Kevin and Oscar: Snapshots Episode 2: Professional Discretion
Written by Jake Collins
Tom's Mexican Salsa Hut was bustling with its usual Friday night clientèle. Kevin entered the kitchen through the service door, dumped the tray he was carrying onto a stacking trolley, and went up to the head waiter, who was standing by the large food bin with a lit cigarette between his fingers.
'Juan-Carlos, can I have a word with you?' said Kevin.
'I guess so,' Juan-Carlos shrugged. 'Just make it quick – you've got tables to clear.'
'Yeah, I know,' said Kevin, 'but I've just been sexually harassed!'
Juan-Carlos scowled and said, 'What do you mean?'
'It was the old guy in the suit on table seven,' said Kevin. 'He was making sexually explicit remarks about me while I was clearing his table... and then he told me all about what he'd like to do to me.'
'And you didn't like that, huh?'
'No – it made me feel very uncomfortable.'
'Which one is it?' Juan-Carlos said wearily, stubbing out his cigarette and turning his attention to the nearby window.
'Him, there!' said Kevin, pointing to one of the tables on the plaza outside. 'Table seven!'
'That's Mr Harris,' said Juan-Carlos. 'I'm definitely not gonna ask him to leave – he's one of our best customers!'
'That depends on how you define “best”,' said Kevin.
'I define “best” as spending a ton of money and keeping us all from losing our jobs! Look, Kevin, there's such a thing as professional discretion, especially when it comes to our most important customers. Mr Harris is harmless – you just need to man up and get on with your job!'
'Could you at least assign a different busboy to his table for the rest of the evening?'
'No!' Juan-Carlos spat. 'Just let him have his fun, okay? Now get back out there and do your job!'
Kevin scowled, but left the kitchen without saying anything else. He was back a few minutes later, however, and obviously in a state of some distress.
'He's just sexually assaulted me!' Kevin squeaked at the head chef.
'Mr Harris?' said the chef.
'Yes, Chef,' said Kevin. 'He grabbed my butt as I walked past his table, and I felt a definite squeeze!'
'Bad luck,' the chef sympathised.
'I have to do something about this,' said Kevin. 'Maybe I should call Tom.'
'You'll do no such thing!' yelled Juan-Carlos, who had suddenly appeared in the kitchen. 'Remember what I said about professional discretion, Kevin – you can either be professional here or find yourself another profession somewhere else!'
'But he sexually assaulted me! I'm pretty sure that's illegal.'
'Oh, he didn't do anything to you – he just gave you a little squeeze! You know, you're looking at this the wrong way. There's a lot of extra money to be made out of customers like Mr Harris – you wouldn't be the first busboy to do it.'
'Do what?' said Kevin. 'Let himself get sexually harassed for extra tips?'
'Yeah,' said Juan-Carlos. 'That... and the rest.'
'What rest?'
'Come on, Kevin, you know how it is. A boyish-faced, well-built kid like you could make a fortune letting himself get... well, you know.'
'No,' said Kevin, 'I don't know!'
'Penetrated,' said Juan-Carlos. 'For money. Just close your eyes and think of Tijuana, huh? Like I said, you wouldn't be the first busboy to do it... and Tom wouldn't ever have to know.'
Kevin scowled at Juan-Carlos, draped a fresh cloth over his left arm and returned to the restaurant.
'Juan-Carlos, can I have a word with you?' said Kevin.
'I guess so,' Juan-Carlos shrugged. 'Just make it quick – you've got tables to clear.'
'Yeah, I know,' said Kevin, 'but I've just been sexually harassed!'
Juan-Carlos scowled and said, 'What do you mean?'
'It was the old guy in the suit on table seven,' said Kevin. 'He was making sexually explicit remarks about me while I was clearing his table... and then he told me all about what he'd like to do to me.'
'And you didn't like that, huh?'
'No – it made me feel very uncomfortable.'
'Which one is it?' Juan-Carlos said wearily, stubbing out his cigarette and turning his attention to the nearby window.
'Him, there!' said Kevin, pointing to one of the tables on the plaza outside. 'Table seven!'
'That's Mr Harris,' said Juan-Carlos. 'I'm definitely not gonna ask him to leave – he's one of our best customers!'
'That depends on how you define “best”,' said Kevin.
'I define “best” as spending a ton of money and keeping us all from losing our jobs! Look, Kevin, there's such a thing as professional discretion, especially when it comes to our most important customers. Mr Harris is harmless – you just need to man up and get on with your job!'
'Could you at least assign a different busboy to his table for the rest of the evening?'
'No!' Juan-Carlos spat. 'Just let him have his fun, okay? Now get back out there and do your job!'
Kevin scowled, but left the kitchen without saying anything else. He was back a few minutes later, however, and obviously in a state of some distress.
'He's just sexually assaulted me!' Kevin squeaked at the head chef.
'Mr Harris?' said the chef.
'Yes, Chef,' said Kevin. 'He grabbed my butt as I walked past his table, and I felt a definite squeeze!'
'Bad luck,' the chef sympathised.
'I have to do something about this,' said Kevin. 'Maybe I should call Tom.'
'You'll do no such thing!' yelled Juan-Carlos, who had suddenly appeared in the kitchen. 'Remember what I said about professional discretion, Kevin – you can either be professional here or find yourself another profession somewhere else!'
'But he sexually assaulted me! I'm pretty sure that's illegal.'
'Oh, he didn't do anything to you – he just gave you a little squeeze! You know, you're looking at this the wrong way. There's a lot of extra money to be made out of customers like Mr Harris – you wouldn't be the first busboy to do it.'
'Do what?' said Kevin. 'Let himself get sexually harassed for extra tips?'
'Yeah,' said Juan-Carlos. 'That... and the rest.'
'What rest?'
'Come on, Kevin, you know how it is. A boyish-faced, well-built kid like you could make a fortune letting himself get... well, you know.'
'No,' said Kevin, 'I don't know!'
'Penetrated,' said Juan-Carlos. 'For money. Just close your eyes and think of Tijuana, huh? Like I said, you wouldn't be the first busboy to do it... and Tom wouldn't ever have to know.'
Kevin scowled at Juan-Carlos, draped a fresh cloth over his left arm and returned to the restaurant.
Kevin pulled his hooded top on over his busboy uniform and fastened the zip.
'Where are you going?' the voice of Juan-Carlos came from behind him.
'Home,' said Kevin, turning to face Juan-Carlos. 'My shift finished five minutes ago.'
'Could you stay on for another hour?' said Juan-Carlos. 'Ricardo's running late.'
'Sorry, I can't,' said Kevin. 'I have to get home and babysit my brother.'
'Jeez, can't the kid take care of himself? How old is he, for Christ's sakes?'
'Two months.'
'You're not leaving me with a very good impression of you, Kevin,' Juan-Carlos said disapprovingly. 'Kicking up a fuss about nice old Mr Harris, and then letting me down when I need you to pick up a little overtime.'
'The feeling's mutual, Juan-Carlos,' Kevin snarled, then he stalked from the kitchen before Juan-Carlos could say another word.
'Where are you going?' the voice of Juan-Carlos came from behind him.
'Home,' said Kevin, turning to face Juan-Carlos. 'My shift finished five minutes ago.'
'Could you stay on for another hour?' said Juan-Carlos. 'Ricardo's running late.'
'Sorry, I can't,' said Kevin. 'I have to get home and babysit my brother.'
'Jeez, can't the kid take care of himself? How old is he, for Christ's sakes?'
'Two months.'
'You're not leaving me with a very good impression of you, Kevin,' Juan-Carlos said disapprovingly. 'Kicking up a fuss about nice old Mr Harris, and then letting me down when I need you to pick up a little overtime.'
'The feeling's mutual, Juan-Carlos,' Kevin snarled, then he stalked from the kitchen before Juan-Carlos could say another word.
Kevin entered the high school auditorium and almost crashed into Ella, who was carrying several stacked chairs.
'Hi,' she said, beaming at him. 'He's backstage, packing up the drum kit.'
'How did the new song go?' Kevin asked.
'It was okay,' said Ella. 'But you know, I don't think they really understood it.'
'Do you want a hand with those chairs?' said Kevin.
'No thanks; I can manage,' said Ella. 'You just go on backstage, lover boy.'
Ella went on her way with her chairs, and Kevin went backstage. Tim and Danny were leaving together through the back door, while Oscar was flattening some cymbal stands. Danny turned and opened his mouth to call to Oscar, but Tim placed a restraining hand on his shoulder.
'Save your breath, man – Oscar's still gonna want to walk home, and there's the reason why,' said Tim, nodding towards Kevin.
Danny smiled and said, 'Oh, I see.'
'Hey,' Kevin said to Oscar, as the door closed behind Danny and Tim.
'Oh hey, you made it!' said Oscar, fixing Kevin with a pleased smile. 'Shame you missed the end of the show.'
