Virtual Season Episode 11: Halloween Party
Written by Rosey Collins
Slimer was flying around the firehouse, giggling with delight, his face and arms poking out from a red polyester apple costume. On his way into the kitchen, he crashed into Garrett, who was wheeling his way through the door with a tray of vol-au-vents.
'Uh, sorry,' Slimer said sheepishly, as the tray slid towards the ground, but Garrett caught it in time.
'Could've been worse, Slimer,' he said cheerfully, as he wheeled his way into the lounge.
'Please don't eat anything before the party, Slimer,' said Janine, who was standing on a chair and hanging rubbery, gangly spiders from the light shade. 'And don't eat everything when the party starts either. Try to control yourself, okay?'
'Okay, Janine,' said Slimer, already eyeing up the snack table.
'Are you guys sure this party is a good idea?' asked Roland, who was sitting on the couch with his laptop. 'We could get any number of calls tonight.'
'That's what you said last Halloween,' said Garrett. 'And what happened in the end? We all just sat here on our butts!'
'You sit everywhere on your butt,' said Eduardo, coming in with a large punch bowl, followed by Kylie with two huge stacks of paper cups. 'Y'know, in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, they said that demons and stuff boycott Halloween because it's become too commercial.'
'Something must have happened anyway,' said Roland. 'Otherwise it'd be a pretty boring episode.'
'Yeah, something happened,' said Eduardo. 'Everybody turned into their costumes.'
'Ugh,' said Garrett. 'That one's getting real old, real fast.'
'Which is better, Eduardo?' asked Janine. 'Buffy or Harry Potter?'
'Harry Potter,' said Eduardo. 'Kevin's the one who likes Buffy. I watch it with him because no one else will.'
'Is that the only reason?' asked Garrett. 'You wouldn't happen to have a little crush on Sarah Michelle Gellar, would you?'
'Well, sure I do,' Eduardo said with a shrug. 'Don't you?'
Garrett looked disappointed with this reaction, and turned his attention to arranging snacks.
'First Mina and now Buffy,' said Kylie, poking Eduardo in the small of his back and grinning up at him. 'You got a thing for vampire hunters, huh?'
'I never actually had a crush on Mina,' said Eduardo. 'Anyway, I liked Buffy first. Dracula was only last semester.'
'Sorry,' said Kylie, maintaining her flirtatious tone. 'So are you, um... are we all coming to this party tonight?'
'I don't know,' said Garrett. 'What do you say, Rolster? You could bring T'Keysha or – look, what is her name?'
'I can't make it, Garrett,' said Roland. 'Sorry. I'm busy with the family tonight.'
'You'll be missing a great night, Roland,' said Janine. 'How about you, Eduardo?'
'I don't know,' said Eduardo. 'I'm kinda busy for a while this evening.'
'Oh,' said Kylie, and she actually sounded disappointed.
'Um,' said Eduardo, noticing this, and not quite knowing what to do with it. 'I'll try to stop by later, though. If Janine'll let me off not being in costume.'
'No costume?' said Janine, hopping down from her chair. 'Where's your Halloween spirit?'
'I'm just being smart,' said Eduardo. 'There's always a chance that turning into your costume thing will happen in real life.'
'I don't think so, Eduardo,' said Kylie.
'Yeah, well,' said Eduardo, finding his confidence at last, and matching the grin she had given him a few moments before. 'Why take the chance?'
Kylie held his gaze for a moment, then turned and made her way casually back into the kitchen. Garrett watched the scene with great scrutiny, then suddenly had to turn round and wave Slimer away from the snack table. Roland kept his gaze fixed firmly on his laptop screen. Janine opened up a box of yet more Halloween decorations. In a darkened corner of the room, a pair of malevolent green eyes receded into the wall.
'Uh, sorry,' Slimer said sheepishly, as the tray slid towards the ground, but Garrett caught it in time.
'Could've been worse, Slimer,' he said cheerfully, as he wheeled his way into the lounge.
'Please don't eat anything before the party, Slimer,' said Janine, who was standing on a chair and hanging rubbery, gangly spiders from the light shade. 'And don't eat everything when the party starts either. Try to control yourself, okay?'
'Okay, Janine,' said Slimer, already eyeing up the snack table.
'Are you guys sure this party is a good idea?' asked Roland, who was sitting on the couch with his laptop. 'We could get any number of calls tonight.'
'That's what you said last Halloween,' said Garrett. 'And what happened in the end? We all just sat here on our butts!'
'You sit everywhere on your butt,' said Eduardo, coming in with a large punch bowl, followed by Kylie with two huge stacks of paper cups. 'Y'know, in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, they said that demons and stuff boycott Halloween because it's become too commercial.'
'Something must have happened anyway,' said Roland. 'Otherwise it'd be a pretty boring episode.'
'Yeah, something happened,' said Eduardo. 'Everybody turned into their costumes.'
'Ugh,' said Garrett. 'That one's getting real old, real fast.'
'Which is better, Eduardo?' asked Janine. 'Buffy or Harry Potter?'
'Harry Potter,' said Eduardo. 'Kevin's the one who likes Buffy. I watch it with him because no one else will.'
'Is that the only reason?' asked Garrett. 'You wouldn't happen to have a little crush on Sarah Michelle Gellar, would you?'
'Well, sure I do,' Eduardo said with a shrug. 'Don't you?'
Garrett looked disappointed with this reaction, and turned his attention to arranging snacks.
'First Mina and now Buffy,' said Kylie, poking Eduardo in the small of his back and grinning up at him. 'You got a thing for vampire hunters, huh?'
'I never actually had a crush on Mina,' said Eduardo. 'Anyway, I liked Buffy first. Dracula was only last semester.'
'Sorry,' said Kylie, maintaining her flirtatious tone. 'So are you, um... are we all coming to this party tonight?'
'I don't know,' said Garrett. 'What do you say, Rolster? You could bring T'Keysha or – look, what is her name?'
'I can't make it, Garrett,' said Roland. 'Sorry. I'm busy with the family tonight.'
'You'll be missing a great night, Roland,' said Janine. 'How about you, Eduardo?'
'I don't know,' said Eduardo. 'I'm kinda busy for a while this evening.'
'Oh,' said Kylie, and she actually sounded disappointed.
'Um,' said Eduardo, noticing this, and not quite knowing what to do with it. 'I'll try to stop by later, though. If Janine'll let me off not being in costume.'
'No costume?' said Janine, hopping down from her chair. 'Where's your Halloween spirit?'
'I'm just being smart,' said Eduardo. 'There's always a chance that turning into your costume thing will happen in real life.'
'I don't think so, Eduardo,' said Kylie.
'Yeah, well,' said Eduardo, finding his confidence at last, and matching the grin she had given him a few moments before. 'Why take the chance?'
Kylie held his gaze for a moment, then turned and made her way casually back into the kitchen. Garrett watched the scene with great scrutiny, then suddenly had to turn round and wave Slimer away from the snack table. Roland kept his gaze fixed firmly on his laptop screen. Janine opened up a box of yet more Halloween decorations. In a darkened corner of the room, a pair of malevolent green eyes receded into the wall.
Casey Jackson, dressed as a devil, walked into his hallway and picked up the plastic pitchfork that was leaning against the stairwell.
'Where'd you get your costume, Case?' asked his sister, who was dressed as a witch. 'You look like a giant chilli pepper.'
'Where'd you get your Halloween mask?' countered Casey. 'You look my ugly sister.'
'I'm not taking you if you're going to fight,' said Roland, appearing on the stairs.
'We're not fighting,' said the girl. 'Can we go now, please?'
'Yes, Amy, we can go now,' said Roland. 'Casey, I don't want to find any eggs on you, okay?'
'Yeah, yeah, I know,' said Casey, rolling his eyes. 'Are we doing this or what?'
Roland put a hand between the shoulder blades of each child and ushered them outside, onto the darkening street, where more children were pouring out of their houses in droves. A woman stood nearby, looking tired already, while two boys and a girl dressed as Ghostbusters shot at imaginary demons with plastic weapons. Roland looked at them, pleased, as they were joined by a boy wearing an almost naked foam bodysuit and a bright yellow wig.
'Aww,' the boy said, in aggrieved tones, a plastic sword dropping impotently at his side, 'I thought we were gonna be He-Man!'
'Man, what's wrong with you?' said the older of the two boys. 'That cartoon is so old!'
'So old!' said the girl. 'The Ghostbusters are buff, Josh. It's great being Ghostbusters!'
'Yeah!' said the other boy. 'We have porton packs and everything!'
'Proton packs, doofus!' said the girl, giving him a shove.
'Lisa!' snapped the tired-looking woman. 'Be nice to your brother!'
'I used to watch He-Man,' said Roland. 'Is it as old as all that?'
'What's He-Man?' asked Amy.
Roland sighed heavily, and led his young siblings on into the night.
'Where'd you get your costume, Case?' asked his sister, who was dressed as a witch. 'You look like a giant chilli pepper.'
'Where'd you get your Halloween mask?' countered Casey. 'You look my ugly sister.'
'I'm not taking you if you're going to fight,' said Roland, appearing on the stairs.
'We're not fighting,' said the girl. 'Can we go now, please?'
'Yes, Amy, we can go now,' said Roland. 'Casey, I don't want to find any eggs on you, okay?'
'Yeah, yeah, I know,' said Casey, rolling his eyes. 'Are we doing this or what?'
Roland put a hand between the shoulder blades of each child and ushered them outside, onto the darkening street, where more children were pouring out of their houses in droves. A woman stood nearby, looking tired already, while two boys and a girl dressed as Ghostbusters shot at imaginary demons with plastic weapons. Roland looked at them, pleased, as they were joined by a boy wearing an almost naked foam bodysuit and a bright yellow wig.
'Aww,' the boy said, in aggrieved tones, a plastic sword dropping impotently at his side, 'I thought we were gonna be He-Man!'
'Man, what's wrong with you?' said the older of the two boys. 'That cartoon is so old!'
'So old!' said the girl. 'The Ghostbusters are buff, Josh. It's great being Ghostbusters!'
'Yeah!' said the other boy. 'We have porton packs and everything!'
'Proton packs, doofus!' said the girl, giving him a shove.
'Lisa!' snapped the tired-looking woman. 'Be nice to your brother!'
'I used to watch He-Man,' said Roland. 'Is it as old as all that?'
'What's He-Man?' asked Amy.
Roland sighed heavily, and led his young siblings on into the night.
Once again, Garrett wheeled his way from the firehouse kitchen and crashed into Slimer. This time they were both in costume; Garrett was wearing tattered clothes and greenish-white face paint.
