Kevin and the Gang: In-Between Episode 5: Who's the Man?
Written by Jake Collins
Kevin was finishing off his lunch when Michael came to sit opposite him, looking troubled.
'Hi, Mike,' said Kevin. 'What's up?'
'I need your help with something, Kev,' said Michael.
'I'll definitely help you if I can, Mike.'
'Can you come back to my place after school today?'
'Yeah, I don't see why not,' said Kevin. 'What do you need my help with?'
'My mom's new boyfriend!' Michael spat. 'He's a dirty, lazy, grouchy, stinky piece of scum who hangs around the apartment all day watching ESPN! He doesn't have a job, he doesn't do any housework, and he treats my mom like a God-damned slave!'
'Wow, that sucks,' said Kevin. 'Have you spoken to your mom about the situation?'
'I don't need to speak to her – I just need to protect her! She and this guy – his name's Angelo, which by itself is a pretty good reason to punch his lights out – they were fighting in the kitchen last night, and stuff got thrown around and really nasty things were said.'
'Did he hit her?'
'No – I'd have been in there like a shot! But I'm not gonna give him the chance to do it next time.'
'What exactly are you planning to do, Mike?'
'I'm gonna tell him to leave – tonight, before my mom gets home!' said Michael. 'I want you to be there with me, Kev... for support.'
'You mean you want us to kick his ass together?'
'Not necessarily – he might leave without a fight. But if he doesn't...'
'You know, Mike, violence really isn't the answer to these situations,' said Kevin. 'I really think you should talk to your mom before you... do anything to Angelo.'
'There's no point, Kev,' said Michael. 'I just need to get him out of our lives, and I need to do it tonight! I'm not gonna go in there looking for a fight, but if that's what it comes down to... well, I don't reckon there's anyone in New York whose ass you and me couldn't kick if we worked together, Kev!'
'Yeah, you're probably right about that,' Kevin said with a smile. 'Is Angelo a big guy?'
'He's a little bigger than me,' said Michael. 'Probably about the same as you, but a half-inch taller.'
'So yeah, he is a big guy,' said Kevin. 'I'll definitely come with you for moral support, Mike... plus I think we should bring Oscar... maybe in his karate outfit. And let's ask Jandro to come too.'
'That sounds like a show of force, Kev.'
'It's not a show of force – it's a show of support.'
'Physical support, you mean.'
'Well, maybe... but mainly emotional support. We're gonna show Angelo that you have friends who care about you, and who're gonna back you up no matter... well, no matter what happens.'
Michael smiled and reached out to squeeze Kevin's shoulder.
'Thanks, Kev,' he said. 'But I don't know if I can really ask Oscar and Jandro. Like I said once before, they're your friends really, not mine.'
'They are your friends, Mike!' said Kevin. 'But I'll ask them for you, okay?'
'Okay,' said Michael. 'Neither of the girls can ever know about this, though.'
'If that's what you want, Mike,' said Kevin.
'Hi, Mike,' said Kevin. 'What's up?'
'I need your help with something, Kev,' said Michael.
'I'll definitely help you if I can, Mike.'
'Can you come back to my place after school today?'
'Yeah, I don't see why not,' said Kevin. 'What do you need my help with?'
'My mom's new boyfriend!' Michael spat. 'He's a dirty, lazy, grouchy, stinky piece of scum who hangs around the apartment all day watching ESPN! He doesn't have a job, he doesn't do any housework, and he treats my mom like a God-damned slave!'
'Wow, that sucks,' said Kevin. 'Have you spoken to your mom about the situation?'
'I don't need to speak to her – I just need to protect her! She and this guy – his name's Angelo, which by itself is a pretty good reason to punch his lights out – they were fighting in the kitchen last night, and stuff got thrown around and really nasty things were said.'
'Did he hit her?'
'No – I'd have been in there like a shot! But I'm not gonna give him the chance to do it next time.'
'What exactly are you planning to do, Mike?'
'I'm gonna tell him to leave – tonight, before my mom gets home!' said Michael. 'I want you to be there with me, Kev... for support.'
'You mean you want us to kick his ass together?'
'Not necessarily – he might leave without a fight. But if he doesn't...'
'You know, Mike, violence really isn't the answer to these situations,' said Kevin. 'I really think you should talk to your mom before you... do anything to Angelo.'
'There's no point, Kev,' said Michael. 'I just need to get him out of our lives, and I need to do it tonight! I'm not gonna go in there looking for a fight, but if that's what it comes down to... well, I don't reckon there's anyone in New York whose ass you and me couldn't kick if we worked together, Kev!'
'Yeah, you're probably right about that,' Kevin said with a smile. 'Is Angelo a big guy?'
'He's a little bigger than me,' said Michael. 'Probably about the same as you, but a half-inch taller.'
'So yeah, he is a big guy,' said Kevin. 'I'll definitely come with you for moral support, Mike... plus I think we should bring Oscar... maybe in his karate outfit. And let's ask Jandro to come too.'
'That sounds like a show of force, Kev.'
'It's not a show of force – it's a show of support.'
'Physical support, you mean.'
'Well, maybe... but mainly emotional support. We're gonna show Angelo that you have friends who care about you, and who're gonna back you up no matter... well, no matter what happens.'
Michael smiled and reached out to squeeze Kevin's shoulder.
'Thanks, Kev,' he said. 'But I don't know if I can really ask Oscar and Jandro. Like I said once before, they're your friends really, not mine.'
'They are your friends, Mike!' said Kevin. 'But I'll ask them for you, okay?'
'Okay,' said Michael. 'Neither of the girls can ever know about this, though.'
'If that's what you want, Mike,' said Kevin.
Kevin and Jandro were in the changing room, pulling up their trousers over their gym shorts.
'I'm sorry, Kev,' said Jandro, 'but I don't really understand what you're hoping to achieve by this... this... well, Michael's right; it's a show of force!'
'I just want to be there for Michael,' said Kevin. 'I really think we might be able to stop him doing something violent that he'll live to regret.'
'So... so if you don't want to beat the crap out of this Angelo guy,' said Jandro, 'why do you want to confront him with four boys, one of whom is wearing a karate outfit and two of whom are the size of grizzly bears?'
'Look, I just want to be prepared for every eventuality, okay?' said Kevin. 'Like Michael says, we're not gonna go in there looking for a fight, but we... well, we might have to defend ourselves if Angelo turns violent, and I think he'll be less likely to do that against four of us than one or two.'
'Yeah, I guess you're right,' said Jandro. 'But are you sure I'm really gonna make much difference to your strike force?'
