November – Come Hell or High Water - Extreme Ghostbusters Fans

The Riveras Episode 5: November – Come Hell or High Water

Written by Rosey Collins

Eduardo and Kylie emerged from the terminal at Teesside International Airport, holding hands and each carrying a shoulder bag just big enough for three nights away.

'I like getting off a plane with you and not having to meet up with your family,' said Kylie, then she took a gulp from a bottle of orangeade. 'Not that I have anything against them – I just like having you all to myself.'

'Me too... you,' said Eduardo. 'Are we gonna get much time all to ourselves, though? What exactly is a Goth weekend, anyway?'

Kylie laughed. 'You didn't think of asking before you agreed to come along?'

'No need. I mean, I didn't think it'd be so hard to get there, but it's worth it to see Whitby with you.'

'It's not that hard. Look, I think that's our bus.'

Kylie led the way over to a white bus decorated in places with two shades of blue; this decoration included the words Sky Express on the side. Kylie and Eduardo hovered hopefully by the door, which was closed. The driver inside the bus saw them, then made a great show of adjusting his rear-view mirror, fiddling around with the loose change in his compartment and pressing buttons just above his head, all with the door firmly shut.

'So a Goth weekend is...?' resumed Eduardo.

'Oh yeah,' said Kylie. 'Well, it's mostly a craft fair by day and a music festival by night, but I think there's some other stuff going on as well. I can be more specific after I've been to the Virgins' Meet-Up tomorrow morning.'

Eduardo gave her a look. 'You're going to a virgins' meet-up?'

'To a Whitby Virgins' Meet-Up, yes,' Kylie giggled. 'Some guy tells the newbies about what exactly is going on, and you get to meet each other. You can come with me, of course, but you don't have to if you don't want to. God, what is that bus driver doing in there?'

'Do they let you into this virgin meeting if you're not dressed like a vampire or something?' Eduardo asked.

'I don't know,' said Kylie, 'but you'd probably get some weird looks. I hope you'll have fun. I mean, I don't even really know what it's like – I just wanted to check it out before... well, you know.'

'Before what?' said Eduardo. 'What are you dying of?'

'Nothing. It's just that I might not feel like doing stuff like Goth weekends after college.'

Just as she said this, the doors of the bus finally opened.

They got off the bus at Middlesbrough Station, where Kylie bought them each a train ticket.

'Did you hear the fuss he made when he had to give me change?' she said, clearly in mid-flow, as they walked out of the ticket office and onto the platform. 'It's like, this is an international airport, we're here with bills we just exchanged, you just spent like ten minutes counting out your change before you'd let us on, and now you don't want to give any out!'

'The Arriva bus company's gonna get a pretty strongly-worded email, huh?' said Eduardo.

'You got that right,' said Kylie. 'Oh, look, that's probably our train waiting – let's go check.'

They walked to the front of the train, then Kylie went a little further and read the destination on the front: Whitby. She nodded to Eduardo, and they climbed aboard.

'And this train takes us straight to Whitby, right?' said Eduardo, as he lifted his luggage and Kylie's onto the overheard rack.

'Yes,' said Kylie, giving him a good-natured smack on the arm as he sat down opposite her. 'I wouldn't have brought you if I knew you were gonna be like a little kid.'

'Sorry,' said Eduardo. 'It just seems like a lot of trouble to go to for three nights away.'

'If we both like it,' said Kylie, 'we'll come again someday and stay longer.'

'Yeah?' said Eduardo. 'I thought you wanted to travel with a handsome, intelligent man.'

'I did,' said Kylie, 'but I'm sort of getting used to you now.'

'Well, that's good news. I'm getting used to you too.'

They grinned at each other, then sat quietly for a while as the train started to move.

'Jesus,' Kylie said after a while, when they were well out of the town and travelling through the Yorkshire countryside of green hills and dry stone walls. 'This place is freaking beautiful!'

'Yeah,' said Eduardo. 'Even in November. It'd be nice to see it when there's leaves on the trees.'

'Maybe we can. In theory we could have gone to the other Whitby Goth Weekend, in April, but in reality we obviously can't go anywhere between spring break and the summer.'

'Why'd they have one in April? I thought it was now because of the Day of the Dead or All Souls' Day or Halloween or whatever you want to believe in.'

'Yeah, this one is,' said Kylie, 'but there's also one in the spring. I guess in some ways this'll be like the festival on Tuesday; I mean, people dressed up as skeletons and selling hand-crafted jewellery and stuff. Only with five years of history instead of five hundred.'

'It was really nice having you at the festival,' said Eduardo.

'It was nice being there. I enjoyed it, and it felt right putting Grandma Rose on the altar. Especially as there were no zombies this time.'

'Yeah, that probably won't happen again for a while. I hope you'll come with me again next year. It won't be a Tuesday, so no need to rush home for Buffy Night.'

'That'll make things easier for you,' said Kylie. 'You almost seemed like you wanted to stay with me instead of going home to watch her.'

'Yeah, well, this new season isn't as good as before. And I could swear she's lost a cup size.'

Kylie laughed. 'So I guess that means you won't be requesting the Buffy wig any time soon. Which is just as well, because I didn't bring it.'

'That's okay. You must have brought all my favourite parts, because they're attached.' So saying, Eduardo leaned forward, wrapped his arms around Kylie's waist and began a love bite on her neck.

'Eduardo!' she giggled. 'We're on a train!'

'So? It's practically empty. Even more than the bus.'

'Not this again. So I wouldn't kiss you on the bus – I just didn't want that stupid driver on my back!'

'Well, I guess he was pretty unreasonable,' Eduardo said, leaning back in his seat, 'but would he have really minded us kissing? It's not like I wanted to make love to you while you were hanging out the back of the bus or something.'

'Good,' said Kylie, laughing, 'because that sounds incredibly dangerous! Anyway, there'll be time for all that kind of thing later.'

Eduardo raised an eyebrow. 'Hanging out of windows, or...?'

Kylie laughed again. 'Maybe. We can do anything we want, so long as it doesn't involve the Buffy costume.'

'It's not just the costume, you know,' said Eduardo. 'It's the idea that you wore it with me in mind.'

'I get it,' said Kylie. 'But remember, I've neither confirmed nor denied that it was for your benefit.'

Eduardo grinned mischievously. 'That's as good as confirming it.'

