What are we going to do with you?'
'I don't know,' Kevin grinned at her. 'I guess we'll just have to wait and see.'
At that moment, Miss Ortega entered the room and the class began to settle down.
'Miss Ortega's not supposed to leave us on our own like this for so long,' Jandro remarked to Kevin and Lucy. 'What if we all suddenly went crazy or something, and started doodling on the whiteboard or... or setting fire to tampons and stuff?'
'Well no one's using any of mine!' Lucy said indignantly. 'Those things cost a fortune.'
'Oh my God,' Kevin muttered under his breath. 'Ella's coming over!'
'Is that such a bad thing?' asked Jandro.
'It could be,' said Kevin. 'I've already had one fight with Michael today and I really don't want to have another one if I can help it!'
'You had a fight with Michael?' Jandro marvelled. 'I guess that explains the lip.'
'Did you kick his ass?' asked Lucy.
'Well,' said Kevin, 'not exactly...'
'Hiya, Kevin,' said Ella, sitting on the desk in front of him in a distinctly provocative way. 'I want to talk to you about that Valentine you left in my locker this morning.'
'Oh yeah?' said Kevin. 'Well, Ella, I –'
'It was the sweetest Valentine I've ever gotten,' Ella continued. 'I really am sorry to disappoint you, and it's not that I don't like you or anything – you really are a cutie in your own way – but I'm afraid I'm sticking with Michael. He just gave me such a cute Valentine with my favourite cartoon on it, and I know it's a little late, and I know he seems like a putz sometimes, but I really believe that under all that neurotic mess, there's someone nice trying to get out.'
'So do I,' said Kevin. 'And I hope you didn't get the wrong idea with that Valentine, Ella – I made them for all my closest friends and family, as I'm sure you remember from art class yesterday, and I think of you as a close friend... clearly.'
'Thanks, Kev – you're sweet,' said Ella, fixing him with a radiant smile. 'Well, see you around!'
Ella stood up, and went back to sit next to Michael. Michael caught Kevin's eye and gave him a thumbs-up, which Kevin returned along with a smile.
'What is this thing with you and Michael, Kev?' said Jandro. 'Have you got some kind of love-hate relationship going on or what?'
'Actually I think we're somewhere in the middle,' said Kevin.
'Ella's right, you know, Kev,' said Lucy. 'You really are a cutie, in your own way.'
'Shut up,' Kevin laughed, giving her a light shove.
'But I agree with Jandro – I want to know what's going on with you and Michael!' Lucy continued. 'First you invited him to join our geography group, then you made us clean his house, then you did all this Valentine's card stuff for him! I saw you dropping that Valentine into Ella's locker this morning, and I saw you and Michael at the mall making a Pokémon card at lunch break. Why are you acting like his personal Man Friday-cum-Jiminy Cricket or something? You're not afraid of him, are you?'
'No, I'm not afraid of him,' said Kevin. 'I think he's a little afraid of me, to be honest with you.'
'You do have bigger guns than him, dude,' said Jandro. 'Everyone can see that.'
'So why is it, then?' Lucy pressed. 'It can't be because you like him!'
'I don't exactly like him... but I don't dislike him either,' said Kevin. 'I mean... well, everyone deserves the chance to have a friend, don't they? And the chance to be a friend in return...'
'Oh, Kev,' said Lucy, 'you're one of the good ones all right. What are we going to do with you?'
'I don't know,' Kevin grinned at her. 'I guess we'll just have to wait and see.'
At that moment, Miss Ortega entered the room and the class began to settle down.
Carl was tentatively closing the oven door with his shoulder, and setting a timer with his hands, when Kevin entered the kitchen looking for a snack. Carl glanced at him, did a double-take, and then adopted an interested expression.
'Fight?' Carl asked.
'Er... not right now, Dad, if you don't mind,' said Kevin.
'Get it in a fight?' Carl elaborated, pointing to Kevin's bruised lower lip as he spoke.
'Er... yeah, I did.'
'You must've gotten the better of it, if that's all you came away with.'
