Insert 3: The L Word
Written by Rosey Collins
Eduardo was sitting on the edge of Kylie's bed with his arms around her waist, while she stood in front of him with a heavy-looking bag hanging from her shoulder.
'Are you sure you have to go to this lecture?' said Eduardo.
'Pretty sure,' said Kylie, smiling as she ran her hands through his hair.
'I bet you could afford to miss it.'
'I've missed enough lectures because of you already. You don't want me to flunk and end up resenting you, do you?'
'You could never flunk,' said Eduardo.
'Of course I could,' said Kylie. 'Come on, sweetie, I have to go.'
He let go of her. She smiled at him, raised his face in her hands and lowered hers slightly to kiss him. When she finally pulled away, she said, 'Feel free to take a shower and have whatever you want for breakfast, and don't leave anything behind when you go because you know how the door locks behind you.'
Having said this, she watched him for a reaction. He only nodded mutely.
'Of course,' she went on, trying to sound casual, 'I guess I could give you a key. I mean, not right now, but... well, at the weekend.'
'You have three locks on your door,' said Eduardo.
'Okay then, I could give you three keys.'
'I'll be careful to not leave anything here.'
Kylie nodded stiffly, made to leave, then suddenly had to kiss him again. When it was over, they held eye contact for a long time. Eduardo was the first to break it, at which point Kylie said, 'Bye then, sweetie,' and left.
Eduardo looked for several seconds at the closed door she had just gone through. Then he stood up and began picking up and putting on his clothes, which were strewn around the floor, watched by Pagan from his position on the window seat. When Eduardo went into the kitchenette, thus putting the bathroom wall between himself and his feline companion, Pagan stretched and yawned and jumped off the seat in order to follow. Sitting in the bathroom doorway, he watched suspiciously as Eduardo got together a bowl, spoon, cereal and milk.
'Don't worry, I won't take anything of yours,' Eduardo said to him, smiling in amusement.
'Meow,' said Pagan, and he continued to watch Eduardo with a cool gaze until he heard the spoon scraping on the bottom of the cereal bowl, at which point he began to look interested. Finally, when he saw that Eduardo was taking the bowl to the sink, Pagan took two bounds and was on the kitchen surface beside him in a second.
'Mmmrrrrr!' Pagan trilled endearingly.
'What?' Eduardo said in surprise. 'You want my milk dregs?'
Pagan sniffed at the bowl and purred.
'Okay, if you're sure,' said Eduardo, placing the bowl on the worktop.
Pagan did not want to appear in any hurry to lap up the milk dregs, so he waited until Eduardo had stopped looking at him and was filling the sink with water; he then thrust his head into the bowl and licked it clean.
'So,' said Eduardo, smiling, 'you finally trust me not to poison you, huh?'
Pagan turned away, jumped elegantly to the ground and trotted back to the window seat with an air of great dignity. He resettled himself against the plush cushions, shook the milk from his whiskers, sneezed, looked very surprised at himself and finally settled down to sleep.
'You really don't mind me being here, huh?' said Eduardo. 'Well in that case, then, I think I will take a shower.'
Pagan disdained to react to Eduardo's words, and to him noisily washing up everyone's breakfast things and placing them on the drying rack, and to his action of undressing in the middle of the kitchenette. He did, however, spare the bathroom wall a one-eyed glance when he heard the door shut.
'Are you sure you have to go to this lecture?' said Eduardo.
'Pretty sure,' said Kylie, smiling as she ran her hands through his hair.
'I bet you could afford to miss it.'
'I've missed enough lectures because of you already. You don't want me to flunk and end up resenting you, do you?'
'You could never flunk,' said Eduardo.
'Of course I could,' said Kylie. 'Come on, sweetie, I have to go.'
He let go of her. She smiled at him, raised his face in her hands and lowered hers slightly to kiss him. When she finally pulled away, she said, 'Feel free to take a shower and have whatever you want for breakfast, and don't leave anything behind when you go because you know how the door locks behind you.'
Having said this, she watched him for a reaction. He only nodded mutely.
'Of course,' she went on, trying to sound casual, 'I guess I could give you a key. I mean, not right now, but... well, at the weekend.'
'You have three locks on your door,' said Eduardo.
'Okay then, I could give you three keys.'
'I'll be careful to not leave anything here.'
