Virtual Season Episode 6: Proof Positive
Written by Jake Collins
Inside an average-looking New York townhouse, the Extreme Ghostbusters were conducting a spectral sweep.
'The signal's stronger up here,' said Eduardo, as he climbed the staircase with a degree of caution.
'You mean it went upstairs?' said Garrett. 'No fair.'
'Let me help you, Garrett,' said Roland, taking the handles of the wheelchair and beginning to ascend the stairs backwards.
'There's definitely something ecto up here,' said Kylie, staring at her PKE meter as she brought up the rear. 'It's got to be at least a class seven.'
'On a Friday?' said Garrett. 'Haven't ghosts ever heard of winding down for the weekend?'
'Hey, guys,' said Eduardo, who had reached the upstairs hallway by this time, 'I think you'd better take a look at this.'
Roland, Garrett and Kylie quickly joined Eduardo on the landing. They immediately saw what had caught his attention: a line of mouse and rat carcasses leading to a closed door at the end of the hallway.
'No wonder they haven't been able to sell this place,' said Kylie. 'Who'd want to tread on one of those on the way to the bathroom in the middle of the night?'
Roland bent down to examine one of the dead rodents, and ran his PKE meter over it. He then reached out to probe its underside.
'Eww,' said Eduardo, 'he's gonna touch it.'
'What can you tell us, Quincy?' asked Garrett.
'It's been killed by several large puncture marks to the thorax,' said Roland.
'You mean it was bitten in the chest by something with really sharp teeth,' said Eduardo.
'Yes, exactly,' said Roland. 'There are definite ecto traces, and a lot of dried blood around the wounds.'
'Sharp teeth... dried blood...' Kylie mused.
'I know what you're thinking, Kylie,' Garrett grinned. 'Vampire, right?'
'Well, it could be a vampire,' Kylie said defensively. 'A reclusive one that feeds on rats and mice.'
'Oh no,' Garrett chuckled, 'and me without my garlic.'
'Well, why shouldn't it be a vampire?' Kylie reasoned. 'I mean, just because we've never seen one...'
'Whatever it is, we won't find out by arguing,' Roland pointed out.
'Who's arguing?' said Kylie. 'I just wonder why Garrett's so quick to dismiss the idea that a vampire might be behind this, that's all.'
'I think it's fairly obvious that whatever it is, it's behind that door at the end of the hallway,' said Roland. 'So, let's go open it.'
'And if there's a vampire on the other side?' asked Eduardo.
'Give me a break,' said Garrett.
'Whatever's on the other side, we'll take care of it,' said Roland. 'Come on – follow me.'
They progressed along the hallway cautiously, carefully stepping over the dead rodents in their path. They reached the door, and Roland put his hand on the knob.
'Wait a second,' said Eduardo, 'maybe we're jumping to conclusions here. Maybe it's not a ghost at all – maybe the ecto traces in this place are real old. I'll tell you what has really sharp teeth and likes to bite mice and rats in the chest – a cat!'
'That's certainly true,' said Kylie.
'Well,' said Roland, 'if there's nothing more dangerous than a cat behind this door, I don't suppose it'll do us any harm.'
With that he threw open the door, and a cat paw as large as Roland himself emerged from the other side, with five lethal claws fully extended. Roland leapt to one side and the claws raked across Kylie's front, ripping through her body armour as though it were paper. She screamed and fell to the floor.
'The signal's stronger up here,' said Eduardo, as he climbed the staircase with a degree of caution.
'You mean it went upstairs?' said Garrett. 'No fair.'
'Let me help you, Garrett,' said Roland, taking the handles of the wheelchair and beginning to ascend the stairs backwards.
'There's definitely something ecto up here,' said Kylie, staring at her PKE meter as she brought up the rear. 'It's got to be at least a class seven.'
'On a Friday?' said Garrett. 'Haven't ghosts ever heard of winding down for the weekend?'
'Hey, guys,' said Eduardo, who had reached the upstairs hallway by this time, 'I think you'd better take a look at this.'
Roland, Garrett and Kylie quickly joined Eduardo on the landing. They immediately saw what had caught his attention: a line of mouse and rat carcasses leading to a closed door at the end of the hallway.
'No wonder they haven't been able to sell this place,' said Kylie. 'Who'd want to tread on one of those on the way to the bathroom in the middle of the night?'
Roland bent down to examine one of the dead rodents, and ran his PKE meter over it. He then reached out to probe its underside.
'Eww,' said Eduardo, 'he's gonna touch it.'
'What can you tell us, Quincy?' asked Garrett.
'It's been killed by several large puncture marks to the thorax,' said Roland.
'You mean it was bitten in the chest by something with really sharp teeth,' said Eduardo.
'Yes, exactly,' said Roland. 'There are definite ecto traces, and a lot of dried blood around the wounds.'
'Sharp teeth... dried blood...' Kylie mused.
'I know what you're thinking, Kylie,' Garrett grinned. 'Vampire, right?'
'Well, it could be a vampire,' Kylie said defensively. 'A reclusive one that feeds on rats and mice.'
'Oh no,' Garrett chuckled, 'and me without my garlic.'
'Well, why shouldn't it be a vampire?' Kylie reasoned. 'I mean, just because we've never seen one...'
'Whatever it is, we won't find out by arguing,' Roland pointed out.
'Who's arguing?' said Kylie. 'I just wonder why Garrett's so quick to dismiss the idea that a vampire might be behind this, that's all.'
'I think it's fairly obvious that whatever it is, it's behind that door at the end of the hallway,' said Roland. 'So, let's go open it.'
'And if there's a vampire on the other side?' asked Eduardo.
'Give me a break,' said Garrett.
'Whatever's on the other side, we'll take care of it,' said Roland. 'Come on – follow me.'
They progressed along the hallway cautiously, carefully stepping over the dead rodents in their path. They reached the door, and Roland put his hand on the knob.
'Wait a second,' said Eduardo, 'maybe we're jumping to conclusions here. Maybe it's not a ghost at all – maybe the ecto traces in this place are real old. I'll tell you what has really sharp teeth and likes to bite mice and rats in the chest – a cat!'
'That's certainly true,' said Kylie.
'Well,' said Roland, 'if there's nothing more dangerous than a cat behind this door, I don't suppose it'll do us any harm.'
With that he threw open the door, and a cat paw as large as Roland himself emerged from the other side, with five lethal claws fully extended. Roland leapt to one side and the claws raked across Kylie's front, ripping through her body armour as though it were paper. She screamed and fell to the floor.
'Kylie!'
Eduardo squeaked.
'Cat demon!' Garrett yelled.
'Trap it!' Roland ordered.
There followed several seconds of claws, chaos and confusion before Garrett and Roland succeeded in holding the massive cat demon in their proton streams. Eduardo retrieved the ghost trap from Kylie's back, and the entity was quickly sucked into the containment vortex.
'Is Kylie okay?' Roland asked of Eduardo, who was kneeling on the floor beside her.
'Kylie's just fine,' said Kylie, forcing herself up into a sitting position and wincing slightly.
'No thanks to you, Roland,' said Eduardo, 'jumping out of the way so it got Kylie instead of you!'
'Hey, it was a gut reaction!' Roland defended himself.
'Of course it was,' said Kylie, examining her abdomen gingerly. 'It doesn't matter. It's only a few cat scratches – I'm used to having those!'
'Are they bleeding?' asked Eduardo.
'Hardly at all,' said Kylie. 'Believe me, I've had worse from Pagan. I'll clean them up back at the firehouse and they'll be gone by Monday.'
Eduardo helped Kylie to her feet. She did not object to this, but immediately took on the task of descending the stairs by herself, keeping one arm clutched to her abdomen.
'Cat demon!' Garrett yelled.
'Trap it!' Roland ordered.
There followed several seconds of claws, chaos and confusion before Garrett and Roland succeeded in holding the massive cat demon in their proton streams. Eduardo retrieved the ghost trap from Kylie's back, and the entity was quickly sucked into the containment vortex.
'Is Kylie okay?' Roland asked of Eduardo, who was kneeling on the floor beside her.
'Kylie's just fine,' said Kylie, forcing herself up into a sitting position and wincing slightly.
'No thanks to you, Roland,' said Eduardo, 'jumping out of the way so it got Kylie instead of you!'
'Hey, it was a gut reaction!' Roland defended himself.
'Of course it was,' said Kylie, examining her abdomen gingerly. 'It doesn't matter. It's only a few cat scratches – I'm used to having those!'
'Are they bleeding?' asked Eduardo.
'Hardly at all,' said Kylie. 'Believe me, I've had worse from Pagan. I'll clean them up back at the firehouse and they'll be gone by Monday.'
Eduardo helped Kylie to her feet. She did not object to this, but immediately took on the task of descending the stairs by herself, keeping one arm clutched to her abdomen.
Kylie sat on the edge of the bathtub, holding up her tank top, while Janine finished placing five long, self-adhesive bandage strips on her midsection.