'Great costume, Garrett!' babbled Slimer, as he carried on into the kitchen.
Garrett smiled wryly. 'Thanks, man.'
He shook the slime from his hair, then made his way into the lounge, where Kylie was just coming up the stairs. She was barefaced and dressed in a sleeveless top, tight leather trousers and a rather dubious blond wig. Garrett stared at her.
'Kylie?' he said, in a moment of realisation. 'Wow. Do you know how different you look without your makeup?'
'I guess I never really thought about it,' said Kylie. 'Why? Do I look okay?'
'Yeah, actually, you look hot.'
'Oh, cut that out,' said Kylie, smiling self-consciously and giving his shoulder a light shove as she walked past him. 'I like yours. Pretty convincing.'
'Braaaaaiiiiins!' Garrett intoned, following Kylie across the room with a glassy-eyed expression.
'So you're a Return of the Living Dead zombie, huh?'
'If you say so – I don't really know. So, um... the walls are really coming down tonight, huh?'
'What do you mean?'
'Well,' Garrett said innocently, 'you know what Halloween's like. You dress up as someone else... you lose your inhibitions... or have you been planning the Buffy costume for months?'
'I must have been,' said Kylie. 'Don't you know how hard it is to find an authentic wooden stake at the last minute?'
'No,' said Garrett, 'but I can see you failed. That one's kinda plastic, isn't it?'
'Yeah, well,' said Kylie, looking down at the unconvincing prop hanging at her hip. 'It's just a costume. Anyway, this is safer than a real one.'
'Safer, huh? Are you planning on playing irresponsibly with it? Afraid of poking Eddie's eye out when you... do whatever it is you're planning to do?'
'I have no idea what you're talking about. He said he might not even come.'
'Oh, Kylie,' said Garrett, laughing. 'He'd sure come if he knew you were dressed like that.'
Kylie frowned at him, but she was soon distracted from her annoyance by the sound of two people coming down the spiral staircase.
'Wow,' said Garrett, and he started laughing again. 'You guys look... ha-ha-ha... you look great!'
'Don't laugh, Garrett,' said Kylie, who was smiling a little herself. 'I'll bet Janine had a hard enough time persuading Egon to dress up in the first place.'
'Not at all, Kylie,' said Egon, slightly adjusting his Abraham Lincoln beard and hat. 'We must all let our hair down every now and then, mustn't we?'
'If we do get called out tonight,' said Garrett, still laughing, 'you have got to come with us, man!'
'Great idea, Garrett,' said Janine, who was dressed as Cleopatra. 'Egon can go, and you can stay here. No one wants to see a zombie coming to save them from demons, but what could be more reassuring in that situation than Buffy and Abraham Lincoln?'
'I can't think of anyone,' Garrett admitted.
'Great costume, Garrett!' babbled Slimer, as he carried on into the kitchen.
Garrett smiled wryly. 'Thanks, man.'
He shook the slime from his hair, then made his way into the lounge, where Kylie was just coming up the stairs. She was barefaced and dressed in a sleeveless top, tight leather trousers and a rather dubious blond wig. Garrett stared at her.
'Kylie?' he said, in a moment of realisation. 'Wow. Do you know how different you look without your makeup?'
'I guess I never really thought about it,' said Kylie. 'Why? Do I look okay?'
'Yeah, actually, you look hot.'
'Oh, cut that out,' said Kylie, smiling self-consciously and giving his shoulder a light shove as she walked past him. 'I like yours. Pretty convincing.'
'Braaaaaiiiiins!' Garrett intoned, following Kylie across the room with a glassy-eyed expression.
'So you're a Return of the Living Dead zombie, huh?'
'If you say so – I don't really know. So, um... the walls are really coming down tonight, huh?'
'What do you mean?'
'Well,' Garrett said innocently, 'you know what Halloween's like. You dress up as someone else... you lose your inhibitions... or have you been planning the Buffy costume for months?'
'I must have been,' said Kylie. 'Don't you know how hard it is to find an authentic wooden stake at the last minute?'
'No,' said Garrett, 'but I can see you failed. That one's kinda plastic, isn't it?'
'Yeah, well,' said Kylie, looking down at the unconvincing prop hanging at her hip. 'It's just a costume. Anyway, this is safer than a real one.'
'Safer, huh? Are you planning on playing irresponsibly with it? Afraid of poking Eddie's eye out when you... do whatever it is you're planning to do?'
'I have no idea what you're talking about. He said he might not even come.'
'Oh, Kylie,' said Garrett, laughing. 'He'd sure come if he knew you were dressed like that.'
Kylie frowned at him, but she was soon distracted from her annoyance by the sound of two people coming down the spiral staircase.
'Wow,' said Garrett, and he started laughing again. 'You guys look... ha-ha-ha... you look great!'
'Don't laugh, Garrett,' said Kylie, who was smiling a little herself. 'I'll bet Janine had a hard enough time persuading Egon to dress up in the first place.'
'Not at all, Kylie,' said Egon, slightly adjusting his Abraham Lincoln beard and hat. 'We must all let our hair down every now and then, mustn't we?'
'If we do get called out tonight,' said Garrett, still laughing, 'you have got to come with us, man!'
'Great idea, Garrett,' said Janine, who was dressed as Cleopatra. 'Egon can go, and you can stay here. No one wants to see a zombie coming to save them from demons, but what could be more reassuring in that situation than Buffy and Abraham Lincoln?'
'I can't think of anyone,' Garrett admitted.
There was no sunlight left when Eduardo turned into his street and placed one foot on his metal staircase. This was as far as he had got when his brother appeared.
'I know what you've been doing,' Carl said accusingly.
'Hi, Carlos,' said Eduardo. 'What have I been doing?'
'You've been abusing Dad's memory, haven't you?'
'Yeah, obviously – I do that every year.'
'What's it gonna take to make you stop, huh? He wouldn't have wanted it! He hated all that!'
Eduardo scowled, and said, 'He never told me that. Anyway, it's not just for him – it's for me.' He stopped scowling. 'Listen, I'm going again the day after tomorrow. Why don't you come with me?'
'Are you insane?' Carl said darkly.
'Look,' said Eduardo, 'I don't have time for this. I promised Mrs McCluskey I'd supervise the trick-or-treaters for a while.'
'Anti-social hooligans,' muttered Carl.
'And then I wanna try and get to this party later.'
'What party? You don't even like Halloween parties. Last time you went to one, it was because you were chasing some skirt.'
'Yeah, well, I – oh, hey, Kev,' Eduardo said, brightening suddenly as Kevin appeared with fake hair stuck onto his face and hands. 'You sure put some effort into your costume this year, huh?'
'Better than yours,' Kevin said cheerfully.
'I'm a homicidal maniac,' said Eduardo. 'They look just like everybody else. Listen, man, I'm gonna grab a snack and take a quick shower before we go. You can come up and pick out all my best candy if you want.'
'You're gonna take a shower?' Kevin whined, as he followed Eduardo up the staircase, under the disapproving eyes of his father.
'A quick shower,' said Eduardo. 'There's candy by the microwave, or if you're getting too old for that, you can look at the pictures in my calendar.'
Kevin laughed, while Eduardo made his way into the bathroom and started taking off his clothes. He was just about to step into the shower when the door flew open, a bundle of fur flew into the room and Eduardo suddenly found himself wrestling a four-foot werewolf in jacket and jeans. He cried out in alarm, desperately trying to hold off the marauding claws, until at last he was able to get a good grip on the animal and hurl it across the room. It hit the wall and slid whining to the floor. While it was stunned, Eduardo ran out of the bathroom and slammed the door.
'Kevin?' he called anxiously, as he clambered into some fresh clothes.
No answer was forthcoming. There came a scrabbling sound from the bathroom door, and a whiny bark. Eduardo looked frantically around until he saw the October page from his calendar on the floor, ripped to shreds. Then a thought struck him.
'Aw, man,' he said, 'you have got to be kidding me.'
The bathroom door handle started jiggling. Eduardo ran, just as the werewolf burst out of the bathroom. He made it to the front door just in time to slam it in the wolf's face, and lock it with a key from his jacket pocket.
'Kevin, it's me!' Eduardo called, but this only made the barks and bangs coming from the other side of the door even more frantic. Eduardo took a step back, then turned and looked out at the street.
All over the place, adults were running and screaming while wolves howled, vampires bared their fangs, ghosts appeared from thin air and pretty pink fairies flew above everyone's heads. Eduardo stood there for a moment, gaping and motionless. Then suddenly Carl came running up the stairs, shaking a goblin or something off his leg, and demanding, 'What is going on here?'
'I don't know,' said Eduardo.
'What do you mean you don't know?' barked Carl. 'It's your job to know, isn't it? Where's Kevin?'
'He's locked in my apartment. He's a werewolf.'
'He's locked in the apartment with a werewolf?'
'No – he is a werewolf! Everyone's turned into their costumes.'
'Why?'
'How should I know?' Eduardo said petulantly. 'I need to get to the firehouse. Egon will know what to do. Hey, man, could I borrow your car?'
Carl glared at Eduardo for a moment, but then he led him calmly down the stairs and opened the garage. At once, two gremlins streaked past them and began ripping the car to shreds.
Carl stared. 'What the –?'
Then suddenly there came a screech of brakes, and Roland was there in his blue Mustang. He leaned over to the passenger side door, flung it open and called, 'Eduardo, get in!'
Eduardo got in, and the car screeched off again.
'I know what you've been doing,' Carl said accusingly.
'Hi, Carlos,' said Eduardo. 'What have I been doing?'
'You've been abusing Dad's memory, haven't you?'
'Yeah, obviously – I do that every year.'
'What's it gonna take to make you stop, huh? He wouldn't have wanted it! He hated all that!'
Eduardo scowled, and said, 'He never told me that. Anyway, it's not just for him – it's for me.' He stopped scowling. 'Listen, I'm going again the day after tomorrow. Why don't you come with me?'
'Are you insane?' Carl said darkly.
'Look,' said Eduardo, 'I don't have time for this. I promised Mrs McCluskey I'd supervise the trick-or-treaters for a while.'
'Anti-social hooligans,' muttered Carl.
'And then I wanna try and get to this party later.'
'What party? You don't even like Halloween parties. Last time you went to one, it was because you were chasing some skirt.'
'Yeah, well, I – oh, hey, Kev,' Eduardo said, brightening suddenly as Kevin appeared with fake hair stuck onto his face and hands. 'You sure put some effort into your costume this year, huh?'
