The Riveras Episode 6: December – Christmas Yet to Come
Written by Jake Collins
Story by Jake Collins and Rosey Collins
Story by Jake Collins and Rosey Collins
It was almost midnight. Kevin was sitting on his bed and Oscar was sitting opposite him. Both were dressed in men's pyjamas, but neither seemed ready to go to sleep.
'So I dived through this hole in the web – well, it wasn't really a web, it was made of rope – and I didn't touch the sides!' Kevin said animatedly. 'I earned my team twenty points and we won the assault course competition!'
'Wow, that's amazing, dude,' said Oscar, sounding impressed.
'And I was the only one in my team who didn't jump too early on the platform leap,' Kevin continued. 'None of them listened to the instructor and they jumped without detaching the orange rope – one guy got stuck halfway down the tree and they had to bring a truck with a ladder on the back to save him.'
'That's priceless, bro,' said Oscar. 'So you were the only one who detached your orange rope, huh?'
'Yeah,' said Kevin. 'Of course it wasn't easy, because the orange rope was pretty much the same colour as the red rope, which we had to leave on for the jump. But I got the right one and instead of looking down I looked straight ahead, then I jumped off and I went whomp and it was like boom, baby!'
'Wow,' said Oscar, 'I hope I get to do something like that next year, when I start junior high.'
'I bet you will,' Kevin grinned. 'You'll have all kinds of fantastic new experiences, just like me!'
'So you're enjoying your new school, then?'
'Yeah, it's okay. I mean, I'm used to it now. At first I hated it and I never wanted to go back, but now it's just part of my life, really.'
'What didn't you like about it?' Oscar asked.
'Well, for one thing, the lunch queue used to pee me off,' said Kevin.
'Oh yeah?' Oscar laughed.
'Yeah,' said Kevin. 'They always let the teachers and the older kids push in, and if groups are coming back from a field trip – you know, like to the museum or something – they get to push in as well, so sometimes I was standing there for like forty minutes waiting to get into the cafeteria, and one time when I got in – I think this was my first day, actually – all that was left was a few soggy French fries and a couple of nasty-looking baked potatoes! I didn't enjoy my lunch that day.'
'Bummer, dude,' Oscar remarked. 'Is that still peeing you off or did the situation improve?'
'Neither – I started bringing my own lunch after about a week.'
'Good decision. What else were you peed off about?'
'The changing room!' Kevin declared with feeling.
'What's wrong with it?' said Oscar. 'Too small? Too smelly?'
'No, it's more than big enough and it doesn't smell too bad, but I was horrified to find out that they expected us to take off all our clothes and get in the showers together after every gym lesson!'
'What, completely naked?'
'Yeah.'
'Wow, I didn't realise they made you do that at junior high,' Oscar marvelled. 'And it made you feel uncomfortable?'
'Yes,' said Kevin, 'very!'
'Did you do it?'
'No, I just didn't take a shower and hoped no one would notice. I sat there and I decided, I won't have people looking at my naked body and that's that!'
'I have to admit, that surprises me a little,' said Oscar. 'I mean, when we... you and me, I mean... first spent the night here in your room together, in the end you were very... forthcoming.'
'Only after you'd encouraged me to loosen up a bit,' said Kevin. 'And the way I see it, there's a big difference between being physically at ease with a close friend and strutting around naked in front of a bunch of guys you barely even know. I mean... well, I'm not prepared to let just anyone get a look at mi pito, y'know?'
'That's good to hear,' Oscar laughed. 'So are you still not taking showers and hoping no one will notice?'
'No, I am taking showers now, but I've come up with a great trick,' Kevin said proudly. 'I keep my gym shorts on and wrap a towel around my waist, then I go into the shower and take the towel off when the teacher can't see me.'
'What if he comes in to check that everyone's really naked?' Oscar giggled.
'Then I'll have him arrested,' said Kevin. 'A bunch of the guys use that gym shorts trick – I'm not sure who thought of it first, but it's possible I've started a trend. Anyway, it's a good solution.'
'Anything else you were peed off about?'
'Some spaz named Chris Smith stole my football socks the second week we were there,' Kevin said ruefully, 'but it was an accident and he gave them back to me before I even noticed they'd gone missing, so I guess that was okay.'
'You made any friends?'
'Yeah, a couple. They're called Jandro and Lucy.'
'Oh, a girl-friend,' Oscar said solemnly.
'Yes,' said Kevin. 'A girl who is a friend.'
'Very interesting,' said Oscar, grinning broadly. 'Are you gonna let her get a look at your pito?'
Kevin bunched his fists and hurled himself at Oscar, who screamed and giggled and fell over backwards on the bed.
'So I dived through this hole in the web – well, it wasn't really a web, it was made of rope – and I didn't touch the sides!' Kevin said animatedly. 'I earned my team twenty points and we won the assault course competition!'
'Wow, that's amazing, dude,' said Oscar, sounding impressed.
'And I was the only one in my team who didn't jump too early on the platform leap,' Kevin continued. 'None of them listened to the instructor and they jumped without detaching the orange rope – one guy got stuck halfway down the tree and they had to bring a truck with a ladder on the back to save him.'
'That's priceless, bro,' said Oscar. 'So you were the only one who detached your orange rope, huh?'
'Yeah,' said Kevin. 'Of course it wasn't easy, because the orange rope was pretty much the same colour as the red rope, which we had to leave on for the jump. But I got the right one and instead of looking down I looked straight ahead, then I jumped off and I went whomp and it was like boom, baby!'
'Wow,' said Oscar, 'I hope I get to do something like that next year, when I start junior high.'
'I bet you will,' Kevin grinned. 'You'll have all kinds of fantastic new experiences, just like me!'
'So you're enjoying your new school, then?'
'Yeah, it's okay. I mean, I'm used to it now. At first I hated it and I never wanted to go back, but now it's just part of my life, really.'
'What didn't you like about it?' Oscar asked.
'Well, for one thing, the lunch queue used to pee me off,' said Kevin.
'Oh yeah?' Oscar laughed.
'Yeah,' said Kevin. 'They always let the teachers and the older kids push in, and if groups are coming back from a field trip – you know, like to the museum or something – they get to push in as well, so sometimes I was standing there for like forty minutes waiting to get into the cafeteria, and one time when I got in – I think this was my first day, actually – all that was left was a few soggy French fries and a couple of nasty-looking baked potatoes! I didn't enjoy my lunch that day.'
'Bummer, dude,' Oscar remarked. 'Is that still peeing you off or did the situation improve?'
'Neither – I started bringing my own lunch after about a week.'
'Good decision. What else were you peed off about?'
'The changing room!' Kevin declared with feeling.
'What's wrong with it?' said Oscar. 'Too small? Too smelly?'
'No, it's more than big enough and it doesn't smell too bad, but I was horrified to find out that they expected us to take off all our clothes and get in the showers together after every gym lesson!'
'What, completely naked?'
'Yeah.'
'Wow, I didn't realise they made you do that at junior high,' Oscar marvelled. 'And it made you feel uncomfortable?'
'Yes,' said Kevin, 'very!'
'Did you do it?'
'No, I just didn't take a shower and hoped no one would notice. I sat there and I decided, I won't have people looking at my naked body and that's that!'
'I have to admit, that surprises me a little,' said Oscar. 'I mean, when we... you and me, I mean... first spent the night here in your room together, in the end you were very... forthcoming.'
'Only after you'd encouraged me to loosen up a bit,' said Kevin. 'And the way I see it, there's a big difference between being physically at ease with a close friend and strutting around naked in front of a bunch of guys you barely even know. I mean... well, I'm not prepared to let just anyone get a look at mi pito, y'know?'
'That's good to hear,' Oscar laughed. 'So are you still not taking showers and hoping no one will notice?'
'No, I am taking showers now, but I've come up with a great trick,' Kevin said proudly. 'I keep my gym shorts on and wrap a towel around my waist, then I go into the shower and take the towel off when the teacher can't see me.'
'What if he comes in to check that everyone's really naked?' Oscar giggled.
'Then I'll have him arrested,' said Kevin. 'A bunch of the guys use that gym shorts trick – I'm not sure who thought of it first, but it's possible I've started a trend. Anyway, it's a good solution.'
'Anything else you were peed off about?'
'Some spaz named Chris Smith stole my football socks the second week we were there,' Kevin said ruefully, 'but it was an accident and he gave them back to me before I even noticed they'd gone missing, so I guess that was okay.'
'You made any friends?'
'Yeah, a couple. They're called Jandro and Lucy.'
'Oh, a girl-friend,' Oscar said solemnly.
'Yes,' said Kevin. 'A girl who is a friend.'
'Very interesting,' said Oscar, grinning broadly. 'Are you gonna let her get a look at your pito?'
Kevin bunched his fists and hurled himself at Oscar, who screamed and giggled and fell over backwards on the bed.
In the next room, Carl heard the sounds of laughing, tumbling and scuffling coming through the wall. He frowned towards the noise.
'I knew they'd be at it sooner or later!' he remarked. 'What ever made us agree to have Oscar to stay the night again?'
'It was your idea to invite him, Carl,' Beth pointed out.
'Maybe it was a mistake,' Carl said.
'How can you say that when Kevin's enjoying himself so much?' said Beth. 'I really think we should be encouraging this friendship as much as possible, and so does Dana.'
'Why?' Carl snarled.
'Because those boys love to be together and it makes them both happy!' said Beth. 'I talked with Dana about this for at least twenty minutes when I called her to pass on your idea. She told me that about a year ago, she was getting really worried about Oscar.'
'In what way, worried?'
'She thought he was becoming moody and withdrawn; she used the word surly at one point. But apparently he's not like that anymore – well, not nearly so much as he used to be – and nothing seems to make him happier than spending time with Kevin!'
'But Kevin was never surly,' said Carl, 'so I still don't understand why you're so happy about the whole thing.'
'Of course Kevin wasn't surly,' Beth sighed, 'but when he's with Oscar he has a definite spark about him – one I haven't ever seen in him before.'
'Yeah,' said Carl, 'that's exactly what worries me!'
'Just stop thinking about it and go to sleep,' Beth sighed. 'I can see I'm not going to make any progress with you tonight.'
'I knew they'd be at it sooner or later!' he remarked. 'What ever made us agree to have Oscar to stay the night again?'
'It was your idea to invite him, Carl,' Beth pointed out.
'Maybe it was a mistake,' Carl said.
'How can you say that when Kevin's enjoying himself so much?' said Beth. 'I really think we should be encouraging this friendship as much as possible, and so does Dana.'
'Why?' Carl snarled.
'Because those boys love to be together and it makes them both happy!' said Beth. 'I talked with Dana about this for at least twenty minutes when I called her to pass on your idea. She told me that about a year ago, she was getting really worried about Oscar.'
'In what way, worried?'
'She thought he was becoming moody and withdrawn; she used the word surly at one point. But apparently he's not like that anymore – well, not nearly so much as he used to be – and nothing seems to make him happier than spending time with Kevin!'
'But Kevin was never surly,' said Carl, 'so I still don't understand why you're so happy about the whole thing.'
'Of course Kevin wasn't surly,' Beth sighed, 'but when he's with Oscar he has a definite spark about him – one I haven't ever seen in him before.'
'Yeah,' said Carl, 'that's exactly what worries me!'
'Just stop thinking about it and go to sleep,' Beth sighed. 'I can see I'm not going to make any progress with you tonight.'
Oscar squealed as Kevin jabbed him under the ribs, then Kevin found that his legs were coming out from under him as Oscar did something quick and precise with his left foot. They fell to the floor in a heap together and lay there for several seconds, both breathing heavily.
'I think I'm gonna have a bruise on my left arm,' Kevin said at length.
'Well I'm definitely gonna have at least one bruise in the vicinity of my ribs,' said Oscar.
'That was fun,' Kevin grinned, sitting up slightly.
'I wish we could do it all night,' Oscar grinned back, 'but we'd probably keep your parents awake.'
'Yeah,' said Kevin, 'we really don't want them coming in here.'
'So, do you want to go to sleep now,' said Oscar, 'or do you still have that magazine?'
'Maybe I do and maybe I don't,' Kevin grinned. 'You want me to still have it?'
'Yeah, I do.'
'In that case, yeah, I still have it!'
'I think I'm gonna have a bruise on my left arm,' Kevin said at length.
'Well I'm definitely gonna have at least one bruise in the vicinity of my ribs,' said Oscar.
'That was fun,' Kevin grinned, sitting up slightly.