'I couldn't imagine doing this without you, dude,' Kevin assured him. 'You're one of the gang!'
Michael chose that moment to emerge from the communal shower, totally naked and dripping with water. Jandro glanced over to him. As Michael walked past them on his way back to where his clothes were waiting for him, Kevin and Jandro could not stop their eyes moving up and down in time with Michael's very ambulant genitals.
'I'm not so sure about this,' said Jandro. 'Michael's so much... bigger than me, Kev. So are you! Just look at you and me in the mirror over there – we look like the largest and smallest ones from a set of five nesting-dolls! I really don't see how I can help.'
'Oh, Michael!' Mr Page called across the room. 'Are you the last one out of the shower?'
'Yes, Mr Page,' said Michael.
'Could you go back in there and turn off the main water valve for me?' said Mr Page.
'Okay,' said Michael.
Kevin and Jandro watched the bouncing display again as Michael walked back past them.
'It doesn't matter how big you are, Jandro,' said Kevin. 'Michael will appreciate your support, whatever form it takes.'
Michael made his way back to his seat for the second time, still flopping around quite freely.
'Well... I do care about Michael,' said Jandro, 'and I do love being a part of our little gang, so...'
'Michael, I don't think you've turned it all the way – I can still hear running water,' said Mr Page. 'Could you go back and give it a really hard yank for me?'
'Okay, Mr Page,' said Michael.
Kevin and Jandro found their eyes moving up and down again as Michael walked past them for the fourth time.
'So you'll come, then?' said Kevin.
'Yeah, I'll come,' said Jandro.
'Great,' Kevin grinned.
Michael grunted with exertion as he turned the stopcock as far as it would go. He then came back to where Kevin and Jandro were sitting; this time he stopped to talk to them.
'Are you guys talking about tonight?' Michael asked.
'Yeah, we are,' said Kevin. 'Jandro's decided to come along.'
'Oh, wow,' said Michael, fixing Jandro with a smile. 'Will you really?'
'Um... yes,' said Jandro, who had become acutely aware that Michael's penis was hovering less than two inches from his left eye and was trying not to look at it. 'You're my friend, Michael, and I want to support you.'
'Thanks, Jandro,' said Michael. 'We'll soon show Angelo who's boss! He thinks he's the big man around the place, but tonight I'm gonna show him I'm the man!'
'There's no doubt about that from where I'm sitting,' Jandro remarked.
Michael smiled gratefully, then he made his way back to his seat again and finally managed to pull his underpants on.
'Jesus, I felt like it was looking at me the whole time!' Jandro whispered to Kevin.
Kevin clapped Jandro on the back and laughed, then they got round to putting their shirts back on at last.
'Oh jeez, look at the time!' said Kevin, glancing at his watch. 'I need to go catch Oscar on his way to the drama room.'
'I'm sorry, Kev,' said Jandro, 'but I don't really understand what you're hoping to achieve by this... this... well, Michael's right; it's a show of force!'
'I just want to be there for Michael,' said Kevin. 'I really think we might be able to stop him doing something violent that he'll live to regret.'
'So... so if you don't want to beat the crap out of this Angelo guy,' said Jandro, 'why do you want to confront him with four boys, one of whom is wearing a karate outfit and two of whom are the size of grizzly bears?'
'Look, I just want to be prepared for every eventuality, okay?' said Kevin. 'Like Michael says, we're not gonna go in there looking for a fight, but we... well, we might have to defend ourselves if Angelo turns violent, and I think he'll be less likely to do that against four of us than one or two.'
'Yeah, I guess you're right,' said Jandro. 'But are you sure I'm really gonna make much difference to your strike force?'
'I couldn't imagine doing this without you, dude,' Kevin assured him. 'You're one of the gang!'
Michael chose that moment to emerge from the communal shower, totally naked and dripping with water. Jandro glanced over to him. As Michael walked past them on his way back to where his clothes were waiting for him, Kevin and Jandro could not stop their eyes moving up and down in time with Michael's very ambulant genitals.
'I'm not so sure about this,' said Jandro. 'Michael's so much... bigger than me, Kev. So are you! Just look at you and me in the mirror over there – we look like the largest and smallest ones from a set of five nesting-dolls! I really don't see how I can help.'
'Oh, Michael!' Mr Page called across the room. 'Are you the last one out of the shower?'
'Yes, Mr Page,' said Michael.
'Could you go back in there and turn off the main water valve for me?' said Mr Page.
'Okay,' said Michael.
Kevin and Jandro watched the bouncing display again as Michael walked back past them.
'It doesn't matter how big you are, Jandro,' said Kevin. 'Michael will appreciate your support, whatever form it takes.'
Michael made his way back to his seat for the second time, still flopping around quite freely.
'Well... I do care about Michael,' said Jandro, 'and I do love being a part of our little gang, so...'
'Michael, I don't think you've turned it all the way – I can still hear running water,' said Mr Page. 'Could you go back and give it a really hard yank for me?'
'Okay, Mr Page,' said Michael.
Kevin and Jandro found their eyes moving up and down again as Michael walked past them for the fourth time.
'So you'll come, then?' said Kevin.
'Yeah, I'll come,' said Jandro.
'Great,' Kevin grinned.
Michael grunted with exertion as he turned the stopcock as far as it would go. He then came back to where Kevin and Jandro were sitting; this time he stopped to talk to them.
'Are you guys talking about tonight?' Michael asked.
'Yeah, we are,' said Kevin. 'Jandro's decided to come along.'
'Oh, wow,' said Michael, fixing Jandro with a smile. 'Will you really?'
'Um... yes,' said Jandro, who had become acutely aware that Michael's penis was hovering less than two inches from his left eye and was trying not to look at it. 'You're my friend, Michael, and I want to support you.'
'Thanks, Jandro,' said Michael. 'We'll soon show Angelo who's boss! He thinks he's the big man around the place, but tonight I'm gonna show him I'm the man!'
'There's no doubt about that from where I'm sitting,' Jandro remarked.
Michael smiled gratefully, then he made his way back to his seat again and finally managed to pull his underpants on.
'Jesus, I felt like it was looking at me the whole time!' Jandro whispered to Kevin.
Kevin clapped Jandro on the back and laughed, then they got round to putting their shirts back on at last.
'Oh jeez, look at the time!' said Kevin, glancing at his watch. 'I need to go catch Oscar on his way to the drama room.'
'I thought we weren't doing anything after school today,' said Oscar.
'That's right, we weren't,' said Kevin. 'This is a last-minute thing. All I need you to do is stand there in your karate outfit while Michael tells his mom's abusive boyfriend to leave.'