'Better than yours,' Kevin said cheerfully.
'I'm a homicidal maniac,' said Eduardo. 'They look just like everybody else. Listen, man, I'm gonna grab a snack and take a quick shower before we go. You can come up and pick out all my best candy if you want.'
'You're gonna take a shower?' Kevin whined, as he followed Eduardo up the staircase, under the disapproving eyes of his father.
'A quick shower,' said Eduardo. 'There's candy by the microwave, or if you're getting too old for that, you can look at the pictures in my calendar.'
Kevin laughed, while Eduardo made his way into the bathroom and started taking off his clothes. He was just about to step into the shower when the door flew open, a bundle of fur flew into the room and Eduardo suddenly found himself wrestling a four-foot werewolf in jacket and jeans. He cried out in alarm, desperately trying to hold off the marauding claws, until at last he was able to get a good grip on the animal and hurl it across the room. It hit the wall and slid whining to the floor. While it was stunned, Eduardo ran out of the bathroom and slammed the door.
'Kevin?' he called anxiously, as he clambered into some fresh clothes.
No answer was forthcoming. There came a scrabbling sound from the bathroom door, and a whiny bark. Eduardo looked frantically around until he saw the October page from his calendar on the floor, ripped to shreds. Then a thought struck him.
'Aw, man,' he said, 'you have got to be kidding me.'
The bathroom door handle started jiggling. Eduardo ran, just as the werewolf burst out of the bathroom. He made it to the front door just in time to slam it in the wolf's face, and lock it with a key from his jacket pocket.
'Kevin, it's me!' Eduardo called, but this only made the barks and bangs coming from the other side of the door even more frantic. Eduardo took a step back, then turned and looked out at the street.
All over the place, adults were running and screaming while wolves howled, vampires bared their fangs, ghosts appeared from thin air and pretty pink fairies flew above everyone's heads. Eduardo stood there for a moment, gaping and motionless. Then suddenly Carl came running up the stairs, shaking a goblin or something off his leg, and demanding, 'What is going on here?'
'I don't know,' said Eduardo.
'What do you mean you don't know?' barked Carl. 'It's your job to know, isn't it? Where's Kevin?'
'He's locked in my apartment. He's a werewolf.'
'He's locked in the apartment with a werewolf?'
'No – he is a werewolf! Everyone's turned into their costumes.'
'Why?'
'How should I know?' Eduardo said petulantly. 'I need to get to the firehouse. Egon will know what to do. Hey, man, could I borrow your car?'
Carl glared at Eduardo for a moment, but then he led him calmly down the stairs and opened the garage. At once, two gremlins streaked past them and began ripping the car to shreds.
Carl stared. 'What the –?'
Then suddenly there came a screech of brakes, and Roland was there in his blue Mustang. He leaned over to the passenger side door, flung it open and called, 'Eduardo, get in!'
Eduardo got in, and the car screeched off again.
'Why is this happening, Eduardo?' asked Roland, as he drove cautiously through ghosts and goblins and superheroes and Star Wars characters.
'Why does everyone expect me to know that?' squeaked Eduardo, gazing in horror at the chaos around them.
'It was more of a rhetorical question. I guess this means Garrett and Kylie and Janine turned into something too. I wonder if Egon dressed up.'
'I hope not,' said Eduardo. 'So is that your costume – your jumpsuit?'
'Be grateful that it is,' Roland said gravely, as Eduardo sniggered. 'Why are you bleeding?'
'Bleeding?' Eduardo looked down at himself, and finally located a scratch on his left hand. 'Oh. I guess Kevin must have scratched me.'
'What is he?'
'A werewolf.'
'What? But... but doesn't that mean...?'
'I don't think so,' said Eduardo. 'It's definitely a scratch, not a bite. That's different, right? And we're gonna fix everything anyway, aren't we?'
'I sure hope so,' said Roland. 'Uh-oh – zombies.'
He brought the car to a gentle stop as he suddenly found the road blocked by blank-eyed, pale-skinned people lurching slowly towards them.
'Oh, I know these guys,' said Eduardo. 'They do this every year. It's really starting to get old.'
'But this is terrible!' said Roland. 'Either they're going to start eating people, or people will cut off their heads and stab them through the eyes and stuff!'
'Too bad we can't tell everyone who's still human to barricade their houses,' said Eduardo. 'And have a controlled fire just outside the front door. I mean, everyone should know that, but...'
'I guess we can try that.' Roland felt in his pocket, brought out a cell phone and thrust it at Eduardo. 'Call the local radio station and, well, first see if they'll give you the time of day. I guess they will, with all of this going on.'
'What's the number?' asked Eduardo.
'How should I know? Call four-one-one and ask.'
Eduardo began dialling, then shrieked in alarm as the first ever George Romero zombie began beating at the passenger side window with a rock. Roland revved up the engine, put the car into reverse, knocked over someone's mailbox and then turned off down another street.
'Where are we going now?' asked Eduardo.
'My place,' said Roland. 'I'll try to get to the firehouse from there. Oh, look, there's my sister. I hope she doesn't go too far!'
Eduardo followed his gaze, and saw a witch flying around on a broomstick. He watched as she threw back her head, flew high into the air and let out a terrible cackle.
'Don't worry about it, man,' Eduardo said. 'Witches always go home at the end of the day, right?'
'I sure hope so,' Roland said gravely, as Amy disappeared over the rooftops.
'Why does everyone expect me to know that?' squeaked Eduardo, gazing in horror at the chaos around them.
'It was more of a rhetorical question. I guess this means Garrett and Kylie and Janine turned into something too. I wonder if Egon dressed up.'
'I hope not,' said Eduardo. 'So is that your costume – your jumpsuit?'
'Be grateful that it is,' Roland said gravely, as Eduardo sniggered. 'Why are you bleeding?'
'Bleeding?' Eduardo looked down at himself, and finally located a scratch on his left hand. 'Oh. I guess Kevin must have scratched me.'
'What is he?'
'A werewolf.'
'What? But... but doesn't that mean...?'
'I don't think so,' said Eduardo. 'It's definitely a scratch, not a bite. That's different, right? And we're gonna fix everything anyway, aren't we?'
'I sure hope so,' said Roland. 'Uh-oh – zombies.'
He brought the car to a gentle stop as he suddenly found the road blocked by blank-eyed, pale-skinned people lurching slowly towards them.
'Oh, I know these guys,' said Eduardo. 'They do this every year. It's really starting to get old.'
'But this is terrible!' said Roland. 'Either they're going to start eating people, or people will cut off their heads and stab them through the eyes and stuff!'
'Too bad we can't tell everyone who's still human to barricade their houses,' said Eduardo. 'And have a controlled fire just outside the front door. I mean, everyone should know that, but...'
'I guess we can try that.' Roland felt in his pocket, brought out a cell phone and thrust it at Eduardo. 'Call the local radio station and, well, first see if they'll give you the time of day. I guess they will, with all of this going on.'
'What's the number?' asked Eduardo.
'How should I know? Call four-one-one and ask.'
Eduardo began dialling, then shrieked in alarm as the first ever George Romero zombie began beating at the passenger side window with a rock. Roland revved up the engine, put the car into reverse, knocked over someone's mailbox and then turned off down another street.
'Where are we going now?' asked Eduardo.
'My place,' said Roland. 'I'll try to get to the firehouse from there. Oh, look, there's my sister. I hope she doesn't go too far!'
Eduardo followed his gaze, and saw a witch flying around on a broomstick. He watched as she threw back her head, flew high into the air and let out a terrible cackle.
'Don't worry about it, man,' Eduardo said. 'Witches always go home at the end of the day, right?'
'I sure hope so,' Roland said gravely, as Amy disappeared over the rooftops.
He-Man stood on the street corner, in front of the grandest house in the neighbourhood, holding aloft his magic sword and saying, 'I have the power!' The Mustang turned slowly into the street and wandered past him. Eduardo was just hanging up Roland's cell phone when a little red devil jumped onto the car bonnet and began scrabbling at the windscreen.
'Aah!' Eduardo cried, reeling back in alarm.
'That's Casey,' said Roland.
'Oh. Good costume,' said Eduardo, as the cackling little devil produced an egg from somewhere about his person and smashed it against the glass.
'I don't believe it!' said Roland. 'I made him promise not to bring any eggs!'
'It is trick-or-treating, man,' said Eduardo.
'Right,' said Roland, 'not vandalism-or-treating. Well, I guess there are worse things he could be doing right now. Hopefully no one's in too much danger around here. Now, who else was...?'
As he said this, Lisa and her friend and brother ran into view, wielding their proton guns. Roland stopped the car completely, and watched as the trio trapped a sentient skeleton.
'Oh no!' said Roland. 'I think I know that skeleton, and she's only six!'
'Well,' said Eduardo, 'they only trapped her. She'll just pop right out again when we fix it so their equipment turns back into cheap plastic, right?'
'I sure hope so. Eduardo, we have to fix this, or everyone's just going to destroy each other!'
'So let's hurry up and get to the firehouse. Do you think I should try calling there again?'
'You tried three times,' said Roland. 'Why is no one answering?'
'It was three times in two minutes. Give 'em a chance. I'll try again. Keep driving, man.'
Roland sighed heavily, and kept driving.
'Aah!' Eduardo cried, reeling back in alarm.
'That's Casey,' said Roland.
'Oh. Good costume,' said Eduardo, as the cackling little devil produced an egg from somewhere about his person and smashed it against the glass.
'I don't believe it!' said Roland. 'I made him promise not to bring any eggs!'
'It is trick-or-treating, man,' said Eduardo.
'Right,' said Roland, 'not vandalism-or-treating. Well, I guess there are worse things he could be doing right now. Hopefully no one's in too much danger around here. Now, who else was...?'
As he said this, Lisa and her friend and brother ran into view, wielding their proton guns. Roland stopped the car completely, and watched as the trio trapped a sentient skeleton.
'Oh no!' said Roland. 'I think I know that skeleton, and she's only six!'
'Well,' said Eduardo, 'they only trapped her. She'll just pop right out again when we fix it so their equipment turns back into cheap plastic, right?'
'I sure hope so. Eduardo, we have to fix this, or everyone's just going to destroy each other!'
'So let's hurry up and get to the firehouse. Do you think I should try calling there again?'
'You tried three times,' said Roland. 'Why is no one answering?'
'It was three times in two minutes. Give 'em a chance. I'll try again. Keep driving, man.'
Roland sighed heavily, and kept driving.
Monsters and movie characters were running amok all over town, and more than one building was being scaled by Spiderman. There were a few lone zombies around, but they were staying away from the houses, because people had set fires on their porches.