'Yeah; I'm running a little late,' said Kevin.
'At least you're in time to help me carry the drums back to the music block,' Oscar grinned. 'Tim and Danny had to go 'cause their ride turned up.'
'Do you know how Ella's getting home?' Kevin asked.
'Her dad's coming for her,' said Oscar.
'Good,' said Kevin.
'There won't be time for us to go out when we're done with the drums, right?' said Oscar. 'You're babysitting, aren't you?'
'Yeah, I am,' said Kevin. 'Do you want to babysit with me?'
'Okay, I would,' said Oscar. 'Can you manage the two really big drums?'
'Yeah, no problem,' said Kevin.
'Are you okay?' said Oscar. 'You seem a little down.'
'I need to talk to you about something,' said Kevin. 'But let's get these drums put away first.'
'Hi,' she said, beaming at him. 'He's backstage, packing up the drum kit.'
'How did the new song go?' Kevin asked.
'It was okay,' said Ella. 'But you know, I don't think they really understood it.'
'Do you want a hand with those chairs?' said Kevin.
'No thanks; I can manage,' said Ella. 'You just go on backstage, lover boy.'
Ella went on her way with her chairs, and Kevin went backstage. Tim and Danny were leaving together through the back door, while Oscar was flattening some cymbal stands. Danny turned and opened his mouth to call to Oscar, but Tim placed a restraining hand on his shoulder.
'Save your breath, man – Oscar's still gonna want to walk home, and there's the reason why,' said Tim, nodding towards Kevin.
Danny smiled and said, 'Oh, I see.'
'Hey,' Kevin said to Oscar, as the door closed behind Danny and Tim.
'Oh hey, you made it!' said Oscar, fixing Kevin with a pleased smile. 'Shame you missed the end of the show.'
'Yeah; I'm running a little late,' said Kevin.
'At least you're in time to help me carry the drums back to the music block,' Oscar grinned. 'Tim and Danny had to go 'cause their ride turned up.'
'Do you know how Ella's getting home?' Kevin asked.
'Her dad's coming for her,' said Oscar.
'Good,' said Kevin.
'There won't be time for us to go out when we're done with the drums, right?' said Oscar. 'You're babysitting, aren't you?'
'Yeah, I am,' said Kevin. 'Do you want to babysit with me?'
'Okay, I would,' said Oscar. 'Can you manage the two really big drums?'
'Yeah, no problem,' said Kevin.
'Are you okay?' said Oscar. 'You seem a little down.'
'I need to talk to you about something,' said Kevin. 'But let's get these drums put away first.'
Kevin and Oscar were walking along the darkened street at a sedate pace.
'You can't let this go, dude,' said Oscar. 'You have to tell the manager!'
'Juan-Carlos will be really pissed off if I go behind his back,' said Kevin, 'but he wasn't taking my concerns seriously, so I guess I have no choice.'
'That's right,' said Oscar. 'Juan-Carlos has a duty of care, and he's not fulfilling it. And that Mr Harris needs to be arrested or something!'
'Yeah,' said Kevin. 'I almost quit right there and then, but we really need the money for Mexico. I know what I'll do – I'll email Tom when I get home.'
'Good plan,' said Oscar. 'Mind you, I guess I can understand how Mr Harris feels – you do look incredibly sexy in that busboy getup!'
'Fuck off!' Kevin laughed, giving Oscar a shove that almost sent him crashing into a lamppost.
'Sorry,' said Oscar, grinning sheepishly.
'Hmm... you know, come to think of it,' said Kevin, 'I guess I do make quite a lot of money from middle-aged men giving me rather large tips.'
'It's those tight black pants, dude, I'm telling you!' Oscar laughed.
'Oh, so I'm asking for it by dressing provocatively, huh?'
'Hey, I never said that.'
'Good,' Kevin said with a smile, reaching out to give his companion a quick squeeze.
'Well, now we've gotten all that straightened out,' said Oscar, 'I guess I could go home and leave you to get on with your babysitting.'
'No,' said Kevin, 'please stay. I mean, I want you to stay. Maybe you could sleep over. Just to talk, I mean... and to sleep, obviously.'
'Sure, I'd love to stay over,' said Oscar. 'Are you gonna bother getting the spare mattress out?'
'No – we can top-and-tail, if that's okay with you.'
'That's more than okay with me. I'll have to call my mom and tell her what's going on.'
'I'll email Tom while you're doing that,' said Kevin. 'Here we are.'
Kevin skipped up the front steps, opened the door and entered his house, whereupon his mother – dressed in an elegant red ensemble – immediately dumped a baby into his arms.
'Hi, honey,' she beamed at him. 'Thanks so much for doing this. The number of the restaurant is on the hall table in case there's an emergency, there's freshly expressed milk in the fridge, and I changed him about fifteen minutes ago so you should be okay for a while. Hi, Oscar. Carl, let's go – we'll miss our reservation!'
Carl came downstairs, dressed in a dinner suit, and was immediately dragged through the front door by his wife. Oscar closed it behind them.
'Yeah, well,' he remarked, 'there they go.'
'Could you take James for a few minutes while I go upstairs and get freshened up?' said Kevin. 'Just keep one hand supporting the back of his head, okay? He hasn't quite gotten to grips with his neck yet.'
Oscar nodded, and Kevin transferred the baby to his arms. Oscar watched Kevin run upstairs and shut himself in the bathroom, then he turned his attention to the baby.
'Hi, James,' said Oscar. 'Do you know who I am? I'm Oscar. I’m gonna be your brother-in-law... at least, I hope I am... someday. Let's go and sit down while we wait for Kevin, shall we?'
'You can't let this go, dude,' said Oscar. 'You have to tell the manager!'
'Juan-Carlos will be really pissed off if I go behind his back,' said Kevin, 'but he wasn't taking my concerns seriously, so I guess I have no choice.'
'That's right,' said Oscar. 'Juan-Carlos has a duty of care, and he's not fulfilling it. And that Mr Harris needs to be arrested or something!'
'Yeah,' said Kevin. 'I almost quit right there and then, but we really need the money for Mexico. I know what I'll do – I'll email Tom when I get home.'
'Good plan,' said Oscar. 'Mind you, I guess I can understand how Mr Harris feels – you do look incredibly sexy in that busboy getup!'
'Fuck off!' Kevin laughed, giving Oscar a shove that almost sent him crashing into a lamppost.
'Sorry,' said Oscar, grinning sheepishly.
'Hmm... you know, come to think of it,' said Kevin, 'I guess I do make quite a lot of money from middle-aged men giving me rather large tips.'
'It's those tight black pants, dude, I'm telling you!' Oscar laughed.
'Oh, so I'm asking for it by dressing provocatively, huh?'
'Hey, I never said that.'
'Good,' Kevin said with a smile, reaching out to give his companion a quick squeeze.
'Well, now we've gotten all that straightened out,' said Oscar, 'I guess I could go home and leave you to get on with your babysitting.'
'No,' said Kevin, 'please stay. I mean, I want you to stay. Maybe you could sleep over. Just to talk, I mean... and to sleep, obviously.'
'Sure, I'd love to stay over,' said Oscar. 'Are you gonna bother getting the spare mattress out?'
'No – we can top-and-tail, if that's okay with you.'
'That's more than okay with me. I'll have to call my mom and tell her what's going on.'
'I'll email Tom while you're doing that,' said Kevin. 'Here we are.'
Kevin skipped up the front steps, opened the door and entered his house, whereupon his mother – dressed in an elegant red ensemble – immediately dumped a baby into his arms.
'Hi, honey,' she beamed at him. 'Thanks so much for doing this. The number of the restaurant is on the hall table in case there's an emergency, there's freshly expressed milk in the fridge, and I changed him about fifteen minutes ago so you should be okay for a while. Hi, Oscar. Carl, let's go – we'll miss our reservation!'
Carl came downstairs, dressed in a dinner suit, and was immediately dragged through the front door by his wife. Oscar closed it behind them.
'Yeah, well,' he remarked, 'there they go.'
'Could you take James for a few minutes while I go upstairs and get freshened up?' said Kevin. 'Just keep one hand supporting the back of his head, okay? He hasn't quite gotten to grips with his neck yet.'
Oscar nodded, and Kevin transferred the baby to his arms. Oscar watched Kevin run upstairs and shut himself in the bathroom, then he turned his attention to the baby.
'Hi, James,' said Oscar. 'Do you know who I am? I'm Oscar. I’m gonna be your brother-in-law... at least, I hope I am... someday. Let's go and sit down while we wait for Kevin, shall we?'
Lucy and Jandro were in Central Park, walking arm in arm along the lakeside. Jandro was wearing three badges on his shirt advertising the fact that it was his eighteenth birthday.
'Did you enjoy your school-based birthday?' Lucy asked.