'Oh, I see,' said Oscar. 'Am I gonna be required to actually use my karate on this abusive boyfriend?'
'I don't know,' said Kevin. 'Hopefully not.'
'So we're just giving Michael moral support?'
'Yeah... probably. But if Angelo starts getting violent, we'll show him that we're prepared to give Michael whatever kind of support he needs.'
Oscar smirked and said, 'You're just itching to punch this guy's lights out, aren't you?'
'I am not!' said Kevin. 'All I want is to be there for Michael.'
'I'm not really supposed to use my karate to intimidate people, you know,' said Oscar.
'But you can use it for self-defence, right? That's kind of what we're doing here... I mean, it's definitely what Michael's doing.'
'I'm sure I'd be bending the rules, dude.'
'There's nothing wrong with bending the rules in a good cause,' said Kevin. 'So, will you do it for Michael and his mom?'
'No,' said Oscar. 'But I'll do it for you.'
'That's right, we weren't,' said Kevin. 'This is a last-minute thing. All I need you to do is stand there in your karate outfit while Michael tells his mom's abusive boyfriend to leave.'
'Oh, I see,' said Oscar. 'Am I gonna be required to actually use my karate on this abusive boyfriend?'
'I don't know,' said Kevin. 'Hopefully not.'
'So we're just giving Michael moral support?'
'Yeah... probably. But if Angelo starts getting violent, we'll show him that we're prepared to give Michael whatever kind of support he needs.'
Oscar smirked and said, 'You're just itching to punch this guy's lights out, aren't you?'
'I am not!' said Kevin. 'All I want is to be there for Michael.'
'I'm not really supposed to use my karate to intimidate people, you know,' said Oscar.
'But you can use it for self-defence, right? That's kind of what we're doing here... I mean, it's definitely what Michael's doing.'
'I'm sure I'd be bending the rules, dude.'
'There's nothing wrong with bending the rules in a good cause,' said Kevin. 'So, will you do it for Michael and his mom?'
'No,' said Oscar. 'But I'll do it for you.'
Kevin, Jandro and Michael were standing outside the music block. Oscar ran up to join them, dressed in his karate outfit.
'Sorry I'm late,' he said. 'I had to wait for the locker room to empty before I could get changed.'
Jandro looked Oscar up and down.
'Is that a real black belt?' he asked.
'What do you mean?' said Oscar.
'I mean, is that black belt real?' said Jandro.
'I think he's asking if you earned it or it's just for show, man,' said Kevin. 'He earned it, Jandro.'
'Of course I earned it,' said Oscar. 'I'd never disgrace my uniform by wearing a belt that I had no right to wear!'
'Okay, so I guess we're ready,' said Kevin. 'You lead the way, Mike.'
'All right, Kev,' said Michael. 'And, er... thank you all for doing this.'
'It's not a problem, Mike,' said Jandro.
'I need to get in some practice for this year's Citywide Thirteen-to-Sixteen Karate Championship anyway,' said Oscar.
Michael smiled, then he turned and led his attack force out through the school gates.
'Sorry I'm late,' he said. 'I had to wait for the locker room to empty before I could get changed.'
Jandro looked Oscar up and down.
'Is that a real black belt?' he asked.
'What do you mean?' said Oscar.
'I mean, is that black belt real?' said Jandro.
'I think he's asking if you earned it or it's just for show, man,' said Kevin. 'He earned it, Jandro.'
'Of course I earned it,' said Oscar. 'I'd never disgrace my uniform by wearing a belt that I had no right to wear!'
'Okay, so I guess we're ready,' said Kevin. 'You lead the way, Mike.'
'All right, Kev,' said Michael. 'And, er... thank you all for doing this.'
'It's not a problem, Mike,' said Jandro.
'I need to get in some practice for this year's Citywide Thirteen-to-Sixteen Karate Championship anyway,' said Oscar.
Michael smiled, then he turned and led his attack force out through the school gates.
Michael led the way into the living room. As he had predicted, Angelo was sprawled on the couch, watching ESPN. Michael grabbed the remote control and turned off the TV. Angelo fixed him with a threatening look.
'What the hell do you think you're doing, kid?' he snarled.
'I'm not doing anything,' said Michael. 'But you're getting out of my home right now and you're never coming back!'
'You're joking, Mikey,' said Angelo. 'You have to be joking, otherwise you're asking for a black eye. Oh, is that why you've brought all your friends home with you, to intimidate me? It's not gonna work, kid, so why don't you just turn the TV back on and get me a beer, and save us all a whole load of trouble?'
'You're not listening, jerk-off!' said Michael. 'Get out of this apartment right now or I'm gonna throw you out.'
'I'll get out when Rita tells me to, not you!' Angelo replied. 'I know you think you're a big man, but you're just a kid who lives with his mommy... and this is her apartment, and she's the only one who can tell me to leave!'
'I know you almost hit her last night,' said Michael. 'I really don't want to find out what I'd do to you if you did hit her... and neither do you! You mess with my mother, you mess with me!'
'What makes you so sure I didn't hit her last night?' said Angelo.
'Because I was listening to everything that happened in the kitchen,' said Michael, 'and if you had hit her... you'd be dead now.'
'You're obviously itching to take me on, Mikey,' Angelo chuckled. 'You think you're a tough guy, don't you? I'll be glad to show you what a real tough guy can do... unless you're not man enough to face me alone, and you're gonna get your buddies here to gang up on me.'
'I'm gonna do whatever it takes to get you out of my mom's life for good!' said Michael.
'We all are,' Kevin added.
'Oh,' said Angelo, 'one of them talks!'
'We all talk,' said Oscar. 'But we're gonna do a hell of a lot more than that if you don't do what Michael says!'
'Look, Mikey, your mom is crazy in love with me,' said Angelo. 'What do you think she's gonna say if she comes home and finds that you've kicked me out?'
'I don't care what she says to me – I don't even care if she's mad at me for the rest of my life!' said Michael. 'I need to get rid of you and that's that!'
Angelo hauled himself to his feet and let out a long sigh.
'Okay,' he said, 'I should've known it would come to this. Come on then, Mikey – give me your best shot!'
Michael balled his right fist and made a move forward, but Kevin grabbed him by both shoulders and physically restrained him.
'You know, Angelo, you're not being very smart here,' said Kevin. 'What do you think Rita's gonna say if she comes home and finds out you've been fist-fighting with her son?'
'The kid needs discipline – he's obviously never had a decent male role model!' said Angelo. 'I'll make Rita see that I'm doing her and her precious son a favour!'
'Beating up a kid is not the same thing as disciplining him,' said Kevin.