'I hope no one started a fire and then barricaded themselves in completely,' said Roland.
'Everyone should watch Night of the Living Dead,' said Eduardo. 'It tells you exactly what to do.'
'But don't all the characters die?'
'Only because they can't keep their heads and cooperate.'
'You did tell the radio guy to explain that these are real people, and we're getting everyone back to normal as fast as we can?'
'You know I did, man. You heard me.'
Suddenly, the car came to an abrupt halt as something jumped onto the bonnet and severely dented it. Before Eduardo or Roland could see what it was, it had leapt onto the roof and dented that too. Both men ducked down in alarm as frantic scratching and scraping sounds started above them.
'Start the car!' said Eduardo.
'I can't!' said Roland. 'It must have damaged the engine!'
'Aw, man! Halloween sucks!'
The scratching above them stopped, and the bulk moved to the back of the car, where it started scrabbling at the rear windscreen.
'I don't dare look,' said Roland.
'I'll look, then,' said Eduardo, and he did. Then he turned abruptly to face the front, rigid with terror.
'Eduardo, what is it?' Roland whispered.
'It's a velociraptor!' Eduardo whispered back.
'Oh my gosh! They're dangerous, right?'
'Are you kidding me? They're the most dangerous!'
'What a time for this to happen! Had you even heard of a velociraptor when you were a kid?'
'Of course not, man!' Eduardo squeaked. 'Nobody had! Roland, what're we gonna do?'
The velociraptor moved round to the side of the car, and began butting the rear door with its head.
'Well, you seem to know better than I do,' said Roland. 'How do you get away from a velociraptor?'
'You lure it into the freezer and then lock it in, or you hope a T-rex comes along and eats it.'
'But that's exactly what we don't want! It's just a kid!'
'It's not a kid right now!' said Eduardo, climbing into Roland's lap as the velociraptor appeared at his window and snorted steam onto the glass. 'Why the heck haven't we locked the doors?'
Eduardo reached over with his foot and pushed the lock down.
'We can't stay in here,' said Roland.
'They eat you alive, man!'
'Y'know, there's pretty much zero chance that movie's right about everything – or even anything!'
'Who cares?' Eduardo said shrilly. 'That's a movie velociraptor! Oh, man – where's it going now?'
There was a tense silence as Eduardo slid slowly back onto his side of the car. Then suddenly Roland's door was flung open; the velociraptor thrust its head into the car and screeched. Eduardo screamed, unlocked the door on his side and tumbled out of the car. Then he reached in and tried to drag Roland out after him, but found himself in a tug-of-war with the raptor.
'Kick it in the face, Roland!'
Roland kicked out as violently as he could. The animal was momentarily stunned, and Roland was able to scramble out of the car. Eduardo hauled him to his feet, and they both ran. The raptor leapt onto the car roof from the ground, then leapt off again and tore after them. Eduardo grabbed Roland's wrist and pulled him along at a terrific speed to the first door he saw. It came open easily enough, and then they were standing in an industrial kitchen. Eduardo slammed the door, and both men stood with their backs against it as the velociraptor tried to force its way in.
'We have to contain it,' Eduardo said, straining against the door. 'That thing will kill everyone it sees. Except maybe Superman and people like that.'
'Well,' said Roland, 'you did say something about a freezer before. It's a good thing that door was open. Where are the staff?'
'Maybe they turned into something,' said Eduardo. 'Or something made them leave. How are we gonna do this? We don't wanna put it in the freezer – it's a kid!'
'It could be an adult.'
'An adult dressed as a dinosaur? I don't think so. Whoa,' Eduardo said, as the door inched open and the raptor's hand appeared in the crack. 'Can we lock it in here? The rest of the place probably isn't secure, seeing as they didn't lock this door...'
'I can see the keys,' said Roland. 'They're in the waiters' In door.'
'Oh yeah,' said Eduardo, following Roland's gaze. 'I guess they were in the middle of locking up. That's lucky for us.'
'We'll need all the luck we can get,' said Roland. 'Go and get them. I'll hold off the velociraptor.'
'Are you kidding? You can't hold it by yourself!'
'We have to do something! Go on, Eduardo, now!'
Eduardo hesitated but a moment more. Then he sprang away from the door, and Roland pushed his whole weight against the opening. The velociraptor screeched, and withdrew its fingers from the crack. Then it resumed its incessant buffeting.
'I'm gonna have to lock this door first,' said Eduardo, as he tried the handle of the door marked Out.
'Get on with it, then!' said Roland, sweating and straining.
Eduardo embarked on a very tense search through all the keys, trying them in the door one by one. Roland watched him out of one eye, trying to keep tabs on the raptor at the same time.
'What about the In door?' he asked. 'You did check it was locked?'
'Of course I did,' said Eduardo. 'Okay, that's got it. So... now what?'
'Get behind me,' said Roland. 'We'll let the raptor in, and hope we can get out and lock the door before it follows us.'
'Hope?'
'Yes!'
'Just a second,' said Eduardo, and he began wrenching a cupboard door off its hinges.
'What are you doing?' screeched Roland, as two velociraptor hands curved around the door.
'This has a reflective surface!'
'So?'
Eduardo got the door off with a few hard kicks. He then propped it up against the wall opposite Roland, and took a few seconds to make sure he was happy with the angle.
'Eduardo, come on!' said Roland.
'Okay!' said Eduardo, ducking behind his companion, and at last Roland abandoned his struggle.
The door flew open. The velociraptor came in, looked around and then ran straight at the cupboard door, in which Roland and Eduardo were reflected. They ran outside when the animal was close to its target. As they pulled the door shut, the raptor crashed headfirst into its own reflection.
'Lock it, Eduardo, quick!' cried Roland, tugging frantically at the door handle, which was already being pulled in the other direction.
'Not that one,' Eduardo muttered, as he tried the keys underneath Roland's arm. 'No... no... yes!'
The key turned in the lock. Roland let go of the door handle. His knees and shoulders sagged with exhaustion. Eduardo clapped him on the back, and said, 'Great work, man. You okay?'
'Yeah,' Roland panted, standing up straight. 'Good call on the mirror thing, Eduardo. It probably saved our lives. I thought velociraptors were supposed to be too smart for something like that.'
Eduardo shrugged. 'It worked in the movie. But I don't think they'd fall for it twice.'
'Then let's be glad it worked once. So what do we do now – try to hail a cab?'
'I bet no one's bothering to still drive their cab with all this going on. There were abandoned cars all over the street, remember? And I bet some of them still have the keys in the ignition.'
'Eduardo!' said Roland.
'What?' said Eduardo. 'This is clearly an emergency, man.'
'I hope no one started a fire and then barricaded themselves in completely,' said Roland.
'Everyone should watch Night of the Living Dead,' said Eduardo. 'It tells you exactly what to do.'
'But don't all the characters die?'
'Only because they can't keep their heads and cooperate.'
'You did tell the radio guy to explain that these are real people, and we're getting everyone back to normal as fast as we can?'
'You know I did, man. You heard me.'
Suddenly, the car came to an abrupt halt as something jumped onto the bonnet and severely dented it. Before Eduardo or Roland could see what it was, it had leapt onto the roof and dented that too. Both men ducked down in alarm as frantic scratching and scraping sounds started above them.
'Start the car!' said Eduardo.
'I can't!' said Roland. 'It must have damaged the engine!'
'Aw, man! Halloween sucks!'
The scratching above them stopped, and the bulk moved to the back of the car, where it started scrabbling at the rear windscreen.
'I don't dare look,' said Roland.
'I'll look, then,' said Eduardo, and he did. Then he turned abruptly to face the front, rigid with terror.
'Eduardo, what is it?' Roland whispered.
'It's a velociraptor!' Eduardo whispered back.
'Oh my gosh! They're dangerous, right?'
'Are you kidding me? They're the most dangerous!'
'What a time for this to happen! Had you even heard of a velociraptor when you were a kid?'
'Of course not, man!' Eduardo squeaked. 'Nobody had! Roland, what're we gonna do?'
The velociraptor moved round to the side of the car, and began butting the rear door with its head.
'Well, you seem to know better than I do,' said Roland. 'How do you get away from a velociraptor?'
'You lure it into the freezer and then lock it in, or you hope a T-rex comes along and eats it.'
'But that's exactly what we don't want! It's just a kid!'
'It's not a kid right now!' said Eduardo, climbing into Roland's lap as the velociraptor appeared at his window and snorted steam onto the glass. 'Why the heck haven't we locked the doors?'
Eduardo reached over with his foot and pushed the lock down.
'We can't stay in here,' said Roland.
'They eat you alive, man!'
'Y'know, there's pretty much zero chance that movie's right about everything – or even anything!'
'Who cares?' Eduardo said shrilly. 'That's a movie velociraptor! Oh, man – where's it going now?'
There was a tense silence as Eduardo slid slowly back onto his side of the car. Then suddenly Roland's door was flung open; the velociraptor thrust its head into the car and screeched. Eduardo screamed, unlocked the door on his side and tumbled out of the car. Then he reached in and tried to drag Roland out after him, but found himself in a tug-of-war with the raptor.
'Kick it in the face, Roland!'
Roland kicked out as violently as he could. The animal was momentarily stunned, and Roland was able to scramble out of the car. Eduardo hauled him to his feet, and they both ran. The raptor leapt onto the car roof from the ground, then leapt off again and tore after them. Eduardo grabbed Roland's wrist and pulled him along at a terrific speed to the first door he saw. It came open easily enough, and then they were standing in an industrial kitchen. Eduardo slammed the door, and both men stood with their backs against it as the velociraptor tried to force its way in.
'We have to contain it,' Eduardo said, straining against the door. 'That thing will kill everyone it sees. Except maybe Superman and people like that.'
'Well,' said Roland, 'you did say something about a freezer before. It's a good thing that door was open. Where are the staff?'
'Maybe they turned into something,' said Eduardo. 'Or something made them leave. How are we gonna do this? We don't wanna put it in the freezer – it's a kid!'
'It could be an adult.'
'An adult dressed as a dinosaur? I don't think so. Whoa,' Eduardo said, as the door inched open and the raptor's hand appeared in the crack. 'Can we lock it in here? The rest of the place probably isn't secure, seeing as they didn't lock this door...'
'I can see the keys,' said Roland. 'They're in the waiters' In door.'
'Oh yeah,' said Eduardo, following Roland's gaze. 'I guess they were in the middle of locking up. That's lucky for us.'