'Oh yeah, of course,' Jandro laughed. 'At least we know for sure that I'll never have another one!'
'Unless you have to repeat the twelfth grade for some reason,' said Lucy.
'No way,' said Jandro. 'I'm coming to England with you next September, even if I have to... stow away or something.'
Lucy laughed, and squeezed him around the waist. Jandro smiled.
'Are you looking forward to McDonalds tomorrow?' she asked him.
'Yes,' said Jandro, 'but I'm more looking forward to spending a few more hours with you this evening, Luce.'
'Shut up – don't be so soppy!' Lucy laughed. 'Do you want to go back to my place now so I can give you your present?'
'You bet,' said Jandro.
'You'll have to keep up with me,' Lucy giggled. 'There'll be no present if I get there more than sixty seconds before you!'
With that she pulled away from him and broke into a run, but she misjudged the slope they were standing on. There came the sounds of frantic scrabbling, a terrified shriek and then an almighty splash as Lucy fell into the water.
'Jesus Christ!' Jandro exclaimed in alarm, as he ran to the edge of the lake. 'Luce!'
'Did you enjoy your school-based birthday?' Lucy asked.
'Oh yeah, of course,' Jandro laughed. 'At least we know for sure that I'll never have another one!'
'Unless you have to repeat the twelfth grade for some reason,' said Lucy.
'No way,' said Jandro. 'I'm coming to England with you next September, even if I have to... stow away or something.'
Lucy laughed, and squeezed him around the waist. Jandro smiled.
'Are you looking forward to McDonalds tomorrow?' she asked him.
'Yes,' said Jandro, 'but I'm more looking forward to spending a few more hours with you this evening, Luce.'
'Shut up – don't be so soppy!' Lucy laughed. 'Do you want to go back to my place now so I can give you your present?'
'You bet,' said Jandro.
'You'll have to keep up with me,' Lucy giggled. 'There'll be no present if I get there more than sixty seconds before you!'
With that she pulled away from him and broke into a run, but she misjudged the slope they were standing on. There came the sounds of frantic scrabbling, a terrified shriek and then an almighty splash as Lucy fell into the water.
'Jesus Christ!' Jandro exclaimed in alarm, as he ran to the edge of the lake. 'Luce!'
Kevin entered the living room, now dressed in his around-the-house clothes, to find Oscar mopping James's chin with a sodden tissue.
'Everything okay?' asked Kevin.
'He had some sort of clear liquid coming out of his mouth,' said Oscar.
'Yeah, that happens,' said Kevin. 'I hope you didn't get too messy.'
'My shirt's covered in it, but I don't mind,' said Oscar.
'In that case,' said Kevin, 'maybe you wouldn't mind keeping hold of him while I go and warm up some milk? He's due a feed.'
'Sure, no problem,' said Oscar. 'We're perfectly happy, aren't we, James?'
'He likes you,' said Kevin, smiling at the sight on the sofa. 'Normally he cries if he's picked up by anyone except me or my mom.'
'What about your dad?'
'My dad and James are still getting used to each other.'
'Aren't your dad and you still getting used to each other too?'
Kevin laughed and ruffled Oscar's hair, before disappearing into the kitchen for several minutes. When he returned, he was wearing a harness across his chest with a fake breast attached to it.
'Oh my God,' Oscar giggled. 'You've got one of those things!'
'Yeah,' Kevin grinned sheepishly, as he came to sit on the sofa. 'He just won't take it from a bottle. Here, pass him over.'
Oscar transferred the baby to Kevin's arms. As Kevin began to suckle him, Oscar burst out laughing.
'That's priceless, dude,' he giggled. 'You're obviously a natural at suckling babies. Does your dad use that thing too?'
'He tries to,' said Kevin, 'but... well, like I said, they're still getting used to each other.'
At that moment, the phone rang. Oscar reached for the cordless extension and put it to his ear.
'Hello?' he said. 'Rivera residence. Yes, this is Oscar. Oh, hey. Yeah, he's right here, but he might find it a little difficult to talk because he's breast-feeding right now. Yes, I'm completely serious.'
'Who is it?' said Kevin.
'It's Jandro,' said Oscar. 'He says he needs to ask your advice about something.'
'Can you hold the phone to my ear?' said Kevin.
'Sure,' said Oscar.
'Hi, Jandro,' Kevin said into the mouthpiece. 'What's up?'
'Are you really breast-feeding your little brother, Kev?' Jandro's voice came to his ear.
'Yes,' said Kevin. 'With a fake breast, obviously. I can't actually lactate myself. What do you want my advice about?'
'Something a little frightening happened in Central Park,' said Jandro. 'Lucy fell in the lake and I think she's got hypothermia. I helped her out as quickly as I could and I brought her straight home – to her home, I mean; not mine – but she's all shivery and she can't really talk properly.'
'Where is she now?' Kevin asked.
'She's in the bathroom,' said Jandro. 'She took a clean set of underwear in with her.'
'Good, so she's taking off her wet clothes,' said Kevin. 'What you need to do is wrap her up in as many layers as you can and then give her a rub.'
'Give her a rub?'
'You've got to bring her body temperature back up. Actually, the best thing you can do is get into bed with her and give her some of your body heat, if you're up for that.'
'She'll think I'm trying it on, Kev.'
'Tell her it's Kevin's orders.'
'Okay, I'll do that,' said Jandro. 'Thanks, Kev. What do I do if she doesn't stop shivering?'
'She probably will,' said Kevin. 'If she starts going into shock then you'll have to call an ambulance, but you should be able to warm her up okay if she wasn't in there for too long.'
'Okay, great,' said Jandro. 'We'll see you and Oscar at McDonalds tomorrow, right?'
'Of course,' said Kevin. 'You can tell me how the treatment went. Ciao for now.'
Oscar removed the phone from Kevin's ear and returned it to the cradle.
'What's up?' he asked.
'Lucy fell in a lake,' said Kevin.
'Wow,' said Oscar. 'I hope she didn't swallow a snake and end up with bellyache.'
'What the hell is that?'
'Oh, nothing. It's from a stupid playground song my half-sister in England told me once.'
'Are you nearly finished, Jimmy?' Kevin asked his brother. 'I'll put you in your carry-cot and write that email to Tom when we're done here.'
'And I'd better call my mom,' said Oscar. 'She'll be getting worried about me.'
'Everything okay?' asked Kevin.
'He had some sort of clear liquid coming out of his mouth,' said Oscar.
'Yeah, that happens,' said Kevin. 'I hope you didn't get too messy.'
'My shirt's covered in it, but I don't mind,' said Oscar.
'In that case,' said Kevin, 'maybe you wouldn't mind keeping hold of him while I go and warm up some milk? He's due a feed.'
'Sure, no problem,' said Oscar. 'We're perfectly happy, aren't we, James?'
'He likes you,' said Kevin, smiling at the sight on the sofa. 'Normally he cries if he's picked up by anyone except me or my mom.'
'What about your dad?'
'My dad and James are still getting used to each other.'
'Aren't your dad and you still getting used to each other too?'
Kevin laughed and ruffled Oscar's hair, before disappearing into the kitchen for several minutes. When he returned, he was wearing a harness across his chest with a fake breast attached to it.
'Oh my God,' Oscar giggled. 'You've got one of those things!'
'Yeah,' Kevin grinned sheepishly, as he came to sit on the sofa. 'He just won't take it from a bottle. Here, pass him over.'
Oscar transferred the baby to Kevin's arms. As Kevin began to suckle him, Oscar burst out laughing.
'That's priceless, dude,' he giggled. 'You're obviously a natural at suckling babies. Does your dad use that thing too?'
'He tries to,' said Kevin, 'but... well, like I said, they're still getting used to each other.'
At that moment, the phone rang. Oscar reached for the cordless extension and put it to his ear.
'Hello?' he said. 'Rivera residence. Yes, this is Oscar. Oh, hey. Yeah, he's right here, but he might find it a little difficult to talk because he's breast-feeding right now. Yes, I'm completely serious.'
'Who is it?' said Kevin.
'It's Jandro,' said Oscar. 'He says he needs to ask your advice about something.'
'Can you hold the phone to my ear?' said Kevin.
'Sure,' said Oscar.
'Hi, Jandro,' Kevin said into the mouthpiece. 'What's up?'
'Are you really breast-feeding your little brother, Kev?' Jandro's voice came to his ear.
'Yes,' said Kevin. 'With a fake breast, obviously. I can't actually lactate myself. What do you want my advice about?'
'Something a little frightening happened in Central Park,' said Jandro. 'Lucy fell in the lake and I think she's got hypothermia. I helped her out as quickly as I could and I brought her straight home – to her home, I mean; not mine – but she's all shivery and she can't really talk properly.'
'Where is she now?' Kevin asked.