'He's not gonna beat me up, Kev,' said Michael. 'I'll knock his fucking teeth out first!'
'You should just show a little class and leave quietly,' Kevin said to Angelo, 'otherwise...'
'What?' Angelo sneered. 'Are you all gonna attack me and kill me and dump my body in the East River? Don't make me laugh! I'd wager dollars to doughnuts that none of you has the balls for that!'
Jandro and Oscar exchanged an uncomfortable look, which did not go unnoticed by Kevin or by Angelo. Buoyed by a new sense of confidence, Angelo took a step towards Michael.
'Let go of me, Kev!' Michael snarled. 'We tried talking and it didn't work, so now I'm just gonna have to beat the crap out of this bozo!'
Kevin frowned, tightened his grip on Michael's shoulders and shoved him several feet across the floor. Before Michael could react in any way to being manhandled, Kevin ducked in front of him, folded his arms across his chest and said to Angelo, 'You won't lay a finger on Mike until you've gone through me!'
Angelo looked Kevin up and down. He made no further move forward.
'And before you take a crack at Kevin, you'll have to go through me!' said Oscar, planting himself in front of Kevin. 'Don't be fooled – this is a real black belt, and I reckon there's about a twenty percent chance that I can render you unconscious before you do me any lasting damage!'
Angelo scowled and took a tentative step forward, but he stopped once again as Jandro hurled himself in front of Oscar.
'If you want to fight Oscar, you'll have to go through me!' said Jandro. 'I know I'm not gonna delay you for long, but I reckon I can do just enough damage to increase Oscar's chances of laying you out to twenty-five percent... or maybe even thirty!'
Angelo stopped in his tracks. He fixed the boys with a hate-filled look. Before anyone could do or say anything else, the front door opened and Rita entered the apartment.
'Mom!' Michael exclaimed in surprise, as she came in from the kitchen. 'You're home early.'
'Yes, there was a power outage and we had to close the store,' said Rita, taking in the scene before her with a bewildered look on her face. 'What on earth is going on in here?'
'You won't believe this, Rita,' said Angelo. 'Your no-good kid is trying to throw me out of the apartment!'
'Is that true, Mikey?' said Rita.
'Yes, Mom,' Michael said firmly. 'This guy's a total jerk-off and he's no good for you!'
'There are so many boys in here,' said Rita. 'Why are all these boys here, Mikey?'
'They're with me!' said Michael.
'We came to support Mike,' said Kevin, 'because we're his friends and we care about him.'
'They're a bunch of hoodlums, that's what they are!' said Angelo. 'Tell them to get out of here, Rita.'
'Mom, I know this crap-bag almost hit you last night,' said Michael. 'I'm not gonna let him do that to you – I'm never gonna let anyone do that to you!'
'Oh, Mikey,' said Rita.
'What are you waiting for, Rita?' said Angelo. 'You can't let him get away with this! The kid has no sense of discipline because he's never had a real father figure.'
'Shut up!' Rita suddenly snapped at Angelo. 'How dare you talk about my son like that? He's obviously twice the man you'll ever be!'
'Hey, come on, baby,' said Angelo, 'don't be like that.'
'You did almost hit me last night – we both know that,' said Rita. 'You came frighteningly close... and I guess I shouldn't have let you get away with it.'
'It'll never happen again, cupcake,' said Angelo, 'I promise!'
'That's right, it won't,' said Rita, 'because you're leaving this apartment right now, Angelo, and you're never coming back!'
'But... but...' Angelo stammered.
'My mom just told you to leave, douche-bag!' Michael snarled.
'And you said you would if she did,' Jandro pointed out.
Angelo opened his mouth, but he closed it again without saying anything. Under five withering glares, he left the room to fetch his belongings from the bedroom.
'Oh Mikey, Mikey,' said Rita, 'what on earth did you think you were doing? Don't you know how serious this is? Don't you realise what could have happened?'
'I didn't care what happened to me, Mom!' said Michael, his voice cracking slightly. 'He was treating you like crap and you didn't deserve it and I just had to protect you because I love you!'
Rita sobbed and threw her arms around her son.
'Oh, Mikey,' she said again. 'Do you know how much you reminded me of your father just now? You're the spitting image of him... physically, I mean... and he used to talk with exactly the same fire and passion that you just showed... except that what you said to me is exactly the opposite of the kind of thing he used to say!'
'You sure can pick 'em, Mom, can't you?' Michael choked out.
'I've not done so badly with the choice of men in my life,' said Rita. 'After all, you've always been right at the top of my list, Mikey.'
'The jerk-off's leaving now,' said Kevin, 'just in case you've lost track of him.'
Rita pulled away from Michael and turned to face the skulking figure that was visible in the kitchen.
'Don't forget to leave your key on the counter, Angelo!' she called. 'I'll go ahead and get the locks changed if you don't!'
There came a metallic clink as the key was deposited, then the front door opened and quickly slammed shut.
'Now,' said Rita, 'why don't you boys sit down and I'll make us some cocoa? It's only instant, but I think we could all do with it!'
'What the hell do you think you're doing, kid?' he snarled.
'I'm not doing anything,' said Michael. 'But you're getting out of my home right now and you're never coming back!'
'You're joking, Mikey,' said Angelo. 'You have to be joking, otherwise you're asking for a black eye. Oh, is that why you've brought all your friends home with you, to intimidate me? It's not gonna work, kid, so why don't you just turn the TV back on and get me a beer, and save us all a whole load of trouble?'
'You're not listening, jerk-off!' said Michael. 'Get out of this apartment right now or I'm gonna throw you out.'
'I'll get out when Rita tells me to, not you!' Angelo replied. 'I know you think you're a big man, but you're just a kid who lives with his mommy... and this is her apartment, and she's the only one who can tell me to leave!'
'I know you almost hit her last night,' said Michael. 'I really don't want to find out what I'd do to you if you did hit her... and neither do you! You mess with my mother, you mess with me!'
'What makes you so sure I didn't hit her last night?' said Angelo.
'Because I was listening to everything that happened in the kitchen,' said Michael, 'and if you had hit her... you'd be dead now.'
'You're obviously itching to take me on, Mikey,' Angelo chuckled. 'You think you're a tough guy, don't you? I'll be glad to show you what a real tough guy can do... unless you're not man enough to face me alone, and you're gonna get your buddies here to gang up on me.'
'I'm gonna do whatever it takes to get you out of my mom's life for good!' said Michael.
'We all are,' Kevin added.
'Oh,' said Angelo, 'one of them talks!'