'Maybe I just don't want to hurt your feelings,' said Kylie, nudging him with her foot. Then they were quiet, and continued enjoying the countryside through several stops.

'Now,' Kylie said at length, as the train began to slow once more, 'this next one should be Ruswarp.'

Eduardo laughed. 'What?'

'Ruswarp,' said Kylie. Then she saw a station sign through the window, and pointed. 'See? R-U-S-W-A-R-P. Ruswarp. What's wrong with that?' she added, as Eduardo went on laughing.

'That's a stupid name for a place!'

'Well, we aren't a million miles away from York. If those two places had developed differently, we could be going home to New Ruswarp on Sunday.'

Eduardo went on sniggering. 'Ruswarp...'

'You'd just better calm down before the next stop,' said Kylie, 'because it's Whitby.'

'Okay,' said Kylie, after the uphill walk from Whitby Station to a tiny cottage. 'This should be it.'

'I hope so,' said Eduardo. 'Why does this place have to be so hilly? That was practically a cliff!'

'This is a cliff,' said Kylie. 'The West Cliff. And why do you have to be so whiny? It's not like you had to chase a ghost up here with a proton pack weighing you down. All right, now there should be a white cupboard with a number lock...'

'It's probably this one,' said Eduardo, peering into a dingy alley at the side of the cottage. Kylie stood beside him and followed his gaze to a small white door near the ground.

'Oh yeah,' she said. 'Wow, it's dark down there – how am I supposed to see what numbers I'm keying in?' She rummaged around inside her bag, pulled out a folded piece of paper and handed it to Eduardo. 'I'll have to try, anyway. See the four-digit code? Read it out to me.'

'Three, one, nine, seven,' Eduardo said, while Kylie crouched in the alley and fiddled around with the number lock.

'Three, one, nine, seven,' she muttered. 'Man, this is so fiddly!'

Finally, the lock sprang open. Kylie pulled open the cupboard, took something out and held it triumphantly above her head.

'Yes, I got the key!' she declared.

'They don't make it easy, do they?' said Eduardo.

'Well,' said Kylie, unlocking the front door, 'it's better than the owners hanging around and helping us to settle in and showing us where the towels are and stuff. I'd rather be left alone.'

'They're probably avoiding the Goth Weekend,' said Eduardo. 'It must annoy the locals.'

'Probably a little,' said Kylie, 'but Whitby's touristy anyway, so people must be prepared for that if they decide to live here. Anyway, I'm going to the bathroom.'

The front door of the cottage led straight onto a rickety wooden staircase in a narrow hallway. Kylie went up the stairs. Eduardo ducked to get inside, then hit his head on the light fitting. After taking a moment to recover, he made an inspection of the cottage's downstairs – this consisted of a small living room and a small kitchen – taking care to duck as he went through each doorway.

'Eduardo!' Kylie called from upstairs, so upstairs Eduardo went. He found her in a small bedroom with wooden beams on the ceiling, looking out of the window.

'Ow,' said Eduardo, as he hit his head on a beam. 'I don't think this place was really designed for tall people.'

'Well, do you want big or do you want affordable?'

'I wasn't complaining – just remarking.'

'Good. No one in their right mind could complain here. Come and check out this view!'

'Is that why you called me?' said Eduardo, going to stand behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist. 'I was hoping you wanted my – oh, wow. Okay, that is pretty amazing.'

The window looked out onto a wide stretch of lively sea; two stone piers, each with a small lighthouse at the end, the West Pier full of people walking their dogs and the East Pier almost deserted; cottages dotted all over the face of the East Cliff; above these a church and graveyard; just behind them, the ruins of Whitby Abbey; and, curving around the cliff face, a long stone staircase.

'I have to climb those steps before we leave,' said Eduardo.

'You do?' said Kylie. 'Why?'

'Because those are the hundred and ninety-nine steps! It doesn't say a hundred and ninety-nine in Dracula – Mina says there are “hundreds and hundreds” – but I found out it's only a hundred and ninety-nine. Everyone says Dracula used them when he got off the ship after killing everybody and everyone thought he was a dog, but it doesn't actually say that. Still, I guess he had nowhere else to go. And that graveyard is where Dracula was biting Lucy, and Mina saw her from somewhere around here, and she ran up the steps to go get her.'

'She must have had pretty good eyesight,' said Kylie, squinting at the clifftop graveyard.

'You're just jealous, but there's no need,' said Eduardo, lowering his head to kiss her on the cheek. 'I wonder if her bench is still there.'

'Whose bench?'

'Mina's bench – where she sits and writes and looks at the view and the yokels tell her about the local superstitions and stuff.'

'You remember it very well,' said Kylie.

'I went to the library and re-read the Whitby stuff before we came,' said Eduardo. 'Whoa, that's weird.'

'What?'

'A really big dog running up the steps.'

'Oh yeah,' said Kylie, as they watched a particularly large black dog ascending the stairs at a blistering pace. 'There doesn't seem to be anyone with him. I guess he got out of a backyard or something. I hope he'll be okay.'

'Maybe it's a vampire.'

'Or it could the be the Barghest.'

'The what?'

'Good – I still know more about folklore than you do,' said Kylie. 'No one told Mina about that?'

'I think it was mentioned, but no details. Tell me,' and he began playfully nibbling her ear.

'Eduardo!' she giggled. 'Well, it's a demon that's usually said to take the shape of a large black dog; it's associated with the north of England, especially York and Whitby. It appears at the death of a notable person, portends death in a household by lying across the threshold, and attacks lone travellers. But we should be safe – they only say it attacks travellers in York.'

'And we're not lone, anyway,' said Eduardo. 'The book had some stuff about a dog getting upset at the funeral service after the shipwreck – I guess maybe that was inspired by this Barghest thing.'

'Are you hungry?' asked Kylie.

'Starving,' said Eduardo, and he resumed the love bite on her neck.

'I mean for food.'

'Uh... yeah.' He raised his head. 'I saw some take-out menus on the kitchen table.'

'Perfect,' said Kylie. 'I was hoping we wouldn't have to go back out. Let's go see what there is.'

They went down to the kitchen and began looking through the menus on the table. Kylie soon picked one out and said, 'Let's try some traditional British cuisine.'

'Some what?' Eduardo asked sceptically.

'The Railway Chippy,' said Kylie, handing him the menu. 'Could be interesting.'