'I wish we could do it all night,' Oscar grinned back, 'but we'd probably keep your parents awake.'
'Yeah,' said Kevin, 'we really don't want them coming in here.'
'So, do you want to go to sleep now,' said Oscar, 'or do you still have that magazine?'
'Maybe I do and maybe I don't,' Kevin grinned. 'You want me to still have it?'
'Yeah, I do.'
'In that case, yeah, I still have it!'
About nine hours later, Kevin and Oscar were locked in arm-wrestling combat across the end of Kevin's computer desk, both pushing hard against each other and making very little progress.
'You've been lifting weights or something!' Kevin said accusingly.
'Got it in one, dude,' Oscar grinned. 'I took the handheld dumbbells from my mom's home fitness kit – she never uses it anymore – and I've been pumping them for ten minutes every night.'
'When did you start doing that?'
'When your mom called to ask my mom if I wanted to come stay the night one weekend in the near future. So, about a month.'
'I have to admit, I'm impressed,' said Kevin. 'You're much better, but still... not... good... enough!'
Going very red in the face, Kevin slammed Oscar's arm down onto the desk, causing the structure to strain at its self-assembly joints and sway alarmingly.
'Damn,' Oscar laughed, shaking out his smarting arm. 'I was sure I had you that time!'
'I'm gonna have to find some dumbbells myself at this rate,' said Kevin.
He was then overtaken by an enormous yawn, which made Oscar yawn too.
'I guess we shouldn't have stayed up so late,' said Kevin.
'We were right to make the most of our time together, dude,' said Oscar. 'My mom'll show up pretty soon.'
'Bummer, man,' Kevin remarked.
'Before she does, I want to give you something,' Oscar announced. 'It's like, an early Christmas present.'
'Oh, really?' said Kevin.
'Yes, really,' said Oscar, as he went to his overnight bag and started rooting around inside. 'It's something I made for you. Actually I should've made it about nine months ago, just after you came up to stay with me, but anyway I've done it now.'
Oscar produced a cassette tape from the depths of his bag and handed it to Kevin.
'It spent the night nestling in yesterday's underpants,' said Oscar. 'Sorry.'
Kevin looked at the homemade inlay sleeve, then he turned the tape over and read the track list on the back.
'It's amazing what you can achieve with Microsoft Publisher, isn't it?' Oscar grinned. 'You see what I've done, don't you? It's got the original version of the song followed by the recording we made together – they all sound fantastic!'
Kevin nodded, but still did not speak.
'You definitely sound younger on there than you do now – I guess nine months can make a huge difference when your voice is starting to change,' said Oscar. 'I think we'd better record some more before you lose it completely!'
'This is... this is really nice, man,' said Kevin. 'You've gone to so much effort, splicing this all together for me.'
'Oh, don't be silly,' said Oscar.
'It's the most thoughtful present I've ever gotten,' said Kevin, looking up from the cassette case at last and fixing Oscar with a smile. 'Thanks – thanks a lot!'
'Stop it,' Oscar laughed. 'It's just a tape.'
'Wait a sec,' said Kevin. 'I got you something too.'
Oscar watched as Kevin opened his closet, dived into it and began to rummage through a pile of folded clothes. After several seconds of searching, he withdrew a black T-shirt and held it up to his chest. Oscar smiled as he saw the cartoon figure of a martial arts character in a white robe, executing a kick under the emblazoned words Karate Master.
'I saw this in the souvenir store at Little Canada and I couldn't help but think of you,' said Kevin. 'I bought it straightaway but at first I was thinking I couldn't possibly give it to you, then in the end I decided I could, so here it is.'
'It's sweet, dude,' said Oscar. 'I'm gonna incorporate it into my men's pyjamas tonight.'
'I held it up to myself in the store to check the size 'cause I figured I'm only a little bigger than you,' Kevin explained. 'Well, except for the arms of course – you'll probably find the sleeves too baggy,' he added with a grin.
'Don't you worry about the sleeves!' Oscar grinned back. 'I'll be busting the seams with my massive arms when we meet next time.'
'When's that gonna be?'
'My mom said you can come and stay for like four or five nights over spring break,' said Oscar, 'if you want.'
'You bet I want!' Kevin grinned.
'You've been lifting weights or something!' Kevin said accusingly.
'Got it in one, dude,' Oscar grinned. 'I took the handheld dumbbells from my mom's home fitness kit – she never uses it anymore – and I've been pumping them for ten minutes every night.'
'When did you start doing that?'
'When your mom called to ask my mom if I wanted to come stay the night one weekend in the near future. So, about a month.'
'I have to admit, I'm impressed,' said Kevin. 'You're much better, but still... not... good... enough!'
Going very red in the face, Kevin slammed Oscar's arm down onto the desk, causing the structure to strain at its self-assembly joints and sway alarmingly.
'Damn,' Oscar laughed, shaking out his smarting arm. 'I was sure I had you that time!'
'I'm gonna have to find some dumbbells myself at this rate,' said Kevin.
He was then overtaken by an enormous yawn, which made Oscar yawn too.
'I guess we shouldn't have stayed up so late,' said Kevin.
'We were right to make the most of our time together, dude,' said Oscar. 'My mom'll show up pretty soon.'
'Bummer, man,' Kevin remarked.
'Before she does, I want to give you something,' Oscar announced. 'It's like, an early Christmas present.'
'Oh, really?' said Kevin.
'Yes, really,' said Oscar, as he went to his overnight bag and started rooting around inside. 'It's something I made for you. Actually I should've made it about nine months ago, just after you came up to stay with me, but anyway I've done it now.'
Oscar produced a cassette tape from the depths of his bag and handed it to Kevin.
'It spent the night nestling in yesterday's underpants,' said Oscar. 'Sorry.'
Kevin looked at the homemade inlay sleeve, then he turned the tape over and read the track list on the back.
'It's amazing what you can achieve with Microsoft Publisher, isn't it?' Oscar grinned. 'You see what I've done, don't you? It's got the original version of the song followed by the recording we made together – they all sound fantastic!'
Kevin nodded, but still did not speak.
'You definitely sound younger on there than you do now – I guess nine months can make a huge difference when your voice is starting to change,' said Oscar. 'I think we'd better record some more before you lose it completely!'
'This is... this is really nice, man,' said Kevin. 'You've gone to so much effort, splicing this all together for me.'
'Oh, don't be silly,' said Oscar.
'It's the most thoughtful present I've ever gotten,' said Kevin, looking up from the cassette case at last and fixing Oscar with a smile. 'Thanks – thanks a lot!'
'Stop it,' Oscar laughed. 'It's just a tape.'
'Wait a sec,' said Kevin. 'I got you something too.'
Oscar watched as Kevin opened his closet, dived into it and began to rummage through a pile of folded clothes. After several seconds of searching, he withdrew a black T-shirt and held it up to his chest. Oscar smiled as he saw the cartoon figure of a martial arts character in a white robe, executing a kick under the emblazoned words Karate Master.
'I saw this in the souvenir store at Little Canada and I couldn't help but think of you,' said Kevin. 'I bought it straightaway but at first I was thinking I couldn't possibly give it to you, then in the end I decided I could, so here it is.'
'It's sweet, dude,' said Oscar. 'I'm gonna incorporate it into my men's pyjamas tonight.'
'I held it up to myself in the store to check the size 'cause I figured I'm only a little bigger than you,' Kevin explained. 'Well, except for the arms of course – you'll probably find the sleeves too baggy,' he added with a grin.
'Don't you worry about the sleeves!' Oscar grinned back. 'I'll be busting the seams with my massive arms when we meet next time.'
'When's that gonna be?'
'My mom said you can come and stay for like four or five nights over spring break,' said Oscar, 'if you want.'
'You bet I want!' Kevin grinned.
Carl watched from the front window as Kevin stowed Oscar's bag in the back of Dana's car. He then frowned slightly as he watched the boys embracing in the middle of the street, during which time he glanced at the wall clock more than once. Carl then witnessed Kevin and Oscar punching and slapping and shoving each other for several more seconds, before Oscar got into the car and Kevin returned to the house. Carl moved into the hallway to meet him.
'Did you give him that T-shirt in the end?' asked Carl.
'Um... yes, Dad,' said Kevin, noting that his father was completely blocking his way back into the main body of the house. 'He gave me a gift first, so I felt okay about giving him one.'
'What did he give you?' said Carl.
'A mix tape,' Kevin replied, smiling. 'He made me a mix tape – he was thinking of me, which shows he cares.'
Carl glared at Kevin, who immediately wiped the smile from his face. Carl raised both his hands in the air, palms outwards.
'Punch my hands!' he barked at his son.
'Why?' said Kevin.
'Because I want you to.'
'I don't want to, Dad.'
'Just do it!' Carl snapped. 'Er... please, son. Indulge your old man, hmm?'
Kevin shrugged, balled his right hand into a fist and punched Carl on the right palm.
'Again!' Carl ordered.
Kevin balled his left fist and punched Carl's left palm, a little harder this time.
'Again!' Carl barked. 'Keep going!'
Kevin frowned and continued his assault, alternating between the two upheld hands at a faster and faster rate. Soon his face was set into a determined expression and he was getting into a definite rhythm; Carl's arms were flying backwards as Kevin exerted more and more force against them.
'That's enough,' Carl said at last, pulling his arms away and shaking them out. 'That was very good, son – your punches were accurate and powerful, and you used your centre of balance well.'
'Thanks, Dad,' said Kevin. 'Can I go now?'
'Not yet,' said Carl. 'First try to punch me in the face.'
'No,' said Kevin, sounding very uncomfortable.
'Why not?' Carl demanded.
'I don't want to, Dad.'
'I want you to!'
Kevin sighed, balled his right fist again and moved it towards his father's face. Carl moved his right arm up to block the blow, whereupon Kevin's left fist crunched into Carl's stomach. Carl cried out and staggered backwards, just managing to save himself from toppling over.
'What the hell was that?' he wheezed.
'First karate move I ever learned,' Kevin grinned.
'Yes, of course it was,' said Carl. 'You know, son, you're good – very good. I thought you were gonna punch me like a girl, but I was wrong. Maybe you should take up boxing.'
'No, Dad, I don't want to get brain damage.'
'How about street fighting, then? In a controlled environment, obviously.'
'I don't like fighting, Dad,' said Kevin.
'But you like fighting with Oscar, don't you?' Carl said triumphantly. 'I've seen the two of you, hammering away at each other!'
'That's play-fighting, Dad,' Kevin explained. 'We have fun doing it because we don't really hurt each other. Well, not much.'
'What's the point of fighting if you're not trying to hurt each other?'
'I don't know – it's just something guys do. I guess it's the way we feel comfortable showing our affection for each other.'
'Affection?'
'Friendship, Dad.'
'But you feel comfortable showing your affection in other ways too,' Carl pointed out. 'You're perfectly happy to stand there for hours and hug him and squeeze him and... God knows what else!'
'I'm just doing what comes naturally to me, Dad,' said Kevin. 'I'm sorry if you don't like it... and I don't want to talk about this anymore.'
Kevin pushed past his father and ran upstairs; Carl made no move stop him. Beth appeared in the hallway from the direction of the kitchen, and came up to her husband.
'Do you feel better now?' she asked softly.
'I feel... I don't know how I feel!' said Carl.
'Didn't Kevin prove his manliness to you?' Beth pressed.
'Yes... no... I don't know!' said Carl. 'He certainly fights like a man, but... did you see that picture of the Millennium Bug that he drew for art class last week?'
'The Millennium Bug is a crock,' said Beth. 'I don't believe for a moment that anything is going to happen. How can you draw it, anyway?'
'I think the assignment was to design it as, like, an insect,' said Carl. 'You know, like a pun?'
'Oh, I see,' said Beth. 'They really do waste a lot of the students' time and talent at these schools, don't they? Anyway, no, I didn't see the picture.'
'It was pink!' Carl announced. 'Kevin's Millennium Bug was pink!'
'And?'
'And nothing! He drew a pink Millennium Bug, Beth!'
'I really don't see why that's a problem, Carl,' Beth sighed. 'I bet it was a very good picture – Kevin's got plenty of imagination, and he's always been one of those kids whose drawings look as much like what they're supposed to be as anyone could reasonably expect.'
'Yes, but it was pink!' Carl reiterated. 'And he doesn't like fighting, except when he and Oscar are slapping each other around like a couple of little girls! And he's soppy about animals, like that baby turtle he insisted on rescuing! And he listens to the Spice Girls, for Christ's sake!'