'She's in the bathroom,' said Jandro. 'She took a clean set of underwear in with her.'
'Good, so she's taking off her wet clothes,' said Kevin. 'What you need to do is wrap her up in as many layers as you can and then give her a rub.'
'Give her a rub?'
'You've got to bring her body temperature back up. Actually, the best thing you can do is get into bed with her and give her some of your body heat, if you're up for that.'
'She'll think I'm trying it on, Kev.'
'Tell her it's Kevin's orders.'
'Okay, I'll do that,' said Jandro. 'Thanks, Kev. What do I do if she doesn't stop shivering?'
'She probably will,' said Kevin. 'If she starts going into shock then you'll have to call an ambulance, but you should be able to warm her up okay if she wasn't in there for too long.'
'Okay, great,' said Jandro. 'We'll see you and Oscar at McDonalds tomorrow, right?'
'Of course,' said Kevin. 'You can tell me how the treatment went. Ciao for now.'
Oscar removed the phone from Kevin's ear and returned it to the cradle.
'What's up?' he asked.
'Lucy fell in a lake,' said Kevin.
'Wow,' said Oscar. 'I hope she didn't swallow a snake and end up with bellyache.'
'What the hell is that?'
'Oh, nothing. It's from a stupid playground song my half-sister in England told me once.'
'Are you nearly finished, Jimmy?' Kevin asked his brother. 'I'll put you in your carry-cot and write that email to Tom when we're done here.'
'And I'd better call my mom,' said Oscar. 'She'll be getting worried about me.'
Jandro covered Lucy's bed with all the duvets and blankets he could find, then he went to meet Lucy as she came out of the bathroom in her fresh underwear.
'Kev says you need to get into bed,' said Jandro.
'Okay,' said Lucy, still shivering all over.
'Don't try to talk,' said Jandro. 'Just let me take care of you, okay?'
Lucy nodded, and Jandro led her to her bedroom and helped her to burrow her way under all the covers. A few seconds later, he joined her in the bed and wrapped his arms around her.
'Don't worry – I'm not being a pervert,' Jandro said reassuringly. 'I'm just sharing my body heat with you – Kevin's orders.'
'Why have you taken your shirt off?' said Lucy. 'Is that Kevin's orders too?'
'No,' Jandro admitted. 'But it'll probably help, don't you think?'
Lucy fixed him with a knowing smile, then she wrapped her arms and legs around him as tightly as she could. Jandro readjusted his position slightly.
'I'm starting to feel better already,' said Lucy. 'Kevin really knows what he's talking about... and so do you, Jandro. Oh, is that your leg?'
'That's my leg, yeah,' said Jandro. 'But other parts aren't. Do you mind if I rub you now?'
'Rub which part of me?'
'Your back, I guess, as that's where my hands are. Kev said it would help.'
'Go ahead, then.'
'Kev says you need to get into bed,' said Jandro.
'Okay,' said Lucy, still shivering all over.
'Don't try to talk,' said Jandro. 'Just let me take care of you, okay?'
Lucy nodded, and Jandro led her to her bedroom and helped her to burrow her way under all the covers. A few seconds later, he joined her in the bed and wrapped his arms around her.
'Don't worry – I'm not being a pervert,' Jandro said reassuringly. 'I'm just sharing my body heat with you – Kevin's orders.'
'Why have you taken your shirt off?' said Lucy. 'Is that Kevin's orders too?'
'No,' Jandro admitted. 'But it'll probably help, don't you think?'
Lucy fixed him with a knowing smile, then she wrapped her arms and legs around him as tightly as she could. Jandro readjusted his position slightly.
'I'm starting to feel better already,' said Lucy. 'Kevin really knows what he's talking about... and so do you, Jandro. Oh, is that your leg?'
'That's my leg, yeah,' said Jandro. 'But other parts aren't. Do you mind if I rub you now?'
'Rub which part of me?'
'Your back, I guess, as that's where my hands are. Kev said it would help.'
'Go ahead, then.'
'Yeah, okay,' Oscar said into the phone. 'Yeah, I'll come home before I go to McDonalds – I'll need to get a change of clothes, for one thing. Sure, we will. Okay, thanks Mom. Bye.'
As Oscar once again replaced the phone in the carrier, Kevin finished reading through his email to Tom and then hit the send button.
'There,' he said. 'That's the facts as I see them, and now it's up to Tom to do what he thinks is right. If he starts closing ranks with Juan-Carlos then I really will quit! I'll just have to get another part-time job. But I don't think he'll do that – Tom's a good guy, and a scrupulous employer.'
'I bet he'll help you, then,' said Oscar.
'You've already given me all the help I really need.'
'Oh, I didn't do anything.'
'Don't be silly,' said Kevin. 'You listened and you cared – that's more than most people do when they tell each other their problems.'
'Well,' Oscar grinned, 'that's the entire basis of our relationship, isn't it?'
'It's a big part of it, yeah,' said Kevin, 'but it's not the only thing.'
'Why don't you come over here and sit with me?' said Oscar, stroking the sofa cushion next to him.
'Okay,' said Kevin.
'Is James asleep?' asked Oscar.
'Almost,' said Kevin, as he settled himself on the sofa. 'I'll give him my finger to hold – he likes to have it in his hand while he falls asleep.'
Oscar peered over the top of the carry-cot to see James wrapping his tiny fingers around Kevin's proffered appendage, and snuffling happily to himself.
'Oh my God, that is so cute!' said Oscar. 'Kinda leaves you stuck in one place for a while though, huh?'
'I've still got a spare arm,' Kevin pointed out. 'Do you want to make use of it?'
Oscar smiled, and snuggled up to Kevin's free side.
'Should we take James upstairs and put him to bed properly?' said Oscar.
'Yeah, in a little while,' said Kevin. 'Let's just stay like this for a few minutes first.'
'Mmm,' said Oscar, 'good idea.'
As Oscar once again replaced the phone in the carrier, Kevin finished reading through his email to Tom and then hit the send button.
'There,' he said. 'That's the facts as I see them, and now it's up to Tom to do what he thinks is right. If he starts closing ranks with Juan-Carlos then I really will quit! I'll just have to get another part-time job. But I don't think he'll do that – Tom's a good guy, and a scrupulous employer.'
'I bet he'll help you, then,' said Oscar.
'You've already given me all the help I really need.'
'Oh, I didn't do anything.'
'Don't be silly,' said Kevin. 'You listened and you cared – that's more than most people do when they tell each other their problems.'
'Well,' Oscar grinned, 'that's the entire basis of our relationship, isn't it?'
'It's a big part of it, yeah,' said Kevin, 'but it's not the only thing.'
'Why don't you come over here and sit with me?' said Oscar, stroking the sofa cushion next to him.
'Okay,' said Kevin.
'Is James asleep?' asked Oscar.
'Almost,' said Kevin, as he settled himself on the sofa. 'I'll give him my finger to hold – he likes to have it in his hand while he falls asleep.'
Oscar peered over the top of the carry-cot to see James wrapping his tiny fingers around Kevin's proffered appendage, and snuffling happily to himself.
'Oh my God, that is so cute!' said Oscar. 'Kinda leaves you stuck in one place for a while though, huh?'
'I've still got a spare arm,' Kevin pointed out. 'Do you want to make use of it?'
Oscar smiled, and snuggled up to Kevin's free side.
'Should we take James upstairs and put him to bed properly?' said Oscar.
'Yeah, in a little while,' said Kevin. 'Let's just stay like this for a few minutes first.'
'Mmm,' said Oscar, 'good idea.'
The top blanket fell off Lucy's bed as Jandro rolled onto his back.
'No, don't stop,' Lucy said to him. 'Carry on with what you were doing – I want you to.'
'Are you sure?' said Jandro.
'Yes, I'm sure,' said Lucy. 'I'm still cold and I need you to warm me up as much as possible.'
'Okay,' Jandro grinned, eagerly remounting her, 'I'll see what I can do!'
'No, don't stop,' Lucy said to him. 'Carry on with what you were doing – I want you to.'
'Are you sure?' said Jandro.
'Yes, I'm sure,' said Lucy. 'I'm still cold and I need you to warm me up as much as possible.'
'Okay,' Jandro grinned, eagerly remounting her, 'I'll see what I can do!'
Beth switched on the living room light to find Kevin sprawled across one half of the sofa, sleeping soundly, with his left hand still being clutched by the sleeping James in his carry-cot, and his right arm around Oscar, who was snuggled up to him and also sound asleep. Beth smiled at the sight.
'Sixty-seven dollars,' Carl muttered to himself as he entered the room. 'We're never going there again!'
'Shh,' Beth said to him. 'Just look at our boys, Carl. Don't they look sweet?'
'They'd look sweeter if they didn't have someone else's boy in their little tableau as well,' said Carl.
'Don't be such a grouch!' Beth admonished him, slapping his arm. 'You've been so good about Oscar recently – don't spoil it now.'