'We all talk,' said Oscar. 'But we're gonna do a hell of a lot more than that if you don't do what Michael says!'
'Look, Mikey, your mom is crazy in love with me,' said Angelo. 'What do you think she's gonna say if she comes home and finds that you've kicked me out?'
'I don't care what she says to me – I don't even care if she's mad at me for the rest of my life!' said Michael. 'I need to get rid of you and that's that!'
Angelo hauled himself to his feet and let out a long sigh.
'Okay,' he said, 'I should've known it would come to this. Come on then, Mikey – give me your best shot!'
Michael balled his right fist and made a move forward, but Kevin grabbed him by both shoulders and physically restrained him.
'You know, Angelo, you're not being very smart here,' said Kevin. 'What do you think Rita's gonna say if she comes home and finds out you've been fist-fighting with her son?'
'The kid needs discipline – he's obviously never had a decent male role model!' said Angelo. 'I'll make Rita see that I'm doing her and her precious son a favour!'
'Beating up a kid is not the same thing as disciplining him,' said Kevin.
'He's not gonna beat me up, Kev,' said Michael. 'I'll knock his fucking teeth out first!'
'You should just show a little class and leave quietly,' Kevin said to Angelo, 'otherwise...'
'What?' Angelo sneered. 'Are you all gonna attack me and kill me and dump my body in the East River? Don't make me laugh! I'd wager dollars to doughnuts that none of you has the balls for that!'
Jandro and Oscar exchanged an uncomfortable look, which did not go unnoticed by Kevin or by Angelo. Buoyed by a new sense of confidence, Angelo took a step towards Michael.
'Let go of me, Kev!' Michael snarled. 'We tried talking and it didn't work, so now I'm just gonna have to beat the crap out of this bozo!'
Kevin frowned, tightened his grip on Michael's shoulders and shoved him several feet across the floor. Before Michael could react in any way to being manhandled, Kevin ducked in front of him, folded his arms across his chest and said to Angelo, 'You won't lay a finger on Mike until you've gone through me!'
Angelo looked Kevin up and down. He made no further move forward.
'And before you take a crack at Kevin, you'll have to go through me!' said Oscar, planting himself in front of Kevin. 'Don't be fooled – this is a real black belt, and I reckon there's about a twenty percent chance that I can render you unconscious before you do me any lasting damage!'
Angelo scowled and took a tentative step forward, but he stopped once again as Jandro hurled himself in front of Oscar.
'If you want to fight Oscar, you'll have to go through me!' said Jandro. 'I know I'm not gonna delay you for long, but I reckon I can do just enough damage to increase Oscar's chances of laying you out to twenty-five percent... or maybe even thirty!'
Angelo stopped in his tracks. He fixed the boys with a hate-filled look. Before anyone could do or say anything else, the front door opened and Rita entered the apartment.
'Mom!' Michael exclaimed in surprise, as she came in from the kitchen. 'You're home early.'
'Yes, there was a power outage and we had to close the store,' said Rita, taking in the scene before her with a bewildered look on her face. 'What on earth is going on in here?'
'You won't believe this, Rita,' said Angelo. 'Your no-good kid is trying to throw me out of the apartment!'
'Is that true, Mikey?' said Rita.
'Yes, Mom,' Michael said firmly. 'This guy's a total jerk-off and he's no good for you!'
'There are so many boys in here,' said Rita. 'Why are all these boys here, Mikey?'
'They're with me!' said Michael.
'We came to support Mike,' said Kevin, 'because we're his friends and we care about him.'
'They're a bunch of hoodlums, that's what they are!' said Angelo. 'Tell them to get out of here, Rita.'
'Mom, I know this crap-bag almost hit you last night,' said Michael. 'I'm not gonna let him do that to you – I'm never gonna let anyone do that to you!'
'Oh, Mikey,' said Rita.
'What are you waiting for, Rita?' said Angelo. 'You can't let him get away with this! The kid has no sense of discipline because he's never had a real father figure.'
'Shut up!' Rita suddenly snapped at Angelo. 'How dare you talk about my son like that? He's obviously twice the man you'll ever be!'
'Hey, come on, baby,' said Angelo, 'don't be like that.'
'You did almost hit me last night – we both know that,' said Rita. 'You came frighteningly close... and I guess I shouldn't have let you get away with it.'
'It'll never happen again, cupcake,' said Angelo, 'I promise!'
'That's right, it won't,' said Rita, 'because you're leaving this apartment right now, Angelo, and you're never coming back!'
'But... but...' Angelo stammered.
'My mom just told you to leave, douche-bag!' Michael snarled.
'And you said you would if she did,' Jandro pointed out.
Angelo opened his mouth, but he closed it again without saying anything. Under five withering glares, he left the room to fetch his belongings from the bedroom.
'Oh Mikey, Mikey,' said Rita, 'what on earth did you think you were doing? Don't you know how serious this is? Don't you realise what could have happened?'
'I didn't care what happened to me, Mom!' said Michael, his voice cracking slightly. 'He was treating you like crap and you didn't deserve it and I just had to protect you because I love you!'
Rita sobbed and threw her arms around her son.
'Oh, Mikey,' she said again. 'Do you know how much you reminded me of your father just now? You're the spitting image of him... physically, I mean... and he used to talk with exactly the same fire and passion that you just showed... except that what you said to me is exactly the opposite of the kind of thing he used to say!'
'You sure can pick 'em, Mom, can't you?' Michael choked out.
'I've not done so badly with the choice of men in my life,' said Rita. 'After all, you've always been right at the top of my list, Mikey.'
'The jerk-off's leaving now,' said Kevin, 'just in case you've lost track of him.'
Rita pulled away from Michael and turned to face the skulking figure that was visible in the kitchen.
'Don't forget to leave your key on the counter, Angelo!' she called. 'I'll go ahead and get the locks changed if you don't!'
There came a metallic clink as the key was deposited, then the front door opened and quickly slammed shut.
'Now,' said Rita, 'why don't you boys sit down and I'll make us some cocoa? It's only instant, but I think we could all do with it!'
'We needed him out of our apartment and out of our lives, Mom,' said Michael, sipping his cocoa. 'I just had to get rid of him, no matter what it took!'
'You're right, Mikey – he needed to go,' said Rita. 'But I wish you'd talked to me first. I was already planning to tell him to leave – you didn't need to put yourself in danger.'
'I wasn't in danger – I could've taken him!' said Michael. 'Plus I had my friends to back me up, so...'
'You have no idea how relieved I am that the situation didn't escalate too far,' said Rita. 'It could've gone really bad really fast, Mikey, and I think you know that!'