'That should just about do it,' Janine announced, rising from her kneeling position and giving Kylie an encouraging smile.
'Thanks, Janine,' said Kylie, lowering her top. 'But I still say they didn't really need dressing.'
'Better to be safe than sorry,' said Janine. 'Come on, let's go show the others you're okay – they seemed really worried about you.'
'They don't need to worry about me,' said Kylie, as Janine led the way out of the bathroom.
'Maybe not,' said Janine, 'but it's good to have people in your life who worry about you – it means they care.'
'Yeah, I know that,' said Kylie. 'Thanks, Janine... for the dressing.'
Janine and Kylie entered the main living area to find Egon, Eduardo, Roland and Garrett lounging comfortably. Egon had a piece of notepaper in his hand; it seemed that he had just paused in the act of reading it aloud to the others.
'You okay, Kylie?' asked Garrett.
'I was okay in the house, and now I'm even more okay,' said Kylie, taking a seat. 'What have you got there, Egon?'
'It's a letter from one of his old college buddies,' said Roland. 'We were just hearing all about him.'
'Start the story over, Egon, so Kylie can hear it too,' said Eduardo.
'Very well,' said Egon. 'This is a letter from William Suchet, with whom I briefly shared a few classes at college in the mid-seventies. He writes to say that he's in the city for a few days and he wonders if I'd like to have dinner with him tonight.'
'William Suchet...' said Janine. 'Isn't that the guy you and Ray used to talk about as Betamax Bill?'
'Betamax Bill?' laughed Garrett. 'What kind of a name is that?'
'A nickname,' said Egon.
'Well yeah, but how did he get it?' Garrett persisted.
'Bill has always been somewhat behind the times when it comes to technology,' Egon explained. 'People started calling him Betamax Bill because he was the last person in New York to buy a VHS video recorder... or so they said, but I don't see how it could ever be proven one way or the other. Actually, I always think of him by his old nickname, which he earned before I even met him – Bigfoot Bill.'
'Does he have big feet?' asked Eduardo.
'Not particularly,' said Egon, 'but he's made wild claims about seeing Bigfoot up in the Canadian Appalachians on multiple occasions since the early sixties.'
'Wild claims, Egon?' said Kylie. 'Don't you believe in Bigfoot?'
'I neither believe nor disbelieve in Bigfoot, never having seen proof of his existence,' said Egon. 'That is, I've never seen proof of the existence of a missing evolutionary link between man and ape, which is what Bill believes Bigfoot to be.'
'Right!' said Garrett. 'Just like we've never seen proof that vampires exist.'
'Then why do you disbelieve in them so strongly, Garrett, if we've no proof either way?' Kylie immediately shot at him. 'Why discount the possibility with such certainty? After all, if laughter vampires exist, why shouldn't more traditional ones exist too?'
'Come on, Kylie,' said Garrett, 'you're not saying you actually believe in vampires, are you?'
'No,' said Kylie, 'I'm not saying I definitely believe in vampires, but I can't see how you can say you don't believe in them with no proof either way. Do you believe in vampires, Egon?'
Egon gave Kylie and Garrett an enigmatic look. 'I believe in what I have seen proof of,' he said, 'very much as you yourselves do, I'm sure. I believe in ghosts, demons and other supernatural entities because I have seen them and studied them for many years. I believe some are from other dimensions, some are the lost souls of the dead, and some are imprints or impressions of strong human emotions left in particular places. I have seen proof of these things so I know them to be facts. Anything I haven't seen proof of, I can neither believe nor disbelieve... and that includes Bigfoot.'
'You ever told that to old Bigfoot Bill?' asked Garrett.
'Many times,' said Egon, 'but he has his own certainties, and they do not always tally with mine. However, I refuse to think of him as a kook or a liar – after all, I've seen no proof of that either.'
'So, are you going to dinner with him?' asked Janine.
'Why not?' said Egon. 'It might be fun to catch up.'
'That should just about do it,' Janine announced, rising from her kneeling position and giving Kylie an encouraging smile.
'Thanks, Janine,' said Kylie, lowering her top. 'But I still say they didn't really need dressing.'
'Better to be safe than sorry,' said Janine. 'Come on, let's go show the others you're okay – they seemed really worried about you.'
'They don't need to worry about me,' said Kylie, as Janine led the way out of the bathroom.
'Maybe not,' said Janine, 'but it's good to have people in your life who worry about you – it means they care.'
'Yeah, I know that,' said Kylie. 'Thanks, Janine... for the dressing.'
Janine and Kylie entered the main living area to find Egon, Eduardo, Roland and Garrett lounging comfortably. Egon had a piece of notepaper in his hand; it seemed that he had just paused in the act of reading it aloud to the others.
'You okay, Kylie?' asked Garrett.
'I was okay in the house, and now I'm even more okay,' said Kylie, taking a seat. 'What have you got there, Egon?'
'It's a letter from one of his old college buddies,' said Roland. 'We were just hearing all about him.'
'Start the story over, Egon, so Kylie can hear it too,' said Eduardo.
'Very well,' said Egon. 'This is a letter from William Suchet, with whom I briefly shared a few classes at college in the mid-seventies. He writes to say that he's in the city for a few days and he wonders if I'd like to have dinner with him tonight.'
'William Suchet...' said Janine. 'Isn't that the guy you and Ray used to talk about as Betamax Bill?'
'Betamax Bill?' laughed Garrett. 'What kind of a name is that?'
'A nickname,' said Egon.
'Well yeah, but how did he get it?' Garrett persisted.
'Bill has always been somewhat behind the times when it comes to technology,' Egon explained. 'People started calling him Betamax Bill because he was the last person in New York to buy a VHS video recorder... or so they said, but I don't see how it could ever be proven one way or the other. Actually, I always think of him by his old nickname, which he earned before I even met him – Bigfoot Bill.'
'Does he have big feet?' asked Eduardo.
'Not particularly,' said Egon, 'but he's made wild claims about seeing Bigfoot up in the Canadian Appalachians on multiple occasions since the early sixties.'
'Wild claims, Egon?' said Kylie. 'Don't you believe in Bigfoot?'
'I neither believe nor disbelieve in Bigfoot, never having seen proof of his existence,' said Egon. 'That is, I've never seen proof of the existence of a missing evolutionary link between man and ape, which is what Bill believes Bigfoot to be.'
'Right!' said Garrett. 'Just like we've never seen proof that vampires exist.'
'Then why do you disbelieve in them so strongly, Garrett, if we've no proof either way?' Kylie immediately shot at him. 'Why discount the possibility with such certainty? After all, if laughter vampires exist, why shouldn't more traditional ones exist too?'
'Come on, Kylie,' said Garrett, 'you're not saying you actually believe in vampires, are you?'
'No,' said Kylie, 'I'm not saying I definitely believe in vampires, but I can't see how you can say you don't believe in them with no proof either way. Do you believe in vampires, Egon?'
Egon gave Kylie and Garrett an enigmatic look. 'I believe in what I have seen proof of,' he said, 'very much as you yourselves do, I'm sure. I believe in ghosts, demons and other supernatural entities because I have seen them and studied them for many years. I believe some are from other dimensions, some are the lost souls of the dead, and some are imprints or impressions of strong human emotions left in particular places. I have seen proof of these things so I know them to be facts. Anything I haven't seen proof of, I can neither believe nor disbelieve... and that includes Bigfoot.'
'You ever told that to old Bigfoot Bill?' asked Garrett.
'Many times,' said Egon, 'but he has his own certainties, and they do not always tally with mine. However, I refuse to think of him as a kook or a liar – after all, I've seen no proof of that either.'
'So, are you going to dinner with him?' asked Janine.
'Why not?' said Egon. 'It might be fun to catch up.'
'Yessiree, I've still got the old Betamax up and running back home in Albany,' Betamax Bill grinned at Egon across a restaurant table. 'Do you know, I still have those tapes I recorded of Charlie's Angels over twenty years ago, and to this day they play like a dream!'
'You should consider copying them onto VHS,' Egon advised. 'Your Betamax player won't last forever.'
'Neither will VHS,' said Bill. 'I predict that within ten years they'll be selling movies on compact discs, and videotapes will become obsolete!'
'A sobering thought,' said Egon.
'But hey, that's enough about me,' said Bill. 'Let's talk about you, Egon. Didn't you used to have some stick up your butt about not eating in New York restaurants because their kitchens were unhygienic?'
'Yes, but I'm working on removing that particular stick, or at least loosening it a little,' Egon replied, smiling slightly. 'Although come to think of it, I'm far from convinced that these are real raisins in this plum duff.'
'And what about the old gang from college – do you still see much of them?' asked Bill. 'You and that Ed Kirillian guy were very close, weren't you?'
'Yes, we were, but I... I haven't seen Edward Kirillian for a long time,' Egon said awkwardly.
'Oh yeah, you and Ed had a bust-up, didn't you? Sorry, I didn't mean to open old wounds.'
'It's fine.'