'I'm sorry,' said Carl, 'I didn't mean it. Honestly, I didn't.'
'I'd better take James up to bed,' said Beth.
'Can I do it?' said Carl.
'Of course,' said Beth, 'if you want to.'
Carl went to the carry-cot and gently lifted the baby out, causing the grip on Kevin's finger to slacken and break. James snuffled and shifted in Carl's arms, but he didn't wake up.
'Maybe I'm finally getting the hang of this, huh?' said Carl.
'Of course you are,' said Beth. 'It's not like you've never raised a baby before.'
'I wish I'd been at home more when Kevin was like this,' said Carl. 'But I'm not making the same mistakes with James – I'm not making any of the same mistakes.'
'I know, sweetheart,' said Beth.
Carl smiled at her, then he carried the baby upstairs. Beth went over to the sofa and touched Kevin on the shoulder.
'Kevin,' she said, 'do you want to wake up and go to bed?'
Kevin opened his eyes and yawned. When he had registered the fact that his mother was standing over him, he smiled at her.
'Um... yeah, I guess I'd better do that,' he said. 'Did you guys have a good time?'
'It was a very pleasant evening,' Beth assured him. 'Is Oscar staying the night?'
'Yes,' said Kevin. 'We're going to top-and-tail.'
Oscar had woken up as well, so the two of them stumbled from the room and dragged themselves upstairs. Beth picked up the abandoned fake breast from the coffee table and went into the kitchen to rinse it out.
'Sixty-seven dollars,' Carl muttered to himself as he entered the room. 'We're never going there again!'
'Shh,' Beth said to him. 'Just look at our boys, Carl. Don't they look sweet?'
'They'd look sweeter if they didn't have someone else's boy in their little tableau as well,' said Carl.
'Don't be such a grouch!' Beth admonished him, slapping his arm. 'You've been so good about Oscar recently – don't spoil it now.'
'I'm sorry,' said Carl, 'I didn't mean it. Honestly, I didn't.'
'I'd better take James up to bed,' said Beth.
'Can I do it?' said Carl.
'Of course,' said Beth, 'if you want to.'
Carl went to the carry-cot and gently lifted the baby out, causing the grip on Kevin's finger to slacken and break. James snuffled and shifted in Carl's arms, but he didn't wake up.
'Maybe I'm finally getting the hang of this, huh?' said Carl.
'Of course you are,' said Beth. 'It's not like you've never raised a baby before.'
'I wish I'd been at home more when Kevin was like this,' said Carl. 'But I'm not making the same mistakes with James – I'm not making any of the same mistakes.'
'I know, sweetheart,' said Beth.
Carl smiled at her, then he carried the baby upstairs. Beth went over to the sofa and touched Kevin on the shoulder.
'Kevin,' she said, 'do you want to wake up and go to bed?'
Kevin opened his eyes and yawned. When he had registered the fact that his mother was standing over him, he smiled at her.
'Um... yeah, I guess I'd better do that,' he said. 'Did you guys have a good time?'
'It was a very pleasant evening,' Beth assured him. 'Is Oscar staying the night?'
'Yes,' said Kevin. 'We're going to top-and-tail.'
Oscar had woken up as well, so the two of them stumbled from the room and dragged themselves upstairs. Beth picked up the abandoned fake breast from the coffee table and went into the kitchen to rinse it out.
Lucy snuggled up to Jandro, and rested her head on his chest.
'So, that happened,' she remarked. 'Do you know something, Jandro? I feel really warm now.'
'So do I,' said Jandro. 'Who knew that was the kind of thing that Lucy and Jandro do, huh?'
'Yeah,' said Lucy, 'who knew?'
'I have to tell you, Luce, it's the best birthday present I've ever gotten,' said Jandro. 'Was it, er... was it okay for you?'
'I'd have thought that was obvious,' Lucy mumbled into his chest.
'I just want to make sure I didn't misread you in any way,' said Jandro.
Lucy looked up at him, her eyes alight, and said, 'It was wonderful.'
They smiled at each other, then embraced tightly again.
'I guess I should go home now,' said Jandro.
'Please don't,' said Lucy. 'Not yet. Let's just lie here together for a while.'
'Okay,' said Jandro.
'So, that happened,' she remarked. 'Do you know something, Jandro? I feel really warm now.'
'So do I,' said Jandro. 'Who knew that was the kind of thing that Lucy and Jandro do, huh?'
'Yeah,' said Lucy, 'who knew?'
'I have to tell you, Luce, it's the best birthday present I've ever gotten,' said Jandro. 'Was it, er... was it okay for you?'
'I'd have thought that was obvious,' Lucy mumbled into his chest.
'I just want to make sure I didn't misread you in any way,' said Jandro.
Lucy looked up at him, her eyes alight, and said, 'It was wonderful.'
They smiled at each other, then embraced tightly again.
'I guess I should go home now,' said Jandro.
'Please don't,' said Lucy. 'Not yet. Let's just lie here together for a while.'
'Okay,' said Jandro.
Kevin was almost asleep when he became aware of someone getting into bed with him. When he opened his eyes, he found Oscar looking back at him.
'This isn't top-and-tailing,' said Kevin.
'I know – I thought we could try something a little more adventurous,' said Oscar. 'Unless the thought of being penetrated by Mr Harris has totally put you off the idea of doing anything remotely sexual ever again.'
'No, I wouldn't say that,' said Kevin. 'What exactly did you have in mind?'
'Well,' said Oscar, snaking his arms around Kevin's upper body, 'the very least I'm hoping is that you'll be able to provide me with something to hold in my hand while I fall asleep!'
Kevin laughed; Oscar grinned.
'I don't have a meticulous itinerary, dude,' said Oscar, 'but I know for certain that I don't want to top-and-tail tonight. Do you feel the same way?'
'God, yes,' Kevin breathed.
'Okay,' said Oscar, 'so why don't we start with the usual stuff and see what happens?'
Kevin nodded, and Oscar kissed him hungrily. Kevin reached out and turned off the bedside light.
'This isn't top-and-tailing,' said Kevin.
'I know – I thought we could try something a little more adventurous,' said Oscar. 'Unless the thought of being penetrated by Mr Harris has totally put you off the idea of doing anything remotely sexual ever again.'
'No, I wouldn't say that,' said Kevin. 'What exactly did you have in mind?'
'Well,' said Oscar, snaking his arms around Kevin's upper body, 'the very least I'm hoping is that you'll be able to provide me with something to hold in my hand while I fall asleep!'
Kevin laughed; Oscar grinned.
'I don't have a meticulous itinerary, dude,' said Oscar, 'but I know for certain that I don't want to top-and-tail tonight. Do you feel the same way?'
'God, yes,' Kevin breathed.
'Okay,' said Oscar, 'so why don't we start with the usual stuff and see what happens?'
Kevin nodded, and Oscar kissed him hungrily. Kevin reached out and turned off the bedside light.
A figure approached the open door of Lucy's bedroom, reached around the frame and flicked on the light. Jandro and Lucy immediately dragged the covers over themselves as much as they could manage and stared at the doorway in alarm.
'John!' Lucy exclaimed. 'What the hell do you think you're doing?'
'I was worried about you, Luce,' said John, his face betraying the fact that he was extremely amused to have found Lucy and Jandro in bed together. 'I found a whole bunch of your clothes in the bathtub that are absolutely saturated with water, then I saw your bedroom door was open and I could see that massive mound on your bed. Why have you stolen everyone's quilts and blankets?'
'It's not what you think,' said Lucy. 'We were just –'
'I know exactly what you were just,' said John. 'I really don't need to hear the details.'
'But John, you don't understand!' said Jandro. 'I'm only in bed with Lucy because I've been warming her up.'
John started laughing in extreme amusement.
'No, seriously!' said Jandro. 'We were walking in Central Park and Lucy fell in the lake and she got hypothermia, so I put her to bed with all the blankets and quilts I could find and I got in with her so she could share my body heat.'
'Is that a fact?' said John.
'Yes, it is!' said Jandro. 'Kevin said we had to do it.'
'Oh yes?' said John, laughing again.
'Yes!' said Jandro. 'He's an advanced first-aider – he has an Emergency First Response certificate from MEDIC and everything, plus he volunteers at the children's hospital three nights a week.'
'The kids love him,' said Lucy.
'What does he do there?' asked John.
'Well, he talks to them and reads to them,' said Lucy, 'and says supportive, nurturing things to them.'
'He's building up a portfolio of relevant experience,' said Jandro. 'He's going to apply to the Fire Department to become a paramedic.'
'Is that right?' John laughed. 'And I guess if that doesn't work out, he'll have to do something like apply to the Police Department to become a nurse!'
'John, we're telling you the truth,' said Lucy. 'Paramedics technically work for the Fire Department – you know that. And I really did get hypothermia, and Jandro really did warm me up.'