'Well...' said Kevin. 'Yeah, I guess I did. I'm sure the other guy's gonna have at least two bruises tomorrow – big ones!'
'You should be proud of yourself, son,' said Carl.
'To be honest with you, Dad,' said Kevin, 'I'm more proud of what we did after the fight.'
'What was that?'
'We went to the mall and made a Valentine's card together.'
'You did WHAT?'
'It was for his girlfriend, Dad.'
Carl muttered something unintelligible and left the room, just as Beth popped her head round the door.
'Kevin, you have a phone call,' she announced.
'Really?' said Kevin. 'Okay, I'll take it in here.'
He picked up the cordless extension from its carrier and put it to his ear.
'Hello?' he said.
'Dude!' Oscar's voice exploded from the earpiece. 'I just got your Valentine's card – it's really cool!'
'Wow, they sure delivered it quickly,' said Kevin. 'I didn't think you'd get it 'til tomorrow at the earliest. You, er... you did read the Post-It, right? About how I made them for a bunch of my friends and family?'
'Sure, I read it,' said Oscar. 'Bro, I love the picture of the poodle! And that message is so clever – Our Shared Carefree Adolescence Rules! You're so right about that, dude. Did you check with your mom if she's okay to drive you up here next month?'
'Yeah, she's totally on board,' said Kevin. 'I think she was on the phone to your mom for about a half-hour, talking about us.'
'I wonder what the hell they found to say for all that time,' said Oscar.
'The mind boggles,' said Kevin.
'You're gonna stay for four nights, right?' said Oscar. 'I heard my mom and dad say they might have to send you home after two nights 'cause my mom has a job interview or something, but I think I managed to persuade them you should stay for four nights.'
'Yeah, it's definitely for four nights,' said Kevin. 'I'm looking forward to it, man.'
'Me too, dude,' said Oscar. 'Oh damn, I'm being called for dinner – drag! I'll see you in about five weeks.'
'You sure will,' said Kevin. 'Ciao for now.'
He put down the phone just as Carl reappeared with Eduardo. Kevin wandered over to the fridge, while Carl beckoned Eduardo over to the oven, opened the door and made him look inside.
'It looks fine,' said Eduardo, closing the oven door.
'It doesn't look like the picture in your book,' said Carl.
'You can't expect it to look exactly the same. Trust me, it's fine. Now, don't open this again for at least an hour, okay?'
'How am I supposed to tell when it's done?'
'It tells you that in the book. See?' Eduardo pointed to a particular sentence in the large hardback book that was open the kitchen surface.
'When the legs come away easily from the body,' Carl read dubiously.
Kevin, who was standing by the fridge and sucking on a Go-Gurt, sniggered and said, 'Are you sure Uncle Eddie brought the right book, Dad?'
Eduardo laughed, and Carl frowned.
'Sounds more interesting than what they teach us in human development,' Kevin added.
'You know you can ask me about that, Kev,' said Eduardo. 'General points, I mean – obviously I can't know what individual people are thinking and feeling.'
'Or you can ask me, son,' Carl said hastily. 'You know that, right?'
'Yeah, Dad, I know that,' said Kevin. 'But don't worry, either of you – I don't want any details just yet. I'm twelve! And besides, it's more trouble than it's worth.'
'What makes you say that?' asked Carl.
'Oh... nothing, really. Just Michael accusing me of trying to steal his girlfriend again.'
'Again?' said Eduardo.
'Michael again accused me of trying to steal his girlfriend,' Kevin amended.
'And were you?' Carl asked hopefully.
'No, Dad, I was not.'
'Good for you,' said Eduardo, slapping Kevin on the back. 'I bet you could steal her if you wanted.'
'It's just not an issue, okay?' said Kevin. 'What exactly is going on here, anyway? Dad's asking you for cooking tips?'
'Why not?' said Eduardo. 'You can't help learning a few things when you live alone, Kev.'
'Like how to not blow up your microwave when you're heating a steak and kidney pot pie?'
'What?' said Carl.
Eduardo gave Kevin a look. 'Don't you have homework to do?'