'That's all fine with me,' said Beth. 'I don't want him to turn into a teenaged thug, and I'm glad he's got such a big heart, and the Spice Girls have released some very good songs – I'm sure they've got a great future ahead of them, even now that Geri's abandoned them.'
Beth returned to the kitchen, leaving Carl looking utterly perplexed. A few seconds later, Kevin ran back downstairs and bolted out of the front door, causing Carl's expression to progress from perplexity to bemusement.
'Did you give him that T-shirt in the end?' asked Carl.
'Um... yes, Dad,' said Kevin, noting that his father was completely blocking his way back into the main body of the house. 'He gave me a gift first, so I felt okay about giving him one.'
'What did he give you?' said Carl.
'A mix tape,' Kevin replied, smiling. 'He made me a mix tape – he was thinking of me, which shows he cares.'
Carl glared at Kevin, who immediately wiped the smile from his face. Carl raised both his hands in the air, palms outwards.
'Punch my hands!' he barked at his son.
'Why?' said Kevin.
'Because I want you to.'
'I don't want to, Dad.'
'Just do it!' Carl snapped. 'Er... please, son. Indulge your old man, hmm?'
Kevin shrugged, balled his right hand into a fist and punched Carl on the right palm.
'Again!' Carl ordered.
Kevin balled his left fist and punched Carl's left palm, a little harder this time.
'Again!' Carl barked. 'Keep going!'
Kevin frowned and continued his assault, alternating between the two upheld hands at a faster and faster rate. Soon his face was set into a determined expression and he was getting into a definite rhythm; Carl's arms were flying backwards as Kevin exerted more and more force against them.
'That's enough,' Carl said at last, pulling his arms away and shaking them out. 'That was very good, son – your punches were accurate and powerful, and you used your centre of balance well.'
'Thanks, Dad,' said Kevin. 'Can I go now?'
'Not yet,' said Carl. 'First try to punch me in the face.'
'No,' said Kevin, sounding very uncomfortable.
'Why not?' Carl demanded.
'I don't want to, Dad.'
'I want you to!'
Kevin sighed, balled his right fist again and moved it towards his father's face. Carl moved his right arm up to block the blow, whereupon Kevin's left fist crunched into Carl's stomach. Carl cried out and staggered backwards, just managing to save himself from toppling over.
'What the hell was that?' he wheezed.
'First karate move I ever learned,' Kevin grinned.
'Yes, of course it was,' said Carl. 'You know, son, you're good – very good. I thought you were gonna punch me like a girl, but I was wrong. Maybe you should take up boxing.'
'No, Dad, I don't want to get brain damage.'
'How about street fighting, then? In a controlled environment, obviously.'
'I don't like fighting, Dad,' said Kevin.
'But you like fighting with Oscar, don't you?' Carl said triumphantly. 'I've seen the two of you, hammering away at each other!'
'That's play-fighting, Dad,' Kevin explained. 'We have fun doing it because we don't really hurt each other. Well, not much.'
'What's the point of fighting if you're not trying to hurt each other?'
'I don't know – it's just something guys do. I guess it's the way we feel comfortable showing our affection for each other.'
'Affection?'
'Friendship, Dad.'
'But you feel comfortable showing your affection in other ways too,' Carl pointed out. 'You're perfectly happy to stand there for hours and hug him and squeeze him and... God knows what else!'
'I'm just doing what comes naturally to me, Dad,' said Kevin. 'I'm sorry if you don't like it... and I don't want to talk about this anymore.'
Kevin pushed past his father and ran upstairs; Carl made no move stop him. Beth appeared in the hallway from the direction of the kitchen, and came up to her husband.
'Do you feel better now?' she asked softly.
'I feel... I don't know how I feel!' said Carl.
'Didn't Kevin prove his manliness to you?' Beth pressed.
'Yes... no... I don't know!' said Carl. 'He certainly fights like a man, but... did you see that picture of the Millennium Bug that he drew for art class last week?'
'The Millennium Bug is a crock,' said Beth. 'I don't believe for a moment that anything is going to happen. How can you draw it, anyway?'
'I think the assignment was to design it as, like, an insect,' said Carl. 'You know, like a pun?'
'Oh, I see,' said Beth. 'They really do waste a lot of the students' time and talent at these schools, don't they? Anyway, no, I didn't see the picture.'
'It was pink!' Carl announced. 'Kevin's Millennium Bug was pink!'
'And?'
'And nothing! He drew a pink Millennium Bug, Beth!'
'I really don't see why that's a problem, Carl,' Beth sighed. 'I bet it was a very good picture – Kevin's got plenty of imagination, and he's always been one of those kids whose drawings look as much like what they're supposed to be as anyone could reasonably expect.'
'Yes, but it was pink!' Carl reiterated. 'And he doesn't like fighting, except when he and Oscar are slapping each other around like a couple of little girls! And he's soppy about animals, like that baby turtle he insisted on rescuing! And he listens to the Spice Girls, for Christ's sake!'
'That's all fine with me,' said Beth. 'I don't want him to turn into a teenaged thug, and I'm glad he's got such a big heart, and the Spice Girls have released some very good songs – I'm sure they've got a great future ahead of them, even now that Geri's abandoned them.'
Beth returned to the kitchen, leaving Carl looking utterly perplexed. A few seconds later, Kevin ran back downstairs and bolted out of the front door, causing Carl's expression to progress from perplexity to bemusement.
Eduardo was in his kitchenette, washing up the breakfast things, while Kylie stood and looked out of the window at the street below, where a car was disappearing into the distance.
'There goes Oscar,' Kylie remarked. 'He and Kevin have been getting on really well, haven't they?'
'Yeah, they have,' Eduardo replied.
'I hope they're grateful to you for suggesting they get together in the first place,' said Kylie.
'I don't know if they've really thought about it like that,' said Eduardo. 'I'm just glad they're getting on so well. Kevin told me he's never had a friend he feels so comfortable talking to – y'know, about his feelings and stuff?'
'They talk about their feelings?' said Kylie, turning away from the window. 'I didn't think boys did that.'
'Some of them do,' Eduardo shrugged.
'Just not you, huh?' Kylie said teasingly.
Eduardo turned his head away from the sink and gave Kylie a look. She giggled.
'I'm sure Kevin's got a whole load of complicated feelings about life in our family – in fact I know he has,' said Eduardo. 'He's told me about some of them, of course, but I know there's stuff he wouldn't feel comfortable talking to me about and... well, it's good that he's found someone he wants to open up to.'
'Are you wishing you'd been able to open up about yourself sooner than you did?'
'I don't got room in my head to waste time thinking stuff like that – I'm just thinking about the here and now... and right now, you're here... and I'm here... and that makes me happy.'
Eduardo received an enormous smile from Kylie in response to this remark, before she pulled herself up to sit on the kitchen surface beside the draining board.
'Haven't you finished those dishes yet?' she asked coquettishly.
'Almost,' said Eduardo. 'I only just wiped down that counter, by the way.'
'Are you saying I'm putting my cooties all over it?'
'No, I'm saying you'll probably get water seeping through your underwear any second now.'
'Oh,' said Kylie, suddenly looking slightly uncomfortable. 'Oh, yeah, you're right. Never mind – I've been feeling the urge to take it off for a little while now.'
Eduardo grinned, drained his washing up water, dried his hands and came over to kiss Kylie. Just as he was encircling her waist with his hands, there came a knock at the front door.
'Uncle Eduardo,' a familiar voice called through the door, 'it's me!'
'Sorry,' Eduardo smiled sheepishly, 'I guess we'll have to cut this short.'
'Oh well,' said Kylie, 'I should really have left by now anyway – I've got a term paper due tomorrow and I promised myself I'd be in the library by ten.'
Eduardo went over to the front door and let Kevin into the apartment. Kevin hesitated in the doorway when he saw that Kylie was sitting on the kitchen counter in her underclothes.
'Oh, I'm sorry,' Kevin said, frowning slightly. 'I didn't realise you two were... busy.'
'That's okay, Kev,' Kylie smiled at him, sliding back down to the floor. 'I need to be making tracks. Sweetie, you won't forget to come pick me up at six this evening, will you?'
'I'll be there,' said Eduardo.
'What are you up to at six this evening?' said Kevin.
'Egon and Janine are throwing a party for their first wedding anniversary,' said Kylie.
'Hey, I've just realised,' said Eduardo, 'that means it's our anniversary too!'
'Wow, so it is,' said Kylie. 'Jeez, doesn't time just fly as you get older... and when you're enjoying yourself.'
With that she disappeared into the bathroom, stooping to pick up her clothes from the living room floor on the way. Kevin gave the closed bathroom door a look, which did not go unnoticed by Eduardo.
'I guess that means it's you and Oscar's anniversary as well, man,' Eduardo said, clapping his nephew on the shoulder.
'What do you mean by that?' Kevin asked sharply.
'I mean it's a year since you became friends,' said Eduardo, rather taken aback by Kevin's response to his remark. 'Why, what did you think I meant?'
'Oh, I don't know,' Kevin sighed, sinking down onto the sofa. 'It's just that my dad's been getting at me and... well, I'm sorry.'
'You don't need to be sorry, Kev,' said Eduardo, sitting down next to him. 'When you're in my place, you can feel free to say whatever you want... and not say whatever you don't want.'
'Thanks,' said Kevin. 'Did you know my dad thinks I'm a sissy?'
'What the hell?' Eduardo almost laughed. 'He can't really think that, man!'
'He does,' said Kevin, 'I know he does! He got me to punch him to prove I'm a man, and I didn't want to do it but I did it anyway and I think he was impressed... but he doesn't like it when I hug Oscar.'
'Do you like it when you hug Oscar?' Eduardo asked.
Kevin nodded, and sniffed a little.
'Then you mustn't let your dad and his unreasonable aversion to physical displays of affection stop you,' Eduardo advised. 'Carlos has never liked hugging – I don't think I ever even saw him hug either of our parents! But you're different, man, and you should do what feels right for you.'
'Thanks,' said Kevin. 'That's what I figured, so I'm glad at least someone agrees with me.'
'You really like Oscar, don't you?' said Eduardo.
'Yeah, I do,' said Kevin, suddenly adopting a smile. 'I'm not gonna let my dad spoil our friendship but... well, I just wish he wouldn't always be so... so...'
The bathroom door opened at that point and Kylie came back into the room, fully dressed this time. Kevin stopped talking and looked at the floor.
'I'll be off, then,' said Kylie. 'By the way, Eduardo, we need to talk about Christmas this evening.'
'We do?' said Eduardo.
'Yeah, we do,' said Kylie. 'I don't know where I'm going to spend it. My dad's kinda assuming I've accepted his vague invitation to come to him, and you can come too if you want, but I'm thinking I might blow him off – you wouldn't believe the things he wants me to do with him!'
'What things?'
'Oh, going to lunch with his stupid friends and stuff like that!'
'But are you sure you want to blow him off?' said Eduardo. 'He might be really hurt, and I know you don't want that.'
'We'll talk about it later,' said Kylie, heading for the front door. 'See you at six. Bye, Kevin.'
Kylie left the apartment and the door closed behind her. Eduardo turned his attention back to his nephew.
'So, you were saying,' he prompted, 'about your dad?'
'I don't want to talk about him anymore,' said Kevin. 'I really came to get your help with something else. You may have noticed that I've been clutching this stapled booklet of A5 paper since I arrived.'
'Yeah, I did notice that,' Eduardo was forced to admit.
'It's the Christmas play my class is putting on,' Kevin explained. 'A Christmas Carol. I need you to help me practise for it.'
'Sure thing, man,' said Eduardo. 'Let me take a look at it.'
Kevin handed over the booklet and Eduardo started leafing through it.
'It's shorter than I expected,' Eduardo remarked. 'It just has scene outlines, not a script.'
'That's right,' said Kevin. 'We're improvising the whole thing – the drama teacher says we'll do a better performance that way because we won't be worrying about saying our lines word-for-word.'
'Doesn't that mean it comes out slightly different every time you perform it?'
'Yeah – every rehearsal is different. But as long as we act out the whole story, that's fine.'
'Seems like a weird way to produce a play,' Eduardo shrugged, 'but whatever. Who are you playing, then?'
'Scrooge,' said Kevin.
'No way!' said Eduardo. 'That's the lead role, right?'
'Yes, Uncle Eduardo.'
'Have you told your parents? I bet they're stoked.'
'Mom seemed happy when I told her,' said Kevin, 'but I haven't told Dad yet – he probably thinks acting is for sissy-boys.'
Eduardo frowned, but made no further comment on the matter. He continued to read the scene outlines.