'Well, I'm glad you're okay now,' said John. 'Really, I am. But you had sex as well, right?'
Lucy and Jandro exchanged a look.
'I knew it!' John laughed. 'You hounds! You're lucky Dad didn't find you – he's due home from the hospital any time now.'
'I don't care,' Lucy shrugged.
'He is?' Jandro squeaked.
'Yeah, he is,' said John. 'I'll drive you home if you want, Jandro.'
'Okay, thanks,' said Jandro. 'It is incredibly late.'
'I'll give you a few minutes to straighten yourselves out,' said John, pulling the bedroom door closed. 'Man, it's true what they say – it's always the quiet ones!'
Jandro jumped out of bed and scrabbled on the floor for his shirt. Lucy went over to her closet and found some pyjamas to put on.
'I'm sorry I didn't think to close the door earlier,' said Jandro. 'Jeez, imagine if your dad had found us!'
'It's okay,' said Lucy. 'I almost wish he had – I'd love to've seen the look on his face!'
'Well, I wouldn't,' said Jandro.
'I'll come along for the ride, when John takes you home,' said Lucy.
'In your pyjamas?'
'Yeah, why not? I'll stay in the car the whole time. I don't want John getting you on your own and asking you questions.'
'Okay,' said Jandro. 'He, er... he won't tell on us, will he? I mean, we're both perfectly legal and everything, but your dad...'
'No,' said Lucy, 'John won't tell on us – he's cool. You know, Jandro, when I said I was going to bring you back here and give you a present, that wasn't what I was planning all along – I also have an electronic organiser for you. I'll bring it to McDonalds tomorrow.'
'Great,' Jandro grinned. 'But whatever happens tomorrow, it won't top today – this is definitely the best birthday I've ever had!'
'John!' Lucy exclaimed. 'What the hell do you think you're doing?'
'I was worried about you, Luce,' said John, his face betraying the fact that he was extremely amused to have found Lucy and Jandro in bed together. 'I found a whole bunch of your clothes in the bathtub that are absolutely saturated with water, then I saw your bedroom door was open and I could see that massive mound on your bed. Why have you stolen everyone's quilts and blankets?'
'It's not what you think,' said Lucy. 'We were just –'
'I know exactly what you were just,' said John. 'I really don't need to hear the details.'
'But John, you don't understand!' said Jandro. 'I'm only in bed with Lucy because I've been warming her up.'
John started laughing in extreme amusement.
'No, seriously!' said Jandro. 'We were walking in Central Park and Lucy fell in the lake and she got hypothermia, so I put her to bed with all the blankets and quilts I could find and I got in with her so she could share my body heat.'
'Is that a fact?' said John.
'Yes, it is!' said Jandro. 'Kevin said we had to do it.'
'Oh yes?' said John, laughing again.
'Yes!' said Jandro. 'He's an advanced first-aider – he has an Emergency First Response certificate from MEDIC and everything, plus he volunteers at the children's hospital three nights a week.'
'The kids love him,' said Lucy.
'What does he do there?' asked John.
'Well, he talks to them and reads to them,' said Lucy, 'and says supportive, nurturing things to them.'
'He's building up a portfolio of relevant experience,' said Jandro. 'He's going to apply to the Fire Department to become a paramedic.'
'Is that right?' John laughed. 'And I guess if that doesn't work out, he'll have to do something like apply to the Police Department to become a nurse!'
'John, we're telling you the truth,' said Lucy. 'Paramedics technically work for the Fire Department – you know that. And I really did get hypothermia, and Jandro really did warm me up.'
'Well, I'm glad you're okay now,' said John. 'Really, I am. But you had sex as well, right?'
Lucy and Jandro exchanged a look.
'I knew it!' John laughed. 'You hounds! You're lucky Dad didn't find you – he's due home from the hospital any time now.'
'I don't care,' Lucy shrugged.
'He is?' Jandro squeaked.
'Yeah, he is,' said John. 'I'll drive you home if you want, Jandro.'
'Okay, thanks,' said Jandro. 'It is incredibly late.'
'I'll give you a few minutes to straighten yourselves out,' said John, pulling the bedroom door closed. 'Man, it's true what they say – it's always the quiet ones!'
Jandro jumped out of bed and scrabbled on the floor for his shirt. Lucy went over to her closet and found some pyjamas to put on.
'I'm sorry I didn't think to close the door earlier,' said Jandro. 'Jeez, imagine if your dad had found us!'
'It's okay,' said Lucy. 'I almost wish he had – I'd love to've seen the look on his face!'
'Well, I wouldn't,' said Jandro.
'I'll come along for the ride, when John takes you home,' said Lucy.
'In your pyjamas?'
'Yeah, why not? I'll stay in the car the whole time. I don't want John getting you on your own and asking you questions.'
'Okay,' said Jandro. 'He, er... he won't tell on us, will he? I mean, we're both perfectly legal and everything, but your dad...'
'No,' said Lucy, 'John won't tell on us – he's cool. You know, Jandro, when I said I was going to bring you back here and give you a present, that wasn't what I was planning all along – I also have an electronic organiser for you. I'll bring it to McDonalds tomorrow.'
'Great,' Jandro grinned. 'But whatever happens tomorrow, it won't top today – this is definitely the best birthday I've ever had!'
The next morning, Oscar emerged from the Riveras' bathroom and headed for the staircase. He became aware that Carl was watching him from the master bedroom, but gave no sign that he had noticed. As he came downstairs, Oscar heard Kevin talking in the living room. He went to investigate, and found Kevin sitting on the sofa with the phone to his ear. Oscar came to sit beside him.
'That's great, Tom,' said Kevin. 'Thanks so much for... oh, I don't think I was really being brave – I was just reporting the facts as I saw them. Okay, yeah. See you tomorrow afternoon, then. Bye.'
As Kevin replaced the phone, Oscar snaked an arm around his waist.
'Is everything okay?' Oscar asked.
'Yeah, it is,' said Kevin. 'Tom read my email almost as soon as I sent it, and he's been extremely busy ever since. Apparently he went to the restaurant last night and he talked to all the busboys there, then he talked to some more on the phone, and it seems like more than a couple of them have had these kind of problems with Mr Harris before.'
'Wow,' said Oscar. 'I guess you're not so special after all, huh?'
'Shut up,' Kevin laughed, giving him a shove. 'Anyways, apparently Juan-Carlos told them not to make a fuss about it, so they didn't... but I did.'
'Tom's right – you are brave,' said Oscar.
'I'm just doing what I think is right.'
'When all about you are losing their heads... or something like that.'
'So yeah, Tom has banned Mr Harris from the restaurant and he's sending Juan-Carlos on a duty of care course!' said Kevin. 'And he's told Juan-Carlos that if he gives me or any of the other busboys a hard time about this, he'll be out of a job.'
'Wonderful,' said Oscar. 'I guess everything's worked out perfectly, then.'
'Yeah, I guess so,' said Kevin.
'I really need to get home now,' said Oscar. 'These clothes stink and I need to take a shower.'
'That's not because you're feeling violated, is it?'
'Far from it. I've never felt better in my life, dude.'
'That's good, 'cause neither have I.'
Kevin and Oscar beamed at each other, their eyes alight. Kevin eventually broke eye contact by looking down at his feet.
'Do you want any breakfast before you go?' he asked.
'Just give me a Go-Gurt,' said Oscar. 'I'll have some cereal at home. But I mustn't fill up too much before McDonalds.'
Once Oscar had stood in the kitchen and drained his Go-Gurt, Kevin handed him his guitar case and opened the front door for him. Oscar came to stand next to him in the doorway.
'Thanks for last night,' said Kevin. 'Thanks for all of it, I mean.'
'It was all a pleasure,' said Oscar. 'It really was!'
Oscar grabbed the back of Kevin's head with his free hand, and kissed him deeply. They remained this way in the door frame for quite some time, then Oscar pulled away and took a step back, fixing Kevin with a look.
'Bye,' said Oscar.
'See you soon,' said Kevin.
He watched Oscar skip down the steps and disappear around the street corner before he closed the front door. When he turned round after completing this action, he found that his father was watching him from the foot of the staircase.
'Did you enjoy the show, Dad?' Kevin asked, frowning slightly.
'What?' said Carl. 'No, I... I'm sorry, son – I didn't mean to be insensitive.'
'You were watching us though, weren't you?'
'Well... yes, I was. You just keep on taking me by surprise, Kevin. You're perfectly happy to stand in the doorway and do that where anyone can see you, aren't you? It doesn't even occur to you to worry about what people might think.'
'I don't give a crap what people think,' Kevin shrugged.
'Clearly,' said Carl. 'Still, I guess if the neighbours did see what was going on, they'd probably just've thought you were kissing a girl, thanks to all that hair of his, so...'