Kylie nodded stiffly, made to leave, then suddenly had to kiss him again. When it was over, they held eye contact for a long time. Eduardo was the first to break it, at which point Kylie said, 'Bye then, sweetie,' and left.
Eduardo looked for several seconds at the closed door she had just gone through. Then he stood up and began picking up and putting on his clothes, which were strewn around the floor, watched by Pagan from his position on the window seat. When Eduardo went into the kitchenette, thus putting the bathroom wall between himself and his feline companion, Pagan stretched and yawned and jumped off the seat in order to follow. Sitting in the bathroom doorway, he watched suspiciously as Eduardo got together a bowl, spoon, cereal and milk.
'Don't worry, I won't take anything of yours,' Eduardo said to him, smiling in amusement.
'Meow,' said Pagan, and he continued to watch Eduardo with a cool gaze until he heard the spoon scraping on the bottom of the cereal bowl, at which point he began to look interested. Finally, when he saw that Eduardo was taking the bowl to the sink, Pagan took two bounds and was on the kitchen surface beside him in a second.
'Mmmrrrrr!' Pagan trilled endearingly.
'What?' Eduardo said in surprise. 'You want my milk dregs?'
Pagan sniffed at the bowl and purred.
'Okay, if you're sure,' said Eduardo, placing the bowl on the worktop.
Pagan did not want to appear in any hurry to lap up the milk dregs, so he waited until Eduardo had stopped looking at him and was filling the sink with water; he then thrust his head into the bowl and licked it clean.
'So,' said Eduardo, smiling, 'you finally trust me not to poison you, huh?'
Pagan turned away, jumped elegantly to the ground and trotted back to the window seat with an air of great dignity. He resettled himself against the plush cushions, shook the milk from his whiskers, sneezed, looked very surprised at himself and finally settled down to sleep.
'You really don't mind me being here, huh?' said Eduardo. 'Well in that case, then, I think I will take a shower.'
Pagan disdained to react to Eduardo's words, and to him noisily washing up everyone's breakfast things and placing them on the drying rack, and to his action of undressing in the middle of the kitchenette. He did, however, spare the bathroom wall a one-eyed glance when he heard the door shut.
Kylie was still at college late into the evening, looking at an email on one of the library computers. It said:
He sounds absolutely dreamy, sweetheart. You must introduce me the next time I see you, if you're still together, but perhaps it's just a casual thing. You will remember the advice I gave you about lust and love, won't you? I'm so glad you're happy, my darling girl. Be sure and stay that way!!!
All my love,
Mom x x x <3
Kylie sighed, logged out of her email account and her college network account, and left the library with a pensive frown on her face.
She was still frowning pensively when she arrived at her apartment, where Pagan met her in the doorway with an indignant yowl.
'I know, I know, I'm sorry, it's very late,' said Kylie, hastening to shovel some cat food into a bowl for him. Then, once it was on the floor, she noticed the sink and the drying rack and looked very surprised. 'Looks like either you or Eduardo did the dishes this morning, sweetie. I can't really believe it was Eduardo – he never seems to do his own!'
Pagan did not react at all, as he was busy concentrating on his meal.
From where she was standing, Kylie could see her desk cluttered with (among other things) framed photographs of Grandma Rose. She mooched over to it, crouched to put herself at eye level with one of the pictures and said, 'I wonder what you'd tell me to do.'
She continued to gaze listlessly at the picture for some moments. Then she frowned, stood up abruptly and said, 'Of course I don't wonder. I know!' So saying, she crossed the room, picked up the phone by her bed and dialled.
He sounds absolutely dreamy, sweetheart. You must introduce me the next time I see you, if you're still together, but perhaps it's just a casual thing. You will remember the advice I gave you about lust and love, won't you? I'm so glad you're happy, my darling girl. Be sure and stay that way!!!
All my love,
Mom x x x <3
Kylie sighed, logged out of her email account and her college network account, and left the library with a pensive frown on her face.
She was still frowning pensively when she arrived at her apartment, where Pagan met her in the doorway with an indignant yowl.
'I know, I know, I'm sorry, it's very late,' said Kylie, hastening to shovel some cat food into a bowl for him. Then, once it was on the floor, she noticed the sink and the drying rack and looked very surprised. 'Looks like either you or Eduardo did the dishes this morning, sweetie. I can't really believe it was Eduardo – he never seems to do his own!'