In the morning, Eduardo was woken by Kylie poking him, then opening the curtains and letting the sunlight fall onto his face.

'Have you seen my neck?' she said.

'It's probably between your head and your shoulders where you normally keep it.'

'Seriously,' said Kylie, 'look at it!'

Eduardo turned over, blinked a few times in the sunlight, then looked at Kylie. She was holding her hair aside and pointing to twin love bites.

'I didn't hear any complaints at the time,' he said, looking rather pleased with himself. 'Does this mean they won't let you in the virgins' convention?'

'No,' Kylie laughed. 'This doesn't prove anything. Anyway, it doesn't start 'til eleven so I wondered if maybe you wanted to take a look around first, and help me get in some food.'

'I'd be kind of a jerk if I refused,' said Eduardo, sitting up.

'You'd better come to the Spa Pavilion with me after to exchange your ticket for a wristband,' said Kylie. 'But then you don't have to stick around if you think you'd be bored.'

'I'll take a longer look around,' said Eduardo, 'maybe see if I can find some interesting places to go to between Goth stuff. What's actually on the schedule?'

'Just the concert from eight thirty,' said Kylie, 'tonight and tomorrow night. We can check out the market any time, so the days are pretty much wide open.'

'Cool,' said Eduardo. 'I definitely have to climb those steps. Do you wanna do that with me?'

'Sure,' said Kylie. 'Let's meet at the bottom after we've done what we're going to do – say at twelve thirty? I don't think I'll need to hang out with the Virgins for much more than an hour.'

'Okay. I wonder what we'll have for lunch – more fish and chips?'

'You enjoyed that, didn't you?'

'Enough to believe the fish really were caught the same morning,' said Eduardo. Then he reached out to grab Kylie's hand as she walked past. 'But I enjoyed you more.'

'As the hickeys will attest,' said Kylie. 'They're not just on my neck, you know.'

Eduardo smirked. 'I know.'

The streets of Whitby were of course swarming with Goths, but their numbers were at least equalled by locals, who walked among them without batting an eyelid.

'Look at that,' Eduardo said, as he and Kylie emerged from the Co-Op supermarket, each carrying a plastic bag. He nodded towards a party of four Victorians. 'Dracula enthusiasts.'

'Maybe you should join them.'

'Can't,' said Eduardo. 'I modelled my costume on Spike.'

'I like it,' said Kylie, playfully tugging at the sleeve of Eduardo's long, black leather coat. 'He's a Buffy vampire, right?'

'He's the best Buffy vampire. I wasn't about to walk around looking stupid.'

They made the hilly walk back to the cottage, put away their purchases, then found their way to the Spa Pavilion, which happened to be on the West Cliff where they were staying. The stunning view of the East Cliff was still visible from the queue to the pavilion.

'Hey,' said Eduardo, while they waited in line surrounded by Goths of all shapes and sizes. 'There's that dog again. Jeez, I hope it really isn't this Barghest thing.'

'I don't see it,' said Kylie.

'It just ran through that weird arch.'

'I read about that. It's called the Whalebone Arch because it's made out of a whale's jawbone. Pretty morbid if you ask me.'

'You think so, huh?' said Eduardo, looking round at the queue of vampires, wraiths and skeletons.

'Wow!' a young man said suddenly, and he physically cut across them, making both take a step back into an area of personal space. 'Great vampire bite!'

'What?' said Kylie, clapping a hand to her neck. 'That's... it was him.' She gestured towards Eduardo. 'Jeez, I thought I covered those okay.'

'An American, eh?' said a young woman who was with the young man. Both were dressed as very traditional vampires, complete with fangs. 'Did you come all this way for the Goth Weekend?'

'Yeah, we did,' said Kylie.

'So are you a vampire enthusiast?' the man asked Eduardo.

'Not really,' said Eduardo.

'Are you sure about that, sweetie?' said Kylie. 'You're my go-to reference for Dracula and Buffy the Vampire Slayer.'

'That's why I asked,' the man said. 'I recognise the Spike costume. Good choice.'

'Yeah, well,' said Eduardo, eyeing the man and his companion suspiciously, 'I had to read Dracula for college, and my nephew is the reason I watch Buffy.'

'They're both such fascinating portrayals,' the man said. 'They've really opened up people's minds to the idea that vampires think and feel and hurt.'

'Dracula doesn't do that,' said Eduardo. 'You're thinking of the Gary Oldman movie, aren't you?'

'Well... yes. It's a good film.'

'That's a matter of opinion,' Eduardo said. 'You should read the book if you want to be informed.'

'You really should, James,' said the woman. Then she turned back to Eduardo and Kylie, and offered a handshake. 'I'm Juliet.'

'Kylie,' said Kylie, accepting the handshake. 'And this is Eduardo.'

'Ky,' said Eduardo, 'the line's moving.'

They were now able to enter the pavilion, where only a few people stood between them and an area marked Information Stall.

'Not going to be polite to your fellow Goths?' Kylie asked quietly.

'Those ones are weird,' said Eduardo.

'They're all about as weird as me,' said Kylie. 'Well, I guess you weren't nice to me at first.'

'About as nice as you were to me.'

'Well, Juliet and James were nice to us. I'm happy to befriend them for the weekend, anyway. Oh, look – it's our turn.'

'Will you be attending the WGW Virgins' Meet-Up?' the skeleton behind the stall asked.

'I will,' said Kylie. 'He won't.'

'Loki's over there,' the skeleton said, smiling and pointing, then very deliberately moving her gaze onto Juliet and James, who were next in line.

'Loki,' Eduardo smirked, as they stepped aside.

'Good choice of deity if you ask me,' said Kylie. 'So I guess this is where we part ways, until we meet at the bottom of the Church Steps. Twelve thirty, remember?'

'I remember,' said Eduardo, stooping to kiss her. 'I love you. I'll see you soon.'

'I love you too, sweetie.'

As soon as Eduardo had stepped away from her, Kylie found that James was in her personal space once again, and Juliet was standing nearby.

'We're Virgins too,' said James. 'Stick with us if you like.'

'Your boyfriend should have stuck around,' said Juliet. 'We're meeting with a vampire sub-group after this.'

'Oh yeah?' said Kylie. 'What happens in a vampire sub-group?'