'Sorry, Uncle Eduardo,' Kevin giggled, and Carl's frown deepened. 'Yeah, I do have homework. I'd better get it done before it's time to enjoy Riley's man knockers, huh?'
Eduardo laughed as Kevin left the room, but stopped abruptly when he saw the look on his brother's face.
'What the hell was that supposed to mean?' said Carl.
'Well,' said Eduardo, 'it's this character in Buffy who keeps taking off his shirt... it was just a joke... look, it doesn't matter. Can I take my book back now?'
'Not yet,' said Carl. 'Let's wait 'til the thing's cooked. You can stay and wait if you want. We could talk about my hot water bill.'
'Yeah, we could do that,' said Eduardo. 'Or...' – he produced his notebook and pen from somewhere inside his jacket – '...you could tell me about Hurricane Hugo.'
Carl sighed resignedly. 'Yeah, okay, fine. What do you want to know?'
'Fight?' Carl asked.
'Er... not right now, Dad, if you don't mind,' said Kevin.
'Get it in a fight?' Carl elaborated, pointing to Kevin's bruised lower lip as he spoke.
'Er... yeah, I did.'
'You must've gotten the better of it, if that's all you came away with.'
'Well...' said Kevin. 'Yeah, I guess I did. I'm sure the other guy's gonna have at least two bruises tomorrow – big ones!'
'You should be proud of yourself, son,' said Carl.
'To be honest with you, Dad,' said Kevin, 'I'm more proud of what we did after the fight.'
'What was that?'
'We went to the mall and made a Valentine's card together.'
'You did WHAT?'
'It was for his girlfriend, Dad.'
Carl muttered something unintelligible and left the room, just as Beth popped her head round the door.
'Kevin, you have a phone call,' she announced.
'Really?' said Kevin. 'Okay, I'll take it in here.'
He picked up the cordless extension from its carrier and put it to his ear.
'Hello?' he said.
'Dude!' Oscar's voice exploded from the earpiece. 'I just got your Valentine's card – it's really cool!'
'Wow, they sure delivered it quickly,' said Kevin. 'I didn't think you'd get it 'til tomorrow at the earliest. You, er... you did read the Post-It, right? About how I made them for a bunch of my friends and family?'
'Sure, I read it,' said Oscar. 'Bro, I love the picture of the poodle! And that message is so clever – Our Shared Carefree Adolescence Rules! You're so right about that, dude. Did you check with your mom if she's okay to drive you up here next month?'
'Yeah, she's totally on board,' said Kevin. 'I think she was on the phone to your mom for about a half-hour, talking about us.'
'I wonder what the hell they found to say for all that time,' said Oscar.
'The mind boggles,' said Kevin.
'You're gonna stay for four nights, right?' said Oscar. 'I heard my mom and dad say they might have to send you home after two nights 'cause my mom has a job interview or something, but I think I managed to persuade them you should stay for four nights.'
'Yeah, it's definitely for four nights,' said Kevin. 'I'm looking forward to it, man.'
'Me too, dude,' said Oscar. 'Oh damn, I'm being called for dinner – drag! I'll see you in about five weeks.'
'You sure will,' said Kevin. 'Ciao for now.'
He put down the phone just as Carl reappeared with Eduardo. Kevin wandered over to the fridge, while Carl beckoned Eduardo over to the oven, opened the door and made him look inside.
'It looks fine,' said Eduardo, closing the oven door.
'It doesn't look like the picture in your book,' said Carl.
'You can't expect it to look exactly the same. Trust me, it's fine. Now, don't open this again for at least an hour, okay?'
'How am I supposed to tell when it's done?'
'It tells you that in the book. See?' Eduardo pointed to a particular sentence in the large hardback book that was open the kitchen surface.
'When the legs come away easily from the body,' Carl read dubiously.
Kevin, who was standing by the fridge and sucking on a Go-Gurt, sniggered and said, 'Are you sure Uncle Eddie brought the right book, Dad?'
Eduardo laughed, and Carl frowned.
'Sounds more interesting than what they teach us in human development,' Kevin added.
'You know you can ask me about that, Kev,' said Eduardo. 'General points, I mean – obviously I can't know what individual people are thinking and feeling.'