Pagan did not react at all, as he was busy concentrating on his meal.
From where she was standing, Kylie could see her desk cluttered with (among other things) framed photographs of Grandma Rose. She mooched over to it, crouched to put herself at eye level with one of the pictures and said, 'I wonder what you'd tell me to do.'
She continued to gaze listlessly at the picture for some moments. Then she frowned, stood up abruptly and said, 'Of course I don't wonder. I know!' So saying, she crossed the room, picked up the phone by her bed and dialled.
In his own apartment, Eduardo was just beginning to pull out his sofa-bed when the phone rang. As he was so close, he answered it on the first ring.
'Hello?' he said.
'Hi, sweetie, it's me,' said Kylie. 'I hope I'm not bothering you. It's late, isn't it?' She twisted herself round and squinted at the clock on her VCR, which was some distance away. 'Oh God, it's really late!'
'It's not that late,' said Eduardo. 'I was only just starting to think about going to bed.'
She smiled wryly. 'Without me, huh?'
'Yeah, well, I tried calling you earlier. But, y'know, I don't expect you to drop everything for me.'
'I'm sorry,' said Kylie. 'I've been at college all day. I'm a little behind on one or two of my term papers.'
Eduardo looked alarmed. 'Oh, but that's my fault – I'm the one who should be sorry!'
'Why would you think it's your fault?'
'Because this morning you said you'd missed enough lectures because of me.'
'I said that, did I?' said Kylie. 'Well, I don't guess I really meant it, babe. I'm sorry.'
'It's okay,' said Eduardo. 'I mean... don't be.'
'I really want to see you, baby. Can I come over?'
'Oh, don't go out again – it's so late. I'll come to you.'
Kylie smiled and said, 'Okay. I'll watch from the window and then come down to let you in.'
'Hello?' he said.
'Hi, sweetie, it's me,' said Kylie. 'I hope I'm not bothering you. It's late, isn't it?' She twisted herself round and squinted at the clock on her VCR, which was some distance away. 'Oh God, it's really late!'
'It's not that late,' said Eduardo. 'I was only just starting to think about going to bed.'
She smiled wryly. 'Without me, huh?'
'Yeah, well, I tried calling you earlier. But, y'know, I don't expect you to drop everything for me.'
'I'm sorry,' said Kylie. 'I've been at college all day. I'm a little behind on one or two of my term papers.'
Eduardo looked alarmed. 'Oh, but that's my fault – I'm the one who should be sorry!'
'Why would you think it's your fault?'
'Because this morning you said you'd missed enough lectures because of me.'
'I said that, did I?' said Kylie. 'Well, I don't guess I really meant it, babe. I'm sorry.'
'It's okay,' said Eduardo. 'I mean... don't be.'
'I really want to see you, baby. Can I come over?'
'Oh, don't go out again – it's so late. I'll come to you.'
Kylie smiled and said, 'Okay. I'll watch from the window and then come down to let you in.'
'Hi,' Eduardo said smilingly when Kylie opened the street door to him, and he kissed her. 'Y'know, I guess it'd have to be four keys, wouldn't it?'
'What?' said Kylie.
'Instead of giving me a key to your place, or even three, it'd have to be four. One for this door too.'
'Oh... yeah, I guess you're right. Anyway, come in.'
He followed her inside and up the four flights of stairs to her loft apartment. Once they'd turned the corner on the fourth flight, Eduardo said, 'Have you ever thought about having sex in this stairwell?'
Kylie, who had been quiet and serious all the way up, suddenly burst out laughing. 'Eduardo, what the hell?'
'What? No one uses this last staircase except you and your guests. Once you're around the corner, who's to know?'
'Mr Number Six,' said Kylie, as she began unlocking her door. 'He'd get a pretty good mental picture, I'm sure.'
'Lucky him,' said Eduardo. 'It'd make a nice change for Mr Right Underneath Your Bed.'
'You mean Miss Number Seven,' said Kylie, leading the way into her apartment. 'And maybe you're right about that. I keep expecting her to come up and complain, or maybe do it through our landlady.'
'Ever thought of trying to control yourself?' Eduardo said mischievously, snaking his arms around her waist.
'You know I can't,' said Kylie, a smile spreading across her face as he began to kiss her neck. Then suddenly she looked serious again, drew back a little and said, 'But that's not the only reason I wanted to see you, sweetie.'