'We'll need all the luck we can get,' said Roland. 'Go and get them. I'll hold off the velociraptor.'
'Are you kidding? You can't hold it by yourself!'
'We have to do something! Go on, Eduardo, now!'
Eduardo hesitated but a moment more. Then he sprang away from the door, and Roland pushed his whole weight against the opening. The velociraptor screeched, and withdrew its fingers from the crack. Then it resumed its incessant buffeting.
'I'm gonna have to lock this door first,' said Eduardo, as he tried the handle of the door marked Out.
'Get on with it, then!' said Roland, sweating and straining.
Eduardo embarked on a very tense search through all the keys, trying them in the door one by one. Roland watched him out of one eye, trying to keep tabs on the raptor at the same time.
'What about the In door?' he asked. 'You did check it was locked?'
'Of course I did,' said Eduardo. 'Okay, that's got it. So... now what?'
'Get behind me,' said Roland. 'We'll let the raptor in, and hope we can get out and lock the door before it follows us.'
'Hope?'
'Yes!'
'Just a second,' said Eduardo, and he began wrenching a cupboard door off its hinges.
'What are you doing?' screeched Roland, as two velociraptor hands curved around the door.
'This has a reflective surface!'
'So?'
Eduardo got the door off with a few hard kicks. He then propped it up against the wall opposite Roland, and took a few seconds to make sure he was happy with the angle.
'Eduardo, come on!' said Roland.
'Okay!' said Eduardo, ducking behind his companion, and at last Roland abandoned his struggle.
The door flew open. The velociraptor came in, looked around and then ran straight at the cupboard door, in which Roland and Eduardo were reflected. They ran outside when the animal was close to its target. As they pulled the door shut, the raptor crashed headfirst into its own reflection.
'Lock it, Eduardo, quick!' cried Roland, tugging frantically at the door handle, which was already being pulled in the other direction.
'Not that one,' Eduardo muttered, as he tried the keys underneath Roland's arm. 'No... no... yes!'
The key turned in the lock. Roland let go of the door handle. His knees and shoulders sagged with exhaustion. Eduardo clapped him on the back, and said, 'Great work, man. You okay?'
'Yeah,' Roland panted, standing up straight. 'Good call on the mirror thing, Eduardo. It probably saved our lives. I thought velociraptors were supposed to be too smart for something like that.'
Eduardo shrugged. 'It worked in the movie. But I don't think they'd fall for it twice.'
'Then let's be glad it worked once. So what do we do now – try to hail a cab?'
'I bet no one's bothering to still drive their cab with all this going on. There were abandoned cars all over the street, remember? And I bet some of them still have the keys in the ignition.'
'Eduardo!' said Roland.
'What?' said Eduardo. 'This is clearly an emergency, man.'
Very soon after this, Roland was driving Eduardo through the monsters, fairy folk and superheroes in a very stylish little car.
'Do you think this car's expensive?' Roland asked.
'How should I know?' said Eduardo. 'Look, it'll show up abandoned with the door open and the key in, just like we found it. And we need to get to the firehouse, right? Then I guess it's up to us to figure this out when we get there. We'd have gotten hold of Egon by now if he was himself.'
'I wonder what he went as.'
'The Grim Reaper, knowing our luck,' Eduardo muttered.
Roland glanced across at him. 'Are you okay?'
'I just don't see how we can fix this.'
'Well, there's no point worrying about it. Let's just get to our equipment and see what happens.'
'Aren't you worried at all?'
'Of course I am,' said Roland. 'But I'm not worrying too much until we know more. We just need to take this one step at a time, okay?'
'That how you talk to your kid brothers and sisters?' Eduardo asked disinterestedly.
'Well,' said Roland, 'sure, I guess. Sometimes.'
'Huh. Must be nice.'
'Oh, I don't know. I think they find me a little overbearing.'
Eduardo snorted with mirthless laughter. 'You're not overbearing.'
'I insisted on holding onto them tonight so I wouldn't lose them,' said Roland. 'They hated that. And it didn't even work.'
'Well, that's not your fault. It'd work on any normal Halloween. Listen, man, they'll be okay.'
'Aren't you the one who's afraid we won't be able to do anything?'
'We have to be able to do something,' said Eduardo. 'I don't even wanna think about what Kevin's doing to my apartment right now.'
'Oh yeah,' said Roland, snapping out of his despondency. 'How's your werewolf scratch?'
'It's fine,' said Eduardo, looking at his hand, and seeing that the cuts had turned a dark, angry red. He hastily shoved the hand under his right arm, adding, 'It's not even a full moon.'
'So what? We've never been in this situation before – you don't know what it might mean!'
'Nothing's happened.'
'It still could,' said Roland. 'You have to tell me if there's any change.'
'Why?' Eduardo demanded. 'What are you gonna do about it?'
'That depends on what the change is. We'll have to cross that bridge when we come to it.'
'We won't come to it! They're right, you know – you are overbearing.'
Roland frowned. 'Thank you. Look, you don't have to be difficult. I just –'
'All right, I know,' Eduardo said irritably. 'It's because you care. Or are you just afraid I'm gonna tear up this car and add vandalism to theft?'
'You won't tear up the car now,' said Roland, as he brought the vehicle to a stop close to the firehouse. 'We're here. One step at a time, remember?'
'Whatever.' Eduardo opened the car door. 'Let's just get on with it.'
'Do you think this car's expensive?' Roland asked.
'How should I know?' said Eduardo. 'Look, it'll show up abandoned with the door open and the key in, just like we found it. And we need to get to the firehouse, right? Then I guess it's up to us to figure this out when we get there. We'd have gotten hold of Egon by now if he was himself.'
'I wonder what he went as.'
'The Grim Reaper, knowing our luck,' Eduardo muttered.
Roland glanced across at him. 'Are you okay?'
'I just don't see how we can fix this.'
'Well, there's no point worrying about it. Let's just get to our equipment and see what happens.'
'Aren't you worried at all?'
'Of course I am,' said Roland. 'But I'm not worrying too much until we know more. We just need to take this one step at a time, okay?'
'That how you talk to your kid brothers and sisters?' Eduardo asked disinterestedly.
'Well,' said Roland, 'sure, I guess. Sometimes.'
'Huh. Must be nice.'
'Oh, I don't know. I think they find me a little overbearing.'
Eduardo snorted with mirthless laughter. 'You're not overbearing.'
'I insisted on holding onto them tonight so I wouldn't lose them,' said Roland. 'They hated that. And it didn't even work.'
'Well, that's not your fault. It'd work on any normal Halloween. Listen, man, they'll be okay.'
'Aren't you the one who's afraid we won't be able to do anything?'
'We have to be able to do something,' said Eduardo. 'I don't even wanna think about what Kevin's doing to my apartment right now.'
'Oh yeah,' said Roland, snapping out of his despondency. 'How's your werewolf scratch?'
'It's fine,' said Eduardo, looking at his hand, and seeing that the cuts had turned a dark, angry red. He hastily shoved the hand under his right arm, adding, 'It's not even a full moon.'
'So what? We've never been in this situation before – you don't know what it might mean!'
'Nothing's happened.'
'It still could,' said Roland. 'You have to tell me if there's any change.'
'Why?' Eduardo demanded. 'What are you gonna do about it?'
'That depends on what the change is. We'll have to cross that bridge when we come to it.'
'We won't come to it! They're right, you know – you are overbearing.'
Roland frowned. 'Thank you. Look, you don't have to be difficult. I just –'
'All right, I know,' Eduardo said irritably. 'It's because you care. Or are you just afraid I'm gonna tear up this car and add vandalism to theft?'
'You won't tear up the car now,' said Roland, as he brought the vehicle to a stop close to the firehouse. 'We're here. One step at a time, remember?'
'Whatever.' Eduardo opened the car door. 'Let's just get on with it.'
The firehouse door was open. Eduardo and Roland were forced to leap aside as a gang of vampires rushed out and ran down the street as though in fear of their lives.
'Who were they?' asked Eduardo.
'Friends of Garrett, maybe?' said Roland. 'Come on, let's do this. Wow... there's sure been some kind of struggle in here.'
'Braaaaiiiins!' a familiar voice intoned, and Roland turned to see a zombie stretched across the stairs, head foremost and dragging himself down by his hands.
'Oh my gosh, that's Garrett!' said Roland.
'Why do you sound so surprised?' asked Eduardo. 'This party was his idea.'
'Braaaaiiiins!' Garrett said again, as he reached the bottom of the stairs and began crawling towards his two motionless colleagues. 'Brains! BRAINS!'
Garrett kept on coming. Eduardo happened to be first in his path, and he began to back away, but when Garrett came close, he bypassed Eduardo and went straight for Roland.
'BRAINS!'
Eduardo scowled at Garrett's prostrate form as it crawled past him.
'Eduardo!' cried Roland. 'Do something!'
'We'll have to lock him up somewhere,' said Eduardo. 'Lead him into the basement.'
'We can't put him in the basement! What if he messes with the containment unit?'
'He won't. He'll stay by the door and try to claw his way out.'
'Brains,' said Garrett, as Roland skipped aside to avoid his grasping hands.
'Anyway,' Eduardo went on, 'where else can we put him? If you want, I guess you can lock yourself in the restroom with him and then try to climb out the window.'
'That would never work! You could do that, though – you're smaller than me.'
'No way, man. You're the one who doesn't want him in the basement. Anyway, he's not interested in me.'
'Okay,' said Roland, 'we'll put him in the basement. If you're sure he'll stay by the door.'
'He will,' said Eduardo. 'All he'll do is try to get out and eat brains.'
'Braaaiiins!'
'Well,' said Roland, 'you're the Night of the Living Dead expert.'
'I am not an expert,' said Eduardo. 'Anyway, they don't specifically want brains in Night of –'
'It doesn't matter,' said Roland, dancing out of Garrett's way once again. 'Get the key, will you?'
Eduardo went and rummaged around in one of Janine's drawers, while Roland made a beeline for the basement. When he looked behind him, he saw that Garrett was quite a long way off.
'Man,' said Roland. 'When you actually want one to follow you, you realise how slow they are.'
'Take him all the way down the stairs,' said Eduardo. 'It'll keep him busy trying to get back up.'
'You might as well grab our proton packs and PKE meters while we're waiting,' said Roland. 'Is there any PKE activity?'
'Yeah, tons,' said Eduardo, who was now holding an excited PKE meter in each hand.
'Bring me the key,' said Roland. 'I can easily lock Garrett up by myself. You go see if you can trace the psychokinetic energy to its source.'