'Oh, well,' Juliet said evasively, 'the Undead Prophet promises much. It sounds fascinating.'

'Who's the Undead Prophet?'

'Nobody knows.'

'Um,' said Kylie. 'That sounds like it could be kind of dangerous.'

'Not at all,' said James. 'It'll just be a discussion between like-minded people.'

'Is that all this Undead Prophet promises?' asked Kylie.

'I suppose that depends on your outlook,' said Juliet. 'Do you believe in real vampires, Kylie?'

'I've never seen one,' said Kylie, 'but my mind is wide open... unlike that of a certain friend of mine. Wait – are you saying this Undead Prophet has promised a real vampire? Or is a real vampire?'

'What if I said yes?' asked Juliet.

'I'd think that was a terrible idea.'

'Of course there are no real vampires,' said James. 'But you'd probably rather stay with your boyfriend anyway, and I don't think it'd be his cup of tea. I mean, we're sure to talk about Bram Stoker's Dracula, and I got the feeling he didn't like that film very much.'

'He's not crazy about it,' said Kylie.

'Not even the breasts?' asked Juliet, then she began laughing companionably, and even put her arm around Kylie's shoulders.

'Well, maybe,' Kylie laughed uncomfortably. 'Although one of his objections is the portrayal of Lucy as a total slut.'

'Prude, is he?' asked Juliet.

'No, not at all – it's just that it's not true to the book. Look, it's almost eleven. Maybe we should go over and join that Loki guy.'

'Good plan,' said James. Then, as Kylie turned away from them, he gave Juliet an exasperated look.

'What?' she said.

'Not a good idea,' he said.

'Actually, my darling,' said Juliet, 'it's a brilliant idea.'

Eduardo had turned away from the main town and found his way to a stretch of beach overlooked by the West Cliff. He wandered along it at a leisurely pace, looking at nothing in particular, until his attention was arrested by the sound of a baying dog. He looked up and saw the animal several yards away, standing knee-deep in the choppy sea and howling at the grey sky.

For a moment, Eduardo could only stare at the dog. Then he looked around him at the almost deserted beach. There were a few people in sight, and closest to him was an old man with a white beard. Eduardo approached him.

'Excuse me, man,' he said. 'Is that your dog?'

'What dog's that, then?' the man asked, in a broad Yorkshire accent.

Eduardo looked behind him, and saw that the dog had vanished. He let out a sigh. 'Figures.'

'Not seen the Barghest, has tha?' the man asked.

'I sure hope not,' said Eduardo. 'Do you believe in that stuff?'

'Never seen him mysen,' said the old man, 'and I count mysen lucky. Eh, cheer up now!' he added, catching sight of Eduardo's expression. 'Most likely there's nowt in these old superstitions.'

'Did you see any dog here a minute ago?' Eduardo asked.

'Nay, lad,' said the old man. 'But then my eyesight b'ain't very good.'

At the Virgins' Meet-Up, Kylie was sticking with Juliet and James, saying nothing but listening to their conversation with like-minded young Goths.

'The Undead Prophet promises everything,' Juliet was telling them. 'If you don't believe me, log onto the website: W-W-W-dot-the-undead-prophet-underscore-whitby-dot-co-dot-uk.'

'James,' Kylie said quietly, 'what exactly are these promises?'

'Oh, nothing much,' said James. 'Anyway, you probably wouldn't like it.'

'Of course she'll like it,' said Juliet, grabbing Kylie's arm and whisking her away from the group.

'Be honest with me, Juliet,' said Kylie. 'Has the Undead Prophet promised a real vampire?'

Juliet opened her mouth to reply, but James hastily cut in with, 'Vampires don't exist.'

'Says you,' said Juliet. Then she looked at Kylie, and said coaxingly, 'Just suppose there was a real vampire, Kylie. Wouldn't you like to tell this friend of yours you saw it?'

'I'd rather stay safe,' said Kylie, 'and keep the rest of you that way. Look, Juliet, if there's any chance there's a real vampire around...'

'Well,' said Juliet, 'we're all meeting at six by the Whalebone Arch. Why don't you come along and see for yourself?'

A little later, Kylie made her way to Church Street where she found Eduardo near the bottom of the hundred and ninety-nine steps. He was standing across from them on the cobbled street, leaning on a railing and enjoying the view behind a row of cottages, out towards the sea and the unfrequented East Pier.

'Hey,' said Kylie, slipping her arms around his waist. 'Wow, that pier doesn't look very safe, does it? One day some stupid tourist will fall off, and then they'll put up railings.'

'I guess so,' said Eduardo, looking oddly relieved to see her, and wrapping her in a particularly tight embrace. 'Have fun with the Virgins?'

'Not exactly,' said Kylie, and looked round at the steps. 'Tell you at the top?'

'Sure,' said Eduardo. 'Is everything okay?'

'I don't know. Well, I'm okay, anyway. Shall we go? It looks like we can take a break halfway up if we need to.'

'Yeah, but we should be all right if we're fit enough to chase ghosts all day. Anyway, Mina says it's such a shallow incline that you don't get tired at all.'

'Mina says a lot, doesn't she?'

'She narrates most of the Whitby part. Come on, let's do this.'

They made their way up the stairs without stopping for a rest, and then began walking slowly through the grounds of Saint Mary's Church, where people in various Gothic costumes were draping themselves over headstones and taking pictures of each other.

'They shouldn't do that,' said Kylie. 'It's disrespectful.'

'But they're gonna do it anyway,' said Eduardo, as his eye fell upon a bench that was more old-fashioned in style than the other benches dotted around. 'Hey, do you suppose that's Mina's bench?'

'I guess it's the only bench around here that could be,' said Kylie. 'Maybe it's still here because it's the one in the book. I guess you want to go sit on it, don't you?'

'You bet I do.'

They made their way over to the bench and sat with their backs to the disrespectful posers in the graveyard, looking instead at the town, the harbour and miles of rough sea.

'Holy freaking God,' said Kylie. 'Why do I live in the city?'

'Beats me,' said Eduardo. 'Mina says this is the nicest spot in all of Whitby.'

'You shouldn't set too much store by what Mina says. She's not even real.'

'True. So, what do you have to say? It sounded like you wanted to tell me something.'

'I do,' said Kylie. 'I'm worried about James and Juliet, and whoever else is in their group of vampire enthusiasts. Juliet was telling me about this person called the Undead Prophet, who's set up some website and promised a bunch of crazy things to a bunch of crazy people this weekend.'