'What about that funny little guy you took up with after Ed?' Bill persisted. 'He was nuts about ghosts too, wasn't he? He was always stuffing his face with Stay Puft marshmallows. Oh, what was his name?'
'You mean Ray Stantz,' said Egon. 'Yes, I'm still in touch with him. Our paranormal investigations proceeded some considerable way after college. In fact I... well, I don't mean to seem immodest but I'm surprised you haven't heard of us – the Ghostbusters?'
'Ghostbusters?' said Bill. 'Hmm, it rings a bell...'
'Haven't you seen the movies they made about us?'
'No way! Those were based on you guys? I never knew that.'
'But they used our real names.'
'I thought that was just a coincidence,' said Bill. 'There must be loads of Egon Spenglers in the world, after all.'
'Yes,' said Egon, 'billions.'
'So tell me, is the character of Dr Venkman based on a real person, or is he an allegory for the repressed desires of the middle-class white male?'
'Peter Venkman is a very real person. Don't you remember him from college? He was studying for his doctorate in psychology.'
'I never went near the psych department,' said Bill. 'They all thought I was a kook and wanted to do case studies on me. Speaking of which, it's time we stopped beating about the bush and got down to business – I've come here tonight with a proposal for you, Egon!'
'What kind of proposal?' Egon asked guardedly.
'You still don't believe me about Bigfoot, right?'
'I neither believe nor disbelieve you,' said Egon.
'So you've never come across a sasquatch in the course of your duties as a Ghostbuster?'
'Well, yes, I have. But that particular Bigfoot was from another dimension, and we helped him get back there.'
'Oh, cool,' said Bill. 'But Bigfoot from this dimension lives in the Canadian Appalachians, and I want you to give me the chance to prove it!'
'Interesting,' said Egon. 'How can I do that?'
'Easily,' said Bill. 'Come with me to my cabin in the woods near Rogersville, New Brunswick for the weekend, and I'll prove to you that Bigfoot exists!'
'You seem confident that that's something you can do.'
'I am confident because I know I can do it. Will you come?'
Egon smiled. 'Yes, all right.'
'You should consider copying them onto VHS,' Egon advised. 'Your Betamax player won't last forever.'
'Neither will VHS,' said Bill. 'I predict that within ten years they'll be selling movies on compact discs, and videotapes will become obsolete!'
'A sobering thought,' said Egon.
'But hey, that's enough about me,' said Bill. 'Let's talk about you, Egon. Didn't you used to have some stick up your butt about not eating in New York restaurants because their kitchens were unhygienic?'
'Yes, but I'm working on removing that particular stick, or at least loosening it a little,' Egon replied, smiling slightly. 'Although come to think of it, I'm far from convinced that these are real raisins in this plum duff.'
'And what about the old gang from college – do you still see much of them?' asked Bill. 'You and that Ed Kirillian guy were very close, weren't you?'
'Yes, we were, but I... I haven't seen Edward Kirillian for a long time,' Egon said awkwardly.
'Oh yeah, you and Ed had a bust-up, didn't you? Sorry, I didn't mean to open old wounds.'
'It's fine.'
'What about that funny little guy you took up with after Ed?' Bill persisted. 'He was nuts about ghosts too, wasn't he? He was always stuffing his face with Stay Puft marshmallows. Oh, what was his name?'
'You mean Ray Stantz,' said Egon. 'Yes, I'm still in touch with him. Our paranormal investigations proceeded some considerable way after college. In fact I... well, I don't mean to seem immodest but I'm surprised you haven't heard of us – the Ghostbusters?'
'Ghostbusters?' said Bill. 'Hmm, it rings a bell...'
'Haven't you seen the movies they made about us?'
'No way! Those were based on you guys? I never knew that.'
'But they used our real names.'
'I thought that was just a coincidence,' said Bill. 'There must be loads of Egon Spenglers in the world, after all.'
'Yes,' said Egon, 'billions.'
'So tell me, is the character of Dr Venkman based on a real person, or is he an allegory for the repressed desires of the middle-class white male?'
'Peter Venkman is a very real person. Don't you remember him from college? He was studying for his doctorate in psychology.'
'I never went near the psych department,' said Bill. 'They all thought I was a kook and wanted to do case studies on me. Speaking of which, it's time we stopped beating about the bush and got down to business – I've come here tonight with a proposal for you, Egon!'
'What kind of proposal?' Egon asked guardedly.
'You still don't believe me about Bigfoot, right?'
'I neither believe nor disbelieve you,' said Egon.
'So you've never come across a sasquatch in the course of your duties as a Ghostbuster?'
'Well, yes, I have. But that particular Bigfoot was from another dimension, and we helped him get back there.'
'Oh, cool,' said Bill. 'But Bigfoot from this dimension lives in the Canadian Appalachians, and I want you to give me the chance to prove it!'
'Interesting,' said Egon. 'How can I do that?'
'Easily,' said Bill. 'Come with me to my cabin in the woods near Rogersville, New Brunswick for the weekend, and I'll prove to you that Bigfoot exists!'
'You seem confident that that's something you can do.'
'I am confident because I know I can do it. Will you come?'
Egon smiled. 'Yes, all right.'
Kylie turned back from the door to her apartment and looked up at her companion.
'You didn't have to walk me home, Eduardo,' she said, 'but thanks for doing it.'
'No sweat,' said Eduardo. 'So, er... you gonna be okay from here?'
'What, you mean inside my own home?' Kylie replied. 'Yeah, I think I can manage.'
'You sure those scratches don't need medical attention?'
'They've had it, from Janine. She knows what she's doing.'
'Okay,' said Eduardo. 'I'll be off, then.'
'Yes, you do that,' said Kylie. 'Goodnight, Eduardo.'
'Yeah, goodnight. Unless, y'know, there's anything else I can do before I go, to make sure you're okay?'
'You've done more than enough already.'
'Yeah, I guess so. I'll be off, then.'
'See you tomorrow,' said Kylie, and quickly closed the door behind her. Eduardo stared at it for a few seconds, before wandering off.
'You didn't have to walk me home, Eduardo,' she said, 'but thanks for doing it.'
'No sweat,' said Eduardo. 'So, er... you gonna be okay from here?'
'What, you mean inside my own home?' Kylie replied. 'Yeah, I think I can manage.'
'You sure those scratches don't need medical attention?'
'They've had it, from Janine. She knows what she's doing.'
'Okay,' said Eduardo. 'I'll be off, then.'
'Yes, you do that,' said Kylie. 'Goodnight, Eduardo.'
'Yeah, goodnight. Unless, y'know, there's anything else I can do before I go, to make sure you're okay?'
'You've done more than enough already.'
'Yeah, I guess so. I'll be off, then.'
'See you tomorrow,' said Kylie, and quickly closed the door behind her. Eduardo stared at it for a few seconds, before wandering off.
Kylie leaned against the inside of the door, her face contorting in deep thought. After a few seconds, she frowned.
'So why didn't you invite him in, then?' she asked herself admonishingly. 'If you're gonna stand here thinking that, why did you send him away? He obviously wanted to come in. Why couldn't you just...?'
She left the thought there, and went off to feed her cat.
'So why didn't you invite him in, then?' she asked herself admonishingly. 'If you're gonna stand here thinking that, why did you send him away? He obviously wanted to come in. Why couldn't you just...?'
She left the thought there, and went off to feed her cat.
'Stupid
suitcase,' Egon complained, as he tried in vain to flatten his
luggage sufficiently to close the lid. 'I think it's shrunk.'
Janine came over, quickly repacked the case and closed it with ease. She was then forced to grab the back end of Slimer as he shot towards the case and attempted to phase inside it.
'I'm coming too, Janine!' Slimer insisted.
'Not this time, Slimer,' said Janine. 'You stay here and keep me company instead.'
'Yes,' said Egon. 'I don't think your particular brand of raucous enthusiasm is likely to encourage Bigfoot to show himself, Slimer.'
'Do you think you'll really see Bigfoot this weekend?' Janine asked, passing Egon his case and smiling at him.
'I don't know,' said Egon, 'but my mind has to be open to the possibility.'
'You'll be careful, Egon, won't you?' said Janine. 'They have some pretty weird people up in Canada.'
'They have some pretty weird people wherever there are people,' said Egon. 'Don't worry, Janine – I'll be fine. I'll bring a proton pack and a ghost trap with me, just in case.'
'Do you really think they'll help?'
'They couldn't hurt.'
'Are you planning to use them on Bigfoot if he turns nasty?'
'They probably wouldn't work – he's just an animal, not a supernatural entity. If he exists at all, that is.'
'It sounds like you're starting to believe in him,' said Janine.
'I believe in scientific proof,' said Egon. 'And when I see it, I'll believe what it has to tell me.'
Janine came over, quickly repacked the case and closed it with ease. She was then forced to grab the back end of Slimer as he shot towards the case and attempted to phase inside it.
'I'm coming too, Janine!' Slimer insisted.
'Not this time, Slimer,' said Janine. 'You stay here and keep me company instead.'