Eduardo stepped over Garrett, handed Roland the basement key and a full quota of ghostbusting equipment, and then wandered off with his own PKE meter and proton pack. Roland decided the time had come to enter the basement, where he stood waiting at the top of the stairs.
'Weird,' said Eduardo, retracing his steps. 'I think it's coming from above us.'
'Another piece of luck?' asked Roland.
'I don't know,' said Eduardo. 'I mean, I was talking about the characters in Buffy becoming their costumes a few hours before this happened. Maybe it's not a coincidence.'
'Well, go upstairs and see if you can find out,' said Roland, descending two steps as Garrett's hands made it through the basement door. 'I'll be with you as soon as I can.'
'BRAAIIINS!'
'Who were they?' asked Eduardo.
'Friends of Garrett, maybe?' said Roland. 'Come on, let's do this. Wow... there's sure been some kind of struggle in here.'
'Braaaaiiiins!' a familiar voice intoned, and Roland turned to see a zombie stretched across the stairs, head foremost and dragging himself down by his hands.
'Oh my gosh, that's Garrett!' said Roland.
'Why do you sound so surprised?' asked Eduardo. 'This party was his idea.'
'Braaaaiiiins!' Garrett said again, as he reached the bottom of the stairs and began crawling towards his two motionless colleagues. 'Brains! BRAINS!'
Garrett kept on coming. Eduardo happened to be first in his path, and he began to back away, but when Garrett came close, he bypassed Eduardo and went straight for Roland.
'BRAINS!'
Eduardo scowled at Garrett's prostrate form as it crawled past him.
'Eduardo!' cried Roland. 'Do something!'
'We'll have to lock him up somewhere,' said Eduardo. 'Lead him into the basement.'
'We can't put him in the basement! What if he messes with the containment unit?'
'He won't. He'll stay by the door and try to claw his way out.'
'Brains,' said Garrett, as Roland skipped aside to avoid his grasping hands.
'Anyway,' Eduardo went on, 'where else can we put him? If you want, I guess you can lock yourself in the restroom with him and then try to climb out the window.'
'That would never work! You could do that, though – you're smaller than me.'
'No way, man. You're the one who doesn't want him in the basement. Anyway, he's not interested in me.'
'Okay,' said Roland, 'we'll put him in the basement. If you're sure he'll stay by the door.'
'He will,' said Eduardo. 'All he'll do is try to get out and eat brains.'
'Braaaiiins!'
'Well,' said Roland, 'you're the Night of the Living Dead expert.'
'I am not an expert,' said Eduardo. 'Anyway, they don't specifically want brains in Night of –'
'It doesn't matter,' said Roland, dancing out of Garrett's way once again. 'Get the key, will you?'
Eduardo went and rummaged around in one of Janine's drawers, while Roland made a beeline for the basement. When he looked behind him, he saw that Garrett was quite a long way off.
'Man,' said Roland. 'When you actually want one to follow you, you realise how slow they are.'
'Take him all the way down the stairs,' said Eduardo. 'It'll keep him busy trying to get back up.'
'You might as well grab our proton packs and PKE meters while we're waiting,' said Roland. 'Is there any PKE activity?'
'Yeah, tons,' said Eduardo, who was now holding an excited PKE meter in each hand.
'Bring me the key,' said Roland. 'I can easily lock Garrett up by myself. You go see if you can trace the psychokinetic energy to its source.'
Eduardo stepped over Garrett, handed Roland the basement key and a full quota of ghostbusting equipment, and then wandered off with his own PKE meter and proton pack. Roland decided the time had come to enter the basement, where he stood waiting at the top of the stairs.
'Weird,' said Eduardo, retracing his steps. 'I think it's coming from above us.'
'Another piece of luck?' asked Roland.
'I don't know,' said Eduardo. 'I mean, I was talking about the characters in Buffy becoming their costumes a few hours before this happened. Maybe it's not a coincidence.'
'Well, go upstairs and see if you can find out,' said Roland, descending two steps as Garrett's hands made it through the basement door. 'I'll be with you as soon as I can.'
'BRAAIIINS!'
When Eduardo reached the top of the stairs, he was still frowning in concentration at his PKE meter. He walked over to the spiral stairs in the middle of the room, where suddenly the meter was kicked out of his hand, and he found himself pinned against the stairwell by a high-heeled boot.
'All right,' said the owner of the boot, with both fists held up in front of her in a defensive pose. 'What is it this time? Vampire? Mummy? Zombie? Gym teacher? Am I getting warm, huh?'
'Kylie?' Eduardo said incredulously.
'What?'
'Whoa.'
'Okay, so you're a drooling moron.' Kylie lowered her leg, but she didn't drop her defensive stance altogether. 'I've dealt with a few of those in my time too. What are you smiling at?'
'Nothing,' grinned Eduardo. 'Listen, I'm, um... wow. I'm a Ghostbuster.'
'You're a what now?'
'I'm here to stop all these demons and stuff.'
'I can handle that,' said Kylie, and she unholstered her wooden stake, now very real and very sharp. 'I don't suppose you saw a bunch of vampires on your way up here?'
'They got away,' said Eduardo, staring at the weapon. 'Please tell me you didn't stake any yet.'
'Give me a break, okay?' said Kylie. 'Do you know how much I've had to deal with tonight? I don't even know where I am or what I'm doing here. And you would not believe who's in that kitchen!'
As if on cue, Janine popped her head timidly round the kitchen door, and said, 'Did you kill that thing yet, Buffy?'
'I'm on it, Cleo,' said Kylie. She looked at Eduardo. 'Did you see a zombie too?'
'Don't worry about the zombie,' said Eduardo, as Roland appeared in the room. 'It's contained.'
'Is it dead?' demanded Janine.
'Um,' said Eduardo. 'Yes and no.'
'I demand that you kill it!' said Janine, striding into the room in an imperious manner. 'It must die for its audacity! No man may lay a hand on me unless I wish it!'
'Who's your friend?' asked Kylie, noticing Roland.
'I'm Roland,' said Roland, staring at Kylie in astonishment. 'And you're Buffy the Vampire Slayer.'
Kylie's eyes narrowed. 'How do you know who I am? Who are you? Who sent you?'
'He's a Ghostbuster too,' said Eduardo, the smile creeping back to his lips. 'We're here to help.'
'You sure don't look very helpful,' said Kylie, frowning at Eduardo's idiotic grin. Then some other part of him caught her eye, and her expression changed to one of alarm. 'Oh my gosh – what's happening to you?'
'Happening to me?' Eduardo queried, quite unable to tear his gaze from her.
'Look at your hand!'
Eduardo managed to do as she said. Roland looked as well. The scratches from Kevin were sprouting hairs. Eduardo gasped, and grabbed at Roland's collar in a panic.
'I'm changing into a wolf!' he cried.
'Yes,' said Roland.
'But why now?'
'I don't know. Lock yourself in the bathroom, quick!'
'But how will you –?'
'I'll be okay. Go!'
Eduardo, already sprouting hair on his other hand and his face, let go of Roland and ran upstairs.
'That's weird,' said Kylie. 'It's not even a full moon.'
'Yeah, well,' said Roland, 'he's not an ordinary werewolf.'
'So what makes him change?'
'I guess something must have... brought out the beast in him.'
'Had it already started when he got here, or did he always have that dorky goatee?' asked Kylie, making her way over to the snack table. 'You want something off here, Roland?'
'We should really try to get on with finding whatever's causing all this,' said Roland.
'Sure, you bet. You can do it on an empty stomach if you want to.'
'Well, I already had – don't eat that!'
'Why not?' asked Kylie, who had been about to bite into a large red apple.
'It might be Slimer!'
'What?'
'I mean it might be a, um... joke apple.'
'Eww.' Kylie dropped the apple back into the fruit bowl. 'Okay, let's get on with it, if you're really so determined to help me. I'm watching my figure anyway.'
'Buffy,' said Janine, appearing from the kitchen again. 'Will you help me tell this fellow in the kitchen not to open the window?'
Kylie sighed deeply, and said, 'I already told him three times!'
'He's determined to address the people. He seems to think he can reassure them.'
'Isn't that your job?' asked Roland. 'You're a queen, after all.'
Janine scowled, and said, 'You will pay dearly for your impudence!'
'Cleo,' said Kylie, 'chill! I'll tell him, okay?'
She followed Janine back into the kitchen, and Roland went after them. When he stepped through the doorway, his eyes widened in surprise.
'It's Abraham Lincoln!'
'I know, right?' said Kylie, grinning. 'Mr Lincoln, please do not open the window. You'll only let in more demons.'
'But, young lady,' said Egon, 'the people are frightened. They need reassurance from their president. What kind of a leader would I be if I shut myself away in their hour of need?'
'An alive one,' said Janine.
'Maybe you can help us figure things out, Mr Lincoln,' said Roland. 'I'm going up onto the roof. I think that's where we'll find what's causing the, um... problem.'
'My good man!' said Egon, approaching Roland and clapping him on the shoulder. 'It will be an honour to work alongside you.'
'Thank you very much, Mr Lincoln,' said Roland.
'Are you coming to the roof, Buffy?' asked Egon.
'I don't know,' said Kylie. 'Why should I trust you, Roland? I mean, your friend just turned into a wolf for no reason.'
'You can stay and protect me, Buffy,' said Janine. 'You've done a fine job of protecting me so far. I thought I might make myself useful by deigning to clear up this mess.'
'Ugh, cleaning bums me out,' said Kylie. 'Carry on, Cleo. I'll go to the roof with Roland and Abe.'
'The roof it is, then,' said Egon. 'Perhaps I can address the people from there.'
'Yeah, maybe,' said Roland, as he led the way out of the kitchen. 'Um... Cleopatra... Your Majesty. Some of that food might not be safe to eat. And if you go downstairs, don't open the basement door, will you? There's a zombie trapped inside.'
'Oh, so that's where he is,' said Kylie. 'I'll get him later. Annoying little...'
She ascended the spiral stairs behind Roland and Egon, mumbling to herself, while Janine started picking up Halloween decorations and straightening chairs.
'Oh, wait,' said Roland, as he reached the top of the stairs. 'I should have warned her about the –'
'WEREWOLF!' yelled Kylie, hurling herself in front of Egon and Roland, as the now fully transformed Eduardo burst howling through an explosion of bathroom door and proton.
'He took his proton pack in there with him!' said Roland.
'This guy's a moron,' said Kylie, squaring up to the wolf as he stood panting before her. He had grown enormous, and brown hairs sprouted from rips in his clothes, in classic werewolf fashion.
'Do you need any help?' asked Roland, as Eduardo pounced and Kylie ducked.