'Yeah, well, I guess...' said Michael. 'So when were you planning on kicking him out, Mom?'
'Tonight,' said Rita. 'Or maybe tomorrow... or the weekend at the latest.'
'Mmm, right,' said Michael.
'We both need to learn a lesson from this, Mikey,' said Rita. 'We need to talk about our feelings in future before we rush in to any decisions... about who we're going to let move into the apartment or who we're going to physically intimidate, or whatever we happen to be feeling.'
'Okay, we'll talk more,' said Michael. 'I promise you, Mom.'
Rita smiled and gave him a hug.
'At least there's no harm done,' she sighed. 'And we managed to get rid of Angelo, which can only be a good thing. But what am I going to do about you three boys? Should I call your parents and tell them what you were planning to do? I just don't know!'
'We didn't come here looking for a fight,' said Kevin. 'We only wanted to support Mike. When he told me about Angelo at lunch recess, I could tell he was angry and scared and he needed help, so I... I decided I just had to do what I could for him.'
'Maybe we didn't go about it in the right way,' said Jandro, 'but our hearts were in the right place, Mrs Conway.'
'If I'm honest with myself, I've disgraced my karate uniform,' said Oscar. 'But maybe helping out a friend is more important than that, all things considered.'
'It was good of you all to support Mikey,' Rita said with a smile. 'You must really care about him.'
'We do,' said Kevin. 'He's our friend and we like him a lot.'
'Well, I don't really approve of what you did,' said Rita, 'but I certainly do approve of your reasons for doing it... so maybe we should just forget the whole thing. But Mikey and I aren't the only ones who can learn something from the experience, right?'
'Definitely!' said Jandro.
'Very much so,' said Oscar.
'And we're sorry for any distress we've caused you, Rita,' said Kevin.
'I accept your apology, Kevin,' Rita smiled at him, 'and I'm so glad to hear you call me Rita at last!'
'I think we should be making tracks,' said Oscar. 'My dad and Jessica will be home by now and they'll be wondering where I am.'
'I need to get home too,' said Jandro.
'We'll all walk together,' said Kevin. 'Bye, Rita... and thanks for having us.'
'You're always the gentleman, Kevin,' Rita laughed. 'Goodbye to you all... and thanks again for being there for Mikey.'
Michael escorted his three friends to the door and walked them out into the lobby. He exchanged a handshake and a clap on the arm each with Oscar and Jandro, then he took Kevin's hand in an upright grip and clasped him firmly by the shoulder. Kevin smiled, and clasped Michael's shoulder in return.
'You're a rock, Kev,' said Michael. 'Thanks for everything.'
'It's not a problem, Mike,' said Kevin. 'Just remember, we really are your friends and we really do care about you, and we'll always be there for you if you need us.'
Michael smiled at Kevin, then he leaned in for the briefest of half-hugs. Kevin moved his left arm in an attempt to turn the situation into a full hug, but Michael sloped back into his apartment and closed the door before Kevin could complete the manoeuvre.
'You're right, Mikey – he needed to go,' said Rita. 'But I wish you'd talked to me first. I was already planning to tell him to leave – you didn't need to put yourself in danger.'
'I wasn't in danger – I could've taken him!' said Michael. 'Plus I had my friends to back me up, so...'
'You have no idea how relieved I am that the situation didn't escalate too far,' said Rita. 'It could've gone really bad really fast, Mikey, and I think you know that!'
'Yeah, well, I guess...' said Michael. 'So when were you planning on kicking him out, Mom?'
'Tonight,' said Rita. 'Or maybe tomorrow... or the weekend at the latest.'
'Mmm, right,' said Michael.
'We both need to learn a lesson from this, Mikey,' said Rita. 'We need to talk about our feelings in future before we rush in to any decisions... about who we're going to let move into the apartment or who we're going to physically intimidate, or whatever we happen to be feeling.'
'Okay, we'll talk more,' said Michael. 'I promise you, Mom.'
Rita smiled and gave him a hug.
'At least there's no harm done,' she sighed. 'And we managed to get rid of Angelo, which can only be a good thing. But what am I going to do about you three boys? Should I call your parents and tell them what you were planning to do? I just don't know!'
'We didn't come here looking for a fight,' said Kevin. 'We only wanted to support Mike. When he told me about Angelo at lunch recess, I could tell he was angry and scared and he needed help, so I... I decided I just had to do what I could for him.'
'Maybe we didn't go about it in the right way,' said Jandro, 'but our hearts were in the right place, Mrs Conway.'
'If I'm honest with myself, I've disgraced my karate uniform,' said Oscar. 'But maybe helping out a friend is more important than that, all things considered.'
'It was good of you all to support Mikey,' Rita said with a smile. 'You must really care about him.'
'We do,' said Kevin. 'He's our friend and we like him a lot.'
'Well, I don't really approve of what you did,' said Rita, 'but I certainly do approve of your reasons for doing it... so maybe we should just forget the whole thing. But Mikey and I aren't the only ones who can learn something from the experience, right?'
'Definitely!' said Jandro.
'Very much so,' said Oscar.
'And we're sorry for any distress we've caused you, Rita,' said Kevin.
'I accept your apology, Kevin,' Rita smiled at him, 'and I'm so glad to hear you call me Rita at last!'
'I think we should be making tracks,' said Oscar. 'My dad and Jessica will be home by now and they'll be wondering where I am.'
'I need to get home too,' said Jandro.
'We'll all walk together,' said Kevin. 'Bye, Rita... and thanks for having us.'
'You're always the gentleman, Kevin,' Rita laughed. 'Goodbye to you all... and thanks again for being there for Mikey.'
Michael escorted his three friends to the door and walked them out into the lobby. He exchanged a handshake and a clap on the arm each with Oscar and Jandro, then he took Kevin's hand in an upright grip and clasped him firmly by the shoulder. Kevin smiled, and clasped Michael's shoulder in return.
'You're a rock, Kev,' said Michael. 'Thanks for everything.'
'It's not a problem, Mike,' said Kevin. 'Just remember, we really are your friends and we really do care about you, and we'll always be there for you if you need us.'
Michael smiled at Kevin, then he leaned in for the briefest of half-hugs. Kevin moved his left arm in an attempt to turn the situation into a full hug, but Michael sloped back into his apartment and closed the door before Kevin could complete the manoeuvre.
Oscar climbed the front steps of his house, placed his hand on the doorknob, then turned back to face Kevin and Jandro.
'We did a good thing tonight,' said Oscar. 'You were right all along, dude – Michael needed our help, and I'm glad we gave it to him.'