'Yes,' said Egon. 'I don't think your particular brand of raucous enthusiasm is likely to encourage Bigfoot to show himself, Slimer.'
'Do you think you'll really see Bigfoot this weekend?' Janine asked, passing Egon his case and smiling at him.
'I don't know,' said Egon, 'but my mind has to be open to the possibility.'
'You'll be careful, Egon, won't you?' said Janine. 'They have some pretty weird people up in Canada.'
'They have some pretty weird people wherever there are people,' said Egon. 'Don't worry, Janine – I'll be fine. I'll bring a proton pack and a ghost trap with me, just in case.'
'Do you really think they'll help?'
'They couldn't hurt.'
'Are you planning to use them on Bigfoot if he turns nasty?'
'They probably wouldn't work – he's just an animal, not a supernatural entity. If he exists at all, that is.'
'It sounds like you're starting to believe in him,' said Janine.
'I believe in scientific proof,' said Egon. 'And when I see it, I'll believe what it has to tell me.'
The sun was beginning to set as an antiquated Hummer rattled to a stop in the parking lot of a diner just outside Rogersville, New Brunswick. The front doors opened and Egon and Betamax Bill emerged.
'Yessiree, Phil's Diner!' Betamax Bill declared. 'The finest eating and drinking experience in all of New Brunswick.'
'Mmm, yes, I read the sign,' said Egon. 'Is this where Bigfoot eats?'
Betamax Bill laughed loudly, slapped Egon on the shoulder and steered him into the diner. Several heads turned to look at them, and some lit up in recognition and greeted Betamax Bill warmly.
'Hey there, guys,' he grinned back at the locals.
'What'll it be, Bill – the usual?' asked the bartender, pausing in the act of polishing a glass.
'Sure thing, Phil,' said Bill, 'and one for my good friend here too!'
'Er... what exactly is the usual?' asked Egon.
'Trust me, Egon, you're gonna love it!' Bill assured him.
'What brings you up here, Bill?' asked Phil, as he busied himself on the griddle. 'Come looking for Bigfoot again, eh?'
'I sure have,' said Bill, 'and I'll find him, too! I'm going to prove to my pal Egon here that Bigfoot really lives round these parts.'
'Whatever you say, Bill,' chuckled Phil.
'We all know Bigfoot Bill is plum crazy,' laughed a wizened old local, seated at the bar nearby, 'but what about you?'
'Me?' said Egon.
'Yeah,' said the old-timer, 'you. Do you believe in Bigfoot, buddy?'
'Don't call him buddy,' Bill said defensively. 'He's not your buddy, friend!'
'I'm not your friend, guy!' the old-timer snarled.
'Bigfoot Bill's not your guy, buddy!' one of the other patrons joined in.
'I'm not your buddy, friend!' the old-timer shot back.
'I'm not your friend, guy!' the patron shouted.
'I'm not your guy, buddy!' yelled the old-timer.
'Excuse me, but I don't believe in anything just yet,' Egon broke in. 'I'm a scientist – I find evidence, and I form conclusions based on that evidence.'
'Well la-di-da, a scientist!' said the old-timer. 'We don't get many scientists in Rogersville, friend.'
'He's not your friend, guy!' said Bill.
'Please, Bill, let me handle this,' said Egon. 'Look, er... buddy, I'm not here to cause any trouble. I've just come to check out Bill's theories and see what I think, from a scientific point of view.'
'Bill's theories are pure fantasy, from any point of view!' said the old-timer. 'In fact, Phil, I don't know why you keep letting that loony into a nice, reputable establishment like this!'
'Now calm down, Skeeter,' said Phil, 'he ain't hurting nobody.'
'Do I take it, then, that Bill's Bigfoot theories are not widely accepted as plausible in the Rogersville community?' Egon asked the bartender.
'You've got that right, buddy,' said Phil. 'Everyone round here just thinks of old Bigfoot Bill as a harmless old kook... but he don't mind that, do you Bill?'
'Nosiree, not one bit,' Bill grinned. 'I know the truth, and soon Egon will too, and that's all that matters to me.'
'The truth!' Skeeter spat. 'Some truth! No one except Bigfoot Bill's ever seen Bigfoot round these parts! He's never shown us any evidence to back up what he says! If you're a scientist, guy, you must see why we don't believe him!'
'Of course,' said Egon, 'and I don't believe him either. But by the same token, I don't disbelieve him. Why are you so quick to say he's a kook, without any solid evidence either way?'
'The evidence is as plain on the nose on your face, buddy!' Skeeter insisted. 'Bigfoot Bill is a kook!'
Egon looked around the diner and saw that most of the other patrons were nodding in agreement with Skeeter.
'Don't mind them, Egon,' said Bill. 'Just enjoy your steak, then we'll be on our way.'
'Maybe you were expecting everyone in New Brunswick to be superstitious and out of touch with the real world,' laughed Phil, as he handed Bill and Egon their food. 'Sorry to disappoint you, Egon, but Rogersville isn't some backwoods funny farm where we all believe in a bunch of local spirits and monsters, eh!'
At that moment, the door to the outside world burst open and a bedraggled fisherman hurled himself over the threshold.
'I seen it!' the harangued figure declared. 'Down by the old bridge – I seen it with my own eyes!'
'Now calm down, Earl,' said Phil. 'What did you see?'
'What do you think?' Earl screeched hysterically. 'It's coming – it's coming for all of us! I seen it! The Rogersville Rottentroll!'
There followed two seconds of stunned silence, before everyone started screaming and diving under tables.
'All right, everyone, don't panic,' said Phil, fumbling under the counter. 'Here, Skeeter, you hand these out.'
Egon's surprise grew and grew as he watched Skeeter going around the diner and handing everyone a pair of fake antlers from a cardboard box. He was then forced to turn around as he realised that Phil – already bedecked in a pair – was passing one to him across the bar.
'You'd better put those on, Egon,' advised Betamax Bill, who was also wearing antlers now.
'But... but... why?' asked Egon. 'Does this have something to do with the Rogersville Rottentroll?'
'Of course!' said Phil. 'It won't attack you if it thinks you're an elk!'
'It's here! It's here!' Earl was declaiming loudly. 'It followed me – it wants blood!'
In spite of himself, Egon shoved the fake antlers onto his head. At that moment, the door blew open and a tremendous wind whistled into the diner.
'Yessiree, Phil's Diner!' Betamax Bill declared. 'The finest eating and drinking experience in all of New Brunswick.'
'Mmm, yes, I read the sign,' said Egon. 'Is this where Bigfoot eats?'
Betamax Bill laughed loudly, slapped Egon on the shoulder and steered him into the diner. Several heads turned to look at them, and some lit up in recognition and greeted Betamax Bill warmly.
'Hey there, guys,' he grinned back at the locals.
'What'll it be, Bill – the usual?' asked the bartender, pausing in the act of polishing a glass.
'Sure thing, Phil,' said Bill, 'and one for my good friend here too!'
'Er... what exactly is the usual?' asked Egon.
'Trust me, Egon, you're gonna love it!' Bill assured him.
'What brings you up here, Bill?' asked Phil, as he busied himself on the griddle. 'Come looking for Bigfoot again, eh?'
'I sure have,' said Bill, 'and I'll find him, too! I'm going to prove to my pal Egon here that Bigfoot really lives round these parts.'
'Whatever you say, Bill,' chuckled Phil.
'We all know Bigfoot Bill is plum crazy,' laughed a wizened old local, seated at the bar nearby, 'but what about you?'
'Me?' said Egon.
'Yeah,' said the old-timer, 'you. Do you believe in Bigfoot, buddy?'
'Don't call him buddy,' Bill said defensively. 'He's not your buddy, friend!'
'I'm not your friend, guy!' the old-timer snarled.
'Bigfoot Bill's not your guy, buddy!' one of the other patrons joined in.
'I'm not your buddy, friend!' the old-timer shot back.
'I'm not your friend, guy!' the patron shouted.
'I'm not your guy, buddy!' yelled the old-timer.
'Excuse me, but I don't believe in anything just yet,' Egon broke in. 'I'm a scientist – I find evidence, and I form conclusions based on that evidence.'
'Well la-di-da, a scientist!' said the old-timer. 'We don't get many scientists in Rogersville, friend.'
'He's not your friend, guy!' said Bill.
'Please, Bill, let me handle this,' said Egon. 'Look, er... buddy, I'm not here to cause any trouble. I've just come to check out Bill's theories and see what I think, from a scientific point of view.'
'Bill's theories are pure fantasy, from any point of view!' said the old-timer. 'In fact, Phil, I don't know why you keep letting that loony into a nice, reputable establishment like this!'
'Now calm down, Skeeter,' said Phil, 'he ain't hurting nobody.'
'Do I take it, then, that Bill's Bigfoot theories are not widely accepted as plausible in the Rogersville community?' Egon asked the bartender.
'You've got that right, buddy,' said Phil. 'Everyone round here just thinks of old Bigfoot Bill as a harmless old kook... but he don't mind that, do you Bill?'