'You've got a hell of a lot to remember, even if you don't have specific lines,' he remarked.
'I know,' said Kevin. 'When we did the first read-through, the drama teacher said I was the only one who managed to keep track of what was supposed to be happening in the play for more than two scenes at a time, so I kinda had to be Scrooge.'
'Don't you like being Scrooge?'
'I like it okay. I mean, I guess it's kinda fun. But I don't like the scene at the end.'
'Why not?'
Kevin took the booklet back, turned to the final page and pointed to a sentence. Eduardo read it, and nodded in understanding.
'I'm feeling a bit awkward about this final scene with Belle,' said Kevin. 'Okay, so we get back together at the end even though it doesn't happen in the book, but does she really need to come on and kiss me in front of everyone?'
'Do you know who's playing Belle?' said Eduardo.
'Lucy,' said Kevin.
'Oh,' said Eduardo, 'that's the girl you like, right?'
'It's the girl I've made friends with, yeah,' said Kevin. 'I know it's only acting but I can't help not wanting to do that scene with her. I just feel... well, awkward, like I said.'
'How does Lucy feel?'
'I don't know; I haven't talked to her about it and we haven't rehearsed that part yet.'
'You should discuss it with her, man.'
'I'm sure my dad wouldn't approve of me not wanting to get kissed by a girl,' Kevin sighed, not seeming to hear Eduardo's latest remark. 'But it's not even that she's a girl – it's just that she's a friend and it would feel weird.'
'You shouldn't have to do it if you're not comfortable with the idea, man,' said Eduardo. 'I think you should have a talk with Lucy and tell her how you feel – maybe the pair of you can work out an even better ending! The drama teacher can't object, right, as it's all improvised anyway?'
'You don't know what Mr Fearnhead is like!' Kevin said ruefully. 'He's a frustrated wannabe Broadway director! Obviously he can't be bothered to sit down and write an actual script, but he hits the roof if anyone tries to mess with his scene outlines.'
'Just tell him you'll do the kiss for the final performance, and throw in your new ending at the last minute,' Eduardo advised. 'He won't be able to do anything about it then, will he?'
'I guess not,' said Kevin, smiling slightly. 'I'll talk to Lucy about it. Thanks, Uncle Eduardo. Okay, now can you help me with the scene in the office on Christmas Eve, up to the part where Scrooge goes home? I need you to be Bob Cratchit, Scrooge's nephew Fred and the two charity collectors.'
'Er, okay,' said Eduardo. 'But how am I supposed to know what to say?'
'You keep the scene outline in front of you and improvise the dialogue,' said Kevin, 'and I'll see if I can remember what I'm supposed to say without the booklet to help me.'
'Okay,' Eduardo said again.
'You start,' said Kevin. 'Tell me you want the whole day off tomorrow and see how I reply.'
'Um... look, Mr Scrooge, it's nearly time to close the office,' Eduardo said uncertainly. 'You know it's Christmas Day tomorrow, yeah? Would it be all right if I could take the day off and spend it with my family?'
Kevin burst out laughing and smacked Eduardo on the arm.
'You suck at acting, Uncle Eduardo!' he remarked.
'Thanks,' said Eduardo.
'There goes Oscar,' Kylie remarked. 'He and Kevin have been getting on really well, haven't they?'
'Yeah, they have,' Eduardo replied.
'I hope they're grateful to you for suggesting they get together in the first place,' said Kylie.
'I don't know if they've really thought about it like that,' said Eduardo. 'I'm just glad they're getting on so well. Kevin told me he's never had a friend he feels so comfortable talking to – y'know, about his feelings and stuff?'
'They talk about their feelings?' said Kylie, turning away from the window. 'I didn't think boys did that.'
'Some of them do,' Eduardo shrugged.
'Just not you, huh?' Kylie said teasingly.
Eduardo turned his head away from the sink and gave Kylie a look. She giggled.
'I'm sure Kevin's got a whole load of complicated feelings about life in our family – in fact I know he has,' said Eduardo. 'He's told me about some of them, of course, but I know there's stuff he wouldn't feel comfortable talking to me about and... well, it's good that he's found someone he wants to open up to.'
'Are you wishing you'd been able to open up about yourself sooner than you did?'
'I don't got room in my head to waste time thinking stuff like that – I'm just thinking about the here and now... and right now, you're here... and I'm here... and that makes me happy.'
Eduardo received an enormous smile from Kylie in response to this remark, before she pulled herself up to sit on the kitchen surface beside the draining board.
'Haven't you finished those dishes yet?' she asked coquettishly.
'Almost,' said Eduardo. 'I only just wiped down that counter, by the way.'
'Are you saying I'm putting my cooties all over it?'
'No, I'm saying you'll probably get water seeping through your underwear any second now.'
'Oh,' said Kylie, suddenly looking slightly uncomfortable. 'Oh, yeah, you're right. Never mind – I've been feeling the urge to take it off for a little while now.'
Eduardo grinned, drained his washing up water, dried his hands and came over to kiss Kylie. Just as he was encircling her waist with his hands, there came a knock at the front door.
'Uncle Eduardo,' a familiar voice called through the door, 'it's me!'
'Sorry,' Eduardo smiled sheepishly, 'I guess we'll have to cut this short.'
'Oh well,' said Kylie, 'I should really have left by now anyway – I've got a term paper due tomorrow and I promised myself I'd be in the library by ten.'
Eduardo went over to the front door and let Kevin into the apartment. Kevin hesitated in the doorway when he saw that Kylie was sitting on the kitchen counter in her underclothes.
'Oh, I'm sorry,' Kevin said, frowning slightly. 'I didn't realise you two were... busy.'
'That's okay, Kev,' Kylie smiled at him, sliding back down to the floor. 'I need to be making tracks. Sweetie, you won't forget to come pick me up at six this evening, will you?'
'I'll be there,' said Eduardo.
'What are you up to at six this evening?' said Kevin.
'Egon and Janine are throwing a party for their first wedding anniversary,' said Kylie.
'Hey, I've just realised,' said Eduardo, 'that means it's our anniversary too!'
'Wow, so it is,' said Kylie. 'Jeez, doesn't time just fly as you get older... and when you're enjoying yourself.'
With that she disappeared into the bathroom, stooping to pick up her clothes from the living room floor on the way. Kevin gave the closed bathroom door a look, which did not go unnoticed by Eduardo.
'I guess that means it's you and Oscar's anniversary as well, man,' Eduardo said, clapping his nephew on the shoulder.
'What do you mean by that?' Kevin asked sharply.
'I mean it's a year since you became friends,' said Eduardo, rather taken aback by Kevin's response to his remark. 'Why, what did you think I meant?'
'Oh, I don't know,' Kevin sighed, sinking down onto the sofa. 'It's just that my dad's been getting at me and... well, I'm sorry.'
'You don't need to be sorry, Kev,' said Eduardo, sitting down next to him. 'When you're in my place, you can feel free to say whatever you want... and not say whatever you don't want.'
'Thanks,' said Kevin. 'Did you know my dad thinks I'm a sissy?'
'What the hell?' Eduardo almost laughed. 'He can't really think that, man!'
'He does,' said Kevin, 'I know he does! He got me to punch him to prove I'm a man, and I didn't want to do it but I did it anyway and I think he was impressed... but he doesn't like it when I hug Oscar.'
'Do you like it when you hug Oscar?' Eduardo asked.
Kevin nodded, and sniffed a little.
'Then you mustn't let your dad and his unreasonable aversion to physical displays of affection stop you,' Eduardo advised. 'Carlos has never liked hugging – I don't think I ever even saw him hug either of our parents! But you're different, man, and you should do what feels right for you.'
'Thanks,' said Kevin. 'That's what I figured, so I'm glad at least someone agrees with me.'
'You really like Oscar, don't you?' said Eduardo.
'Yeah, I do,' said Kevin, suddenly adopting a smile. 'I'm not gonna let my dad spoil our friendship but... well, I just wish he wouldn't always be so... so...'
The bathroom door opened at that point and Kylie came back into the room, fully dressed this time. Kevin stopped talking and looked at the floor.
'I'll be off, then,' said Kylie. 'By the way, Eduardo, we need to talk about Christmas this evening.'
'We do?' said Eduardo.
'Yeah, we do,' said Kylie. 'I don't know where I'm going to spend it. My dad's kinda assuming I've accepted his vague invitation to come to him, and you can come too if you want, but I'm thinking I might blow him off – you wouldn't believe the things he wants me to do with him!'
'What things?'
'Oh, going to lunch with his stupid friends and stuff like that!'
'But are you sure you want to blow him off?' said Eduardo. 'He might be really hurt, and I know you don't want that.'
'We'll talk about it later,' said Kylie, heading for the front door. 'See you at six. Bye, Kevin.'
Kylie left the apartment and the door closed behind her. Eduardo turned his attention back to his nephew.
'So, you were saying,' he prompted, 'about your dad?'
'I don't want to talk about him anymore,' said Kevin. 'I really came to get your help with something else. You may have noticed that I've been clutching this stapled booklet of A5 paper since I arrived.'
'Yeah, I did notice that,' Eduardo was forced to admit.
'It's the Christmas play my class is putting on,' Kevin explained. 'A Christmas Carol. I need you to help me practise for it.'
'Sure thing, man,' said Eduardo. 'Let me take a look at it.'
Kevin handed over the booklet and Eduardo started leafing through it.
'It's shorter than I expected,' Eduardo remarked. 'It just has scene outlines, not a script.'
'That's right,' said Kevin. 'We're improvising the whole thing – the drama teacher says we'll do a better performance that way because we won't be worrying about saying our lines word-for-word.'
'Doesn't that mean it comes out slightly different every time you perform it?'
'Yeah – every rehearsal is different. But as long as we act out the whole story, that's fine.'
'Seems like a weird way to produce a play,' Eduardo shrugged, 'but whatever. Who are you playing, then?'
'Scrooge,' said Kevin.
'No way!' said Eduardo. 'That's the lead role, right?'
'Yes, Uncle Eduardo.'
'Have you told your parents? I bet they're stoked.'
'Mom seemed happy when I told her,' said Kevin, 'but I haven't told Dad yet – he probably thinks acting is for sissy-boys.'
Eduardo frowned, but made no further comment on the matter. He continued to read the scene outlines.
'You've got a hell of a lot to remember, even if you don't have specific lines,' he remarked.
'I know,' said Kevin. 'When we did the first read-through, the drama teacher said I was the only one who managed to keep track of what was supposed to be happening in the play for more than two scenes at a time, so I kinda had to be Scrooge.'
'Don't you like being Scrooge?'
'I like it okay. I mean, I guess it's kinda fun. But I don't like the scene at the end.'
'Why not?'
Kevin took the booklet back, turned to the final page and pointed to a sentence. Eduardo read it, and nodded in understanding.
'I'm feeling a bit awkward about this final scene with Belle,' said Kevin. 'Okay, so we get back together at the end even though it doesn't happen in the book, but does she really need to come on and kiss me in front of everyone?'
'Do you know who's playing Belle?' said Eduardo.
'Lucy,' said Kevin.
'Oh,' said Eduardo, 'that's the girl you like, right?'
'It's the girl I've made friends with, yeah,' said Kevin. 'I know it's only acting but I can't help not wanting to do that scene with her. I just feel... well, awkward, like I said.'
'How does Lucy feel?'
'I don't know; I haven't talked to her about it and we haven't rehearsed that part yet.'
'You should discuss it with her, man.'
'I'm sure my dad wouldn't approve of me not wanting to get kissed by a girl,' Kevin sighed, not seeming to hear Eduardo's latest remark. 'But it's not even that she's a girl – it's just that she's a friend and it would feel weird.'
'You shouldn't have to do it if you're not comfortable with the idea, man,' said Eduardo. 'I think you should have a talk with Lucy and tell her how you feel – maybe the pair of you can work out an even better ending! The drama teacher can't object, right, as it's all improvised anyway?'
'You don't know what Mr Fearnhead is like!' Kevin said ruefully. 'He's a frustrated wannabe Broadway director! Obviously he can't be bothered to sit down and write an actual script, but he hits the roof if anyone tries to mess with his scene outlines.'
'Just tell him you'll do the kiss for the final performance, and throw in your new ending at the last minute,' Eduardo advised. 'He won't be able to do anything about it then, will he?'
'I guess not,' said Kevin, smiling slightly. 'I'll talk to Lucy about it. Thanks, Uncle Eduardo. Okay, now can you help me with the scene in the office on Christmas Eve, up to the part where Scrooge goes home? I need you to be Bob Cratchit, Scrooge's nephew Fred and the two charity collectors.'