'So am I, man,' said Kevin. 'I just... I can't help thinking about how close we came to maybe doing something really stupid, and it... well, it scares me.'
'You're the one who stopped Michael from wading into a fist-fight,' Oscar pointed out. 'You did everything you could for him. You're not infallible, bro... but you are incredible!'
'Oscar's right, Kev,' said Jandro. 'Everything worked out okay. Let's just chalk this whole thing up to experience and get on with the rest of our lives, huh?'
'Yeah,' said Kevin. 'Yeah, let's do that. Thanks, guys.'
Oscar smiled, ran back down the steps and gave Kevin a hug. Kevin smiled and hugged him back, while Jandro cast them a contemplative look. After several claps on the back from both participants, the hug ended and Oscar went back up the steps and into his house.
'Kev?' said Jandro.
'Yes, Jandro?' said Kevin.
'Do you maybe want to come back to my place for a while?' said Jandro. 'Just if you've got time; if you're not too busy.'
'Um... yeah, why not?' said Kevin. 'I've got a half-hour to play around with, before my mom gets home.'
'We did a good thing tonight,' said Oscar. 'You were right all along, dude – Michael needed our help, and I'm glad we gave it to him.'
'So am I, man,' said Kevin. 'I just... I can't help thinking about how close we came to maybe doing something really stupid, and it... well, it scares me.'
'You're the one who stopped Michael from wading into a fist-fight,' Oscar pointed out. 'You did everything you could for him. You're not infallible, bro... but you are incredible!'
'Oscar's right, Kev,' said Jandro. 'Everything worked out okay. Let's just chalk this whole thing up to experience and get on with the rest of our lives, huh?'
'Yeah,' said Kevin. 'Yeah, let's do that. Thanks, guys.'
Oscar smiled, ran back down the steps and gave Kevin a hug. Kevin smiled and hugged him back, while Jandro cast them a contemplative look. After several claps on the back from both participants, the hug ended and Oscar went back up the steps and into his house.
'Kev?' said Jandro.
'Yes, Jandro?' said Kevin.
'Do you maybe want to come back to my place for a while?' said Jandro. 'Just if you've got time; if you're not too busy.'
'Um... yeah, why not?' said Kevin. 'I've got a half-hour to play around with, before my mom gets home.'
Kevin and Jandro were leaning against the counter in Jandro's kitchen, taking occasional swigs of Sunny Delight.
'I have to confess, you really do make me feel physically inadequate sometimes, Kev,' said Jandro. 'It's a good thing I love you so much, otherwise I'd absolutely hate you!'
'You know, dude,' said Kevin, 'you really shouldn't compare yourself to me... or to anyone! We all are who we are, and you've got a hell of a lot going for you.'
'Yeah,' said Jandro, 'right, Kev.'
'You do, Jandro,' said Kevin. 'I know I just said you shouldn't compare yourself to me, and I meant it, but the fact is that there's something you have ten times more of than I do!'
'What's that?' said Jandro.
'Panache!' Kevin declared.
'Panache?' Jandro laughed. 'What the hell are you talking about, Kev?'
'You have a load of panache, dude!' said Kevin. 'Don't you know that? You have this kind of mesmerising swagger that's extremely appealing. How do you think you get away with constantly wearing those tight white jeans that are obviously slightly too small for you? I've seen a lot of people trying out that look, Jandro, and hardly any of them can pull it off... but on you, it's perfect!'
'I wear these jeans 'cause I find them comfortable,' Jandro shrugged.
'Really?' said Kevin. 'They can't give you a lot of... wiggle-room.'
'I don't like wiggle-room,' said Jandro. 'I prefer everything to stay in its designated place.'
'Well, whatever the reason, they look fantastic on you!' said Kevin. 'They do wonderful things for your butt, you know.'
'You're teasing me, Kev,' said Jandro.
'I'm not!' said Kevin. 'I'm trying to tell you how attractive you are!'
'You can't convince me I'm as attractive as you, Kev,' said Jandro. 'Your pecs are to die for, and your arms... wow! God damn it, you're really sexy!'
'Well, so are you,' said Kevin. 'Everything about you is perfectly proportioned.'
'Even though it's a little on the small side, right?' Jandro said with a laugh.
'Exactly!' said Kevin.
Kevin and Jandro exchanged a smile, then they reached out and touched each other on the upper arm.
'So... so maybe if I'd fallen totally in love with someone who I'd been close friends with for years,' said Jandro, 'and I told this person how I felt, they might not turn around and say “I'm sorry, Jandro; we're friends and that's all we're ever going to be”... or not because I'm physically inadequate, anyway.'
'Yeah, definitely,' said Kevin. 'And I guess the same thing is true for me... in theory.'
'It sure is,' said Jandro.
They looked into each other's eyes for a few moments, then they simultaneously withdrew their hands.
'So tell me, Jandro, just out of interest,' said Kevin, 'do you prefer Ella's chest or mine?'
'Comparisons are odious, dude,' said Jandro. 'I think Ella's looks excellent on her and I think yours looks excellent on you – everything in its designated place, like I said before.'
Kevin laughed and said, 'You really are wonderful, Jandro.'
'Do you know what I think, Kev?' said Jandro. 'I think we should stop this conversation right here and never speak of it again.'
'I think you're right, dude,' said Kevin. 'I'm not sorry we had it, though.'
'Neither am I,' said Jandro. 'I just think... well, this is the right time for us to call it a day.'
'Definitely,' said Kevin. 'You know, Jandro, just by the by, I've read that you can drastically reduce your sperm count if you're too constricted down there – I hope you'll bear that in mind, dude.'
'Hey, you can take my word for it, Kev,' Jandro grinned, 'there's nothing wrong with my sperm count!'
Kevin laughed, drained the last of his Sunny Delight, and said, 'Okay, I will take your word for it! I need to get home now. Thanks for inviting me over, Jandro.'
Jandro smiled and said, 'Thanks for coming, Kev.'
Jandro escorted Kevin through the laundry room and out of the side door. On the way through the living room, he noticed that Ana had appeared in one of the armchairs and was flicking through the channels on the TV. He frowned slightly.
'Ana, were you listening to us?' Jandro asked, as he closed the laundry room door behind him.
'Not in the sense of actually listening to you, no,' Ana replied. 'But I couldn't help hearing some of the stuff you said. I heard you telling Kevin that you love him, for example.'
'Well... I do love him,' said Jandro. 'Don't you love any of your friends, Ana?'
'Hmm, well... I don't know,' said Ana. 'I guess maybe Becky.'
'So it's Becky this week, huh?' said Jandro, grinning. 'It was Rachel, the last I heard.'