'Nosiree, not one bit,' Bill grinned. 'I know the truth, and soon Egon will too, and that's all that matters to me.'
'The truth!' Skeeter spat. 'Some truth! No one except Bigfoot Bill's ever seen Bigfoot round these parts! He's never shown us any evidence to back up what he says! If you're a scientist, guy, you must see why we don't believe him!'
'Of course,' said Egon, 'and I don't believe him either. But by the same token, I don't disbelieve him. Why are you so quick to say he's a kook, without any solid evidence either way?'
'The evidence is as plain on the nose on your face, buddy!' Skeeter insisted. 'Bigfoot Bill is a kook!'
Egon looked around the diner and saw that most of the other patrons were nodding in agreement with Skeeter.
'Don't mind them, Egon,' said Bill. 'Just enjoy your steak, then we'll be on our way.'
'Maybe you were expecting everyone in New Brunswick to be superstitious and out of touch with the real world,' laughed Phil, as he handed Bill and Egon their food. 'Sorry to disappoint you, Egon, but Rogersville isn't some backwoods funny farm where we all believe in a bunch of local spirits and monsters, eh!'
At that moment, the door to the outside world burst open and a bedraggled fisherman hurled himself over the threshold.
'I seen it!' the harangued figure declared. 'Down by the old bridge – I seen it with my own eyes!'
'Now calm down, Earl,' said Phil. 'What did you see?'
'What do you think?' Earl screeched hysterically. 'It's coming – it's coming for all of us! I seen it! The Rogersville Rottentroll!'
There followed two seconds of stunned silence, before everyone started screaming and diving under tables.
'All right, everyone, don't panic,' said Phil, fumbling under the counter. 'Here, Skeeter, you hand these out.'
Egon's surprise grew and grew as he watched Skeeter going around the diner and handing everyone a pair of fake antlers from a cardboard box. He was then forced to turn around as he realised that Phil – already bedecked in a pair – was passing one to him across the bar.
'You'd better put those on, Egon,' advised Betamax Bill, who was also wearing antlers now.
'But... but... why?' asked Egon. 'Does this have something to do with the Rogersville Rottentroll?'
'Of course!' said Phil. 'It won't attack you if it thinks you're an elk!'
'It's here! It's here!' Earl was declaiming loudly. 'It followed me – it wants blood!'
In spite of himself, Egon shoved the fake antlers onto his head. At that moment, the door blew open and a tremendous wind whistled into the diner.
There was a tense silence. The wind had died down. Very slowly and deliberately, Egon opened his eyes.
'Um, Bill...' he said, looking at the open door. 'There's nothing there.'
'Of course not,' said Bill. 'It was only the wind.'
'Maybe it wasn't the Rogersville Rottentroll this time, but he is out there!' Earl announced. 'He's hungry and he's on the move – I seen him!'
'Yes, Earl, so you said,' said Phil.
'Egon, didn't you bring some kind of gizmo that could capture the Rogersville Rottentroll?' asked Bill.
'Um... well, yes, I suppose so,' said Egon. 'Do you want me to get it out of the car?'
'Yeah, let's do that,' said Bill. 'I'll come with you. Phil, stick our steaks under the hot lights for a few minutes, will you?'
'Sure thing, Bill,' said Phil. 'You really think your pal can capture the Rogersville Rottentroll?'
'Sure he can,' said Bill. 'He's a Ghostbuster.'
Bill led Egon out to the parking lot and opened up the back of his Hummer. Egon strapped on his proton pack and clipped the ghost trap to his belt. As he was doing so, a scurrying sound and another breath of wind caught his attention, and caused him to whirl around and peer into the shadows by the diner's dumpsters.
'What was that?' said Egon.
'Probably the Rogersville Rottentroll,' said Bill, then he proceeded to guffaw and shake his head, reaching up at intervals to wipe tears of mirth from his eyes.
'Do I take it, then, that you don't believe in the Rogersville Rottentroll?' asked Egon.
'Rogersville Rottentroll?' Bill laughed. 'What a crock! It's just a superstitious legend around these parts. It has no basis in reality. It doesn't exist!'
'Yes, I see,' said Egon. 'But isn't that exactly what those locals think about Bigfoot?'
'That's a different matter,' said Bill. 'I know for a fact that Bigfoot exists – I've seen him with my own eyes, many times.'
'I expect our friend Earl knows for a fact that he saw the Rogersville Rottentroll down by the bridge tonight,' said Egon. 'Do you think he's lying?'
'No, I don't think he's lying and I'm sure he believes it,' said Bill. 'But he's a... well, he's a...'
'A kook?' Egon suggested. 'That's the word you're struggling for, isn't it?'
'Well,' Bill said awkwardly, 'yeah, I guess I was gonna say something like that.'
'Perhaps the concept of proof isn't really as concrete as I've always supposed,' Egon mused. 'I've always known that some people don't believe in ghosts, and some of those think that I'm a kook because I do. I've always thought that they were quite simply wrong, but now...'
'You can't have changed your mind,' said Bill. 'You know for a fact that ghosts exist.'
'Yes, I do,' said Egon. 'But others know for a fact that they don't. It's all about personal perception, isn't it? Some people would say it's an indisputable fact that Adam and Eve were the first humans; others would say it's an indisputable fact that they weren't. Maybe, in truth, facts are just as subjective as opinions.'
'But the whole point of a fact is that you can prove it's real,' said Bill. 'And you can prove to people that ghosts exist, can't you?'
'I can present the evidence, certainly, but I can't control whether they would then accept that evidence as proof of the fact. If someone showed you proof of the Rogersville Rottentroll, would you accept it as fact?'
'Well, I suppose I'd have to... if it was convincing enough.'
'Exactly,' said Egon. 'You'd still be making a personal judgement before accepting it or rejecting it as one of your personal facts.'
'Well I can tell you one thing for sure, Egon,' said Bill. 'I can prove to you that Bigfoot exists, and make you accept it as one of your personal facts! Come on, let's go back inside and finish our steaks. Bring your equipment with you, just in case the Rogersville Rottentroll does show up.'
'But you know for a fact that he won't, don't you?'
'Sure I do.'
'Um, Bill...' he said, looking at the open door. 'There's nothing there.'
'Of course not,' said Bill. 'It was only the wind.'
'Maybe it wasn't the Rogersville Rottentroll this time, but he is out there!' Earl announced. 'He's hungry and he's on the move – I seen him!'
'Yes, Earl, so you said,' said Phil.
'Egon, didn't you bring some kind of gizmo that could capture the Rogersville Rottentroll?' asked Bill.
'Um... well, yes, I suppose so,' said Egon. 'Do you want me to get it out of the car?'
'Yeah, let's do that,' said Bill. 'I'll come with you. Phil, stick our steaks under the hot lights for a few minutes, will you?'
'Sure thing, Bill,' said Phil. 'You really think your pal can capture the Rogersville Rottentroll?'
'Sure he can,' said Bill. 'He's a Ghostbuster.'
Bill led Egon out to the parking lot and opened up the back of his Hummer. Egon strapped on his proton pack and clipped the ghost trap to his belt. As he was doing so, a scurrying sound and another breath of wind caught his attention, and caused him to whirl around and peer into the shadows by the diner's dumpsters.
'What was that?' said Egon.
'Probably the Rogersville Rottentroll,' said Bill, then he proceeded to guffaw and shake his head, reaching up at intervals to wipe tears of mirth from his eyes.
'Do I take it, then, that you don't believe in the Rogersville Rottentroll?' asked Egon.
'Rogersville Rottentroll?' Bill laughed. 'What a crock! It's just a superstitious legend around these parts. It has no basis in reality. It doesn't exist!'
'Yes, I see,' said Egon. 'But isn't that exactly what those locals think about Bigfoot?'
'That's a different matter,' said Bill. 'I know for a fact that Bigfoot exists – I've seen him with my own eyes, many times.'
'I expect our friend Earl knows for a fact that he saw the Rogersville Rottentroll down by the bridge tonight,' said Egon. 'Do you think he's lying?'
'No, I don't think he's lying and I'm sure he believes it,' said Bill. 'But he's a... well, he's a...'
'A kook?' Egon suggested. 'That's the word you're struggling for, isn't it?'
'Well,' Bill said awkwardly, 'yeah, I guess I was gonna say something like that.'
'Perhaps the concept of proof isn't really as concrete as I've always supposed,' Egon mused. 'I've always known that some people don't believe in ghosts, and some of those think that I'm a kook because I do. I've always thought that they were quite simply wrong, but now...'
'You can't have changed your mind,' said Bill. 'You know for a fact that ghosts exist.'
'Yes, I do,' said Egon. 'But others know for a fact that they don't. It's all about personal perception, isn't it? Some people would say it's an indisputable fact that Adam and Eve were the first humans; others would say it's an indisputable fact that they weren't. Maybe, in truth, facts are just as subjective as opinions.'