Eduardo stopped what he was doing and looked at her with what was meant to be an inviting smile. Kylie, however, evidently did not find it inviting.
'Oh, why are you looking like that?' she said, moving away from him.
'Like what?' Eduardo said innocently.
'Like you're afraid of what I'm going to say to you.'
He looked troubled. 'Oh, querida, I'm not afraid of that. At least, not if... not if it ain't bad news.'
Kylie looked suspiciously at him. 'And what would you consider to be bad news?'
'You dumping me.'
Her expression softened. 'Really?'
'Yes.'
'It isn't that at all, sweetie. You didn't really think I would, did you?'
'Not really,' said Eduardo. 'Not more than usual. I mean... no, of course not.'
'So then,' said Kylie, 'what are you afraid of?'
'What do you mean?'
'I said you looked scared of what I was going to say to you, and you said, “I'm not afraid of that”, emphasis on “that”. So that must mean you're afraid of something.'
'Yeah... yeah, I am,' said Eduardo. 'I'm afraid of what I'm going to say to you.'
'And what's that?' said Kylie.
'Didn't you want to go first?'
She frowned. 'Not particularly.'
'Why not? You called me after hiding all day, remember?'
'I wasn't hiding! I said I was sorry I'd been off the radar, and you said it was okay! And if you've just come here to play games with me, then –'
'I would never play games with you!'
'Why not?' said Kylie. 'You've played them with other women, haven't you?'
'What the hell are you accusing me of?' Eduardo said shrilly.
'I just mean – oh, Pagan, no!' cried Kylie, and she scurried into the kitchenette where Pagan was being loudly and spectacularly sick all over the floor.
Eduardo peered anxiously at him over the kitchen counter. 'Is he okay?'
'Yeah, he's fine,' said Kylie, frowning at the mess. 'He was probably finishing his dinner and he gulped it too fast.'
'He's, um... not lactose intolerant, is he?'
'No, why? Oh, if you mean you gave him cereal milk dregs earlier, that's okay.'
'Thank God for that.'
'He must've asked you for it, then,' said Kylie. 'That's a new one, him accepting food from you.'
'Yeah, I know,' said Eduardo. 'Guess he's finally decided to trust me.'
She looked sharply at him, and they held eye contact for several seconds. Then Eduardo walked over to the kitchenette, saying, 'I'll help you clean that up,' and tore off a sheet of kitchen roll.
The vomit on the floor was so wet and so much that Kylie ended up using damp dishcloths to scrub away the last of it, while Pagan spread himself across the middle of the double bed and settled down to sleep. As Kylie dumped her dishcloths in a laundry basket afterwards, she said, 'I guess it's about time I did my laundry... probably run into Mr and Mrs Number One while I'm down there and get quizzed on every aspect of my life. They're so damn nosy.'
'We weren't talking about Mr and Mrs Number One before this, were we?' Eduardo said soberly.
'No,' said Kylie, equally soberly. Then suddenly they both laughed, and Kylie said, 'What the hell were we doing?'
'Acting like a pair of idiots,' said Eduardo, taking a step towards her and enfolding her in his arms. 'Kylie, I love you.'
'I love you too, Eduardo,' she said.
'What?' said Kylie.
'Instead of giving me a key to your place, or even three, it'd have to be four. One for this door too.'
'Oh... yeah, I guess you're right. Anyway, come in.'
He followed her inside and up the four flights of stairs to her loft apartment. Once they'd turned the corner on the fourth flight, Eduardo said, 'Have you ever thought about having sex in this stairwell?'
Kylie, who had been quiet and serious all the way up, suddenly burst out laughing. 'Eduardo, what the hell?'
'What? No one uses this last staircase except you and your guests. Once you're around the corner, who's to know?'
'Mr Number Six,' said Kylie, as she began unlocking her door. 'He'd get a pretty good mental picture, I'm sure.'
'Lucky him,' said Eduardo. 'It'd make a nice change for Mr Right Underneath Your Bed.'
'You mean Miss Number Seven,' said Kylie, leading the way into her apartment. 'And maybe you're right about that. I keep expecting her to come up and complain, or maybe do it through our landlady.'
'Ever thought of trying to control yourself?' Eduardo said mischievously, snaking his arms around her waist.