'So what?'
'So... well, I'm sure Mrs McCluskey would rather see you kissing a girl than... than... well, than to think you're... you're...'
'Whatever I am, Dad, I've never tried to hide it and I never will!' said Kevin. 'Do you want me to hide it? Is that what you're saying?'
'No, of course that's not what I'm saying,' said Carl. 'I'm just saying how much you keep on surprising me with how... how comfortable you seem to be with... with... well, with yourself.'
'You should never judge other people by your own standards, Dad,' said Kevin.
'I guess I deserved that,' said Carl, frowning slightly. 'But you seem to think I'm trying to criticise you, son, and I'm really not – I'm just saying that I... I... well, I really admire your balls.'
'So does Oscar,' said Kevin, grinning mischievously.
Carl adopted an extremely uncomfortable expression. Kevin laughed.
'I'm sorry, Dad,' he said. 'Really, I am. That was vulgar and unnecessary.'
'I asked for it, didn't I?' said Carl. 'Giving you a feed line like that.'
'Yeah, you kinda did,' Kevin giggled. 'I need to go take a shower now.'
Carl vacated the staircase and said, 'I'll get out of your way, son.'
'That's great, Tom,' said Kevin. 'Thanks so much for... oh, I don't think I was really being brave – I was just reporting the facts as I saw them. Okay, yeah. See you tomorrow afternoon, then. Bye.'
As Kevin replaced the phone, Oscar snaked an arm around his waist.
'Is everything okay?' Oscar asked.
'Yeah, it is,' said Kevin. 'Tom read my email almost as soon as I sent it, and he's been extremely busy ever since. Apparently he went to the restaurant last night and he talked to all the busboys there, then he talked to some more on the phone, and it seems like more than a couple of them have had these kind of problems with Mr Harris before.'
'Wow,' said Oscar. 'I guess you're not so special after all, huh?'
'Shut up,' Kevin laughed, giving him a shove. 'Anyways, apparently Juan-Carlos told them not to make a fuss about it, so they didn't... but I did.'
'Tom's right – you are brave,' said Oscar.
'I'm just doing what I think is right.'
'When all about you are losing their heads... or something like that.'
'So yeah, Tom has banned Mr Harris from the restaurant and he's sending Juan-Carlos on a duty of care course!' said Kevin. 'And he's told Juan-Carlos that if he gives me or any of the other busboys a hard time about this, he'll be out of a job.'
'Wonderful,' said Oscar. 'I guess everything's worked out perfectly, then.'
'Yeah, I guess so,' said Kevin.
'I really need to get home now,' said Oscar. 'These clothes stink and I need to take a shower.'
'That's not because you're feeling violated, is it?'
'Far from it. I've never felt better in my life, dude.'
'That's good, 'cause neither have I.'
Kevin and Oscar beamed at each other, their eyes alight. Kevin eventually broke eye contact by looking down at his feet.
'Do you want any breakfast before you go?' he asked.
'Just give me a Go-Gurt,' said Oscar. 'I'll have some cereal at home. But I mustn't fill up too much before McDonalds.'
Once Oscar had stood in the kitchen and drained his Go-Gurt, Kevin handed him his guitar case and opened the front door for him. Oscar came to stand next to him in the doorway.
'Thanks for last night,' said Kevin. 'Thanks for all of it, I mean.'
'It was all a pleasure,' said Oscar. 'It really was!'
Oscar grabbed the back of Kevin's head with his free hand, and kissed him deeply. They remained this way in the door frame for quite some time, then Oscar pulled away and took a step back, fixing Kevin with a look.
'Bye,' said Oscar.
'See you soon,' said Kevin.
He watched Oscar skip down the steps and disappear around the street corner before he closed the front door. When he turned round after completing this action, he found that his father was watching him from the foot of the staircase.
'Did you enjoy the show, Dad?' Kevin asked, frowning slightly.
'What?' said Carl. 'No, I... I'm sorry, son – I didn't mean to be insensitive.'
'You were watching us though, weren't you?'
'Well... yes, I was. You just keep on taking me by surprise, Kevin. You're perfectly happy to stand in the doorway and do that where anyone can see you, aren't you? It doesn't even occur to you to worry about what people might think.'
'I don't give a crap what people think,' Kevin shrugged.
'Clearly,' said Carl. 'Still, I guess if the neighbours did see what was going on, they'd probably just've thought you were kissing a girl, thanks to all that hair of his, so...'
'So what?'
'So... well, I'm sure Mrs McCluskey would rather see you kissing a girl than... than... well, than to think you're... you're...'
'Whatever I am, Dad, I've never tried to hide it and I never will!' said Kevin. 'Do you want me to hide it? Is that what you're saying?'
'No, of course that's not what I'm saying,' said Carl. 'I'm just saying how much you keep on surprising me with how... how comfortable you seem to be with... with... well, with yourself.'
'You should never judge other people by your own standards, Dad,' said Kevin.
'I guess I deserved that,' said Carl, frowning slightly. 'But you seem to think I'm trying to criticise you, son, and I'm really not – I'm just saying that I... I... well, I really admire your balls.'
'So does Oscar,' said Kevin, grinning mischievously.
Carl adopted an extremely uncomfortable expression. Kevin laughed.
'I'm sorry, Dad,' he said. 'Really, I am. That was vulgar and unnecessary.'
'I asked for it, didn't I?' said Carl. 'Giving you a feed line like that.'
'Yeah, you kinda did,' Kevin giggled. 'I need to go take a shower now.'
Carl vacated the staircase and said, 'I'll get out of your way, son.'
Jandro entered McDonalds to find Lucy sitting at a table with a drink in her hand, clearly in the process of swallowing a pill. When she noticed that Jandro had seen her doing this, she frowned slightly.
'Tell me it's none of my business if you want,' Jandro said as he sat down next to her, 'but what did you just take? Are you okay? Do you have a headache or something? Maybe falling in the lake made you really ill! Maybe we should get you to a doctor right now!'
'There's no need for that,' said Lucy, abandoning her frown and smiling fondly at him. 'I'm perfectly fine. That was a morning-after pill – I bought a pack on my way here.'
'Oh,' said Jandro. 'Oh, I see. Yeah, I guess that was a good idea.'
'I'll say it was!' said Lucy. 'I never knew you had so much... stamina, Jandro.'
'Neither did I,' said Jandro, unable to suppress a grin.
'We really should be more careful next time,' said Lucy.
'I'm just glad to hear there's gonna be a next time!' said Jandro, still grinning.
'Of course there is,' said Lucy. 'You know what they say – once you pop, you can't stop!'
Jandro laughed loudly, causing everyone in the restaurant to turn and stare at him; he went red and tried to make himself as small as possible.
'How many pills were in the pack you bought?' he asked.
'Six,' said Lucy. 'Why; you don't want to try one, do you? It'd probably make you crap yourself or something!'
'No, I don't want to take one myself,' said Jandro. 'I was just thinking that we're gonna have to do it at least five more times, so you can use the other five and they won't have been a waste of money.'
This time it was Lucy who exploded with laughter and made a public spectacle of herself. Just as they were both feeling that they wanted to leave, Michael and Ella entered the restaurant, followed closely by Kevin and Oscar, so Lucy and Jandro no longer felt so conspicuous at their table. Kevin volunteered to memorise what everyone wanted to eat and drink, then he went up to the counter.
'So Jandro,' said Ella, 'did you enjoy your actual birthday yesterday?'
'Yes,' said Jandro, exchanging a look with Lucy. 'Yes, I did.'
'I hate having to go to school on my birthday,' said Oscar. 'If I'd only been born a couple of weeks later, it'd always be during spring break!'
'Yeah, that part of the day wasn't particularly enjoyable,' said Jandro. 'But Lucy and I spent the evening together. It was very... nice.'
Ella adopted an interested expression and opened her mouth to say something else, but Lucy got in first.
'Are you okay, Michael?' she said. 'You're unusually quiet today.'
Michael shrugged and made a face that gave nothing away. Before anyone could say anything else, Kevin came and sat back down.
'She said she'll bring it over, as they're not busy right now,' he reported. 'So, what are we talking about?'
'Best ever birthdays!' Lucy said quickly. 'Tell us about yours, Kev.'
After a few minutes (during which Michael still did not speak) two McDonalds employees arrived with two overflowing trays. As everyone started to get stuck in, Michael finally broke his silence.
'This is a hamburger!' he announced in indignant tones. 'I ordered a fucking cheeseburger!'
'I'm sure they'll stick a slice of cheese in it for you,' said Lucy.
'This place is a disgrace!' Michael fumed. 'I'm gonna tell them exactly what I think of them!'
He took his unwanted hamburger and stormed up to the counter. The others watched him with expressions of surprise and discomfort.
'Oh dear,' Ella sighed. 'I was afraid something like this would happen.'