'But the whole point of a fact is that you can prove it's real,' said Bill. 'And you can prove to people that ghosts exist, can't you?'
'I can present the evidence, certainly, but I can't control whether they would then accept that evidence as proof of the fact. If someone showed you proof of the Rogersville Rottentroll, would you accept it as fact?'
'Well, I suppose I'd have to... if it was convincing enough.'
'Exactly,' said Egon. 'You'd still be making a personal judgement before accepting it or rejecting it as one of your personal facts.'
'Well I can tell you one thing for sure, Egon,' said Bill. 'I can prove to you that Bigfoot exists, and make you accept it as one of your personal facts! Come on, let's go back inside and finish our steaks. Bring your equipment with you, just in case the Rogersville Rottentroll does show up.'
'But you know for a fact that he won't, don't you?'
'Sure I do.'
Bill's Hummer pulled up outside a log cabin in the woods, and Bill and Egon disembarked.
'There,' said Bill, 'I told you there was no Rogersville Rottentroll!'
'There was no Rogersville Rottentroll at Phil's diner tonight,' Egon conceded, 'but that doesn't mean it's not out there somewhere.'
'Sorry, Egon,' said Bill, 'but I don't have any antlers for you to wear here!'
'That's fine,' said Egon. 'I'm sure I'll survive.'
Bill laughed loudly, and slapped Egon on the back.
'Come on,' he said, 'let's bed down for the night. In the morning, I'll catch us a salmon from the creek and show you what a real Canadian breakfast tastes like... then I'll show you Bigfoot!'
'I can't wait,' said Egon.
'There,' said Bill, 'I told you there was no Rogersville Rottentroll!'
'There was no Rogersville Rottentroll at Phil's diner tonight,' Egon conceded, 'but that doesn't mean it's not out there somewhere.'
'Sorry, Egon,' said Bill, 'but I don't have any antlers for you to wear here!'
'That's fine,' said Egon. 'I'm sure I'll survive.'
Bill laughed loudly, and slapped Egon on the back.
'Come on,' he said, 'let's bed down for the night. In the morning, I'll catch us a salmon from the creek and show you what a real Canadian breakfast tastes like... then I'll show you Bigfoot!'
'I can't wait,' said Egon.
The next morning, Egon followed Bill deep into the woods. He was not wearing the proton pack this time, as it would have been far too heavy and inconvenient to go hiking with, but the ghost trap was swinging from his belt as it had at the diner. Bill stopped walking from time to time to examine a leaf, to peer at the ground, or to listen to the sounds of the woodland.
'What exactly are you trying to find, Bill?' Egon asked at length.
'Signs,' said Bill. 'We're getting very close now.'
'To where?'
'To where Bigfoot lives,' said Bill. 'His territory is fairly small – I've only ever found evidence of his activities over an area of about two square miles.'
'A scientific deduction based on factual evidence,' Egon remarked. 'I just hope I get to see some of it sometime soon.'
'Oh, you will,' Bill assured him. 'It's just a matter of... hey, what's this? I've never seen one of these before.'
Bill reached down and picked up a small wooden object from the forest floor. It was a handy-sized carving of a Native American totem pole, with a bird at its tip and several other animals represented beneath.
'Native art,' said Egon. 'It's probably been lying here for a hundred years or so.'
'Cool,' said Bill. 'I bet Phil would pay me at least ten bucks for this – he's always on the lookout for little bits of Canadian history to display in his diner.'
'Doesn't it seem a little disrespectful to the native people to take this away and sell it?'
'What? Come on, Egon, they're never gonna know!'
With that, Bill tucked the totem carving into his pocket and strode on through the woodland. Almost immediately, he was forced to throw himself out of the way as a large branch suddenly dropped out of a tree and fell straight towards him.
'Whoa, what the heck was that?' he stammered, as he scrambled back to his feet.
'A branch almost fell on you,' said Egon. 'You had a lucky escape.'
'I guess so,' said Bill, casting a reproachful glance up at the tree that he had just been walking under. 'Thirty years I've been walking in these woods and that's never happened to me before.'
They pressed on. All of a sudden, Bill gave a cry of surprise and alarm as he sank up to his waist in a quagmire of mud. Egon ran to help him out.
'Stop struggling!' Egon ordered. 'Just hold onto my arms and I'll pull you up.'
'This is crazy,' said Bill, as he scrambled out of the quagmire. 'That's never happened to me before either. What has this forest got against me all of a sudden?'
'Well,' said Egon, 'I hate to mention it, but you've never despoiled the area by taking away its native treasures before.'
'Come on, Egon, that's got nothing to do with it!' said Bill. 'What, you think an evil spirit is trying to get revenge on me for taking the totem?'
'A spirit, perhaps, but not necessarily an evil one,' said Egon. 'Haven't you ever heard of the Wendigo? He's supposed to maintain the natural and spiritual balance in places like this. Maybe he doesn't like what you're planning to do with that carving.'
'Wendigo-schmendigo,' Bill laughed. 'You show me the Wendigo, Egon, and I'll show you a flurry of leaves or a jackrabbit or a deer, or just someone who jumps at shadows! Come on, we'll never find Bigfoot at this rate.'
They walked on again, but almost immediately the trees began to sway violently in the wind, and a tremendous scurrying sound was heard from all around them.
'What's that?' said Bill, sounding slightly worried now.
'I'm sure it's nothing,' said Egon. 'Probably just a flurry of leaves, or a jackrabbit, or a deer.'
Even as Egon spoke, an army of forest critters of all shapes and sizes emerged from the surrounding woodland and rushed at Bill. There were jackrabbits, deer, raccoons, muskrats, squirrels, mice, songbirds and many others.
'Help!' Bill squeaked. 'Get them off me, get them off me!'
'Put the totem down,' Egon advised.
'No!' Bill squawked, trying in vain to brush the squirrels off his face. 'I can get ten bucks for it, I know I can! There's no reason to... oh my gosh!'
An enormous brown bear had suddenly appeared from between the trees. It reared up onto its hind legs, roared deafeningly, and then began to lumber towards Bill.
'Okay, okay, I get the message!' Bill screeched. 'Take it back – I don't want it!'
Brushing aside a viciously pecking chickadee, he reached into his pocket and dropped the totem to the floor. At once the animals all retreated, leaving no sign that they had ever been there. The wind died down and the trees became still.
'So,' said Egon, 'do you believe in the Wendigo now?'
'Well, I don't know about that,' said Bill. 'I'll admit that something weird has been going on, but I still think it's a shame to pass up the chance of ten bucks just because... hey, what the heck are you doing?'
As Bill had been speaking, a colossal translucent bird had been descending from the sky straight towards him, its massive hooked beak ready to attack. Noticing this, Egon grabbed the ghost trap and pressed the control to open it, before directing its beam straight at Bill's head. There was a squawking sound, a flash of light, and the sound of the trap clanging shut. Egon staggered backwards a couple of paces, clutching the trap to his chest.
'There was some kind of vengeful bird spirit coming to attack you,' he explained. 'It's in the ghost trap now. Look, this little light is flashing because the trap is occupied.'
Bill adopted a skeptical expression for a moment, but then changed his mind. He looked at the blinking light, and ran his hands over the ghost trap.
'Okay, Egon, I accept your evidence as proof of the fact that what you've been saying is true,' said Bill. 'I guess I'd better just leave that totem thingy where it is, then.'
'Very wise,' said Egon.
'So, have you got the Wendigo trapped in that thing now?'
'Hmm... there's definitely a spectral entity trapped in here, but whether it's actually the Wendigo... well, I wouldn't like to say at this stage.'
'Not until you've got some scientific proof, huh?' Bill grinned.
'Exactly,' said Egon. 'I'll investigate this bird spirit further once I've got it back to the containment unit. In the meantime, how about you keep your promise and show me Bigfoot?'
'Oh, I will,' said Bill. 'Don't you worry about that!'
'What exactly are you trying to find, Bill?' Egon asked at length.
'Signs,' said Bill. 'We're getting very close now.'
'To where?'
'To where Bigfoot lives,' said Bill. 'His territory is fairly small – I've only ever found evidence of his activities over an area of about two square miles.'
'A scientific deduction based on factual evidence,' Egon remarked. 'I just hope I get to see some of it sometime soon.'
'Oh, you will,' Bill assured him. 'It's just a matter of... hey, what's this? I've never seen one of these before.'
Bill reached down and picked up a small wooden object from the forest floor. It was a handy-sized carving of a Native American totem pole, with a bird at its tip and several other animals represented beneath.
'Native art,' said Egon. 'It's probably been lying here for a hundred years or so.'
'Cool,' said Bill. 'I bet Phil would pay me at least ten bucks for this – he's always on the lookout for little bits of Canadian history to display in his diner.'
'Doesn't it seem a little disrespectful to the native people to take this away and sell it?'
'What? Come on, Egon, they're never gonna know!'
With that, Bill tucked the totem carving into his pocket and strode on through the woodland. Almost immediately, he was forced to throw himself out of the way as a large branch suddenly dropped out of a tree and fell straight towards him.