'Or you can ask me, son,' Carl said hastily. 'You know that, right?'
'Yeah, Dad, I know that,' said Kevin. 'But don't worry, either of you – I don't want any details just yet. I'm twelve! And besides, it's more trouble than it's worth.'
'What makes you say that?' asked Carl.
'Oh... nothing, really. Just Michael accusing me of trying to steal his girlfriend again.'
'Again?' said Eduardo.
'Michael again accused me of trying to steal his girlfriend,' Kevin amended.
'And were you?' Carl asked hopefully.
'No, Dad, I was not.'
'Good for you,' said Eduardo, slapping Kevin on the back. 'I bet you could steal her if you wanted.'
'It's just not an issue, okay?' said Kevin. 'What exactly is going on here, anyway? Dad's asking you for cooking tips?'
'Why not?' said Eduardo. 'You can't help learning a few things when you live alone, Kev.'
'Like how to not blow up your microwave when you're heating a steak and kidney pot pie?'
'What?' said Carl.
Eduardo gave Kevin a look. 'Don't you have homework to do?'
'Sorry, Uncle Eduardo,' Kevin giggled, and Carl's frown deepened. 'Yeah, I do have homework. I'd better get it done before it's time to enjoy Riley's man knockers, huh?'
Eduardo laughed as Kevin left the room, but stopped abruptly when he saw the look on his brother's face.
'What the hell was that supposed to mean?' said Carl.
'Well,' said Eduardo, 'it's this character in Buffy who keeps taking off his shirt... it was just a joke... look, it doesn't matter. Can I take my book back now?'
'Not yet,' said Carl. 'Let's wait 'til the thing's cooked. You can stay and wait if you want. We could talk about my hot water bill.'
'Yeah, we could do that,' said Eduardo. 'Or...' – he produced his notebook and pen from somewhere inside his jacket – '...you could tell me about Hurricane Hugo.'
Carl sighed resignedly. 'Yeah, okay, fine. What do you want to know?'
Later that evening, Carl and Beth were in their dining room, sitting down to a candlelit dinner.
'This is incredible, hon,' said Beth, between mouthfuls of roast chicken. 'I'm impressed.'
'I hope you didn't underestimate me,' Carl said good-naturedly.
'Never,' said Beth. 'I just didn't know you knew how to do this.'
'Yes, well... I only knew how to do it in the couple of hours when I had one of Eddie's cookbooks. Probably one of the ones you gave him, come to think of it.'
'That makes sense,' said Beth. 'Once, when Eduardo was seeing that Bess girl, he came down here specifically to tell me that I'd saved his life with a chicken and chorizo recipe. It was probably this one.'
'Well, he said it was the easiest. I thought I'd better not try anything too ambitious the first time.'
'So you're planning on there being a second time?'
'If you want there to be.'
'Absolutely,' said Beth, 'if you want there to be. I mean, I wouldn't want you cooking for me if you hate it or anything. What's brought this on, anyway?'
'Time to talk about our feelings, is it?' said Carl.
'Yes please.'
'Well, I decided to do this because I wanted to make you happy. I guess dinner by itself can't do that, but I figure it's a start. I know I've been distracted lately, with work and worrying about Kevin and trying to think of ways to persuade Eddie to join the force...'
'Why are you still doing that, anyway?' asked Beth. 'If he doesn't want to be a cop, why try to force him? If you'll pardon the pun.'
'Oh, lots of reasons. For one, it's what Dad would want.'
'Is that really a good reason?'
Carl sighed. 'I don't know... probably not. Obviously Eddie's shaken the idea that we have to do what Dad would have wanted, but I just can't.'
'Well, that's understandable. Eduardo was a strong-spirited kid when he died and, well...'
'Dad hadn't broken him yet?'
'I don't know if that's exactly what I meant, hon.'
'Close enough, though,' said Carl. 'But anyway, there's other reasons too. I just can't see what the hell else he's gonna do with himself. I was reading the college website the other day, to see what it said you could do with a major in this urban studies thing, and it was just a long list of stuff you have a far better chance of getting into if you actually study that – like teaching and law and politics and city planning and... I don't know, a few other things.'