'You know I can't,' said Kylie, a smile spreading across her face as he began to kiss her neck. Then suddenly she looked serious again, drew back a little and said, 'But that's not the only reason I wanted to see you, sweetie.'
Eduardo stopped what he was doing and looked at her with what was meant to be an inviting smile. Kylie, however, evidently did not find it inviting.
'Oh, why are you looking like that?' she said, moving away from him.
'Like what?' Eduardo said innocently.
'Like you're afraid of what I'm going to say to you.'
He looked troubled. 'Oh, querida, I'm not afraid of that. At least, not if... not if it ain't bad news.'
Kylie looked suspiciously at him. 'And what would you consider to be bad news?'
'You dumping me.'
Her expression softened. 'Really?'
'Yes.'
'It isn't that at all, sweetie. You didn't really think I would, did you?'
'Not really,' said Eduardo. 'Not more than usual. I mean... no, of course not.'
'So then,' said Kylie, 'what are you afraid of?'
'What do you mean?'
'I said you looked scared of what I was going to say to you, and you said, “I'm not afraid of that”, emphasis on “that”. So that must mean you're afraid of something.'
'Yeah... yeah, I am,' said Eduardo. 'I'm afraid of what I'm going to say to you.'
'And what's that?' said Kylie.
'Didn't you want to go first?'
She frowned. 'Not particularly.'
'Why not? You called me after hiding all day, remember?'
'I wasn't hiding! I said I was sorry I'd been off the radar, and you said it was okay! And if you've just come here to play games with me, then –'
'I would never play games with you!'
'Why not?' said Kylie. 'You've played them with other women, haven't you?'
'What the hell are you accusing me of?' Eduardo said shrilly.
'I just mean – oh, Pagan, no!' cried Kylie, and she scurried into the kitchenette where Pagan was being loudly and spectacularly sick all over the floor.
Eduardo peered anxiously at him over the kitchen counter. 'Is he okay?'
'Yeah, he's fine,' said Kylie, frowning at the mess. 'He was probably finishing his dinner and he gulped it too fast.'
'He's, um... not lactose intolerant, is he?'
'No, why? Oh, if you mean you gave him cereal milk dregs earlier, that's okay.'
'Thank God for that.'
'He must've asked you for it, then,' said Kylie. 'That's a new one, him accepting food from you.'
'Yeah, I know,' said Eduardo. 'Guess he's finally decided to trust me.'
She looked sharply at him, and they held eye contact for several seconds. Then Eduardo walked over to the kitchenette, saying, 'I'll help you clean that up,' and tore off a sheet of kitchen roll.
The vomit on the floor was so wet and so much that Kylie ended up using damp dishcloths to scrub away the last of it, while Pagan spread himself across the middle of the double bed and settled down to sleep. As Kylie dumped her dishcloths in a laundry basket afterwards, she said, 'I guess it's about time I did my laundry... probably run into Mr and Mrs Number One while I'm down there and get quizzed on every aspect of my life. They're so damn nosy.'
'We weren't talking about Mr and Mrs Number One before this, were we?' Eduardo said soberly.
'No,' said Kylie, equally soberly. Then suddenly they both laughed, and Kylie said, 'What the hell were we doing?'
'Acting like a pair of idiots,' said Eduardo, taking a step towards her and enfolding her in his arms. 'Kylie, I love you.'
'I love you too, Eduardo,' she said.
Much later into the night, Pagan was dozing at the end of the bed with an injured air, his tail hanging down between two bars of the footboard. Eduardo and Kylie were taking up the majority of the bed space, lying a few inches apart, fully dressed and gazing into each other's eyes.
'Must be pretty late by now,' said Eduardo. 'Or early, I guess.'
'Had enough of talking?' said Kylie.
'It felt like a lot all at once. I guess we really opened up a floodgate, huh?'
'I'm so glad we did. Sweetie, suppose I had wanted to see you just to dump you. You'd still love me. Would it really have hurt any less if you hadn't said it out loud?'
'Maybe not exactly,' said Eduardo. 'I don't guess words can make a feeling like that any more real, but... I don't know. It just kind of forces you to stare it right in the face. After my dad died, months went by before I could say the words out loud, in any language.'
'I can understand that,' said Kylie. 'I don't think I've heard everything about that yet, have I?'
'No, but you will, I promise. I wouldn't even mind if you saw me cry.'
'Are you going to?'