'Whoa, what the heck was that?' he stammered, as he scrambled back to his feet.
'A branch almost fell on you,' said Egon. 'You had a lucky escape.'
'I guess so,' said Bill, casting a reproachful glance up at the tree that he had just been walking under. 'Thirty years I've been walking in these woods and that's never happened to me before.'
They pressed on. All of a sudden, Bill gave a cry of surprise and alarm as he sank up to his waist in a quagmire of mud. Egon ran to help him out.
'Stop struggling!' Egon ordered. 'Just hold onto my arms and I'll pull you up.'
'This is crazy,' said Bill, as he scrambled out of the quagmire. 'That's never happened to me before either. What has this forest got against me all of a sudden?'
'Well,' said Egon, 'I hate to mention it, but you've never despoiled the area by taking away its native treasures before.'
'Come on, Egon, that's got nothing to do with it!' said Bill. 'What, you think an evil spirit is trying to get revenge on me for taking the totem?'
'A spirit, perhaps, but not necessarily an evil one,' said Egon. 'Haven't you ever heard of the Wendigo? He's supposed to maintain the natural and spiritual balance in places like this. Maybe he doesn't like what you're planning to do with that carving.'
'Wendigo-schmendigo,' Bill laughed. 'You show me the Wendigo, Egon, and I'll show you a flurry of leaves or a jackrabbit or a deer, or just someone who jumps at shadows! Come on, we'll never find Bigfoot at this rate.'
They walked on again, but almost immediately the trees began to sway violently in the wind, and a tremendous scurrying sound was heard from all around them.
'What's that?' said Bill, sounding slightly worried now.
'I'm sure it's nothing,' said Egon. 'Probably just a flurry of leaves, or a jackrabbit, or a deer.'
Even as Egon spoke, an army of forest critters of all shapes and sizes emerged from the surrounding woodland and rushed at Bill. There were jackrabbits, deer, raccoons, muskrats, squirrels, mice, songbirds and many others.
'Help!' Bill squeaked. 'Get them off me, get them off me!'
'Put the totem down,' Egon advised.
'No!' Bill squawked, trying in vain to brush the squirrels off his face. 'I can get ten bucks for it, I know I can! There's no reason to... oh my gosh!'
An enormous brown bear had suddenly appeared from between the trees. It reared up onto its hind legs, roared deafeningly, and then began to lumber towards Bill.
'Okay, okay, I get the message!' Bill screeched. 'Take it back – I don't want it!'
Brushing aside a viciously pecking chickadee, he reached into his pocket and dropped the totem to the floor. At once the animals all retreated, leaving no sign that they had ever been there. The wind died down and the trees became still.
'So,' said Egon, 'do you believe in the Wendigo now?'
'Well, I don't know about that,' said Bill. 'I'll admit that something weird has been going on, but I still think it's a shame to pass up the chance of ten bucks just because... hey, what the heck are you doing?'
As Bill had been speaking, a colossal translucent bird had been descending from the sky straight towards him, its massive hooked beak ready to attack. Noticing this, Egon grabbed the ghost trap and pressed the control to open it, before directing its beam straight at Bill's head. There was a squawking sound, a flash of light, and the sound of the trap clanging shut. Egon staggered backwards a couple of paces, clutching the trap to his chest.
'There was some kind of vengeful bird spirit coming to attack you,' he explained. 'It's in the ghost trap now. Look, this little light is flashing because the trap is occupied.'
Bill adopted a skeptical expression for a moment, but then changed his mind. He looked at the blinking light, and ran his hands over the ghost trap.
'Okay, Egon, I accept your evidence as proof of the fact that what you've been saying is true,' said Bill. 'I guess I'd better just leave that totem thingy where it is, then.'
'Very wise,' said Egon.
'So, have you got the Wendigo trapped in that thing now?'
'Hmm... there's definitely a spectral entity trapped in here, but whether it's actually the Wendigo... well, I wouldn't like to say at this stage.'
'Not until you've got some scientific proof, huh?' Bill grinned.
'Exactly,' said Egon. 'I'll investigate this bird spirit further once I've got it back to the containment unit. In the meantime, how about you keep your promise and show me Bigfoot?'
'Oh, I will,' said Bill. 'Don't you worry about that!'
Several hours later, Bill was still charging through the woodland but Egon had taken to following him slowly and at quite a distance.
'Bill,' said Egon, 'it'll start getting dark in the next hour or so. Why don't we head back to the cabin and pick up the search again tomorrow?'
'No!' Bill called back. 'We're very close now – I know we are! This is Bigfoot's territory – this is where I've seen him! It's just a matter of... ah!'
'Bill!' Egon called, running to catch up with him. 'What's going on? Is everything okay?'
'Everything's great!' Bill declared. 'Look at this bush – see where these berries have been stripped off? That was Bigfoot!'
'Really?' said Egon. 'How can you be sure it wasn't some other animal?'
'Because these berries haven't just been nibbled away – they've been picked by a hand with an opposable thumb!'
'You seem very sure of that. How can you tell?'
'I'm an expert,' Bill shrugged. 'I've seen hundreds of bushes like this one while tracking Bigfoot over the years. He just loves to eat these berries. He's a vegetarian, you know – he never harms another living creature.'
'Doesn't he even eat fish?' asked Egon.
'Of course not,' said Bill. 'Fish are animals too. Some human vegetarians don't seem to know that, but Bigfoot knows that – why wouldn't he?'
'So we're on the right track, then?'
'Definitely. Look, he's had a go at that bush over there too! Come on, we can follow the trail.'
They did exactly that. When they reached the fourth bush, Bill pulled back some of the leaves and pointed triumphantly at the ground.
'There!' he declared. 'What do you call that?'
Egon peered at where Bill was pointing, reaching up to adjust his glasses slightly as he did so.
'It's a footprint,' he said. 'Indisputably a footprint. It looks human, but it's very big.'
'A big footprint!' Bill laughed. 'Now you tell me, Egon, what's the difference between a big-footprint and a Bigfoot-print?'
'Maybe nothing,' said Egon, 'or maybe everything.'
'Still don't believe me, eh?' said Bill. 'Never mind – you will soon. Look, over there – more footprints!'
Bill charged off again, and Egon ran to keep up with him. They were climbing a fairly steep hill now, with a line of trees at the top of the ridge. Bill was moving faster and faster, obviously becoming more and more excited.
'I know this place,' he muttered. 'I've been here before... I've seen them here!'
'Them?' Egon called to him. 'I thought we were just looking for one.'
'Of course there's more than one!' Bill called back. 'How else could the species survive? Look!'
Bill had reached the trees by this point. Softly and carefully he pulled aside a clump of branches, revealing a large clearing set amongst some foothills beyond. Egon crept up to stand beside Bill and peered through the gap in the trees.
'My goodness,' he breathed. 'I didn't believe it – I didn't truly believe it – until this moment.'
In the clearing was an entire clan of Bigfoot creatures. Some were large, some were small. Some were young, some were clearly elderly, and some were aged in between. Some were moving about, some were resting, some were eating plants and berries. Some turned to stare impassively in the direction of the gap in the trees through which they were being observed, but they did not react to the intrusion in any other way. Egon's eyes locked with those of a large Bigfoot for several seconds, before the docile creature turned away and continued lumbering across the clearing.
'Quite something, aren't they?' Bill whispered.
'Yes, they are,' said Egon. 'They know we're here.'
'Of course they do,' said Bill. 'They're not stupid.'
'But they're not at all afraid... or at least concerned?'
'Why should they be? They don't see humans as a threat because humans have never done anything to threaten them. I'm the only one who's ever seen them – they know my scent by now, I'm sure they do.'
'Have you ever gotten closer to them than this?'
'No, not much. This is their world, and I have no right to intrude in it. I see them, they see me, but we both know we're looking into another world.'
'This is incredible, Bill; this is great,' said Egon. 'So, where's your camera?'
'My camera?' Bill asked absently, his attention still focused on the peaceful creatures.
'Yes, your camera,' said Egon. 'Where's your documentation equipment?'
'I don't have any, Egon,' said Bill. 'I've never brought any with me, all these times I've tracked them down. I never disturb or document them in any way. They're better off left alone – can you imagine what would happen if people saw the proof? They'd accept these gentle creatures as fact without a moment's thought, and pretty soon the poor things would feel threatened by humans, and they'd be extremely afraid and more than a little concerned by the results of those two worlds colliding!'
'You're right, Bill,' said Egon. 'Of course, you're right. But I'm slightly confused – back in the restaurant, you said you were going to prove that they exist.'
'To you, Egon – that's what I said,' Bill reminded him. 'Not to anyone else – and that's exactly what I've done!'
'So you have,' said Egon. 'Thank you, Bill.'
'You're welcome, Egon.'
'Bill,' said Egon, 'it'll start getting dark in the next hour or so. Why don't we head back to the cabin and pick up the search again tomorrow?'