Beth smiled, and said, 'So the main reason is that you're worried about him.'
'I just don't want him living like a bum above my garage,' said Carl, 'especially if he's depressed because Kylie's left him. He could end up with a drinking problem or something.'
'Why would Kylie leave him?'
'Because they're coming to the end of a chapter in their lives. Maybe she'll decide she wants to do something else. I mean, she's smart, right? She could probably go anywhere and do anything she wanted. I'm not saying she will leave him – I'm just saying she might.'
'If Kylie went somewhere and did something, Eduardo could go with her.'
'If she wanted him to. But then what would he do when he got there?'
'That's his business, really, isn't it?' said Beth. 'I know you care about him, and that's a good thing. But you do remember how it was when your dad showed he cared by trying to control you both, don't you?'
'Yes,' said Carl, 'I remember that. Beth, do you ever... well... feel like I try to control you?'
'No,' said Beth. 'Why would you think that?'
'It's just that you haven't seemed completely happy lately,' said Carl, 'and if you're not, and it's something I've done, I want you to tell me so I can fix it.'
'That's good to know,' said Beth, smiling and reaching for his hand. 'But I haven't really been unhappy... just feeling that maybe I'd like a change.'
'A change? Why?'
'Well, because Kevin's becoming so independent, and taking care of him was always my favourite part of my job... and I know taking care of my home and my family is still important... it just gets kind of boring sometimes now the thing that needs me most is that dust trap behind the couch. But it's nothing to do with you, honey. I love you.'
'I love you too,' said Carl. 'And I know I haven't been exactly, well... stimulating lately. But I will be tonight, I promise. We can do anything you want.'
'Oh yes?' said Beth, smiling mischievously. 'Promises, promises!'
'This is incredible, hon,' said Beth, between mouthfuls of roast chicken. 'I'm impressed.'
'I hope you didn't underestimate me,' Carl said good-naturedly.
'Never,' said Beth. 'I just didn't know you knew how to do this.'
'Yes, well... I only knew how to do it in the couple of hours when I had one of Eddie's cookbooks. Probably one of the ones you gave him, come to think of it.'
'That makes sense,' said Beth. 'Once, when Eduardo was seeing that Bess girl, he came down here specifically to tell me that I'd saved his life with a chicken and chorizo recipe. It was probably this one.'
'Well, he said it was the easiest. I thought I'd better not try anything too ambitious the first time.'
'So you're planning on there being a second time?'
'If you want there to be.'
'Absolutely,' said Beth, 'if you want there to be. I mean, I wouldn't want you cooking for me if you hate it or anything. What's brought this on, anyway?'
'Time to talk about our feelings, is it?' said Carl.
'Yes please.'
'Well, I decided to do this because I wanted to make you happy. I guess dinner by itself can't do that, but I figure it's a start. I know I've been distracted lately, with work and worrying about Kevin and trying to think of ways to persuade Eddie to join the force...'
'Why are you still doing that, anyway?' asked Beth. 'If he doesn't want to be a cop, why try to force him? If you'll pardon the pun.'
'Oh, lots of reasons. For one, it's what Dad would want.'
'Is that really a good reason?'
Carl sighed. 'I don't know... probably not. Obviously Eddie's shaken the idea that we have to do what Dad would have wanted, but I just can't.'
'Well, that's understandable. Eduardo was a strong-spirited kid when he died and, well...'
'Dad hadn't broken him yet?'
'I don't know if that's exactly what I meant, hon.'
'Close enough, though,' said Carl. 'But anyway, there's other reasons too. I just can't see what the hell else he's gonna do with himself. I was reading the college website the other day, to see what it said you could do with a major in this urban studies thing, and it was just a long list of stuff you have a far better chance of getting into if you actually study that – like teaching and law and politics and city planning and... I don't know, a few other things.'
Beth smiled, and said, 'So the main reason is that you're worried about him.'
'I just don't want him living like a bum above my garage,' said Carl, 'especially if he's depressed because Kylie's left him. He could end up with a drinking problem or something.'