'I don't know,' said Eduardo. 'With that... it's complicated. But not now, okay?'
'Of course,' said Kylie. 'You have to do this kind of thing slowly – I understand. Although, until recently... very recently, in fact... I was questioning whether I could really love you without actually knowing all of you... and if all that hiding meant you couldn't possibly love me.'
'The more I've fallen in love with you, the more I've wanted to hide. I'm an emotional coward.'
'Now, don't start putting yourself down.'
'It's true.' He took her hand in his and looked at their intertwined fingers as he said, 'I'm still afraid.'
'Of what?'
'Losing you. Even now, I'm really having to fight the urge to say something completely stupid. I mean... why do I do that?'
'I know why,' said Kylie. 'You're afraid I'll suddenly decide I don't love you after all, and if you've said something stupid first, you can tell yourself that's the reason. You pretend you don't feel things deeply, but you do. It'd just about kill you if someone you love turned away from who you really are.'
'Dios mío,' said Eduardo. 'I thought I'd never let anyone understand me as well as that. If you're not careful, I'll say the stupidest thing I possibly can and wreck everything.'
Kylie laughed. 'What are you thinking of saying?'
He laughed too. 'I don't think I should tell you that.'
'I wish you would. I'll know you don't mean it, and maybe it'd help me figure out what other stupid things you didn't mean.'
'Oh, all of them,' said Eduardo. 'Anything stupid I ever said that you can think of, I didn't mean it. I was just covering up for something much, much deeper.'
'Yeah?' said Kylie. 'So what about...?' Then she hesitated.
'What?' He dug her gently in the ribs, and she giggled. Pagan looked up from his doze and frowned at them, then jumped off the bed and slunk over to the window seat. Eduardo went on, 'Come on, Ky, don't you start putting up walls.'
'Well... you probably didn't mean to freak me out as much as you did, but...'
He looked troubled. 'Oh, no, what did I say?'
'You said that when you were in Pagan's body, he told you “lots of things” about me, and I just... well, there was quite a long period of time when I was worrying about exactly what you meant.'
'I can be a real idiot, can't I?' Eduardo said ruefully. 'That was kind of true, but I was exaggerating. It wasn't anything embarrassing, I promise.'
'I notice you don't want to tell me what it actually was,' said Kylie.
'It's hard to remember now. Cat stuff, mostly. It takes you too long to get up when he wants feeding; you didn't ask his permission when you moved that dresser; you take up too much space on the bed...'
'Aha,' said Kylie. 'And when I take up too much space on the bed, what exactly am I doing?'
'Sleeping. Maybe reading sometimes, or watching TV.'
'Is that all?'
'Yes.'
'Do you promise?'
'I promise,' said Eduardo, looking really troubled now. 'You mean I made you think...? Was that even what I wanted you to think? Oh, God, qué idiota! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry...'
'All right, I forgive you,' said Kylie, pressing her finger to his lips. 'You don't have to keep apologising, for anything. But y'know, I think I like this exercise.' She smiled mischievously. 'Let me think of another one.'
'Oh please no,' he said, burying his face in the pillow.
'What about... “It was a nightmare, okay?”'
He looked up again. 'You don't need me to translate that. Obviously that meant yes, I dream about you all the time, and when I do I don't ever want to wake up.'
She smiled. 'That's sweet. And, “You could stand to put on a couple of pounds”?'
'That meant,' Eduardo said solemnly, 'you are the most beautiful creature I have ever seen; I can't find a single physical flaw in you, but I can see that you're small, so I'll go with that because I'd rather die than admit that I desire you more than oxygen.'
'I don't know if I completely believe that one,' said Kylie.
'It's true,' said Eduardo. 'You're perfect,' and he kissed her deeply. Then he said, 'I want to give you something.'
'Oh yes?'
'Yes.' He sat up, reached down and began scrabbling about in his jeans pocket. 'I've been carrying it around for days, trying to work up the courage.'
'What on earth could it be?' said Kylie, sitting up also, looking thoroughly intrigued.
'This,' he said at last, pulling out a key.
'Oh, sweetie,' said Kylie, 'that is literally the key to your heart!'
'No, babe,' said Eduardo, 'it's literally the key to my apartment.'
'Thank you, mi querido,' she said, and they kissed again as the key changed hands.
'I want to ask you something too,' he said, 'even though I'm scared you'll say no.'