'No!' Bill called back. 'We're very close now – I know we are! This is Bigfoot's territory – this is where I've seen him! It's just a matter of... ah!'
'Bill!' Egon called, running to catch up with him. 'What's going on? Is everything okay?'
'Everything's great!' Bill declared. 'Look at this bush – see where these berries have been stripped off? That was Bigfoot!'
'Really?' said Egon. 'How can you be sure it wasn't some other animal?'
'Because these berries haven't just been nibbled away – they've been picked by a hand with an opposable thumb!'
'You seem very sure of that. How can you tell?'
'I'm an expert,' Bill shrugged. 'I've seen hundreds of bushes like this one while tracking Bigfoot over the years. He just loves to eat these berries. He's a vegetarian, you know – he never harms another living creature.'
'Doesn't he even eat fish?' asked Egon.
'Of course not,' said Bill. 'Fish are animals too. Some human vegetarians don't seem to know that, but Bigfoot knows that – why wouldn't he?'
'So we're on the right track, then?'
'Definitely. Look, he's had a go at that bush over there too! Come on, we can follow the trail.'
They did exactly that. When they reached the fourth bush, Bill pulled back some of the leaves and pointed triumphantly at the ground.
'There!' he declared. 'What do you call that?'
Egon peered at where Bill was pointing, reaching up to adjust his glasses slightly as he did so.
'It's a footprint,' he said. 'Indisputably a footprint. It looks human, but it's very big.'
'A big footprint!' Bill laughed. 'Now you tell me, Egon, what's the difference between a big-footprint and a Bigfoot-print?'
'Maybe nothing,' said Egon, 'or maybe everything.'
'Still don't believe me, eh?' said Bill. 'Never mind – you will soon. Look, over there – more footprints!'
Bill charged off again, and Egon ran to keep up with him. They were climbing a fairly steep hill now, with a line of trees at the top of the ridge. Bill was moving faster and faster, obviously becoming more and more excited.
'I know this place,' he muttered. 'I've been here before... I've seen them here!'
'Them?' Egon called to him. 'I thought we were just looking for one.'
'Of course there's more than one!' Bill called back. 'How else could the species survive? Look!'
Bill had reached the trees by this point. Softly and carefully he pulled aside a clump of branches, revealing a large clearing set amongst some foothills beyond. Egon crept up to stand beside Bill and peered through the gap in the trees.
'My goodness,' he breathed. 'I didn't believe it – I didn't truly believe it – until this moment.'
In the clearing was an entire clan of Bigfoot creatures. Some were large, some were small. Some were young, some were clearly elderly, and some were aged in between. Some were moving about, some were resting, some were eating plants and berries. Some turned to stare impassively in the direction of the gap in the trees through which they were being observed, but they did not react to the intrusion in any other way. Egon's eyes locked with those of a large Bigfoot for several seconds, before the docile creature turned away and continued lumbering across the clearing.
'Quite something, aren't they?' Bill whispered.
'Yes, they are,' said Egon. 'They know we're here.'
'Of course they do,' said Bill. 'They're not stupid.'
'But they're not at all afraid... or at least concerned?'
'Why should they be? They don't see humans as a threat because humans have never done anything to threaten them. I'm the only one who's ever seen them – they know my scent by now, I'm sure they do.'
'Have you ever gotten closer to them than this?'
'No, not much. This is their world, and I have no right to intrude in it. I see them, they see me, but we both know we're looking into another world.'
'This is incredible, Bill; this is great,' said Egon. 'So, where's your camera?'
'My camera?' Bill asked absently, his attention still focused on the peaceful creatures.
'Yes, your camera,' said Egon. 'Where's your documentation equipment?'
'I don't have any, Egon,' said Bill. 'I've never brought any with me, all these times I've tracked them down. I never disturb or document them in any way. They're better off left alone – can you imagine what would happen if people saw the proof? They'd accept these gentle creatures as fact without a moment's thought, and pretty soon the poor things would feel threatened by humans, and they'd be extremely afraid and more than a little concerned by the results of those two worlds colliding!'
'You're right, Bill,' said Egon. 'Of course, you're right. But I'm slightly confused – back in the restaurant, you said you were going to prove that they exist.'
'To you, Egon – that's what I said,' Bill reminded him. 'Not to anyone else – and that's exactly what I've done!'
'So you have,' said Egon. 'Thank you, Bill.'
'You're welcome, Egon.'
Early on Monday morning, Garrett was the first of the young Ghostbusters to arrive at the firehouse. He found Egon coming up from the cellar, carrying with him an empty ghost trap.
'Wait, don't tell me,' Garrett grinned. 'You just put Bigfoot in the containment unit, right?'
'No,' said Egon, 'not Bigfoot. It was some kind of avian-based entity that might even be the Wendigo. I'll have to investigate that.'
'You didn't get to see Bigfoot after all, then?' asked Garrett.
'Oh no, I saw him,' said Egon. 'But he's still up in New Brunswick, where he belongs. Betamax Bill was as good as his word.'
'I thought you preferred to call him Bigfoot Bill.'
'Not anymore. You see, only people who don't believe his Bigfoot stories call him that.'
'You really saw Bigfoot, then?' Garrett asked eagerly.
'I really did,' said Egon.
'Cool,' said Garrett.
'You believe me, then?' said Egon, raising an eyebrow. 'I haven't got any documentary evidence, you know – my word is my only proof.'
'That's fine,' said Garrett. 'I still believe you.'
'Why?' asked Egon.
'Come on, man,' Garrett laughed. 'You're Egon Spengler! If you say you've seen Bigfoot, that's all the proof I need.'
'Interesting,' said Egon. 'So tell me, Garrett, if I were to tell you I'd seen vampires, would you accept that as proof of their existence?'
'Are you telling me you've seen vampires?' asked Garrett.
'Did I say that?' Egon returned, smiling slightly. 'If I've learned one thing this weekend, it's that proof is in the eye of the beholder... or the ear of the listener...'
'But Egon, you're a scientist,' said Garrett. 'If you don't believe in the certainty of proof, where does that leave you?'
'Oh, I believe in the certainty of proof,' Egon assured him. 'I'm just having doubts about... well, the proof of certainty, I suppose. I've certainly come to realise that scientific proof is a far more subjective concept than most scientists would like to admit.'
'I see what you mean,' said Garrett. 'Proof is personal, not positive.'
'Exactly,' said Egon.
'Why didn't you take a picture of Bigfoot, Egon? Not to show the world, I mean – just for us.'
'If I'd brought a photograph back here, there's always a chance that the world would have seen it one day. But you don't need to see a picture, do you, Garrett? My word is proof enough.'
'Yeah, sure it is,' said Garrett. 'I'd just have liked to... well, y'know.'
'Yes,' Egon smiled knowingly, 'I know.'
'Wait, don't tell me,' Garrett grinned. 'You just put Bigfoot in the containment unit, right?'
'No,' said Egon, 'not Bigfoot. It was some kind of avian-based entity that might even be the Wendigo. I'll have to investigate that.'
'You didn't get to see Bigfoot after all, then?' asked Garrett.
'Oh no, I saw him,' said Egon. 'But he's still up in New Brunswick, where he belongs. Betamax Bill was as good as his word.'
'I thought you preferred to call him Bigfoot Bill.'
'Not anymore. You see, only people who don't believe his Bigfoot stories call him that.'
'You really saw Bigfoot, then?' Garrett asked eagerly.
'I really did,' said Egon.
'Cool,' said Garrett.
'You believe me, then?' said Egon, raising an eyebrow. 'I haven't got any documentary evidence, you know – my word is my only proof.'
'That's fine,' said Garrett. 'I still believe you.'
'Why?' asked Egon.
'Come on, man,' Garrett laughed. 'You're Egon Spengler! If you say you've seen Bigfoot, that's all the proof I need.'
'Interesting,' said Egon. 'So tell me, Garrett, if I were to tell you I'd seen vampires, would you accept that as proof of their existence?'
'Are you telling me you've seen vampires?' asked Garrett.
'Did I say that?' Egon returned, smiling slightly. 'If I've learned one thing this weekend, it's that proof is in the eye of the beholder... or the ear of the listener...'
'But Egon, you're a scientist,' said Garrett. 'If you don't believe in the certainty of proof, where does that leave you?'
'Oh, I believe in the certainty of proof,' Egon assured him. 'I'm just having doubts about... well, the proof of certainty, I suppose. I've certainly come to realise that scientific proof is a far more subjective concept than most scientists would like to admit.'
'I see what you mean,' said Garrett. 'Proof is personal, not positive.'
'Exactly,' said Egon.
'Why didn't you take a picture of Bigfoot, Egon? Not to show the world, I mean – just for us.'
'If I'd brought a photograph back here, there's always a chance that the world would have seen it one day. But you don't need to see a picture, do you, Garrett? My word is proof enough.'
'Yeah, sure it is,' said Garrett. 'I'd just have liked to... well, y'know.'
'Yes,' Egon smiled knowingly, 'I know.'