'Why would Kylie leave him?'
'Because they're coming to the end of a chapter in their lives. Maybe she'll decide she wants to do something else. I mean, she's smart, right? She could probably go anywhere and do anything she wanted. I'm not saying she will leave him – I'm just saying she might.'
'If Kylie went somewhere and did something, Eduardo could go with her.'
'If she wanted him to. But then what would he do when he got there?'
'That's his business, really, isn't it?' said Beth. 'I know you care about him, and that's a good thing. But you do remember how it was when your dad showed he cared by trying to control you both, don't you?'
'Yes,' said Carl, 'I remember that. Beth, do you ever... well... feel like I try to control you?'
'No,' said Beth. 'Why would you think that?'
'It's just that you haven't seemed completely happy lately,' said Carl, 'and if you're not, and it's something I've done, I want you to tell me so I can fix it.'
'That's good to know,' said Beth, smiling and reaching for his hand. 'But I haven't really been unhappy... just feeling that maybe I'd like a change.'
'A change? Why?'
'Well, because Kevin's becoming so independent, and taking care of him was always my favourite part of my job... and I know taking care of my home and my family is still important... it just gets kind of boring sometimes now the thing that needs me most is that dust trap behind the couch. But it's nothing to do with you, honey. I love you.'
'I love you too,' said Carl. 'And I know I haven't been exactly, well... stimulating lately. But I will be tonight, I promise. We can do anything you want.'
'Oh yes?' said Beth, smiling mischievously. 'Promises, promises!'
'Grr! Argh!' said the little demon as it ran across the TV screen, and Eduardo pressed the mute button on the remote control.
'They need a new base,' said Kevin.
'A new base?' said Eduardo.
'Yeah, a new base,' said Kevin. 'They're all spread out everywhere – the university, Giles's apartment, Joyce's house, Spike's crypt, Xander's basement – and they don't have a specific base. I miss the library.'
'Everything has to change eventually, Kev,' said Eduardo, 'even in the Buffyverse.'
'Don't I know it?' said Kevin, smiling to himself. 'You know, Uncle Eduardo, no one else made as many Valentines as I did – I made at least three times as many as anyone else in the class, and that was before I made three more at home! I just couldn't settle on one single person to make a card for.'
'Nothing wrong with that, man,' said Eduardo. 'You just keep on expressing your feelings however you want, and don't let anyone tell you that you're wrong to do it.'
A few seconds of silence followed. Eduardo reached for the remote control, but his hand stopped in mid-air when Kevin opened his mouth to speak again.
'I punched Michael when I didn't have to,' he announced. 'I could see him in the mirror – he wasn't attacking me at that moment – but he'd just busted my lip open and I felt so mad that I turned around and punched him as hard as I could. I think I'm lucky I didn't break his jaw – I definitely heard something crack.'
'Look, Kev, there's nothing wrong with standing up for yourself,' said Eduardo. 'Yes, even physically if you have to. But you didn't take it too far – you talked to Michael, you calmed him down, you gave him your friendship and you helped him with his problem. But if you'd really wanted to, you could've beaten the living snot out of him and left him lying on that bathroom floor in a pool of his own blood, couldn't you?'
'I... I really think I'm capable of doing that,' said Kevin. 'Physically, I mean. And I guess a part of me wanted to do it. God, that scares me, Uncle Eduardo. And think of all the trouble I'd have gotten into!'
'But that's the whole point – you chose not to do it,' said Eduardo. 'Remember what Dumbledore says, Kev – it's not our abilities that make us who we are, but what we choose to do with them.'
Kevin nodded, and adopted a satisfied expression. Eduardo started to reach for the remote again.
'Uncle Eduardo, can I ask you a question?' said Kevin.
'Of course, Kev,' Eduardo replied. 'And I'll try my best to fully answer it before Angel starts. Is it about human development?'
'No,' said Kevin. 'They really have taught me everything I want to know about that at school... more than I want to know, actually, thinking about some of those videos... and besides, there are some things I discovered by myself, before I even started junior high.'