'Are you kidding me?' she said, straightening up and shaking out her very real blond hair. 'And don't worry, I won't kill him. Go!'
'Come on, Mr Lincoln!' said Roland, pulling Egon along by the wrist.
'But...' said Egon.
'She'll be okay,' said Roland. 'Probably.'
He led the way out onto the roof, and found it a concentrated area of intense wind and rain. Egon struggled over to the parapet and shouted towards the chaos below, 'Four score and seven years –'
'Excuse me, Mr Lincoln,' said Roland, putting a hand on Egon's shoulder. 'It was a lot longer ago than that now, and besides, I don't think they're listening. We need to find the demon.'
'Ah, yes, so we do,' said Egon. 'Well, my good lad, I should imagine that's it.'
He pointed. Roland looked. At first glance, it was only a storm cloud that Egon had found, but as Roland approached he saw that it had a vague outline of hands and it was rubbing these together in glee. He also heard the sounds of wind and rain forming into barely distinct words.
'Yes,' the demon whispered. 'Kill... destroy... stew in your own filth...'
'We need to use this thing, don't we?' said Egon, taking the trap that Roland had been carrying.
'You mean you remember?' asked Roland.
'I don't understand a blessed thing that's going on here,' said Egon, 'but I do know that we have to deal with this tiresome creature. Oh my – it's seen us.'
Roland looked round, and saw that two malevolent green eyes were staring at him.
'You...' hissed the voice of wind and rain. 'You are trying to stop this.'
'Of course we're trying to stop it!' said Egon, stepping in front of Roland and shaking his fist at the demon. 'This is not the America our forefathers envisioned!'
'Your forefathers were evil!' hissed the demon. 'Just like all of humankind. The people of this land had been destroying each other for generations before those men came, and when they arrived, more humans meant only more and faster destruction. I am merely increasing the pace once more, with a ridiculous fiction devised by humans them– AAHHH!'
It cried out in distress as Roland caught it in a proton stream.
'All right, we get the idea,' he said. 'Mr Lincoln, open the trap, please!'
Just as he said this, the demon whipped up a bolt of lightning, and Roland was knocked off his feet.
'Oh,' said Egon, helping Roland to stand up again. 'Isn't this going to work?'
'It'll work,' said Roland. 'One more proton stream should do it. It had better do it! Would you please go and fetch – oh, no need.'
'This what you want?' asked Kylie, who had emerged from the doorway and was carrying Eduardo's proton pack on one arm. 'Here you go, Abe.'
She tossed the pack to Egon as though it were made of rubber. He managed to catch it, but it knocked him clean off his feet, and severely winded him.
'Oops,' said Kylie. 'Sorry, my bad.'
'It's getting away!' cried Roland, directing another proton stream at the retreating demon, and managing to hold it. 'Quick, Mr Lincoln, help me!'
'Are you all right, Buffy?' asked Egon, as he strapped the proton pack onto his back.
'She's fine!' Roland shouted over the noise of wind, rain and proton. 'It takes a lot more than a werewolf to kill the Slayer, right?'
'You know it,' said Kylie. 'But I don't think killing me was what he had in mind.'
'I seem to know how to operate this contraption,' said Egon, turning on his proton stream and locking it onto the demon at once. 'There now. Buffy, can you work this yellow thing?'
'Sure,' said Kylie, going to retrieve the trap from Egon. 'I can do that.'
'Excellent!' said Roland. 'On three.'
'THREE!' they all shouted. Then the trap opened, and the demon was manoeuvred into the beam.
'Fools!' it hissed, writhing as it went down. 'You have only delayed the inevitable! You will destroy yourselves in the end!'
'Yeah, well,' said Roland, as the trap clanged shut. 'Hopefully not for a few more thousand years.'
The weather cleared up. Roland breathed a sigh of relief. Then he turned towards Egon and Kylie.
'Are you guys okay?' he asked.
'No harm done,' said Egon, pulling off his hat and beard. 'But I must say, I am very much looking forward to taking the Lincoln hat and the stupid beard back. Good work, Roland.'
'You should congratulate Eduardo too,' said Roland. 'His movie trivia must have saved a lot of lives tonight. Kylie, are you okay?'
Kylie was leaning against the door frame, her face in her hands.
'I'm fine,' she said weakly. 'Let's get inside. This tank top isn't exactly warm, you know. Why didn't I just come as Morticia?'
'All right,' said the owner of the boot, with both fists held up in front of her in a defensive pose. 'What is it this time? Vampire? Mummy? Zombie? Gym teacher? Am I getting warm, huh?'
'Kylie?' Eduardo said incredulously.
'What?'
'Whoa.'
'Okay, so you're a drooling moron.' Kylie lowered her leg, but she didn't drop her defensive stance altogether. 'I've dealt with a few of those in my time too. What are you smiling at?'
'Nothing,' grinned Eduardo. 'Listen, I'm, um... wow. I'm a Ghostbuster.'
'You're a what now?'
'I'm here to stop all these demons and stuff.'
'I can handle that,' said Kylie, and she unholstered her wooden stake, now very real and very sharp. 'I don't suppose you saw a bunch of vampires on your way up here?'
'They got away,' said Eduardo, staring at the weapon. 'Please tell me you didn't stake any yet.'
'Give me a break, okay?' said Kylie. 'Do you know how much I've had to deal with tonight? I don't even know where I am or what I'm doing here. And you would not believe who's in that kitchen!'
As if on cue, Janine popped her head timidly round the kitchen door, and said, 'Did you kill that thing yet, Buffy?'
'I'm on it, Cleo,' said Kylie. She looked at Eduardo. 'Did you see a zombie too?'
'Don't worry about the zombie,' said Eduardo, as Roland appeared in the room. 'It's contained.'
'Is it dead?' demanded Janine.
'Um,' said Eduardo. 'Yes and no.'
'I demand that you kill it!' said Janine, striding into the room in an imperious manner. 'It must die for its audacity! No man may lay a hand on me unless I wish it!'
'Who's your friend?' asked Kylie, noticing Roland.
'I'm Roland,' said Roland, staring at Kylie in astonishment. 'And you're Buffy the Vampire Slayer.'
Kylie's eyes narrowed. 'How do you know who I am? Who are you? Who sent you?'
'He's a Ghostbuster too,' said Eduardo, the smile creeping back to his lips. 'We're here to help.'
'You sure don't look very helpful,' said Kylie, frowning at Eduardo's idiotic grin. Then some other part of him caught her eye, and her expression changed to one of alarm. 'Oh my gosh – what's happening to you?'
'Happening to me?' Eduardo queried, quite unable to tear his gaze from her.
'Look at your hand!'
Eduardo managed to do as she said. Roland looked as well. The scratches from Kevin were sprouting hairs. Eduardo gasped, and grabbed at Roland's collar in a panic.
'I'm changing into a wolf!' he cried.
'Yes,' said Roland.
'But why now?'
'I don't know. Lock yourself in the bathroom, quick!'
'But how will you –?'
'I'll be okay. Go!'
Eduardo, already sprouting hair on his other hand and his face, let go of Roland and ran upstairs.
'That's weird,' said Kylie. 'It's not even a full moon.'
'Yeah, well,' said Roland, 'he's not an ordinary werewolf.'
'So what makes him change?'
'I guess something must have... brought out the beast in him.'
'Had it already started when he got here, or did he always have that dorky goatee?' asked Kylie, making her way over to the snack table. 'You want something off here, Roland?'
'We should really try to get on with finding whatever's causing all this,' said Roland.
'Sure, you bet. You can do it on an empty stomach if you want to.'
'Well, I already had – don't eat that!'
'Why not?' asked Kylie, who had been about to bite into a large red apple.
'It might be Slimer!'
'What?'
'I mean it might be a, um... joke apple.'
'Eww.' Kylie dropped the apple back into the fruit bowl. 'Okay, let's get on with it, if you're really so determined to help me. I'm watching my figure anyway.'
'Buffy,' said Janine, appearing from the kitchen again. 'Will you help me tell this fellow in the kitchen not to open the window?'
Kylie sighed deeply, and said, 'I already told him three times!'
'He's determined to address the people. He seems to think he can reassure them.'
'Isn't that your job?' asked Roland. 'You're a queen, after all.'
Janine scowled, and said, 'You will pay dearly for your impudence!'
'Cleo,' said Kylie, 'chill! I'll tell him, okay?'
She followed Janine back into the kitchen, and Roland went after them. When he stepped through the doorway, his eyes widened in surprise.
'It's Abraham Lincoln!'
'I know, right?' said Kylie, grinning. 'Mr Lincoln, please do not open the window. You'll only let in more demons.'
'But, young lady,' said Egon, 'the people are frightened. They need reassurance from their president. What kind of a leader would I be if I shut myself away in their hour of need?'
'An alive one,' said Janine.
'Maybe you can help us figure things out, Mr Lincoln,' said Roland. 'I'm going up onto the roof. I think that's where we'll find what's causing the, um... problem.'
'My good man!' said Egon, approaching Roland and clapping him on the shoulder. 'It will be an honour to work alongside you.'
'Thank you very much, Mr Lincoln,' said Roland.
'Are you coming to the roof, Buffy?' asked Egon.
'I don't know,' said Kylie. 'Why should I trust you, Roland? I mean, your friend just turned into a wolf for no reason.'
'You can stay and protect me, Buffy,' said Janine. 'You've done a fine job of protecting me so far. I thought I might make myself useful by deigning to clear up this mess.'
'Ugh, cleaning bums me out,' said Kylie. 'Carry on, Cleo. I'll go to the roof with Roland and Abe.'
'The roof it is, then,' said Egon. 'Perhaps I can address the people from there.'
'Yeah, maybe,' said Roland, as he led the way out of the kitchen. 'Um... Cleopatra... Your Majesty. Some of that food might not be safe to eat. And if you go downstairs, don't open the basement door, will you? There's a zombie trapped inside.'
'Oh, so that's where he is,' said Kylie. 'I'll get him later. Annoying little...'
She ascended the spiral stairs behind Roland and Egon, mumbling to herself, while Janine started picking up Halloween decorations and straightening chairs.
'Oh, wait,' said Roland, as he reached the top of the stairs. 'I should have warned her about the –'
'WEREWOLF!' yelled Kylie, hurling herself in front of Egon and Roland, as the now fully transformed Eduardo burst howling through an explosion of bathroom door and proton.
'He took his proton pack in there with him!' said Roland.