'Er, okay,' said Eduardo. 'But how am I supposed to know what to say?'
'You keep the scene outline in front of you and improvise the dialogue,' said Kevin, 'and I'll see if I can remember what I'm supposed to say without the booklet to help me.'
'Okay,' Eduardo said again.
'You start,' said Kevin. 'Tell me you want the whole day off tomorrow and see how I reply.'
'Um... look, Mr Scrooge, it's nearly time to close the office,' Eduardo said uncertainly. 'You know it's Christmas Day tomorrow, yeah? Would it be all right if I could take the day off and spend it with my family?'
Kevin burst out laughing and smacked Eduardo on the arm.
'You suck at acting, Uncle Eduardo!' he remarked.
'Thanks,' said Eduardo.
Just before six o'clock that evening, Eduardo turned his key in the door of Kylie's apartment and let himself in. He found Kylie in the process of spooning cat food into a bowl whilst balancing a cordless phone between her shoulder and her ear.
'I'll have to see if that fits in with my plans,' she was saying into the phone. 'I really haven't decided yet...'
Awkwardly, Kylie crouched down and put the bowl of cat food on the floor. Pagan trotted over to it at once, and gave the offering a sniff to check that it met with his approval. He then looked over at Eduardo, scowled at him in a threatening way, and hunched over his meal in a protective manner before starting to eat it.
'I'll let you know by Friday,' Kylie said into the phone, as she put the half-full tin of cat food into the fridge. 'Yes, I'm bringing Eduardo if he wants to come... No, he doesn't hate them; he just has a difficult relationship with his brother... Okay, bye.'
Kylie pressed a button on the phone and put it down onto the kitchen counter.
'I know this is probably a stupid question,' said Eduardo, 'but was that your dad?'
'Oh, hey,' said Kylie, noticing her visitor for the first time and fixing him with a warm smile. 'Yeah, that was him. I don't know why he always manages to bug me so much about Christmas!'
'That's families for you,' said Eduardo, smiling back at her. 'You know Beth says we're both welcome to come down to the house on Christmas Day, right?'
'Yeah, I know,' said Kylie. 'She said it'd be really nice to get everyone together for Christmas.'
'I think I'm gonna go, even if you're not,' said Eduardo. 'You're right – I don't hate my family and I do want to spend the day with them... not that I hate your dad either, but... well, you know.'
'Yeah, I know,' Kylie sighed. 'I've got a choice to make, then. Maybe I'll just come with you.'
'You shouldn't rush into a decision,' Eduardo advised. 'Take some time to weigh up your options.'
'Yeah, I guess you're right,' Kylie shrugged. 'How did you get on with Kevin earlier?'
'Um... okay, I think,' said Eduardo. 'I helped him practise for his school play – he's playing Scrooge and he's really good. He also told me he thinks his dad thinks that he's a sissy.'
'That's a stupid thing for his dad to think,' said Kylie. 'Just because Kevin's a nice kid, and he cares about people and sea turtles, and he talks about his feelings with another boy, doesn't mean he's a sissy!'
'Wow, I wish I could've summed it up like that,' said Eduardo. 'Maybe you should talk to him, Ky.'
'I don't know,' Kylie said uncertainly. 'I don't think he'd really feel comfortable opening up to me about that stuff... not yet, anyway. But he's definitely not a sissy, and you can tell him that from me! To tell you the truth, if he was my kid, I'd be more worried about his tendency to run away from home and get into trouble!'
'His what?'
'Come on, Eduardo, you know what I'm talking about. First there was the incident with the trolls...'
'That was over two years ago – he's grown up a lot since then.'
'Then there was the whole Lamia thing.'
'He was possessed!'
'And didn't he and Oscar sneak off and take the subway to visit that old associate of your dad's, after telling Carl and Beth they were going for a walk around the block?'
'Well... yeah, I guess they did do that,' said Eduardo. 'But they ended up saving the guy's life, so...'
'Oh well, I guess you're right,' said Kylie. 'Come on – are we going to this party or not?'
'Yeah, we're going,' Eduardo grinned. 'I've got Beth's car outside, the night is young, and you're so beautiful.'
'So are you,' Kylie smiled, slipping her arms around his waist. 'Okay, let's go.'
As they approached the front door, Pagan looked up from the remains of his meal and cast them a reproachful glance.
'I'll see you later, darling,' Kylie told him. 'We'll have to come back here tonight, Eduardo – I can't leave him on his own two nights in a row.'
'That's fine,' said Eduardo. 'Beth said she didn't need the car back 'til tomorrow afternoon.'
They stepped through the door and out into the hallway, Kylie fumbling in a pocket for her key.
'That was Robin Hood: Men in Tights, right?' she asked as she locked the door.
'Yeah,' Eduardo replied, 'that was Men in Tights.'
'I'll have to see if that fits in with my plans,' she was saying into the phone. 'I really haven't decided yet...'
Awkwardly, Kylie crouched down and put the bowl of cat food on the floor. Pagan trotted over to it at once, and gave the offering a sniff to check that it met with his approval. He then looked over at Eduardo, scowled at him in a threatening way, and hunched over his meal in a protective manner before starting to eat it.
'I'll let you know by Friday,' Kylie said into the phone, as she put the half-full tin of cat food into the fridge. 'Yes, I'm bringing Eduardo if he wants to come... No, he doesn't hate them; he just has a difficult relationship with his brother... Okay, bye.'
Kylie pressed a button on the phone and put it down onto the kitchen counter.
'I know this is probably a stupid question,' said Eduardo, 'but was that your dad?'
'Oh, hey,' said Kylie, noticing her visitor for the first time and fixing him with a warm smile. 'Yeah, that was him. I don't know why he always manages to bug me so much about Christmas!'
'That's families for you,' said Eduardo, smiling back at her. 'You know Beth says we're both welcome to come down to the house on Christmas Day, right?'
'Yeah, I know,' said Kylie. 'She said it'd be really nice to get everyone together for Christmas.'
'I think I'm gonna go, even if you're not,' said Eduardo. 'You're right – I don't hate my family and I do want to spend the day with them... not that I hate your dad either, but... well, you know.'
'Yeah, I know,' Kylie sighed. 'I've got a choice to make, then. Maybe I'll just come with you.'
'You shouldn't rush into a decision,' Eduardo advised. 'Take some time to weigh up your options.'
'Yeah, I guess you're right,' Kylie shrugged. 'How did you get on with Kevin earlier?'
'Um... okay, I think,' said Eduardo. 'I helped him practise for his school play – he's playing Scrooge and he's really good. He also told me he thinks his dad thinks that he's a sissy.'
'That's a stupid thing for his dad to think,' said Kylie. 'Just because Kevin's a nice kid, and he cares about people and sea turtles, and he talks about his feelings with another boy, doesn't mean he's a sissy!'
'Wow, I wish I could've summed it up like that,' said Eduardo. 'Maybe you should talk to him, Ky.'
'I don't know,' Kylie said uncertainly. 'I don't think he'd really feel comfortable opening up to me about that stuff... not yet, anyway. But he's definitely not a sissy, and you can tell him that from me! To tell you the truth, if he was my kid, I'd be more worried about his tendency to run away from home and get into trouble!'
'His what?'
'Come on, Eduardo, you know what I'm talking about. First there was the incident with the trolls...'
'That was over two years ago – he's grown up a lot since then.'
'Then there was the whole Lamia thing.'
'He was possessed!'
'And didn't he and Oscar sneak off and take the subway to visit that old associate of your dad's, after telling Carl and Beth they were going for a walk around the block?'
'Well... yeah, I guess they did do that,' said Eduardo. 'But they ended up saving the guy's life, so...'
'Oh well, I guess you're right,' said Kylie. 'Come on – are we going to this party or not?'
'Yeah, we're going,' Eduardo grinned. 'I've got Beth's car outside, the night is young, and you're so beautiful.'
'So are you,' Kylie smiled, slipping her arms around his waist. 'Okay, let's go.'
As they approached the front door, Pagan looked up from the remains of his meal and cast them a reproachful glance.
'I'll see you later, darling,' Kylie told him. 'We'll have to come back here tonight, Eduardo – I can't leave him on his own two nights in a row.'
'That's fine,' said Eduardo. 'Beth said she didn't need the car back 'til tomorrow afternoon.'
They stepped through the door and out into the hallway, Kylie fumbling in a pocket for her key.
'That was Robin Hood: Men in Tights, right?' she asked as she locked the door.
'Yeah,' Eduardo replied, 'that was Men in Tights.'
In the school cafeteria the next day, Kevin came to sit next to Lucy.
'Hi, Kev,' she greeted him. 'You know you're not supposed to sit on this table if you bring your own lunch – naughty, naughty!'
'I'm prepared to take the risk,' said Kevin. 'The fact is, Lucy, I need to talk to you.'
'Oh yeah?' she said. 'About what?'
'My uncle said I should tell you how I feel.'
'And how do you feel, Kev?'
'I should've mentioned, it's about the play,' said Kevin. 'It's how I feel about the play... about a certain part of the play... a part I don't think we should do.'
'Shouldn't you talk to Mr Fearnhead about that?' said Lucy.
'No – it's just between you and me,' said Kevin. 'To come straight to the point... well, the fact is... and I don't want to beat about the bush here, so I'm just gonna come right out and say it... this is gonna be short and to the point, you take my word for it... I don't want to do the kiss. Let's work out an alternative ending.'
'But that's a really important part,' said Lucy. 'It shows that Belle and Scrooge are getting back together.'
'I know,' said Kevin, 'but couldn't we show it some other way?'
'Why don't you want to do the kiss?'
'I feel awkward about it, and I don't want it to be embarrassing... for either of us!'
'I don't think we should mess with Mr Fearnhead's scene outline,' said Lucy. 'I'll just peck you on the cheek – it won't be embarrassing.'
'Listen, Lucy, you know how much I like you... as a friend... but I don't... I mean, I can't...'
'It's just acting, Kev – no one's expecting you to take it as a sign of our real-life engagement!'
'I know, but I just... I don't want to do it.'
Lucy adopted a puzzled expression and reached to pick up the tumbler of water that was standing beside her lunch. As she was too busy looking at Kevin to keep an eye on what her hand was doing, she knocked the tumbler over and spilled the entire contents into Kevin's lap. Kevin squealed in alarm, jumped to his feet and stared down at himself, much to the amusement of the students in the immediate vicinity. Looking horrified, Kevin fled from the cafeteria. Lucy stared after him, looking very confused.
'Hi, Kev,' she greeted him. 'You know you're not supposed to sit on this table if you bring your own lunch – naughty, naughty!'
'I'm prepared to take the risk,' said Kevin. 'The fact is, Lucy, I need to talk to you.'
'Oh yeah?' she said. 'About what?'
'My uncle said I should tell you how I feel.'
'And how do you feel, Kev?'
'I should've mentioned, it's about the play,' said Kevin. 'It's how I feel about the play... about a certain part of the play... a part I don't think we should do.'
'Shouldn't you talk to Mr Fearnhead about that?' said Lucy.
'No – it's just between you and me,' said Kevin. 'To come straight to the point... well, the fact is... and I don't want to beat about the bush here, so I'm just gonna come right out and say it... this is gonna be short and to the point, you take my word for it... I don't want to do the kiss. Let's work out an alternative ending.'
'But that's a really important part,' said Lucy. 'It shows that Belle and Scrooge are getting back together.'
'I know,' said Kevin, 'but couldn't we show it some other way?'
'Why don't you want to do the kiss?'
'I feel awkward about it, and I don't want it to be embarrassing... for either of us!'
'I don't think we should mess with Mr Fearnhead's scene outline,' said Lucy. 'I'll just peck you on the cheek – it won't be embarrassing.'
'Listen, Lucy, you know how much I like you... as a friend... but I don't... I mean, I can't...'
'It's just acting, Kev – no one's expecting you to take it as a sign of our real-life engagement!'
'I know, but I just... I don't want to do it.'
Lucy adopted a puzzled expression and reached to pick up the tumbler of water that was standing beside her lunch. As she was too busy looking at Kevin to keep an eye on what her hand was doing, she knocked the tumbler over and spilled the entire contents into Kevin's lap. Kevin squealed in alarm, jumped to his feet and stared down at himself, much to the amusement of the students in the immediate vicinity. Looking horrified, Kevin fled from the cafeteria. Lucy stared after him, looking very confused.