'What things?' asked Eduardo.

'I don't know – they won't tell me. But Juliet definitely implied there'd be a real vampire... at least one... and when I said I thought that sounded like a terrible idea, James seemed to want to stop talking about it. But Juliet seems to really want me to go to the thing.'

'And what do you want?'

'I want it to not be happening, but it is... well, it might be... and if there is a real vampire, then we have to try to stop it.'

'There probably isn't one,' said Eduardo. 'I mean okay, there really are ghosts and demons and stuff, but there are also a lot of people who just like being weird. Especially here and now.'

'You're probably right,' said Kylie. 'But if there's no danger then there's no harm in going, and if there is... well, we can't just leave it to chance.'

'Can't we?'

'Eduardo, what's wrong with you? Are you a Ghostbuster or a mouse?'

'I don't know... maybe both. I'm worried too. I saw the Barghest again.'

'Why are you so sure it's the Barghest? It's probably just a stray dog.'

'I don't think so,' said Eduardo. 'I got this really weird feeling off it... and then it just vanished, and then I asked this guy if he'd seen it and he hadn't! And you did say it portends death.'

'Then that's all the more reason to do something,' said Kylie. 'Maybe it's portending the deaths of dozens of innocent vampire-obsessed Goths.'

'Including you?'

'Oh, sweetie, look.' She grabbed his hand, and gave him a reassuring smile. 'It probably wasn't the Barghest, and there probably aren't any vampires planning a pre-concert feast this evening. But if there are... well, what would Mina do?'

'Stay home and let the men deal with it, probably.'

'What?' said Kylie. 'I thought she was supposed to be ahead of her time!'

'She was, but not that ahead of her time.'

'Okay, so then what would Buffy do?'

'Buffy's the Slayer,' said Eduardo. 'But there isn't any real Slayer, and we're the closest thing there is around here. You're right, of course – we have to check it out. So what's the plan?'

'We're meeting this Undead Prophet character by the Whalebone Arch at six. That's all I know.'

'Okay, and are we using Buffy rules or Dracula rules or what?'

'You don't really expect me to know that,' said Kylie. 'Anyway, what are they?'

'The Dracula rules aren't all that clear,' said Eduardo. 'And kind of annoying. More than once they go to kill a vampire and then they don't kill it. If you're gonna stake it, you need a hammer to drive it in, which I guess is why they keep chickening out when the vampire's awake. Oh, and they can shape-shift. Wolf, bat, mist... that's all from the book, but I don't know about real life.'

'What about exposure to sunlight?'

'That too. But there won't be any of that at six – not for more than twelve hours.'

'Oh yeah. And you can ward them off with crosses and garlic, right?'

'Garlic flowers, remember,' said Eduardo, 'and I don't think we'll find any of those around here.'

'Right,' said Kylie. 'The cloves thing is just a huge misconception, if you're using Bram Stoker's rules. That's too bad – I saw some garlic in the Co-Op this morning. So what about Buffy rules?'

'Buffy never uses garlic, but apart from that, pretty much anything works. You can stake them without too much trouble... well, she can... and they turn to dust even if they're like five minutes old, which I guess is just easier for making the show. They burst into flames in sunlight, but that's no good to us... and you can burn them or cut off their heads. And you can seriously hurt them with crosses and holy water.'

'And you're not expected to put the power of belief behind those?'

'I don't think so,' said Eduardo. 'They never even mention God or nothing. Just Hell.'

'All right,' said Kylie, 'we're going to have to think about this. Let's discuss it over a ready-meal from the Co-Op. And after that I'd like to call Egon.'

The cottage had an old-fashioned beige telephone with a circular dial mounted on the kitchen wall. On the surface underneath it was a wooden box with a money slot, and above this the word Telephone in black letters. Kylie was sitting on a kitchen stool, speaking to Egon on the telephone.

'It's true that vampire legends vary greatly,' Egon was saying, 'and I honestly can't tell you how much of it Buffy the Vampire Slayer has right. I've never actually watched it.'

'Yeah,' said Kylie, 'we didn't think you would've.'

'But you can't go wrong with a stake through the heart. That and sunlight are the two methods everyone seems to agree on, and as you say, you won't find much sunlight at this time of year.'

'Have you ever dealt with real vampires, Egon? Because if you have, now is the time to tell me.'

'Hmm... perhaps it is,' said Egon. 'I've just managed to access this website you told me about. You missed out an underscore in the address, didn't you?'

'Oh, yeah,' said Kylie. 'God, I'm such an idiot. Sorry, Egon.'

'No harm done. Anyway, this Undead Prophet character claims to be a vampire, and says he or she will change anyone who wishes it into a vampire, if they attend tonight's gathering.'

'What? But that's terrible!'

'If it's true, then it's very terrible. But don't forget, there are a lot of strange people out there.'

'Why claim he'll change people if he can't?' said Kylie. 'Or she. There must be something in it for this person, even if they're just... I don't know... asking for money or something. Does the website say anything else?'

'Just a few details of the Whitby Goth Weekend... tips on travel and accommodation – things of that nature. I'm supposed to email this person... or vampire... if I want to know more. Would you like me to do so? I can call you if I find out anything useful.'

'It might be a little late, but it's worth a try. Don't call after six... well, one... because we'll be at the vampire meeting. Is there anything else you can tell me that might help us out?'

'I'm sure you've heard that vampires can't cross running water,' said Egon. 'That one's definitely true. That is, they won't attempt it; I can't say for certain what would happen if they tried. Again, the legends vary.'

'I've read some of them,' said Kylie. 'Maybe even all of them. They disagree about stuff like whether or not the vampire can use a bridge to cross; whether they can cross the ocean in a vessel, with or without their coffin; whether you actually can drown them in moving water...'

'Yes, and some say none of that is true at all.'

'But it is true at all! Or some of it, anyway. You know that for sure, right?'

'I believe I do,' said Egon. 'Then again, some vampires may differ from others. You will be very careful, won't you?'

'I'm always careful.'

'No you're not.'

'Sure I am,' said Kylie. 'We're pretty experienced at this stuff now, Egon. Don't worry, okay?'

'Well,' said Egon, 'keep me informed, won't you? I'd like nothing more than for you to call and tell me it's all a hoax.'