'Yeah, I'll bet there are,' said Eduardo, smiling slightly. 'But I know what they teach you at school is all to do with how to make a baby, how to get an STD and how to avoid both, and that's not even half the story. There are things they don't even tell the girls that they probably should, and it's not so easy for them to find out for themselves, so if you want to know –'
'No, really, Uncle Eduardo,' said Kevin, 'not today.'
'Okay. So, what is the question about?'
'It's about Oscar.'
'Oh. I don't think I can really tell you anything about him that you don't already know, dude.'
'Yes, you can. I'm reading a book – it's a ghost story – that's narrated by this teenage girl character, and she makes a very interesting point about how most adults seem to think that if kids of the same age – and preferably gender – are put together in a social situation then they'll automatically get along, even if they've never met each other before, and she thinks it's a load of garbage.'
'Oh yeah?'
'Yeah, so what I want to know is,' said Kevin, 'when you suggested that me and Oscar should spend the day together for the first time, did you do it because we're two boys about the same age or because you thought we'd actually like each other?'
'That's... that's a pretty interesting question, actually,' said Eduardo. 'I don't really know the answer, to be honest with you.'
'Well, think of it this way,' said Kevin. 'If one of us was a girl, would you have suggested it?'
'Um... no, I don't guess I would've, really,' Eduardo admitted. 'But I did think you'd like each other... well, to be more accurate, I thought he'd like you... because people do, with good reason.'
'So you didn't think I'd like him?'
'That's not exactly how it was, dude. I'd only just met Oscar, remember, and I'll admit he did seem kind of... well, surly. But I was sure he was putting on an act in front of his family, and I thought he'd probably act different with you... or stop acting, and show you what he was really like... and if there was anything to like, you'd like it. And you did!'
'Yeah, I sure did,' said Kevin. 'You were right in every way, Uncle Eduardo... just like always, I guess. Kinda backs up the theory that two boys the same age will get along if you randomly put them together, though, right?'
'No way, man,' said Eduardo, 'I don't believe that for a second. But sometimes – when you meet someone new – you strike it lucky, and that's what happened with you and Oscar. It's no accident, what the two of you have... I mean, how close you've become... or rather, how well you get on. That's a rare thing, Kev, and you can be sure that my lucky guess really has nothing to do with it.'
'Yeah,' said Kevin. 'I think you're right, really. But I do want to thank you for coming up with that plan, Uncle Eduardo – however it came about, I found something very special that day.'
'You did?' said Eduardo. 'What's that?'
'A friend,' said Kevin.
'Yeah,' said Eduardo. 'Look, Kev, I know what I said earlier about not knowing what specific people are feeling, but if there's anything specific you want to tell me about how you're feeling...'
'You'd better turn the sound back on now,' said Kevin. 'Angel's starting.'
'Oh yeah,' said Eduardo, as his index finger finally made contact with the remote control again, 'so it is.'
'They need a new base,' said Kevin.
'A new base?' said Eduardo.
'Yeah, a new base,' said Kevin. 'They're all spread out everywhere – the university, Giles's apartment, Joyce's house, Spike's crypt, Xander's basement – and they don't have a specific base. I miss the library.'
'Everything has to change eventually, Kev,' said Eduardo, 'even in the Buffyverse.'
'Don't I know it?' said Kevin, smiling to himself. 'You know, Uncle Eduardo, no one else made as many Valentines as I did – I made at least three times as many as anyone else in the class, and that was before I made three more at home! I just couldn't settle on one single person to make a card for.'
'Nothing wrong with that, man,' said Eduardo. 'You just keep on expressing your feelings however you want, and don't let anyone tell you that you're wrong to do it.'
A few seconds of silence followed. Eduardo reached for the remote control, but his hand stopped in mid-air when Kevin opened his mouth to speak again.
'I punched Michael when I didn't have to,' he announced. 'I could see him in the mirror – he wasn't attacking me at that moment – but he'd just busted my lip open and I felt so mad that I turned around and punched him as hard as I could. I think I'm lucky I didn't break his jaw – I definitely heard something crack.'