In rehearsal that afternoon, Kevin found himself going through the final few scenes of the play.
'This house is yours now, Bob,' said Kevin, 'and I'll pay for all Tiny Tim's medical bills – we'll get a metal plate put in his spine or something, and he'll be just fine.'
'Thank you, Mr Scrooge!' Jandro replied. 'Thank you a thousand times, from the bottom of my heart! God bless you!'
'God bless us,' said Tom Jennings, 'every one!'
Kevin then walked away from the half of the stage representing the Cratchits' house, with one arm around Jandro and the other around Tom. As soon as they stepped on the part of the stage representing the street, Lucy ran up to Kevin.
'Belle – my lovely Belle,' he said, not sounding particularly pleased.
Lucy shrugged, then she left the stage.
'Lucy!' Mr Fearnhead barked. 'You've got some explaining to do!'
'Explaining, sir?' Lucy said airily.
'Where was the kiss?' Mr Fearnhead demanded. 'That's the part where you kiss Scrooge! Why didn't you kiss him?'
'I'm saving myself up for the real thing, sir,' said Lucy, giving Kevin a helpless look as she spoke. 'I don't want to spoil the spontaneity – it might look too rehearsed if we do it more than once.'
'Okay, Lucy,' Mr Fearnhead said wearily, 'just so long as you do it for the performances. Carry on, Catherine.'
'This house is yours now, Bob,' said Kevin, 'and I'll pay for all Tiny Tim's medical bills – we'll get a metal plate put in his spine or something, and he'll be just fine.'
'Thank you, Mr Scrooge!' Jandro replied. 'Thank you a thousand times, from the bottom of my heart! God bless you!'
'God bless us,' said Tom Jennings, 'every one!'
Kevin then walked away from the half of the stage representing the Cratchits' house, with one arm around Jandro and the other around Tom. As soon as they stepped on the part of the stage representing the street, Lucy ran up to Kevin.
'Belle – my lovely Belle,' he said, not sounding particularly pleased.
Lucy shrugged, then she left the stage.
'Lucy!' Mr Fearnhead barked. 'You've got some explaining to do!'
'Explaining, sir?' Lucy said airily.
'Where was the kiss?' Mr Fearnhead demanded. 'That's the part where you kiss Scrooge! Why didn't you kiss him?'
'I'm saving myself up for the real thing, sir,' said Lucy, giving Kevin a helpless look as she spoke. 'I don't want to spoil the spontaneity – it might look too rehearsed if we do it more than once.'
'Okay, Lucy,' Mr Fearnhead said wearily, 'just so long as you do it for the performances. Carry on, Catherine.'
Eduardo had just locked his front door and was walking down the stairway when he saw the school bus stopping at the end of the street and Kevin alighting from it. He timed his descent so that the two of them met at the bottom of the steps.
'Hey, Kev,' said Eduardo. 'How did it go?'
'How did it go?' Kevin repeated in a strangled voice. 'Lucy hates me now!'
'I'm sure she doesn't hate you, dude,' said Eduardo. 'Did you do what I said?'
'Yeah, I did – that's the problem!' said Kevin. 'I told her exactly how I felt and she didn't seem to understand what I was trying to say and she'll probably never talk to me again and I had to spend fifteen minutes in the restroom thrusting my crotch under the hand drier!'
'Oh,' said Eduardo, looking slightly confused. 'Um... was it a related issue, that last part?'
'Lucy spilled water in my lap,' said Kevin.
Eduardo laughed. Kevin scowled at him.
'I'm sorry, Kev – I'm sure it wasn't even a little funny at the time,' said Eduardo. 'But you did the right thing by being honest – I'm sure you did. Things'll work out all right in the end – you'll see, man.'
They had reached the front door by this time. Kevin forced it open in a disagreeable fashion and mooched into the hallway, followed by Eduardo.
'Seriously, Kev, it'll be okay,' Eduardo told his nephew's back. 'Chicks dig honesty, even if it takes them a while to get to grips with what you've told them.'
'I can't talk about this anymore,' said Kevin. 'I need to go listen to some music to cheer myself up.'
Kevin ran upstairs and into his bedroom, and slammed the door behind him. A few seconds later, 'Spice Up Your Life' was blaring through the closed door and reverberating around the upper storey. Eduardo turned his eyes away from the stairs to see that Beth had joined him in the hallway.
'Oh dear,' she remarked. 'Kevin's feeling sorry for himself, is he?'
'Yeah,' said Eduardo. 'I'm starting to think maybe I gave him some bad advice.'
'Oh, nonsense,' said Beth. 'I'm sure everything will work out just fine, whatever you told him. I've always been so pleased that Kevin has you in his life, Eduardo. A lot of kids your age wouldn't have been interested in having a nephew to be a big brother to, but you've always done it so readily and been so good at it.'
'Well... thanks, Beth,' said Eduardo, smiling at her. 'So, er, you're not worried about him, then? I mean, you think he'll be okay once he's listened to some Spice Girls songs?'
'I'm sure he will be,' said Beth. 'I do worry about him, of course – he's my son. But I have complete faith in him – he's got a good head and a good heart, and I know whatever decisions he makes about his life will be the right ones for him.'
'You don't think he has a tendency to run away from home and get into trouble, then?'
'I'd hardly call two times in two years a tendency. Unless there's another time I don't know about...'
'Er, no!' said Eduardo. 'No, of course there isn't. Jeez, is that the time? I'm supposed to have a tutorial in ten minutes! When he comes out, can you tell him I'm sorry?'
'I'll tell him,' said Beth, 'but I'm sure he'll say you have nothing to be sorry about.'
'Hey, Kev,' said Eduardo. 'How did it go?'
'How did it go?' Kevin repeated in a strangled voice. 'Lucy hates me now!'
'I'm sure she doesn't hate you, dude,' said Eduardo. 'Did you do what I said?'
'Yeah, I did – that's the problem!' said Kevin. 'I told her exactly how I felt and she didn't seem to understand what I was trying to say and she'll probably never talk to me again and I had to spend fifteen minutes in the restroom thrusting my crotch under the hand drier!'
'Oh,' said Eduardo, looking slightly confused. 'Um... was it a related issue, that last part?'
'Lucy spilled water in my lap,' said Kevin.
Eduardo laughed. Kevin scowled at him.
'I'm sorry, Kev – I'm sure it wasn't even a little funny at the time,' said Eduardo. 'But you did the right thing by being honest – I'm sure you did. Things'll work out all right in the end – you'll see, man.'
They had reached the front door by this time. Kevin forced it open in a disagreeable fashion and mooched into the hallway, followed by Eduardo.
'Seriously, Kev, it'll be okay,' Eduardo told his nephew's back. 'Chicks dig honesty, even if it takes them a while to get to grips with what you've told them.'
'I can't talk about this anymore,' said Kevin. 'I need to go listen to some music to cheer myself up.'
Kevin ran upstairs and into his bedroom, and slammed the door behind him. A few seconds later, 'Spice Up Your Life' was blaring through the closed door and reverberating around the upper storey. Eduardo turned his eyes away from the stairs to see that Beth had joined him in the hallway.
'Oh dear,' she remarked. 'Kevin's feeling sorry for himself, is he?'
'Yeah,' said Eduardo. 'I'm starting to think maybe I gave him some bad advice.'
'Oh, nonsense,' said Beth. 'I'm sure everything will work out just fine, whatever you told him. I've always been so pleased that Kevin has you in his life, Eduardo. A lot of kids your age wouldn't have been interested in having a nephew to be a big brother to, but you've always done it so readily and been so good at it.'
'Well... thanks, Beth,' said Eduardo, smiling at her. 'So, er, you're not worried about him, then? I mean, you think he'll be okay once he's listened to some Spice Girls songs?'
'I'm sure he will be,' said Beth. 'I do worry about him, of course – he's my son. But I have complete faith in him – he's got a good head and a good heart, and I know whatever decisions he makes about his life will be the right ones for him.'
'You don't think he has a tendency to run away from home and get into trouble, then?'
'I'd hardly call two times in two years a tendency. Unless there's another time I don't know about...'
'Er, no!' said Eduardo. 'No, of course there isn't. Jeez, is that the time? I'm supposed to have a tutorial in ten minutes! When he comes out, can you tell him I'm sorry?'
'I'll tell him,' said Beth, 'but I'm sure he'll say you have nothing to be sorry about.'
A little later, Beth was sitting on the couch with a strained expression on her face and a piece of fabric in one hand, sewing a running stitch with the other, while Carl relaxed in an armchair in his crumpled, weather-beaten police uniform.
'So we stormed the gym and arrested the guy and that was that,' Carl was saying, 'but you won't believe what kind of a gym it was!'
'What kind of a gym was it, Carl?' Beth asked wearily.
'A gym for homosexuals!' Carl announced dramatically. 'Isn't that the most disturbing thing you've ever heard in your life? You know me, Beth – you know I've got nothing against them – but if they're gonna start bulking up like normal guys, how are you supposed to tell which is which?'
'As opposed to the days when all homosexuals were weedy little squirts?' said Beth, cutting off her thread. 'Honestly, Carl, I wish you could hear yourself sometimes.'
At that moment, Kevin entered the living room. He was looking slightly downcast, but he smiled at his mother.
'Oh, Kevin,' Beth said with a needle in her mouth, 'Eduardo wanted me to tell you he's sorry for the possibly bad advice he gave you.'
'He hasn't really got anything to be sorry about,' Kevin sighed. 'I'll tell him that when he comes home. What're you guys up to?'
'Your dad was just telling me about an arrest he made today,' said Beth, re-threading her needle.
'Yeah, so where was I?' said Carl. 'Can you believe it, Beth? A gay gym! This is in Chinatown!'
'A gay gym?' said Kevin. 'I think that's disgusting.'
'You do?' said Carl.
'Yeah, I do,' said Kevin. 'All gyms should be open to everyone who wants to use them – they shouldn't be segregated like that.'
'But that's not fair on the other gym users, Kevin,' said Carl. 'Normal guys don't want that kind of thing going on in their gym.'
'What, you think it's a front for some kind of gay hook-up joint? You think whenever two homosexuals are in the same place together they have to go off and...?' Kevin tailed off, fixing a look of extreme disapproval on his father. 'That's ignorant, Dad.'
With that, Kevin walked out of the room and headed towards the kitchen.
'Did you hear that?' Carl squeaked at Beth. 'Now he's defending them right to my face!'
'He's defending equality and understanding, Carl,' said Beth. 'You should be proud of him.'
Without looking at her husband, Beth put down her sewing, rose to her feet and followed Kevin into the kitchen; she found him making a sandwich.
'Don't have too much and spoil your dinner, honey,' Beth said gently.
'I won't, Mom,' said Kevin.
'I was impressed with what you said to your father in there,' said Beth. 'I'm very proud of you, Kevin; I hope you know that.'
'Thanks, Mom.'
'In general, I mean – not just because of what you said about the gay gym.'
'Yeah, Mom, I know.'
'And if you ever want to talk to me about anything – not that I'm saying I think you should, just if you want to – I'll always be here for you, okay?'
'In that case, Mom, I've got a suggestion about Christmas,' said Kevin. 'There's someone I think we should invite.'
'Oh, honey,' said Beth, 'I'm sure Oscar will be busy with his family... his families, I should say!'
'No, not Oscar,' said Kevin. 'If you really want to get everyone together for Christmas, I know how you can do it. Just listen – you'll love this idea!'
'So we stormed the gym and arrested the guy and that was that,' Carl was saying, 'but you won't believe what kind of a gym it was!'
'What kind of a gym was it, Carl?' Beth asked wearily.
'A gym for homosexuals!' Carl announced dramatically. 'Isn't that the most disturbing thing you've ever heard in your life? You know me, Beth – you know I've got nothing against them – but if they're gonna start bulking up like normal guys, how are you supposed to tell which is which?'
'As opposed to the days when all homosexuals were weedy little squirts?' said Beth, cutting off her thread. 'Honestly, Carl, I wish you could hear yourself sometimes.'
At that moment, Kevin entered the living room. He was looking slightly downcast, but he smiled at his mother.
'Oh, Kevin,' Beth said with a needle in her mouth, 'Eduardo wanted me to tell you he's sorry for the possibly bad advice he gave you.'
'He hasn't really got anything to be sorry about,' Kevin sighed. 'I'll tell him that when he comes home. What're you guys up to?'
'Your dad was just telling me about an arrest he made today,' said Beth, re-threading her needle.
'Yeah, so where was I?' said Carl. 'Can you believe it, Beth? A gay gym! This is in Chinatown!'