'This guy's a moron,' said Kylie, squaring up to the wolf as he stood panting before her. He had grown enormous, and brown hairs sprouted from rips in his clothes, in classic werewolf fashion.
'Do you need any help?' asked Roland, as Eduardo pounced and Kylie ducked.
'Are you kidding me?' she said, straightening up and shaking out her very real blond hair. 'And don't worry, I won't kill him. Go!'
'Come on, Mr Lincoln!' said Roland, pulling Egon along by the wrist.
'But...' said Egon.
'She'll be okay,' said Roland. 'Probably.'
He led the way out onto the roof, and found it a concentrated area of intense wind and rain. Egon struggled over to the parapet and shouted towards the chaos below, 'Four score and seven years –'
'Excuse me, Mr Lincoln,' said Roland, putting a hand on Egon's shoulder. 'It was a lot longer ago than that now, and besides, I don't think they're listening. We need to find the demon.'
'Ah, yes, so we do,' said Egon. 'Well, my good lad, I should imagine that's it.'
He pointed. Roland looked. At first glance, it was only a storm cloud that Egon had found, but as Roland approached he saw that it had a vague outline of hands and it was rubbing these together in glee. He also heard the sounds of wind and rain forming into barely distinct words.
'Yes,' the demon whispered. 'Kill... destroy... stew in your own filth...'
'We need to use this thing, don't we?' said Egon, taking the trap that Roland had been carrying.
'You mean you remember?' asked Roland.
'I don't understand a blessed thing that's going on here,' said Egon, 'but I do know that we have to deal with this tiresome creature. Oh my – it's seen us.'
Roland looked round, and saw that two malevolent green eyes were staring at him.
'You...' hissed the voice of wind and rain. 'You are trying to stop this.'
'Of course we're trying to stop it!' said Egon, stepping in front of Roland and shaking his fist at the demon. 'This is not the America our forefathers envisioned!'
'Your forefathers were evil!' hissed the demon. 'Just like all of humankind. The people of this land had been destroying each other for generations before those men came, and when they arrived, more humans meant only more and faster destruction. I am merely increasing the pace once more, with a ridiculous fiction devised by humans them– AAHHH!'
It cried out in distress as Roland caught it in a proton stream.
'All right, we get the idea,' he said. 'Mr Lincoln, open the trap, please!'
Just as he said this, the demon whipped up a bolt of lightning, and Roland was knocked off his feet.
'Oh,' said Egon, helping Roland to stand up again. 'Isn't this going to work?'
'It'll work,' said Roland. 'One more proton stream should do it. It had better do it! Would you please go and fetch – oh, no need.'
'This what you want?' asked Kylie, who had emerged from the doorway and was carrying Eduardo's proton pack on one arm. 'Here you go, Abe.'
She tossed the pack to Egon as though it were made of rubber. He managed to catch it, but it knocked him clean off his feet, and severely winded him.
'Oops,' said Kylie. 'Sorry, my bad.'
'It's getting away!' cried Roland, directing another proton stream at the retreating demon, and managing to hold it. 'Quick, Mr Lincoln, help me!'
'Are you all right, Buffy?' asked Egon, as he strapped the proton pack onto his back.
'She's fine!' Roland shouted over the noise of wind, rain and proton. 'It takes a lot more than a werewolf to kill the Slayer, right?'
'You know it,' said Kylie. 'But I don't think killing me was what he had in mind.'
'I seem to know how to operate this contraption,' said Egon, turning on his proton stream and locking it onto the demon at once. 'There now. Buffy, can you work this yellow thing?'
'Sure,' said Kylie, going to retrieve the trap from Egon. 'I can do that.'
'Excellent!' said Roland. 'On three.'
'THREE!' they all shouted. Then the trap opened, and the demon was manoeuvred into the beam.
'Fools!' it hissed, writhing as it went down. 'You have only delayed the inevitable! You will destroy yourselves in the end!'
'Yeah, well,' said Roland, as the trap clanged shut. 'Hopefully not for a few more thousand years.'
The weather cleared up. Roland breathed a sigh of relief. Then he turned towards Egon and Kylie.
'Are you guys okay?' he asked.
'No harm done,' said Egon, pulling off his hat and beard. 'But I must say, I am very much looking forward to taking the Lincoln hat and the stupid beard back. Good work, Roland.'
'You should congratulate Eduardo too,' said Roland. 'His movie trivia must have saved a lot of lives tonight. Kylie, are you okay?'
Kylie was leaning against the door frame, her face in her hands.
'I'm fine,' she said weakly. 'Let's get inside. This tank top isn't exactly warm, you know. Why didn't I just come as Morticia?'
On the next level down, Eduardo was climbing to his feet and rubbing at what was clearly a sore spot on the back of his head. He was barefoot and without his jacket, and naturally his remaining clothing was in shreds. When he looked around him, he saw that Egon's lab equipment was mostly on the floor, and some of it was in pieces. He righted an upturned table, then turned round just in time to see Egon, Roland and Kylie returning from the roof.
Kylie met his gaze for the briefest of moments. Then they both looked away, and she carried on walking, tearing the blond wig from her head as she went.
'I'm sorry, Egon,' said Eduardo. 'I seem to have smashed up your lab.'
'Never mind, Eduardo,' said Egon. 'It's a small price to pay. Well done tonight. I hear you played a crucial role.'
'I guess,' Eduardo said despondently. 'I didn't have to turn into a wolf, though.'
'Are you okay, Eduardo?' asked Roland, while Egon went to meet a delighted Slimer on the stairs. 'What exactly happened here?'
'Nothing,' said Eduardo, mooching off in a random direction. 'Where's my jacket? I have to go home and let Kevin out.'
Kylie met his gaze for the briefest of moments. Then they both looked away, and she carried on walking, tearing the blond wig from her head as she went.
'I'm sorry, Egon,' said Eduardo. 'I seem to have smashed up your lab.'
'Never mind, Eduardo,' said Egon. 'It's a small price to pay. Well done tonight. I hear you played a crucial role.'
'I guess,' Eduardo said despondently. 'I didn't have to turn into a wolf, though.'
'Are you okay, Eduardo?' asked Roland, while Egon went to meet a delighted Slimer on the stairs. 'What exactly happened here?'
'Nothing,' said Eduardo, mooching off in a random direction. 'Where's my jacket? I have to go home and let Kevin out.'
On the ground floor, frantic hammering sounds were coming from the basement door.
'Hello?' Garrett called from within. 'Can somebody let me out of here, please?'
Kylie arrived on the scene, found the key still in the lock, turned it and gave the door a half-hearted shove. By the time Garrett had pulled it all the way open, Kylie had her head buried in a locker.
'Thank you, Kylie,' Garrett said brightly, poking his head and hands out of the door.
'No problem,' Kylie's voice came back to him.
'You didn't happen to bring my chair, did you?'
'No, sorry, I forgot.'
'Here it is, Garrett,' said Janine, appearing on the scene with the desired article, no longer wearing her Cleopatra wig. 'What are you hiding in there for, Kylie?'
'I'm not hiding.'
'I heard you up in the lab with Eduardo. Is there anything you need to tell me about?'
'It wasn't anything too terrible, Janine,' said Kylie, emerging from the locker at last, now wearing her makeup and looking like herself again. 'I just feel kind of stupid, that's all.'
'Why do you feel stupid?' Garrett asked eagerly, as he settled himself in his chair.
'Garrett,' said Kylie, 'don't make me wish I'd left you locked up in there.'
'I guess tonight didn't exactly go the way you planned it, huh?'
'I didn't plan anything!'
'Well,' Janine said hastily, 'thank goodness you came as Buffy. I was right about her and Abraham Lincoln, but Cleopatra wasn't much help, was she? Sorry about that, guys.'
'Don't be sorry, Janine,' said Kylie. 'Cleaning up is important. It's not like you were locked in the basement or anything. Wow, Garrett, you really did a number on your fingernails in there!'
Roland came down the stairs then, pressing a button on his cell phone and looking troubled.
'Janine,' he said, 'I need to borrow the Ecto-1 for a while. My sister was dressed as a witch, and she's flown to Connecticut.'
'Okay,' said Janine, 'but you'll have to drive me home first. What's wrong with your car?'
'A velociraptor destroyed the engine.'
'Right, sorry, stupid question.'
'You're going to Connecticut, Roland?' asked Kylie. 'Like, right now?'
'Yeah.'
'You want some company?'
'Sure,' said Roland, and he got into the Ecto-1 with Janine and Kylie, leaving Garrett to sulk.
'Hello?' Garrett called from within. 'Can somebody let me out of here, please?'
Kylie arrived on the scene, found the key still in the lock, turned it and gave the door a half-hearted shove. By the time Garrett had pulled it all the way open, Kylie had her head buried in a locker.
'Thank you, Kylie,' Garrett said brightly, poking his head and hands out of the door.
'No problem,' Kylie's voice came back to him.
'You didn't happen to bring my chair, did you?'
'No, sorry, I forgot.'
'Here it is, Garrett,' said Janine, appearing on the scene with the desired article, no longer wearing her Cleopatra wig. 'What are you hiding in there for, Kylie?'
'I'm not hiding.'
'I heard you up in the lab with Eduardo. Is there anything you need to tell me about?'
'It wasn't anything too terrible, Janine,' said Kylie, emerging from the locker at last, now wearing her makeup and looking like herself again. 'I just feel kind of stupid, that's all.'
'Why do you feel stupid?' Garrett asked eagerly, as he settled himself in his chair.
'Garrett,' said Kylie, 'don't make me wish I'd left you locked up in there.'
'I guess tonight didn't exactly go the way you planned it, huh?'
'I didn't plan anything!'
'Well,' Janine said hastily, 'thank goodness you came as Buffy. I was right about her and Abraham Lincoln, but Cleopatra wasn't much help, was she? Sorry about that, guys.'
'Don't be sorry, Janine,' said Kylie. 'Cleaning up is important. It's not like you were locked in the basement or anything. Wow, Garrett, you really did a number on your fingernails in there!'
Roland came down the stairs then, pressing a button on his cell phone and looking troubled.
'Janine,' he said, 'I need to borrow the Ecto-1 for a while. My sister was dressed as a witch, and she's flown to Connecticut.'
'Okay,' said Janine, 'but you'll have to drive me home first. What's wrong with your car?'
'A velociraptor destroyed the engine.'
'Right, sorry, stupid question.'
'You're going to Connecticut, Roland?' asked Kylie. 'Like, right now?'
'Yeah.'
'You want some company?'
'Sure,' said Roland, and he got into the Ecto-1 with Janine and Kylie, leaving Garrett to sulk.