'Me too,' said Kylie. 'I guess I can call until about ten o'clock Whitby time, can't I?'

'Please, call as late as you like. Good luck.'

Kylie hung up, fished a handful of ten pound notes out of her pocket and shoved them through the slot in the telephone money box. Then she went through to the living room, where Eduardo was on the sofa flicking through a copy of Dracula.

'Helpful, was he?' Eduardo asked, without looking up.

'In some ways, yes,' said Kylie, going to sit beside him.

'I've already told you all about vampires.'

'You've told me about fictional vampires. Anyway, we both forgot running water.'

'Oh, yeah – Buffy doesn't have that rule. But it's not useful, is it?'

'That depends on how effective it really is,' said Kylie. 'It's worth bearing in mind, anyway, because Egon says that one's definitely true. Dracula has something about him crossing the ocean, right? He had to go in a coffin, and the coffin had to be full of Transylvanian earth or something.'

'That's about it,' said Eduardo. 'He sends Transylvania earth all over the world so he can keep moving, and they have to go around destroying it all... gets kind of boring, and anyway we can't use it. So what else did Egon say? Anything we can use?'

'He doesn't really know much more about vampire lore than we do,' said Kylie. 'But he did access the Undead Prophet's website, and apparently people are expecting to be turned.'

'Turned?'

'Into vampires.'

'Well, that sounds terrible. But why try to trick you into going along?'

'Is that what Juliet's doing?'

'I'd say so,' said Eduardo, 'since she hasn't told you what to expect. And James wants to keep you away because he knows you're against the idea.'

'I guess you're right,' said Kylie, leaning her head against his shoulder. 'Is that one of the books from the shelves over there?'

'No, actually, I bought it from Whitby Books just before we met up.'

'Will you lend it to me? I really need to read Dracula all the way through again – I feel like I should know it a lot better than I do.'

'Sure,' said Eduardo, 'when you're done with my copy of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.'

'This is good,' said Kylie, 'the way we're assuming we're going to make it through this evening.'

'Of course we'll make it through this evening,' said Eduardo. 'There's so much to do after. More Harry Potter books; more seasons of Buffy and Angel; the rest of this weekend; finals, graduation...'

Kylie smiled. 'And then what?'

'Don't ask me.'

'Egon's emailing the Undead Prophet, and he says he'll call if he gets a reply in time.'

'I wonder if the Undead Prophet's still checking his emails.'

'Or hers,' said Kylie. 'And it's possible – there's still a few hours for people to get interested.'

'I guess,' said Eduardo. 'So what are we gonna do in those few hours?'

'Get ready to fight vampires, I guess... try to find some wooden stakes or something.'

A while later, they were emerging from the bedroom and pulling on their clothes.

'That probably wasn't the most productive use of the time,' said Kylie.

'You mean,' said Eduardo, catching her by the waist halfway down the stairs, 'that wasn't the kind of wood you had in mind?'

'Eduardo, stop it, this is serious!' Kylie giggled hysterically. 'I hope Egon didn't call. What's the British equivalent of star sixty-nine?'

'I don't know,' said Eduardo. 'I'll go ask someone.'

He made his way down to the front door and out onto the street. He returned moments later, and said, 'One four seven one.'

Kylie made her way through to the kitchen, picked up the telephone receiver and dialled one four seven one on the noisy, circular dial.

'Oh-eight-hundred-something-something,' she said, putting down the receiver, 'three days ago. So let's forget about that and do something useful. We need to find some weapons, and we probably won't find much just lying around the house. I'm even starting to think maybe we should get some cloves of garlic from the Co-Op just in case it can do any good.'

'Well, it'll probably repel a vampire if it's as bad as their microwavable mac and cheese,' said Eduardo. 'But you'd better stay here in case Egon calls.'

'Why should I be the one to stay here?'

'Because I'm worried about you. That Barghest kind of freaked me out, if you really wanna know.'

'You know I want to know about your feelings, sweetie. But then doesn't that mean you should stay here? You're the one who's seen it more than once.'

'But you saw it too, on the steps.'

'Well, suppose it's portending this place collapsing about our ears or something,' said Kylie. 'There's no logic in the Barghest keeping either one of us inside, but there is logic in me going weapon-hunting because I know what to look for. It's best to consult tradition before Buffy, don't you think?'

'I guess so,' said Eduardo. 'Just be careful, okay?'

'I promise I will. Remember, if I'm not back by six, we meet at the Whalebone Arch.'

'Why wouldn't you be back by six?'

'Quit worrying so much. You know I can take care of myself. And you be careful too – I don't like this Barghest idea any more than you do. And remember, in an emergency you call triple nine.'

'I'll probably be dead by the time I'm done dialling it on that stupid phone.'

'Then be extra and specially careful,' said Kylie, getting onto her tiptoes and craning her neck to kiss him. 'I'll see you soon.'

After she had left, Eduardo made a thorough search of the cottage for weaponry, and finished up with a sharp pencil, a broken wooden spoon and a very tiny cross that, until that moment, had formed part of the decoration on a wooden ship ornament. He laid his collection out on the kitchen surface, looked at it with deep misgiving, then sat down by the phone and gazed out of the window.

It was dark when Kylie ascended the hundred and ninety-nine steps, which were lit at intervals by old-fashioned black lampposts. She was carrying a large canvas bag on her shoulder, which proclaimed in bold letters, I Support Whitby Lifeboats.

'Kylie!' a voice said loudly behind her, and Kylie almost fell off the hundred and ninety-ninth step in her surprise.

'Oh, hi, it's you,' she said, as she turned to see Juliet illuminated in the lamplight.

'I said the Whalebone Arch,' said Juliet.

'I know.'

'What's in the bag?'

Kylie didn't answer for a moment. Then she said, 'Weapons. I know you're expecting to meet a real vampire tonight, Juliet, and if that's true then we're going to have to fight it. I'm on my way to see if there's any holy water going spare, or a priest who can make some fresh.'

'The church is empty,' said Juliet.

'Oh. Well, I don't suppose you happen to know where the parson lives? Because we really can't –'

'We might be able to get in. There should be plenty of anti-vampire weaponry in a church.'

'You're... helping me?' asked Kylie, watching Juliet as she passed her on the stairs, then falling into step beside her. 'You're not going to try to convince me this vampire idea is a good one?'