'A gay gym?' said Kevin. 'I think that's disgusting.'
'You do?' said Carl.
'Yeah, I do,' said Kevin. 'All gyms should be open to everyone who wants to use them – they shouldn't be segregated like that.'
'But that's not fair on the other gym users, Kevin,' said Carl. 'Normal guys don't want that kind of thing going on in their gym.'
'What, you think it's a front for some kind of gay hook-up joint? You think whenever two homosexuals are in the same place together they have to go off and...?' Kevin tailed off, fixing a look of extreme disapproval on his father. 'That's ignorant, Dad.'
With that, Kevin walked out of the room and headed towards the kitchen.
'Did you hear that?' Carl squeaked at Beth. 'Now he's defending them right to my face!'
'He's defending equality and understanding, Carl,' said Beth. 'You should be proud of him.'
Without looking at her husband, Beth put down her sewing, rose to her feet and followed Kevin into the kitchen; she found him making a sandwich.
'Don't have too much and spoil your dinner, honey,' Beth said gently.
'I won't, Mom,' said Kevin.
'I was impressed with what you said to your father in there,' said Beth. 'I'm very proud of you, Kevin; I hope you know that.'
'Thanks, Mom.'
'In general, I mean – not just because of what you said about the gay gym.'
'Yeah, Mom, I know.'
'And if you ever want to talk to me about anything – not that I'm saying I think you should, just if you want to – I'll always be here for you, okay?'
'In that case, Mom, I've got a suggestion about Christmas,' said Kevin. 'There's someone I think we should invite.'
'Oh, honey,' said Beth, 'I'm sure Oscar will be busy with his family... his families, I should say!'
'No, not Oscar,' said Kevin. 'If you really want to get everyone together for Christmas, I know how you can do it. Just listen – you'll love this idea!'
The afternoon of the first performance of the school play had arrived. The auditorium was packed with parents and other spectators, including Carl, Beth, Kylie and Eduardo. As they took their seats, the curtain rose to reveal the stage dressed half as a threadbare dining room and half as a typical Dickensian London street. Kevin was standing on the street side with Jas Fenton, while the Cratchit family in its entirety was gathered around a dining table on the other side. From her place behind a lectern at one side of the stage, Catherine got things going.
'Act Two!' she declared. 'The Ghost of Christmas Present has whisked Scrooge off to the poor but happy home of his faithful clerk, Bob Cratchit.'
'A toast, my dears!' Jandro declared. 'To the founder of the feast, Mr Scrooge!'
'I'm not toasting that horrible old vulture,' Stephanie objected, 'and neither are our kids, Bob, so don't you think it!'
'But my love, on this day of all days, we must raise a glass to Mr Scrooge,' said Jandro. 'True, our Christmas feast may not be as plentiful as his own, but he's still the one who provided the money to buy it.'
'Christmas feast!' Stephanie muttered sceptically. 'He's probably just cracking open a can of soup or a... a tray of ready-to-bake macaroni and cheese, he's such an old skinflint! Still, I suppose as it's Christmas Day we must drink a toast to the old devil, and I'm sure he'll be very happy and contented all by himself in that massive house of his!'
'It's very sad that poor Mr Scrooge is alone on Christmas Day,' said Tom. 'Remember, Mom, he may have more money than us, but we have each other, so we're really the rich ones if you stop and think about it.'
'Tiny Tim, you put us all to shame,' said Jandro, 'particularly with your being a poor lame cripple who probably won't even be alive this time next year, so Cratchits, raise your glasses!'
Every member of the Cratchit family took hold of a drinking vessel and attempted to pick it up, but they found the task impossible. A few seconds of awkward silence followed.
'They're glued to the table!' Katie Dawson wailed.
'They weren't glued to the table before!' Michelle Holmes said indignantly.
'Well really, Emily,' said Jandro. 'While I'm busy working my fingers to the bone all the hours God sends just to put bread in our mouths, you're out spending the housekeeping money on glue so you can stick the crockery to the table! That's not a bare necessity, my dear.'
'I'm sorry, my love,' Stephanie replied. 'I won't do it again.'
The audience tittered appreciatively and the scene moved on.
'How much longer does this thing go on?' Carl whispered to Beth.
'Not too much,' Beth hissed back. 'Shh, Kevin's going to say something!'
'Act Two!' she declared. 'The Ghost of Christmas Present has whisked Scrooge off to the poor but happy home of his faithful clerk, Bob Cratchit.'
'A toast, my dears!' Jandro declared. 'To the founder of the feast, Mr Scrooge!'
'I'm not toasting that horrible old vulture,' Stephanie objected, 'and neither are our kids, Bob, so don't you think it!'
'But my love, on this day of all days, we must raise a glass to Mr Scrooge,' said Jandro. 'True, our Christmas feast may not be as plentiful as his own, but he's still the one who provided the money to buy it.'
'Christmas feast!' Stephanie muttered sceptically. 'He's probably just cracking open a can of soup or a... a tray of ready-to-bake macaroni and cheese, he's such an old skinflint! Still, I suppose as it's Christmas Day we must drink a toast to the old devil, and I'm sure he'll be very happy and contented all by himself in that massive house of his!'
'It's very sad that poor Mr Scrooge is alone on Christmas Day,' said Tom. 'Remember, Mom, he may have more money than us, but we have each other, so we're really the rich ones if you stop and think about it.'
'Tiny Tim, you put us all to shame,' said Jandro, 'particularly with your being a poor lame cripple who probably won't even be alive this time next year, so Cratchits, raise your glasses!'
Every member of the Cratchit family took hold of a drinking vessel and attempted to pick it up, but they found the task impossible. A few seconds of awkward silence followed.
'They're glued to the table!' Katie Dawson wailed.
'They weren't glued to the table before!' Michelle Holmes said indignantly.
'Well really, Emily,' said Jandro. 'While I'm busy working my fingers to the bone all the hours God sends just to put bread in our mouths, you're out spending the housekeeping money on glue so you can stick the crockery to the table! That's not a bare necessity, my dear.'
'I'm sorry, my love,' Stephanie replied. 'I won't do it again.'
The audience tittered appreciatively and the scene moved on.
'How much longer does this thing go on?' Carl whispered to Beth.
'Not too much,' Beth hissed back. 'Shh, Kevin's going to say something!'
The fateful moment eventually arrived when Kevin once again found himself left to the mercy of Lucy. Scrooge shuffled nervously from foot to foot as Belle came up to him.
'Belle – my lovely Belle,' Kevin said monotonously.
'Oh, Ebenezer,' said Lucy, 'can we try again?'
Kevin stared at her with a puzzled expression on his face.
'I know this is very sudden,' Lucy continued, 'but I've heard about all the lovely things you've been doing for people this morning and I've never stopped loving you and I know we're all old and wrinkly now but I'm sure we can still make each other happy, so please tell me we can try again!'
'Yes, Belle,' said Kevin, smiling gratefully at her. 'Yes, we can. That is, if you're sure you want to take a chance on a crotchety old miser like me.'
'That was never who you really are, Ebenezer,' said Lucy. 'I've always known that, and I always knew you'd figure it out yourself someday.'
Lucy held out her hand, Kevin grasped it, and they pranced off the stage together. A few seconds of silence followed.
'Catherine!' Mr Fearnhead hissed from the wings.
'Er... yeah, so Scrooge was as good as his word, and he did loads of stuff to help the poor and needy,' Catherine said hurriedly, 'and Tiny Tim had a series of operations to get metal plates put in his back and pins put in his legs, so he didn't die after all, and Scrooge and Belle got married but they didn't have any kids, obviously, because they were like sixty or something, and they all lived happily ever after. The end.'
The audience rose in a standing ovation.
'Belle – my lovely Belle,' Kevin said monotonously.
'Oh, Ebenezer,' said Lucy, 'can we try again?'
Kevin stared at her with a puzzled expression on his face.
'I know this is very sudden,' Lucy continued, 'but I've heard about all the lovely things you've been doing for people this morning and I've never stopped loving you and I know we're all old and wrinkly now but I'm sure we can still make each other happy, so please tell me we can try again!'
'Yes, Belle,' said Kevin, smiling gratefully at her. 'Yes, we can. That is, if you're sure you want to take a chance on a crotchety old miser like me.'
'That was never who you really are, Ebenezer,' said Lucy. 'I've always known that, and I always knew you'd figure it out yourself someday.'
Lucy held out her hand, Kevin grasped it, and they pranced off the stage together. A few seconds of silence followed.
'Catherine!' Mr Fearnhead hissed from the wings.
'Er... yeah, so Scrooge was as good as his word, and he did loads of stuff to help the poor and needy,' Catherine said hurriedly, 'and Tiny Tim had a series of operations to get metal plates put in his back and pins put in his legs, so he didn't die after all, and Scrooge and Belle got married but they didn't have any kids, obviously, because they were like sixty or something, and they all lived happily ever after. The end.'
The audience rose in a standing ovation.
After the performance, the cast came together backstage to congratulate each other. The great director was with them, and he was smiling as he organised everyone into a circle.
'Well done, guys!' said Mr Fearnhead. 'Just a few notes for the evening performance tomorrow. Cratchits, just mime raising your glasses when you're doing your Christmas toast. Jandro, you did a wonderful save with that scene, but we don't want it happening again. And Lucy, let's keep in that exchange between Belle and Scrooge at the end – that was really good!'
'Thanks, sir,' said Lucy.
'Thanks, Lucy,' said Kevin, as the circle began to disperse.
'No problem, Kev,' said Lucy. 'I realised that you weren't thinking about the play in the same way I was, and that I should respect your feelings. I'm sorry I spilled water in your lap; I really didn't mean to, you know.'
'Yeah, I know,' said Kevin.
Lucy lightly prodded Kevin on the left side of his chest and said, 'You've got a heck of a lot going on in there, haven't you?'
'Yeah,' said Kevin, 'I guess I have. And I guess I should've shared a little more of it with you before I asked you to change the play – Eduardo was right. Thanks for understanding, Luce. I... I really do treasure your friendship.'
'I treasure yours,' Lucy beamed at him. 'And I'll tell you something else, Kev – you should never feel awkward about the soft, marshmallowy interior you're hiding under that very firm pec. If you do ever want to share a little more of it with me, I'll always be here for you.'
'Thanks, Luce,' Kevin smiled back at her. 'I don't have any doubts about that now – not after you changed the play for me.'
'Do you want to know why I really did it? I didn't have any lines!' Lucy said indignantly. 'My first scene I just stood there and cried while the Ghost of Christmas Past told everyone how I was feeling, and my other scene I was supposed to just come on and kiss Scrooge like he'd never broken my heart! As an actor, I wasn't prepared to limit myself like that.'
'Lucky for me,' Kevin grinned.
'Yeah,' Lucy grinned back at him, 'lucky for you.'
'Well done, guys!' said Mr Fearnhead. 'Just a few notes for the evening performance tomorrow. Cratchits, just mime raising your glasses when you're doing your Christmas toast. Jandro, you did a wonderful save with that scene, but we don't want it happening again. And Lucy, let's keep in that exchange between Belle and Scrooge at the end – that was really good!'
'Thanks, sir,' said Lucy.
'Thanks, Lucy,' said Kevin, as the circle began to disperse.
'No problem, Kev,' said Lucy. 'I realised that you weren't thinking about the play in the same way I was, and that I should respect your feelings. I'm sorry I spilled water in your lap; I really didn't mean to, you know.'
'Yeah, I know,' said Kevin.
Lucy lightly prodded Kevin on the left side of his chest and said, 'You've got a heck of a lot going on in there, haven't you?'
'Yeah,' said Kevin, 'I guess I have. And I guess I should've shared a little more of it with you before I asked you to change the play – Eduardo was right. Thanks for understanding, Luce. I... I really do treasure your friendship.'
'I treasure yours,' Lucy beamed at him. 'And I'll tell you something else, Kev – you should never feel awkward about the soft, marshmallowy interior you're hiding under that very firm pec. If you do ever want to share a little more of it with me, I'll always be here for you.'
'Thanks, Luce,' Kevin smiled back at her. 'I don't have any doubts about that now – not after you changed the play for me.'
'Do you want to know why I really did it? I didn't have any lines!' Lucy said indignantly. 'My first scene I just stood there and cried while the Ghost of Christmas Past told everyone how I was feeling, and my other scene I was supposed to just come on and kiss Scrooge like he'd never broken my heart! As an actor, I wasn't prepared to limit myself like that.'
'Lucky for me,' Kevin grinned.