'Look, Kev, there's nothing wrong with standing up for yourself,' said Eduardo. 'Yes, even physically if you have to. But you didn't take it too far – you talked to Michael, you calmed him down, you gave him your friendship and you helped him with his problem. But if you'd really wanted to, you could've beaten the living snot out of him and left him lying on that bathroom floor in a pool of his own blood, couldn't you?'
'I... I really think I'm capable of doing that,' said Kevin. 'Physically, I mean. And I guess a part of me wanted to do it. God, that scares me, Uncle Eduardo. And think of all the trouble I'd have gotten into!'
'But that's the whole point – you chose not to do it,' said Eduardo. 'Remember what Dumbledore says, Kev – it's not our abilities that make us who we are, but what we choose to do with them.'
Kevin nodded, and adopted a satisfied expression. Eduardo started to reach for the remote again.
'Uncle Eduardo, can I ask you a question?' said Kevin.
'Of course, Kev,' Eduardo replied. 'And I'll try my best to fully answer it before Angel starts. Is it about human development?'
'No,' said Kevin. 'They really have taught me everything I want to know about that at school... more than I want to know, actually, thinking about some of those videos... and besides, there are some things I discovered by myself, before I even started junior high.'
'Yeah, I'll bet there are,' said Eduardo, smiling slightly. 'But I know what they teach you at school is all to do with how to make a baby, how to get an STD and how to avoid both, and that's not even half the story. There are things they don't even tell the girls that they probably should, and it's not so easy for them to find out for themselves, so if you want to know –'
'No, really, Uncle Eduardo,' said Kevin, 'not today.'
'Okay. So, what is the question about?'
'It's about Oscar.'
'Oh. I don't think I can really tell you anything about him that you don't already know, dude.'
'Yes, you can. I'm reading a book – it's a ghost story – that's narrated by this teenage girl character, and she makes a very interesting point about how most adults seem to think that if kids of the same age – and preferably gender – are put together in a social situation then they'll automatically get along, even if they've never met each other before, and she thinks it's a load of garbage.'
'Oh yeah?'
'Yeah, so what I want to know is,' said Kevin, 'when you suggested that me and Oscar should spend the day together for the first time, did you do it because we're two boys about the same age or because you thought we'd actually like each other?'
'That's... that's a pretty interesting question, actually,' said Eduardo. 'I don't really know the answer, to be honest with you.'
'Well, think of it this way,' said Kevin. 'If one of us was a girl, would you have suggested it?'
'Um... no, I don't guess I would've, really,' Eduardo admitted. 'But I did think you'd like each other... well, to be more accurate, I thought he'd like you... because people do, with good reason.'
'So you didn't think I'd like him?'
'That's not exactly how it was, dude. I'd only just met Oscar, remember, and I'll admit he did seem kind of... well, surly. But I was sure he was putting on an act in front of his family, and I thought he'd probably act different with you... or stop acting, and show you what he was really like... and if there was anything to like, you'd like it. And you did!'
'Yeah, I sure did,' said Kevin. 'You were right in every way, Uncle Eduardo... just like always, I guess. Kinda backs up the theory that two boys the same age will get along if you randomly put them together, though, right?'
'No way, man,' said Eduardo, 'I don't believe that for a second. But sometimes – when you meet someone new – you strike it lucky, and that's what happened with you and Oscar. It's no accident, what the two of you have... I mean, how close you've become... or rather, how well you get on. That's a rare thing, Kev, and you can be sure that my lucky guess really has nothing to do with it.'
'Yeah,' said Kevin. 'I think you're right, really. But I do want to thank you for coming up with that plan, Uncle Eduardo – however it came about, I found something very special that day.'
'You did?' said Eduardo. 'What's that?'
'A friend,' said Kevin.
'Yeah,' said Eduardo. 'Look, Kev, I know what I said earlier about not knowing what specific people are feeling, but if there's anything specific you want to tell me about how you're feeling...'
'You'd better turn the sound back on now,' said Kevin. 'Angel's starting.'
'Oh yeah,' said Eduardo, as his index finger finally made contact with the remote control again, 'so it is.'