'I might,' said Juliet. 'That is, I wouldn't want you using those weapons on the Undead Prophet straight away. But it's best to be prepared... just in case. Oh, look, there's a door open.'

'How convenient,' said Kylie, staying in the open side doorway rather than following Juliet inside. 'Y'know, I had a college professor in my second year who wanted to become a vampire. It turned out to be a bad idea. I mean, jeez, why is everyone doing this nowadays?'

'Me, James and this professor,' Juliet's voice came from the darkness within the church. She sounded as if she was struggling with something, and a series of loud banging and grinding noises very much added to the effect. 'I'd hardly call that everyone.'

'How many people are we expecting tonight?' asked Kylie.

'I don't know,' said Juliet, appearing in the doorway with an enormous wooden cross in her arms. 'But you're right about one thing: they won't all be turned. It's just the Undead Prophet's way of putting on an all-you-can-eat buffet. I watch Buffy too,' she added smugly.

'That doesn't mean very much to me,' said Kylie. 'I don't really watch it.'

'Good,' said Juliet, smiling through the darkness, rather evilly. 'If you don't know that episode, then you won't know how to make a bargain with a vampire.'

So saying, Juliet hurled the enormous cross straight at Kylie's middle with all the force she could muster. Kylie cried out in pain and shock and crumpled to the ground, severely winded. She dropped her bag, and out trickled crosses, improvised wooden stakes, and a packet of garlic cloves bearing the Co-Op logo.

'Juliet,' Kylie gasped, as she tried to regain her breath. 'What the hell are you doing?'

Juliet approached Kylie and pinned her to the ground with a heavy combat boot. Then she bent over, getting as close to her victim as she could, and said silkily, 'You'll see.'

Eduardo was by the bookcase in the cottage, thumbing through a volume on local legend, much too quickly to take anything in. After a few moments, he went to the window and peered over towards the East Cliff. Saint Mary's Church was well lit, and the clock read a quarter to six.

'Now, where the heck is Kylie?' he muttered, as he put the book back on the shelf. He stared at the church clock for a few more moments, then suddenly put on a burst of speed and marched out into the darkness. Just as he closed to the door behind him, the phone started to ring.

Eduardo made his way to the Whalebone Arch, which was surrounded by people. He approached them, but stopped in his tracks when he heard one of them say, 'Hermione Granger, you shall henceforth be known as Bloody Mary, and will join Harry Potter's My Chemical Romance tribute band. Now, let us combine our powers and change the scar on Harry's forehead to a pentagram.'

'What the hell is this?' Eduardo said loudly, and a dozen or so Harry Potter enthusiasts turned and frowned disapprovingly at him.

'We're a Harry Potter appreciation group,' said one. 'Is there a problem with that?'

'Well,' said Eduardo, 'some hardcore fans might have a problem, but I really don't care. Look, are you almost done? I'm expecting a vampire group here at six.'

'No we are not nearly done!' snapped somebody else. 'We'll be here until the concert at half past eight.'

'Seriously?'

'Yes, seriously!'

'But what about...? Never mind.'

Eduardo mooched off, worried and indecisive. He headed in the direction he had come, but stopped abruptly when he saw the large black dog, and this time it was lying across the threshold of the very cottage he had just left. Eduardo stared at it, horror-stricken. Then he found his voice.

'What the hell do you want?' he said shrilly.

The dog looked up and barked loudly, then got to its feet ran towards him. Eduardo jumped back in alarm, but the dog evidently had no interest in catching him, as it seemed to disappear into the darkness. Then it howled again. Eduardo whipped round, but the dog was nowhere in sight. The howling came again, sounding more distant this time, and Eduardo caught sight of the dog's black shape in the light from Saint Mary's Church.

Without stopping to think, Eduardo ran, and all the time he ran the dog barked. He ran down to the bottom of the cliff, over the traffic- and foot-bridge above the River Esk, over the cobbles of Church Street and finally up the hundred and ninety-nine steps, where he stepped on a particularly muddy part of the grass verge and slipped.

'Aah, Jesus!' he exclaimed, as his legs flailed beneath him. He landed heavily on the grass, took a moment to recover, then leapt to his feet and listened anxiously for the barking of the Barghest. At first there was silence. Then the barking resumed. Eduardo followed the sound to the small door that Juliet had found open. It was locked. He looked round, and saw the dog behind him. It gave a yelp of encouragement, then settled on its haunches and watched him with glowing red eyes.

Eduardo put his shoulder to the door and strained against it until it gave way. Once inside the church, he heard a frantic banging and squealing sound coming from behind another door. He had to break into this one also, but it wasn't too difficult, and the feat revealed the sight of Kylie bound and gagged on the floor of a cleaning cupboard.

Eduardo removed her gag, and the first thing she said was, 'How did you find me?'

'Actually,' said Eduardo, as he tugged at her bonds, 'the Barghest led me here.'

'Really? That's so cool!'

'Querida, what the hell is going on?'

'Juliet locked me in here,' said Kylie, 'and she stole my weapons. I don't know what she's planning. She said something about a Buffy episode, and an all-you-can-eat buffet, and making a bargain with the vampire...'

'What?' said Eduardo. 'She's planning to trade you?'

'Trade me? For what?'

'For getting turned! She doesn't believe this vampire will turn the others, but she thinks if she offers you as a trade, she'll get what she wants!'

'Is that what happened in this Buffy episode she was talking about?'

'Yes. But Buffy's the Slayer – you're not.'

'That's what you said earlier,' said Kylie, speaking painfully as she struggled to her feet. 'You also said we're the closest thing there is to a Slayer in real life. I think Juliet must know who we are.'

'You're hurt.'

'I'm okay. We have to get to the Whalebone Arch.'

'No we don't,' said Eduardo. 'That was a decoy.'

'So where are they?'

Barely had she asked the question before an ear-piercing scream sounded from outside. Then more screams joined it. Kylie ran to the doorway as best she could, added her own cry of alarm to the voices outside and clamped a hand to her mouth. Eduardo went to stand behind her, and gasped when he saw the vampire. She was terrifying: a wild-eyed, snarling savage with red-veined eyes, hollow cheeks and six-inch fangs that were dripping blood. She had a victim in her arms, but dropped him – evidently still alive – when someone tried to run. The vampire turned to mist, then rematerialised in front of the runner and started to feed on her.