'What the hell is wrong with him?' said Lucy.
'We had a fight last night,' said Ella. 'A pretty bad one.'
'What was it about?' said Jandro.
'I'm not sure, really,' said Ella. 'I was just telling him about what classes I'm thinking of taking at community college next year and he went all weird and distant, then when I asked him what was wrong he told me I was starting to think I was too good for him, and then we shouted at each other for a few minutes and I stormed out of his apartment.'
'He's not planning on going to community college himself, then?' said Oscar.
'I guess not,' said Ella. 'I don't know what he's planning to do next year – if anything – but I certainly won't think any less of him for it, whatever it is!'
'Did you tell him that last night?' asked Kevin.
'Um... not in so many words, I guess,' said Ella. 'I lost my temper and I went a little crazy. Oh Kev, could you go up to the counter and bring him back here? He looks like he's about to punch the assistant manager!'
Kevin looked over to the counter, assessed the situation, and nodded.
'I don't know how you can call this place a restaurant in the first place, and now you can't even bring me a fucking cheeseburger when I order one!' Michael was yelling at the bemused young man who had been sent out to placate him. 'You'd better give me my cheeseburger right now or I'll put you through that window, you piece of crap!'
'Whoa, Mike, you need to calm down,' Kevin said soothingly, laying his hands on Michael's shoulders. 'You've explained what the problem is – you don't need to threaten the staff.'
'We're giving him a quarter-pounder with cheese at no extra charge,' said the assistant manager. 'It'll be here in just a few seconds.'
'You hear that, Mike?' said Kevin. 'Everything's gonna be okay. Why don't you go back over to the table and I'll bring you your quarter-pounder with cheese when it's ready, okay?'
'We should boycott this place, Kev,' said Michael. 'They can't even be bothered to bring their customers the right stuff!'
'It might have been my fault,' said Kevin. 'I think I overestimated how much McDonalds I could remember at one time; I may well have asked for a hamburger instead of a cheeseburger. Do you want to put me through the window instead? I'll give you a free shot.'
'No, Kev,' said Michael, 'I don't want to do that. I'll go back to the table.'
Michael mooched his way across the restaurant and sat down next to Ella. He squeezed her hand; she smiled and squeezed him back.
'I'm sorry, Jandro,' said Michael. 'I didn't mean to ruin your birthday party.'
'It's okay, Mike,' said Jandro. 'Forget about it.'
Kevin returned a few seconds later and handed Michael his burger.
'Thanks, Kev,' said Michael.
'No problem,' said Kevin. 'Now that we're all here and we've got the correct McDonalds, I have a proposal for all of you. It's about Halloween.'
'Ooh, sounds intriguing,' said Ella.
'I found out this morning that my parents are taking James to visit my mom's parents, and they're staying over,' said Kevin. 'Seeing as I'm gonna have the house to myself on Halloween night, I've come up with a rather interesting idea.'
'Tell me it's none of my business if you want,' Jandro said as he sat down next to her, 'but what did you just take? Are you okay? Do you have a headache or something? Maybe falling in the lake made you really ill! Maybe we should get you to a doctor right now!'
'There's no need for that,' said Lucy, abandoning her frown and smiling fondly at him. 'I'm perfectly fine. That was a morning-after pill – I bought a pack on my way here.'
'Oh,' said Jandro. 'Oh, I see. Yeah, I guess that was a good idea.'
'I'll say it was!' said Lucy. 'I never knew you had so much... stamina, Jandro.'
'Neither did I,' said Jandro, unable to suppress a grin.
'We really should be more careful next time,' said Lucy.
'I'm just glad to hear there's gonna be a next time!' said Jandro, still grinning.
'Of course there is,' said Lucy. 'You know what they say – once you pop, you can't stop!'
Jandro laughed loudly, causing everyone in the restaurant to turn and stare at him; he went red and tried to make himself as small as possible.
'How many pills were in the pack you bought?' he asked.
'Six,' said Lucy. 'Why; you don't want to try one, do you? It'd probably make you crap yourself or something!'
'No, I don't want to take one myself,' said Jandro. 'I was just thinking that we're gonna have to do it at least five more times, so you can use the other five and they won't have been a waste of money.'
This time it was Lucy who exploded with laughter and made a public spectacle of herself. Just as they were both feeling that they wanted to leave, Michael and Ella entered the restaurant, followed closely by Kevin and Oscar, so Lucy and Jandro no longer felt so conspicuous at their table. Kevin volunteered to memorise what everyone wanted to eat and drink, then he went up to the counter.
'So Jandro,' said Ella, 'did you enjoy your actual birthday yesterday?'
'Yes,' said Jandro, exchanging a look with Lucy. 'Yes, I did.'
'I hate having to go to school on my birthday,' said Oscar. 'If I'd only been born a couple of weeks later, it'd always be during spring break!'
'Yeah, that part of the day wasn't particularly enjoyable,' said Jandro. 'But Lucy and I spent the evening together. It was very... nice.'
Ella adopted an interested expression and opened her mouth to say something else, but Lucy got in first.
'Are you okay, Michael?' she said. 'You're unusually quiet today.'
Michael shrugged and made a face that gave nothing away. Before anyone could say anything else, Kevin came and sat back down.
'She said she'll bring it over, as they're not busy right now,' he reported. 'So, what are we talking about?'
'Best ever birthdays!' Lucy said quickly. 'Tell us about yours, Kev.'
After a few minutes (during which Michael still did not speak) two McDonalds employees arrived with two overflowing trays. As everyone started to get stuck in, Michael finally broke his silence.
'This is a hamburger!' he announced in indignant tones. 'I ordered a fucking cheeseburger!'
'I'm sure they'll stick a slice of cheese in it for you,' said Lucy.
'This place is a disgrace!' Michael fumed. 'I'm gonna tell them exactly what I think of them!'
He took his unwanted hamburger and stormed up to the counter. The others watched him with expressions of surprise and discomfort.
'Oh dear,' Ella sighed. 'I was afraid something like this would happen.'
'What the hell is wrong with him?' said Lucy.
'We had a fight last night,' said Ella. 'A pretty bad one.'
'What was it about?' said Jandro.
'I'm not sure, really,' said Ella. 'I was just telling him about what classes I'm thinking of taking at community college next year and he went all weird and distant, then when I asked him what was wrong he told me I was starting to think I was too good for him, and then we shouted at each other for a few minutes and I stormed out of his apartment.'
'He's not planning on going to community college himself, then?' said Oscar.
'I guess not,' said Ella. 'I don't know what he's planning to do next year – if anything – but I certainly won't think any less of him for it, whatever it is!'
'Did you tell him that last night?' asked Kevin.
'Um... not in so many words, I guess,' said Ella. 'I lost my temper and I went a little crazy. Oh Kev, could you go up to the counter and bring him back here? He looks like he's about to punch the assistant manager!'
Kevin looked over to the counter, assessed the situation, and nodded.
'I don't know how you can call this place a restaurant in the first place, and now you can't even bring me a fucking cheeseburger when I order one!' Michael was yelling at the bemused young man who had been sent out to placate him. 'You'd better give me my cheeseburger right now or I'll put you through that window, you piece of crap!'
'Whoa, Mike, you need to calm down,' Kevin said soothingly, laying his hands on Michael's shoulders. 'You've explained what the problem is – you don't need to threaten the staff.'
'We're giving him a quarter-pounder with cheese at no extra charge,' said the assistant manager. 'It'll be here in just a few seconds.'
'You hear that, Mike?' said Kevin. 'Everything's gonna be okay. Why don't you go back over to the table and I'll bring you your quarter-pounder with cheese when it's ready, okay?'
'We should boycott this place, Kev,' said Michael. 'They can't even be bothered to bring their customers the right stuff!'
'It might have been my fault,' said Kevin. 'I think I overestimated how much McDonalds I could remember at one time; I may well have asked for a hamburger instead of a cheeseburger. Do you want to put me through the window instead? I'll give you a free shot.'
'No, Kev,' said Michael, 'I don't want to do that. I'll go back to the table.'
Michael mooched his way across the restaurant and sat down next to Ella. He squeezed her hand; she smiled and squeezed him back.
'I'm sorry, Jandro,' said Michael. 'I didn't mean to ruin your birthday party.'
'It's okay, Mike,' said Jandro. 'Forget about it.'
Kevin returned a few seconds later and handed Michael his burger.
'Thanks, Kev,' said Michael.
'No problem,' said Kevin. 'Now that we're all here and we've got the correct McDonalds, I have a proposal for all of you. It's about Halloween.'
'Ooh, sounds intriguing,' said Ella.
'I found out this morning that my parents are taking James to visit my mom's parents, and they're staying over,' said Kevin. 'Seeing as I'm gonna have the house to myself on Halloween night, I've come up with a rather interesting idea.'