'Try me,' said Kylie, placing the key on the nightstand beside her.
'See, the thing is... in the summer, me and Kevin and Beth and Carlos are going to visit with a cousin of ours in Cozumel, and I'd really love it if you'd come too.'
'You would?' said Kylie. 'Oh, sweetie, I'd love that too! Are you sure it'll be okay with this cousin person?'
'Yeah, she'll be fine with it. She's always saying I can bring someone if I want to. So you'll come?'
'Of course.'
'Oh, thank God!' said Eduardo, embracing her tightly. 'Wow... I don't know when I've ever been this happy.'
'Afraid the bubble's gonna burst?' Kylie said gently.
'Terrified.'
'Well actually, you know what? I just realised I don't love you after all. Get out of my apartment.'
'Yeah?' He broke the embrace. 'Well, that works out fine, because I was gonna dump you in the morning anyway. I only said I loved you in the hope of getting some more sex out of you first.'
'It's pretty much morning now,' said Kylie, looking at the daylight beginning to appear in the windows. 'Maybe we should try to get a couple of hours' sleep, or we'll regret it.'
'Sounds good to me,' said Eduardo. 'But, y'know, I'd really like to make love first.'
She smiled. 'Make love, huh? I've never heard you call it that before.'
'No, you wouldn't have, would you?'
'I guess not,' said Kylie, closing her eyes and exposing her neck to him as he wrapped his arms around her.
'You know I don't mess around with that word,' he said, kissing her tenderly. 'Don't ever joke about it again, will you?'
'Don't ever give me a reason to,' said Kylie, as they slithered down into a vertical position. 'I love you, sweetie. I do really.'
'Te amo, querida mía.'
'Mmmm, Eduardo...'
On the window seat, Pagan pointedly turned his back to them.
'Must be pretty late by now,' said Eduardo. 'Or early, I guess.'
'Had enough of talking?' said Kylie.
'It felt like a lot all at once. I guess we really opened up a floodgate, huh?'
'I'm so glad we did. Sweetie, suppose I had wanted to see you just to dump you. You'd still love me. Would it really have hurt any less if you hadn't said it out loud?'
'Maybe not exactly,' said Eduardo. 'I don't guess words can make a feeling like that any more real, but... I don't know. It just kind of forces you to stare it right in the face. After my dad died, months went by before I could say the words out loud, in any language.'
'I can understand that,' said Kylie. 'I don't think I've heard everything about that yet, have I?'
'No, but you will, I promise. I wouldn't even mind if you saw me cry.'
'Are you going to?'
'I don't know,' said Eduardo. 'With that... it's complicated. But not now, okay?'
'Of course,' said Kylie. 'You have to do this kind of thing slowly – I understand. Although, until recently... very recently, in fact... I was questioning whether I could really love you without actually knowing all of you... and if all that hiding meant you couldn't possibly love me.'
'The more I've fallen in love with you, the more I've wanted to hide. I'm an emotional coward.'
'Now, don't start putting yourself down.'
'It's true.' He took her hand in his and looked at their intertwined fingers as he said, 'I'm still afraid.'
'Of what?'
'Losing you. Even now, I'm really having to fight the urge to say something completely stupid. I mean... why do I do that?'
'I know why,' said Kylie. 'You're afraid I'll suddenly decide I don't love you after all, and if you've said something stupid first, you can tell yourself that's the reason. You pretend you don't feel things deeply, but you do. It'd just about kill you if someone you love turned away from who you really are.'
'Dios mío,' said Eduardo. 'I thought I'd never let anyone understand me as well as that. If you're not careful, I'll say the stupidest thing I possibly can and wreck everything.'
Kylie laughed. 'What are you thinking of saying?'
He laughed too. 'I don't think I should tell you that.'
'I wish you would. I'll know you don't mean it, and maybe it'd help me figure out what other stupid things you didn't mean.'
'Oh, all of them,' said Eduardo. 'Anything stupid I ever said that you can think of, I didn't mean it. I was just covering up for something much, much deeper.'
'Yeah?' said Kylie. 'So what about...?' Then she hesitated.
'What?' He dug her gently in the ribs, and she giggled. Pagan looked up from his doze and frowned at them, then jumped off the bed and slunk over to the window seat. Eduardo went on, 'Come on, Ky, don't you start putting up walls.'