'No!' Kylie yelled, trying to run towards them, but Eduardo held her arm.

'Ky, please,' he said quietly. 'At least let's find Juliet and your weapons.'

Just as he said this, Juliet appeared through the darkness with the lifeboats bag on her shoulder. She grabbed Kylie's other arm and easily wrenched her out of Eduardo's gentle grip.

'Undead Prophet!' she yelled, and the vampire turned and hissed at her. 'Give me what you promised, and I'll give you this demon slayer!'

'Let go of her!' Eduardo said sharply, and Juliet did so, clearly surprised to see him there.

'How stupid are you?' said Kylie. 'She's not a rational being out of some pathetic vampire fantasy!'

'She won't even know who we are,' Eduardo added.

'Ghostbusters...' the vampire whispered, advancing menacingly towards them.

'Aw, man...'

'I brought them!' said Juliet. 'Don't forget that! I brought – AAAHH!'

She screamed as the vampire grabbed her neck in a long-fingered, deathly-white hand. Eduardo looked around desperately while Kylie wrenched the bag off Juliet's shoulder, pulled out the first thing she touched and hurled it. The vampire growled in annoyance as the pack of Co-Op garlic hit her right between the eyes. It didn't faze her for long, but she did let go of Juliet.

'Everybody get onto the pier!' Eduardo yelled.

'Of course!' cried Kylie, stepping between the vampire and the group of people, Eduardo dogging her every step. 'Hurry – get down to the pier! Now!'

'Are you sure?' James's voice came from the edge of the crowd. He was looking down at the rising tide as it sloshed over the sides of the pier. 'That is choppy!'

'Just go, you idiots!' yelled Kylie. She had now produced a large cross from the canvas bag and was holding it in front of her, causing the vampire to cower and snarl. 'You too, Juliet – go!'

Juliet ran past the vampire and joined the stampede that was descending the hundred and ninety-nine steps. Eduardo grabbed Kylie's shoulders and began backing slowly after them, looking cautiously over his shoulder. The two people who had been bitten were being helped slowly along by somebody, each holding a scrap of material to the wound.

'I guess we'd better try staking her,' Kylie said to Eduardo in a stage whisper.

'She'll probably just turn to mist,' he replied.

'So what should we do?'

'Let's get down to the pier and see if that really will work,' said Eduardo. 'We'll have to make a break for it. Get ready...'

He then produced the tiny cross from the ship ornament and threw it at the vampire. It hit her squarely in the eye, and she turned away screaming, clutching her hands to her face.

'Go!' said Eduardo, grabbing Kylie's wrist as he turned and broke into a run.

'Good aim!' said Kylie, as they hurtled down the steps at a very unsafe speed, then along a short stretch of cobblestones and down a much smaller staircase, until finally they were standing in range of the spray from the furious waves hitting the sides of the pier.

'Where's the vampire now?' asked Kylie.

'I think that's her,' said Eduardo, pointing to a trail of mist that was snaking its way down the pier steps. It stopped when it reached a certain point, just out of range of the spray, then formed into the terrifying vision of the vampire. She stood on the steps, snarling and cowering away from the water.

'Egon was right,' said Eduardo. 'She can't come any closer.'

'Look at that eye,' said Kylie. 'I think you half-blinded her.'

'Maybe, but they're supposed to heal fast. Look – she's leaving!'

'Oh, but that's no good!' said Kylie. 'We can't let her go... and we can't make these people wait here until sun-up, or half of us will get washed away! Here.' She handed him the cross she had been using to ward off the vampire, then reached into her bag and took another. 'Cover me.'

'What are you –?'

Barely had Eduardo begun this sentence before Kylie broke away from him, ran up the steps on the vampire's blind side, leapt into the air and got her into a headlock. She pressed the cross in her hand to the vampire's face, and the vampire hissed and screamed in agony. Kylie maintained her grip, despite the creature's frantic struggling, and was able to force her into the range of the spray. Where the water hit the vampire's hands and face, the skin burned as though the sea were acid.

In a trice, Eduardo was on the stairs and adding his strength to the struggle. With Kylie still holding the cross to the vampire's face, they dragged her down the steps until she was almost on the pier, then hurled her bodily into the raging sea. The vampire screamed terribly, the waves tossing her around like a rag doll, and whenever an arm, leg or head surfaced it showed melting skin... then crumbling bones... until there was nothing.

'How about that?' said Kylie, as they crossed the threshold of the cottage. She dumped the bag of weapons at the bottom of the staircase. 'Buffy and Mina have nothing on me now, huh?'

'They never did,' said Eduardo. 'Look, are you sure you don't need to go to the hospital?'

'I am not waiting in some hospital all night,' said Kylie. 'I paid for these wristbands, and we're using them to go to that concert. Right after we call Egon. I'm so psyched I get to tell Garrett we met a real vampire! Finally!'

'It wasn't nearly as much fun as you make it sound,' said Eduardo, following her through to the kitchen. 'Let's call the police as well. Something should happen to Juliet for what she did to you.'

'There's no time for all that – we're leaving on Sunday,' said Kylie. Then she dialled the old-fashioned phone and put the receiver to her ear. 'Egon, hi, it's Kylie.'

'I'm very happy to hear from you,' Egon's voice came back to her. Eduardo leaned in to listen, and Kylie tilted the earpiece a little. 'I tried calling you to say I'd received an email telling me to meet the Undead Prophet in Saint Mary's Churchyard.'

'Hard to believe,' said Eduardo. 'That thing actually had a website and wrote emails.'

'So there really was a vampire?' said Egon. 'Are you all right?'

'Kylie got attacked by –'

'We're fine,' said Kylie. 'Egon, guess how we killed her!'

'Well, I –'

'We threw her into the sea, and she decomposed!'

'Hmm,' said Egon. 'Fascinating.'

'And I haven't started on the Barghest!'

'You saw the Barghest?'

'Yes,' said Kylie, 'but let me tell you about it on Monday – this call isn't cheap. Oh, but before we hang up... is Garrett there?'

Disclaimer: The Whitby Goth Weekend is a real event, which I have never attended, and the characters and events in this story are entirely fictional. Some details of the WGW are based on information available online, including the name of Loki, who is not characterised here apart from his accurately described role at the event. Reference: Whitby Goth Weekend.