'Yeah,' Lucy grinned back at him, 'lucky for you.'
The parents and other members of the audience gathered in the art room, where all the tables had been moved back to make space for them. They browsed the artwork on the walls and waited for their young performers to come and join them, which happened with regular frequency. Before long Kevin came up to his family, still dressed as Scrooge.
'Did you like it?' he grinned at them.
'It was excellent,' Beth beamed back at him. 'You were wonderful, honey. I'd like to kiss you, but I won't do it here.'
'Thanks, Mom,' said Kevin.
'You stole the show, amigo,' said Eduardo.
'You're the best Scrooge I've ever seen,' said Kylie.
'Yeah, it was good,' said Carl. 'You're not thinking of joining the drama club now, are you?'
Kevin scowled for a moment, but then resumed his former expression.
'I'll go get changed now,' he said. 'My homeroom's just down the hall. Wait for me here, okay?'
Beth smiled and nodded, Eduardo ruffled Kevin's hair, and Carl looked on with an impassive expression. As Kevin scampered off towards his classroom, Kylie's face took on a resolute look.
'I've just made a decision,' she announced. 'I'm spending Christmas with you guys... er, if you still want me to.'
Eduardo and Beth exchanged knowing glances, much to Kylie's surprise.
'What's the joke?' she asked.
'No joke, Kylie,' said Beth. 'It's just that we've kind of already taken that decision from you, I'm ashamed to admit. Eduardo was going to tell you this evening – we've invited your dad to spend Christmas at our place, with us!'
'And you, obviously,' Eduardo added.
'You have?' said Kylie. 'Oh, Beth, thank you so much!'
Beth smiled, and was forced to steady herself as Kylie threw her arms around her.
'You should really thank Kevin,' said Beth. 'It was his idea.'
'It was?'
'Yes, it was. He's such a thoughtful boy.'
'Then I'll go and do that right now,' said Kylie, heading off in the direction she had seen Kevin take. 'See you in a minute.'
Eduardo watched Kylie moving along the corridor, and smiled to himself. He turned to see what Beth and Carl were up to, and saw that Carl had directed Beth's attention to one of the wall displays.
'Look – this is the one!' Carl was saying. 'Pink all over – what do you think of that?'
'It's won second place in the Millennium Bug Hall of Fame competition,' said Beth.
'Second place,' Carl muttered, crossing his arms and adopting a disagreeable expression.
'What's wrong with second place?' said Beth. 'That's pretty good!'
Eduardo moved out into the corridor to await the return of Kevin and Kylie.
'Did you like it?' he grinned at them.
'It was excellent,' Beth beamed back at him. 'You were wonderful, honey. I'd like to kiss you, but I won't do it here.'
'Thanks, Mom,' said Kevin.
'You stole the show, amigo,' said Eduardo.
'You're the best Scrooge I've ever seen,' said Kylie.
'Yeah, it was good,' said Carl. 'You're not thinking of joining the drama club now, are you?'
Kevin scowled for a moment, but then resumed his former expression.
'I'll go get changed now,' he said. 'My homeroom's just down the hall. Wait for me here, okay?'
Beth smiled and nodded, Eduardo ruffled Kevin's hair, and Carl looked on with an impassive expression. As Kevin scampered off towards his classroom, Kylie's face took on a resolute look.
'I've just made a decision,' she announced. 'I'm spending Christmas with you guys... er, if you still want me to.'
Eduardo and Beth exchanged knowing glances, much to Kylie's surprise.
'What's the joke?' she asked.
'No joke, Kylie,' said Beth. 'It's just that we've kind of already taken that decision from you, I'm ashamed to admit. Eduardo was going to tell you this evening – we've invited your dad to spend Christmas at our place, with us!'
'And you, obviously,' Eduardo added.
'You have?' said Kylie. 'Oh, Beth, thank you so much!'
Beth smiled, and was forced to steady herself as Kylie threw her arms around her.
'You should really thank Kevin,' said Beth. 'It was his idea.'
'It was?'
'Yes, it was. He's such a thoughtful boy.'
'Then I'll go and do that right now,' said Kylie, heading off in the direction she had seen Kevin take. 'See you in a minute.'
Eduardo watched Kylie moving along the corridor, and smiled to himself. He turned to see what Beth and Carl were up to, and saw that Carl had directed Beth's attention to one of the wall displays.
'Look – this is the one!' Carl was saying. 'Pink all over – what do you think of that?'
'It's won second place in the Millennium Bug Hall of Fame competition,' said Beth.
'Second place,' Carl muttered, crossing his arms and adopting a disagreeable expression.
'What's wrong with second place?' said Beth. 'That's pretty good!'
Eduardo moved out into the corridor to await the return of Kevin and Kylie.
Kylie found Kevin dressed in his normal clothes, stuffing the last of his Scrooge costume into a plastic carrier bag.
'Come on, get in there!' Kevin said to the costume. 'Stupid nightcap.'
'Hi, Kevin,' said Kylie. 'Your mom says I have you to thank for the new Christmas arrangements.'
Kevin finished stuffing the bag and turned to face Kylie; he then perched on the edge of a nearby table in as casual a manner as he could manage.
'Yeah, well, you know,' he said. 'I just figured it was the only way you'd get to spend Christmas with all the people you want to spend it with.'
'That was really thoughtful of you,' said Kylie. 'Thank you, Mr Scrooge. Thank you a thousand times, from the bottom of my heart!'
Kevin laughed, and looked down at his feet.
'It's fine,' he said. 'I mean, don't think anything of it – you're part of the family now.'
Kylie smiled, but was taken aback to see that Kevin had suddenly adopted a rather cynical expression.
'Family,' he muttered. 'What is a family, Kylie?'
'What do you mean, Kev?'
'I really want to know what you think – what's a family?'
'Well, I guess it's any group of people who really care about each other,' said Kylie. 'And who love each other, in some way.'
'Care and love, right,' said Kevin. 'I suppose that's why families don't have to be nice to each other, or respect each other, or understand that they might be different from each other in some ways... just so long as they care.'
'Well, yeah, I suppose so,' said Kylie. 'But problems like that can be worked on, Kevin... and they can be sorted out.'
'Mmm, yes, they can,' said Kevin. 'But when you think about how some people don't need to be worked on... how some people care for you and look after you every day of your life, and wash your filthy underpants year after year despite the fact that they just keep on getting filthier, and offer you emotional support when you need it but don't try to force you to talk about stuff you're not ready to talk about... and how some people can step up to be the best big brother figure a guy could have, even though they don't have a very good example to follow... and how some people can come and stay in your room and make you feel so comfortable and happy that you can just sit and enjoy being together, and talk about anything and everything, and then punch and slap and roll around and laugh so hard and feel so good that just in that moment, you find it impossible to believe there are any problems left in the world... and how some people can understand and respect your feelings enough to change their part in the play, without prying into why you want them to do it even though you haven't really given them a good reason... well, it kinda makes you wonder whether other relationships – more difficult relationships – are really worth working on, doesn't it?'
'I know what you mean, Kev,' said Kylie. 'Believe me, I do. I guess if two people really love each other, but they don't understand each other, then they'll just keep on working at their relationship, because it's really important to them.'
'But there must come a time when they either stop having to work at it, or they realise they're never going to work out their differences because they don't really love each other at all,' said Kevin. 'How do they know when that time comes?'
'I wish I knew the answer to that,' said Kylie, 'I really do. But I don't think either of us is going to figure it out right here and now, so maybe we should just go home, huh?'
Kevin smiled, nodded and rose from the table. He picked up his carrier bag and left the room, grasping Kylie's forearm for a moment as he walked past. She smiled, and followed him.
'Come on, get in there!' Kevin said to the costume. 'Stupid nightcap.'
'Hi, Kevin,' said Kylie. 'Your mom says I have you to thank for the new Christmas arrangements.'
Kevin finished stuffing the bag and turned to face Kylie; he then perched on the edge of a nearby table in as casual a manner as he could manage.
'Yeah, well, you know,' he said. 'I just figured it was the only way you'd get to spend Christmas with all the people you want to spend it with.'
'That was really thoughtful of you,' said Kylie. 'Thank you, Mr Scrooge. Thank you a thousand times, from the bottom of my heart!'
Kevin laughed, and looked down at his feet.
'It's fine,' he said. 'I mean, don't think anything of it – you're part of the family now.'
Kylie smiled, but was taken aback to see that Kevin had suddenly adopted a rather cynical expression.
'Family,' he muttered. 'What is a family, Kylie?'
'What do you mean, Kev?'
'I really want to know what you think – what's a family?'
'Well, I guess it's any group of people who really care about each other,' said Kylie. 'And who love each other, in some way.'
'Care and love, right,' said Kevin. 'I suppose that's why families don't have to be nice to each other, or respect each other, or understand that they might be different from each other in some ways... just so long as they care.'
'Well, yeah, I suppose so,' said Kylie. 'But problems like that can be worked on, Kevin... and they can be sorted out.'
'Mmm, yes, they can,' said Kevin. 'But when you think about how some people don't need to be worked on... how some people care for you and look after you every day of your life, and wash your filthy underpants year after year despite the fact that they just keep on getting filthier, and offer you emotional support when you need it but don't try to force you to talk about stuff you're not ready to talk about... and how some people can step up to be the best big brother figure a guy could have, even though they don't have a very good example to follow... and how some people can come and stay in your room and make you feel so comfortable and happy that you can just sit and enjoy being together, and talk about anything and everything, and then punch and slap and roll around and laugh so hard and feel so good that just in that moment, you find it impossible to believe there are any problems left in the world... and how some people can understand and respect your feelings enough to change their part in the play, without prying into why you want them to do it even though you haven't really given them a good reason... well, it kinda makes you wonder whether other relationships – more difficult relationships – are really worth working on, doesn't it?'
'I know what you mean, Kev,' said Kylie. 'Believe me, I do. I guess if two people really love each other, but they don't understand each other, then they'll just keep on working at their relationship, because it's really important to them.'
'But there must come a time when they either stop having to work at it, or they realise they're never going to work out their differences because they don't really love each other at all,' said Kevin. 'How do they know when that time comes?'
'I wish I knew the answer to that,' said Kylie, 'I really do. But I don't think either of us is going to figure it out right here and now, so maybe we should just go home, huh?'
Kevin smiled, nodded and rose from the table. He picked up his carrier bag and left the room, grasping Kylie's forearm for a moment as he walked past. She smiled, and followed him.
Kevin and Eduardo high-fived as Kevin ran back into the art room.
'Hey Mom, did you see my Millennium Bug?' Kevin's voice wafted out of the room. 'I won second prize in the competition – I got a whole set of felt-tip pens!'
'You were in there a while,' Eduardo said to Kylie, as she came along the corridor towards him. 'You and Kevin had quite a talk, huh?'
'Yeah,' said Kylie. 'I'm so pleased, Eduardo – he talked to me about his feelings!'
'Oh, cool,' said Eduardo. 'Did you talk to him about yours?'
'Um... not in so many words, no,' said Kylie. 'But I'm sure I will, someday soon. I can see that Kevin has a lot of love in his heart, and I think I might be lucky enough to get a share of it... I also think Carl needs to be very careful if he wants one too!'
'I heard that,' said Eduardo. 'Ah well, even Carlos can't be too grouchy over the next couple of weeks, with the prospect of Christmas yet to come.'
'What, you mean a spectre of death hanging over the proceedings and ruining it for everybody?' said Kylie.
Eduardo laughed and said, 'I sure hope not, Ky.'
'Hey Mom, did you see my Millennium Bug?' Kevin's voice wafted out of the room. 'I won second prize in the competition – I got a whole set of felt-tip pens!'
'You were in there a while,' Eduardo said to Kylie, as she came along the corridor towards him. 'You and Kevin had quite a talk, huh?'
'Yeah,' said Kylie. 'I'm so pleased, Eduardo – he talked to me about his feelings!'
'Oh, cool,' said Eduardo. 'Did you talk to him about yours?'
'Um... not in so many words, no,' said Kylie. 'But I'm sure I will, someday soon. I can see that Kevin has a lot of love in his heart, and I think I might be lucky enough to get a share of it... I also think Carl needs to be very careful if he wants one too!'
'I heard that,' said Eduardo. 'Ah well, even Carlos can't be too grouchy over the next couple of weeks, with the prospect of Christmas yet to come.'
'What, you mean a spectre of death hanging over the proceedings and ruining it for everybody?' said Kylie.
Eduardo laughed and said, 'I sure hope not, Ky.'