'Well... you probably didn't mean to freak me out as much as you did, but...'
He looked troubled. 'Oh, no, what did I say?'
'You said that when you were in Pagan's body, he told you “lots of things” about me, and I just... well, there was quite a long period of time when I was worrying about exactly what you meant.'
'I can be a real idiot, can't I?' Eduardo said ruefully. 'That was kind of true, but I was exaggerating. It wasn't anything embarrassing, I promise.'
'I notice you don't want to tell me what it actually was,' said Kylie.
'It's hard to remember now. Cat stuff, mostly. It takes you too long to get up when he wants feeding; you didn't ask his permission when you moved that dresser; you take up too much space on the bed...'
'Aha,' said Kylie. 'And when I take up too much space on the bed, what exactly am I doing?'
'Sleeping. Maybe reading sometimes, or watching TV.'
'Is that all?'
'Yes.'
'Do you promise?'
'I promise,' said Eduardo, looking really troubled now. 'You mean I made you think...? Was that even what I wanted you to think? Oh, God, qué idiota! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry...'
'All right, I forgive you,' said Kylie, pressing her finger to his lips. 'You don't have to keep apologising, for anything. But y'know, I think I like this exercise.' She smiled mischievously. 'Let me think of another one.'
'Oh please no,' he said, burying his face in the pillow.
'What about... “It was a nightmare, okay?”'
He looked up again. 'You don't need me to translate that. Obviously that meant yes, I dream about you all the time, and when I do I don't ever want to wake up.'
She smiled. 'That's sweet. And, “You could stand to put on a couple of pounds”?'
'That meant,' Eduardo said solemnly, 'you are the most beautiful creature I have ever seen; I can't find a single physical flaw in you, but I can see that you're small, so I'll go with that because I'd rather die than admit that I desire you more than oxygen.'
'I don't know if I completely believe that one,' said Kylie.
'It's true,' said Eduardo. 'You're perfect,' and he kissed her deeply. Then he said, 'I want to give you something.'
'Oh yes?'
'Yes.' He sat up, reached down and began scrabbling about in his jeans pocket. 'I've been carrying it around for days, trying to work up the courage.'
'What on earth could it be?' said Kylie, sitting up also, looking thoroughly intrigued.
'This,' he said at last, pulling out a key.
'Oh, sweetie,' said Kylie, 'that is literally the key to your heart!'
'No, babe,' said Eduardo, 'it's literally the key to my apartment.'
'Thank you, mi querido,' she said, and they kissed again as the key changed hands.
'I want to ask you something too,' he said, 'even though I'm scared you'll say no.'
'Try me,' said Kylie, placing the key on the nightstand beside her.
'See, the thing is... in the summer, me and Kevin and Beth and Carlos are going to visit with a cousin of ours in Cozumel, and I'd really love it if you'd come too.'
'You would?' said Kylie. 'Oh, sweetie, I'd love that too! Are you sure it'll be okay with this cousin person?'
'Yeah, she'll be fine with it. She's always saying I can bring someone if I want to. So you'll come?'
'Of course.'
'Oh, thank God!' said Eduardo, embracing her tightly. 'Wow... I don't know when I've ever been this happy.'
'Afraid the bubble's gonna burst?' Kylie said gently.
'Terrified.'
'Well actually, you know what? I just realised I don't love you after all. Get out of my apartment.'
'Yeah?' He broke the embrace. 'Well, that works out fine, because I was gonna dump you in the morning anyway. I only said I loved you in the hope of getting some more sex out of you first.'
'It's pretty much morning now,' said Kylie, looking at the daylight beginning to appear in the windows. 'Maybe we should try to get a couple of hours' sleep, or we'll regret it.'
'Sounds good to me,' said Eduardo. 'But, y'know, I'd really like to make love first.'
She smiled. 'Make love, huh? I've never heard you call it that before.'
'No, you wouldn't have, would you?'
'I guess not,' said Kylie, closing her eyes and exposing her neck to him as he wrapped his arms around her.
'You know I don't mess around with that word,' he said, kissing her tenderly. 'Don't ever joke about it again, will you?'
'Don't ever give me a reason to,' said Kylie, as they slithered down into a vertical position. 'I love you, sweetie. I do really.'
'Te amo, querida mía.'
'Mmmm, Eduardo...'
On the window seat, Pagan pointedly turned his back to them.