'Rachel's a total bitch!' said Ana.
'And what ever happened with you and Phoebe?'
'I swore I was finished with Phoebe forever the moment she hooked up with Casey Jackson. He's the most immature butt-head in our homeroom, and that's saying something!'
'Oh, I see,' said Jandro. 'So anyway, you know what I meant when I told Kevin I love him, right?'
'Yeah, I guess I do,' said Ana. 'You know, Jandro, I really wasn't listening to you and Kevin – like I said – but I just wanted to reassure you that he definitely got one thing right – you sure do have a whole lot of panache!'
'Do you really think so?' Jandro laughed.
'Undoubtedly,' said Ana. 'Goodness knows where you get it – not from Dad, that's for God-damned sure! – but there it is. I guess you're just naturally gifted.'
'Yeah...' said Jandro. 'Yeah, I guess I am... in some ways. Thanks, Ana.'
'And for what it's worth, so far as I'm concerned, you're definitely the man of this house!'
'What makes you say that?'
'You don't get drunk every night and you've never made me feel physically sick by calling me Angel-Features. Do you want to watch The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air with me? It starts in three minutes.'
'Sure, okay.'
'I have to confess, you really do make me feel physically inadequate sometimes, Kev,' said Jandro. 'It's a good thing I love you so much, otherwise I'd absolutely hate you!'
'You know, dude,' said Kevin, 'you really shouldn't compare yourself to me... or to anyone! We all are who we are, and you've got a hell of a lot going for you.'
'Yeah,' said Jandro, 'right, Kev.'
'You do, Jandro,' said Kevin. 'I know I just said you shouldn't compare yourself to me, and I meant it, but the fact is that there's something you have ten times more of than I do!'
'What's that?' said Jandro.
'Panache!' Kevin declared.
'Panache?' Jandro laughed. 'What the hell are you talking about, Kev?'
'You have a load of panache, dude!' said Kevin. 'Don't you know that? You have this kind of mesmerising swagger that's extremely appealing. How do you think you get away with constantly wearing those tight white jeans that are obviously slightly too small for you? I've seen a lot of people trying out that look, Jandro, and hardly any of them can pull it off... but on you, it's perfect!'
'I wear these jeans 'cause I find them comfortable,' Jandro shrugged.
'Really?' said Kevin. 'They can't give you a lot of... wiggle-room.'
'I don't like wiggle-room,' said Jandro. 'I prefer everything to stay in its designated place.'
'Well, whatever the reason, they look fantastic on you!' said Kevin. 'They do wonderful things for your butt, you know.'
'You're teasing me, Kev,' said Jandro.
'I'm not!' said Kevin. 'I'm trying to tell you how attractive you are!'
'You can't convince me I'm as attractive as you, Kev,' said Jandro. 'Your pecs are to die for, and your arms... wow! God damn it, you're really sexy!'
'Well, so are you,' said Kevin. 'Everything about you is perfectly proportioned.'
'Even though it's a little on the small side, right?' Jandro said with a laugh.
'Exactly!' said Kevin.
Kevin and Jandro exchanged a smile, then they reached out and touched each other on the upper arm.
'So... so maybe if I'd fallen totally in love with someone who I'd been close friends with for years,' said Jandro, 'and I told this person how I felt, they might not turn around and say “I'm sorry, Jandro; we're friends and that's all we're ever going to be”... or not because I'm physically inadequate, anyway.'
'Yeah, definitely,' said Kevin. 'And I guess the same thing is true for me... in theory.'
'It sure is,' said Jandro.
They looked into each other's eyes for a few moments, then they simultaneously withdrew their hands.
'So tell me, Jandro, just out of interest,' said Kevin, 'do you prefer Ella's chest or mine?'
'Comparisons are odious, dude,' said Jandro. 'I think Ella's looks excellent on her and I think yours looks excellent on you – everything in its designated place, like I said before.'
Kevin laughed and said, 'You really are wonderful, Jandro.'
'Do you know what I think, Kev?' said Jandro. 'I think we should stop this conversation right here and never speak of it again.'
'I think you're right, dude,' said Kevin. 'I'm not sorry we had it, though.'
'Neither am I,' said Jandro. 'I just think... well, this is the right time for us to call it a day.'
'Definitely,' said Kevin. 'You know, Jandro, just by the by, I've read that you can drastically reduce your sperm count if you're too constricted down there – I hope you'll bear that in mind, dude.'
'Hey, you can take my word for it, Kev,' Jandro grinned, 'there's nothing wrong with my sperm count!'
Kevin laughed, drained the last of his Sunny Delight, and said, 'Okay, I will take your word for it! I need to get home now. Thanks for inviting me over, Jandro.'
Jandro smiled and said, 'Thanks for coming, Kev.'
Jandro escorted Kevin through the laundry room and out of the side door. On the way through the living room, he noticed that Ana had appeared in one of the armchairs and was flicking through the channels on the TV. He frowned slightly.
'Ana, were you listening to us?' Jandro asked, as he closed the laundry room door behind him.
'Not in the sense of actually listening to you, no,' Ana replied. 'But I couldn't help hearing some of the stuff you said. I heard you telling Kevin that you love him, for example.'
'Well... I do love him,' said Jandro. 'Don't you love any of your friends, Ana?'
'Hmm, well... I don't know,' said Ana. 'I guess maybe Becky.'
'So it's Becky this week, huh?' said Jandro, grinning. 'It was Rachel, the last I heard.'
'Rachel's a total bitch!' said Ana.
'And what ever happened with you and Phoebe?'
'I swore I was finished with Phoebe forever the moment she hooked up with Casey Jackson. He's the most immature butt-head in our homeroom, and that's saying something!'
'Oh, I see,' said Jandro. 'So anyway, you know what I meant when I told Kevin I love him, right?'
'Yeah, I guess I do,' said Ana. 'You know, Jandro, I really wasn't listening to you and Kevin – like I said – but I just wanted to reassure you that he definitely got one thing right – you sure do have a whole lot of panache!'
'Do you really think so?' Jandro laughed.
'Undoubtedly,' said Ana. 'Goodness knows where you get it – not from Dad, that's for God-damned sure! – but there it is. I guess you're just naturally gifted.'
'Yeah...' said Jandro. 'Yeah, I guess I am... in some ways. Thanks, Ana.'
'And for what it's worth, so far as I'm concerned, you're definitely the man of this house!'
'What makes you say that?'
'You don't get drunk every night and you've never made me feel physically sick by calling me Angel-Features. Do you want to watch The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air with me? It starts in three minutes.'
'Sure, okay.'
